Lesson Learned...But Not Perfected

I need to learn that I cannot just "puke" out all my confusion and inner turmoil in a blog post.  Mostly because it causes my mom needless worry when she reads it.  And she will always read it.

So, an apology for puking out my stress and frustration--and likely some hormones thrown in for good measure--on my last post.  It serve the purpose however, as I felt the relief of getting it off my chest.  But my mom did call to make sure I was okay.

I just want to write how much I love serving at the temple.  I am a new temple worker.  I began the beginning of June.  Today was my seventh week of serving there.  It was my first day after "graduating" from my training period.  I have never felt a most permeating peace than I feel in the temple.  It doesn't matter if I'm there as a worker or a patron.  The temple is a place of peace.  It settles my mind, my heart and my spirit.  Perhaps it does these miraculous things because the things we do there are the things that REALLY matter.  I like to hope that is it.  I know I don't always deserve that exquisite peace, but I feel it every time.  No matter what.


I want to share that I love my family.  Even when they make me crazy.  You know, in case anyone wondered about that.

And I have to share that I ADORE being a missionary's mom.  I'm uplifted, encouraged and delighted with her attitude and willingness to serve.  She shares the joy she finds in inviting others to Christ.  She finds excitement even when a situation isn't exactly what she'd like it to be. She works hard and is a terrific example--to me, to her brother, to our family.

And finally I am grateful to have inherited, either genetically or learned, a sense of humor.  Life is hard enough if you laugh through it.  If your didn't laugh--you'd be crying.  Every day.  Laughing is much more fun.  Whether that was taught to me or what I was taught only developed my sense of humor faster, I'll take it.  Life is short.  Laugh.  Even at yourself.

Difference Perspective Changes My Outlook & Attittude

Last week was one of the most scheduled busy weeks I've had in quite a while.  While most had to do with some new assignments at work, and the consequential "making up " regular work I missed while off on new assignments, the task I' want to share here was a volunteer gig.

Genius Golfer and I were asked to "chaperone" a dance on Friday night.  Now, with 15+ years of PTA work under my belt, I have chaperoned plenty of things--including dances at the high school.  But this one was different.  It was a singles dance for church.  It was for church members in the regional area aged 31 and above.

My first thought was, "Why do adults need a chaperone at their dance?"  Then I remembered, this will likely be less a "chaperone" assignment as a set-out-food-and-guard-it.  Like all church activities, there is food available, and there is always someone who scarfs down the food way beyond his portion allowed.

Our friends, Trevor and Janelle--another married couple from our ward, were also there, but Trevor was ultimately in charge of the whole things as his assignment on the high council includes the single adults.  At least I could visit with Janelle and catch up with a grown up outside of the Primary circle.  Plus volunteering is a good thing, in my opinion.

When we got there, GG and I got busy arranging food: fruit, chips, cookies.  Trevor was working on a chocolate fountain.  Then things started going wrong.  No DJ showed up.

Trevor, being in charge of this event, called another neighbor who has DJ'd in the past as has the equipment.  Dave was in Provo on a date with his wife Amy.  They rearranged their schedule to come back to PG and get a dance going.

While that was happening, the chocolate fountain quit working, while full of mostly melted chocolate.  GG and I ran home to unearth our fountain and bring it down to substitute.  Brush off the dust, we'll be fine.

As we sat that up and transferred the melty chocolate into the new fountain, the original DJ rolled in.  Uh oh.  Now we have potentially 2 DJs.  Trevor put out that fire by calling Dave back and apologizing and explaining the situation.  The original guy set up and never was the wiser.  Dave and Amy popped over to see the fallout and to talk to Trevor.  Sorry they had to cut their date night short, but at least they were willing to help.  Things happen, I figure.

People were beginning to arrive now.  Trevor handed me a metal badge with "USHER" boldly printed on it.  I laughed and said that was funny.  He told me "Nope, you'd better wear it or you'll get hit on."

I laughed out loud that time and told him I thought he was pulling my leg. He just insisted I wear it.  GG had one too as did Janelle.  We looked like we were part of a club.  But I put it on to be obedient.

Here is where the evening began to get crazy.

Before I knew it men were coming in asking where the rest of the food was.  we had directions to put the food out in one area and shut the door until 9:30.  There was an hour of dance instruction--like a dance class: foxtrot, waltz, line dances--while people were showing up.  The actual dance began about 9:30 or 10PM.

These guys were pressing harder for food.  Each time we politely told them not until 9:30, they had rude things to say.  This dance cost them $5 to get in, and as far as I could see, none of these vacuuming food dudes had even danced.  Cheap dinner, I guess.  But rude!

Finally, things got sorted out with the dancing, the food, and the DJ and all was beginning to run smoothly.  Trevor gave us instructions to walk the halls of the building occasionally to see that no one was heading into the darker corners.  Also, we have instruction to take a lap now and then to patrol the parking lot and exterior of the building for the same reasons.  Apparently, some men never learn that "No" means no and have tried to push their (percieved) advantage, so some of this was for safety but there was also the "church dance standards" to uphold here too. 

When I've done this job with the Youth (ages 12-18) we just didn't want them sneaking off to make out or something, but here we are talking about adults.  They should be mature enough not to do that in a church building, but I assume much with that thought.  With the Youth, there was never a white board a tthe entrance that had to read: Divorces MUST be Final. 

People ARE crazy, you know.

Anyway, the dance progressed.  Janelle and I took a loop in the gym where the dancing was happening.  After  a quick lap, we sat together in a corner to watch and chat.  Almost immediately after we started talking, a lovely gentleman of about 70 came up to ask us to dance.  (In his defense, I think he was making a lap himself, to be sure every lady had a chance to dance that wanted to.  Bless him.)  But being the married folks at this shin-dig, Janelle kindly pointed to her badge and said that we were there are ushers and, thank you but no.  He looked a little sheepish, but moved on to another lady sitting down on the outside of the dancing.

That wasn't the last of my attempted pick ups.  But it was the nicest.

At another point, I was bringing in a replacement fruit tray for the chocolate fountain and halfway into the door of the "food room" I had a gentleman (a term I use loosely here) of about 80+, standing with a single crutch, wearing grey sweat pants and a partially zipped hooded sweatshirt, with only some of his teeth, look as my chest (!!!!)--but not see my USHER badge--and ask me "How you doin?"  Ewww.  It was creepy. 

The evening seemed to move at a glacier pace until finally it was the last song of the night.  We had the last of the opened food out and I was past ready to clean up and go home.  Suddenly these people were grabbing two and three plates and loading them with all the food they could carry away with them.  I had others--women too this time--come into the kitchen and ask where the ziploc bags were as they wanted to take the veggies and fruit home with them.  Cookies were grabbed by the handful.  Cups were filled with grapes and pineapple and chips and cheese dip.  It was embarrassing, really.

These are gown, mature--in some cases VERY mature--adults. But I have seen better behavior at junior high dances.  Only one lady asked where the vacuum was hidden and she began to help clean up.  The rest fled with food in hand as fast as they could go. I was shocked and quite surprised that this sort of thing went on with grown ups.

We did finally get everything cleaned up and came home, but I learned something.  At some point during the night, I asked Trevor how he came to asking GG and I to help wit this.  Teasingly, he told me that he asked the bishop which couple was hitting s rough patch in their marriage and that was the couple they'd invite to help here.  Of course, he was kidding, but on the way home I thought about that.

I have never been more happy to be married to GG than I was that night.  I felt real sadness for my dear, darling, single girlfriends who are stuck with this kind of junior-high behavior peer group to try to look for a husband.  No wonder they were so discouraged.  And now, I knew that I couldn't just tell them to "hang in there" or "something will work out".  If this was the selection, they had no chance for someone normal, nice and well-mannered.

My only hope for them, and the men in their demographic is that the normal ones stayed home.  And that made me happier yet that I was home with GG and The Boy and never had to be in that group.  YOUNG single adults--the 18-30 group--was bad enough, once upon a time.

Catching Up Is Hard To Do

It seems like yesterday we took The Girl tot he airport and she headed off to her missionary adventure.  the intermediary time has been spent catching up--in every facets of my life.  I worked an 8 hour day last Saturday trying to get caught up.  I taught a Relief Society mini-class Tuesday about freezer meals for their provident living night.  Wednesday I met with one of my PTA cohorts and taught a quick lesson about keeping our PTA website--thus offering my first of many PTA bequests this year as I calmly withdraw myself as The Boy gets ready to graduate. I attended the temple in preparation for the stake and regional conference sessions we had this weekend.  And I spent about 4 hours cleaning up my house which had taken over by gross and filthy neglect. 

In fact, I need to insert a special apology to my parents--who, while they were here last weekend, shared the bathroom with the kids.  Prior to them arriving here, I asked both The Girl and The Boy to clean the bathroom and make it "clean enough for Grandma".  You know, that is a different level of clean than the run-of-the-mill weekend chore kind of clean.  Yesterday, I checked the kids' bathroom since The Boy was taking the ACT for the umteenth time, I thought I'd clean his bathroom for him.  EWWWW!  The shower curtain liner, while actually cream, was orange from the knee level down.  EEEEW!  I apologize.  I hadn't thought to check that before Mom and Dad got here.  That was thoroughly disgusting and I apologize that it was that nasty for your visit.  It is bleached and washed and disinfected but good now.

The other bit of the last ten days that I need to comment upon is Tuesday evening.  The Girl has her preparation day--only one day a week that give a missionary chance to email home, do their laundry, shopping and any other "preparation" for the week ahead--on Tuesday while she is in the MTC.  when she left, I knew that getting news fro her would be important--but I had assumed it was more for her to write home and give me direction for things she forgot--or needed somehow--as well as quick update on her doings and her safety.  Little did I realize that I would become absolutely giddy in hearing from The Girl.  I was thrilled to hear that she loved her compañera, that the food was good and she was enjoying her classes and language lessons.  I can only hope her letters will be as fun-filled and widely anticipated the duration of her mission.

In other news, our darling friend, Zack F.--the son of my best friend from high school--received his mission call this week as well.  He'll be serving in the Taiwan, Taichung mission beginning January 7th.  Another dear friend, well prepared and willing to serve The Lord.  It is invigorating to know all these friends serving simultaneously all around the world to bring God's children the hope and peace and happiness that is found in the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Another dear friend, Josh V., entered the MTC in Provo--instead of the Mexico City MTC, as he was originally planning--due to a problem with his visa for leaving Mexico and serving in Ecuador.  This made some of The Girl's "plan B" of sending her forgotten items with him to give her impossible.  But his mission service was touching nonetheless.  I'm thrilled for him.  The afternoon his family took him to the MTC, I stopped by to visit with his mom, my dear friend, Wendy.  these two little pucks--the Girl and Josh--have been in school together for years.  Wendy and I served in the PTA for those same years, and since they both also swam for the team in the city and the HS, we have had a lot of common interests to support our kids.  I love my friend and her darling family.  I had a wonderful and enjoyable visit with her about her boy and The Girl and the adventures before them--and our families.

The other big event this weekend was our Stake Conference.  Six congregations met Saturday evening where we heard some wonderful messages.  It started out with a powerful musical number from the youth (12-18 year old Young Men and Young Women) of one of the congregations.  I love the youth of our stake.  That feeling hasn't left me even though I haven't served in the YW for two years now. 

The meeting was a wonderful reminder of our part in sharing the Gospel too.  While I have had missionary work on my mind lately, I forget that I can be part of that effort beyond sending The Girl out to serve full time.  I was prompted to do more to share what I believe.  That is a scary thought sometimes, but I know it is important to do.  Sometimes I just need a little more courage to share what I know.  I have it in me, but I get pretty comfortable where I am and take for granted I need to share that feeling of love and acceptance as a child of God  and the happiness that comes from obedience to God's commandments and in honoring the covenants I have made with Him.

Things don't really slow down this coming week.  I have things on the calendar every day this week, and that is what I already know.  Things will fill in even more as the week progresses.  I guess that is one way to pass The Girl's absence from us faster than it feels.

Let's hope the week teaches the good lessons I need to fulfill all that I need to be doing.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  And The Lord's way is better yet.

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

I saw a link to this blog post on Facebook, and the link intrigued me, so I jumped.  I read.  And I agreed.  I didn't see the incident myself--our lack of TV at the moment precludes that, but I heard about it.  Boy, howdy!   See what you think of it:   Miley Cyrus Life Lesson

Lessons From Our Stake Women's Conference

Today was the annual stake Relief Society women's conference. I was asked to help with the luncheon committee, so I was going--no matter how warm and snug my bed was this morning.  And, really, I was so blessed to be there.  I love meetings/activities/events that do that for me.

We had four classes and had to choose three.  I do hate that part, since every presenter is always wonderful.  But there you go.  Life is full of tough choices, isn't it?  Anyway, as a member of the luncheon committee we only got to go to one and a half presentations since we then were needed in the kitchen to finish setting up the luncheon.

I chose to go to the full version of "Becoming Guardians of the Hearth" that was given by one of the Stake presidency counselors and his wife.  They are lovely and always ask just the right questions to make you think.  In their presentation we talked about what a "hearth" is and what a "guardian" is, both figuratively and literally.  Then they turned it back to us.  "How can we--individually--be the guardian of the hearth in our homes, for ourselves and our families?" they asked.

First we are responsible for our own relationship with God.  We must know WHO we are...and that message was echoed several times to me.  (Perhaps, this is because of my struggles with why I'm in Primary right now.)  We must be anchored to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and keep things of life in proper perspective.  We have a duty to sanctify ourselves to God, to humble ourselves so the Spirit can offer insight and influence to us.

President P had us recall the New Testament story of Jesus going for 40 days into the wilderness to fast and pray and prepare for His earthly ministry.  I've heard this story many, many times but never thought of it as a pattern to follow in our lives.

After that kind of physical and spiritual cleansing, the first interaction He had as he is prepared to teach His gospel is with Satan who immediate tempts him with food--his physical strength making him more susceptible to this temptation.  Do we control our physical desires, or do they control us?

Then Satan asked Jesus about who He really was--"If thou art the Son of God...."  He uses the same diversionary tactics to keep us from seeing who we really are.

And finally, Satan offered Jesus the world and its power and influence, as that is what Satan felt was his domain and not Jesus'.  How often are we tempted by the power and influence of the world?  Satan still considers himself the "God of this world" and will use his every wile to get us to follow him.

They asked us, if our families require protection, what are we doing to protect them?

One dear sister--whom I admire and love--said that she would remind her kids when they let the house to be consistent in their behavior by telling them "Be ye therefore perfect...." and they knew that she meant for them to choose the best behavior, choices, friends, etc each day.  I know other families tell each other to "Remember who you are" or "Return with honor".  All these little mantras keep remind our families that they are made for higher things than this earth.

Our homes must have a good feeling in them to have our families wanting to be there...Love and the Spirit of the Lord must have a place in our homes, with the Spirit being the focal point.

The mood of the parents--especially the mom--sets the tone for the day for the entire family.  'If the mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' is truer than we care to remember.

We need to welcome others into our homes--the kids' friends, neighbors,etc--so it is an inviting and warm place for them to be too.

As we create family traditions, there is a sense of belonging that will develop between generations.

And finally, one that hit me like a load of bricks, belong to them...stay in the moment.  We only have this limited time with our children and we need to make the most of it.  Maybe because we are nearing the "chickie flying the nest" stage with The Girl, this was a powerful thought.

 The second presentation I sat in--but had to leave early--was also really good.  It was called "Teaching the Gospel in the Savior's Way" and was geared toward the new curriculum for the youth.  But I heard a few things that resonated with me--regardless of who we are teaching.

We each have a tragic gap--from where we are to where we should be.  It is part of our earthly experience, so guilt is not a great motivator.

Our personal "private devotionals" are the first step be need to take to teach.  We cant' teach what we don't know.  We must take care of our spiritual needs before helping others with theirs.  If we have the Spirit and are worthy to have it with us we are sanctioned to teach the Gospel.  And if we aren't doing this stuff personally, it doesn't really matter what else we say tot htem.

Next, we have to develop charity to be an effective teacher.  Teaching using different methods is still only effective is our students (or families) know we love them first.  It isn't a coincidence that Jesus is the perfect example of charity and also called the Master Teacher.

More than half of teaching is listening.  He used this equation:  SPEAK< LISTEN = Discernment

And serving others requires the right kind of preparation--we must have the desire to serve/teach/lead, it takes practice and having the Spirit as our companion is vital to any action we take.

As the morning wound down, we met back in the chapel to finish before the luncheon.  Our stake RS president shared this scripture with us. "....And if ye labor with your might with me ye shall have joy in the fruit which I shall lay up unto myself against the time which will soon come."  --Jacob 5:71

She emphasized that we aren't just laboring in the vineyard alone.  We are promised, if we labor with our might, the Savior will be laboring alongside of us.  We are never along in this work.  And together we will find the joy that comes from service and that joy will carry us along even if the world around us isn't where we want to be.

As we began, she had asked us to each listen with our hearts and commit to "going and doing" three things we learned today at this conference.  My three were:
1) Increase the quality of my personal devotionals.
2) Be in the moment with those I am spending my time.
3) Speak < Listen (and Observe) = discernment

Our Stake President concluded with thoughts that reverberated our RS president's message.  We need to be with the Savior to see success in our efforts--no matter where our vineyard is.  And he added the observation element to our discernment equation.  He also shared a thought from Elder M. Russell Ballard, quoting President Joseph F. Smith "It is not for you to be led by the women of the world; it is for you to lead the … women of the world, in everything that is praise-worthy, everything that is God-like, everything that is uplifting and … purifying to the children of men."

 I felt like I came away with much, much more than  arrived with today.  It seems that whenever I hesitant to go to these kind of things, I always get that result.  I wonder how much more I'd get out of something if I had better attitude about it in the first place.  I'm so grateful I felt the Spirit teach me things i needed to hear today.  It sets up a great Sabbath feeling, to be sure.

 

Today I'm "Likening"

We are told to "liken" the scriptures to ourselves to really learn the lessons the scriptures teach.  Well, this morning I was playing catch up and rereading some chapters at the end of Alma that I skimmed over about a week ago when I was pressed for time.  The two chapters that caught my attention--and I related to after "likening" were the epistles Nephite leaders Captain Moroni and Chief Judge Pahoran wrote to one another during the war.

While I am neither a Nephite, nor a leader during war, I got a lesson about giving others the benefit of the doubt.

Remember, Moroni was ticked that Pahoran had apparently neglected the needs of the armies.  But the truth was that Pahoran had been the victim of a political coup and wasn't even in the capital but had fled for his safety.  And he asked Moroni to come with a small group of warrior to help him regain his place so the government could re-support the armies at war.

These guys cold have been really mad.  In fact, Moroni's language is bold and forceful in his letter, but as soon as he he gets Pahoran's message back, learning the "why" behind the governments' apparent neglect, he softens and immediately gets things in line to go help Pahoran.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all could respond as Pahoran did?

He wrote that he was pained by the struggles Moroni was dealing with, and he was sorry for it.  But then he explained the hold up at his end and then asks for help.

I could take a lesson here from Pahoran--but also Moroni.  I need to be more understanding as I hear folks coming unglued about something that we all are dealing with, but I also need to be humble enough to ask for help where I need it after I explain myself calmly and gently.

The scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, we've been told are written for our time.  I am seeing that very clearly today as I ponder this lesson.  I hope I am as quick as Moroni and Pahoran to learn it and cooperate to make things better.

When Will I Learn?

Have you ever felt like a big fat failure? Maybe you haven't. I have, and did again just yesterday.

A neighbor called me with some information she wasn't sure what to do with. She had just run into another neighbor from the block down from us at the grocery store where Neighbor #2 works. Neighbor #1 asked N#2 how she was and N#2 mentioned she was better now that she was back to work. thinking she meant she had been sick, N#1 asked what had happened. N#2 mentioned that her mother passed away last weekend as tears welled up in her eyes.

Did I mention N#2 was a former Visiting teaching lady of mine?!

Yes, Say it with me: LOSER!

Neighbor #1 called to tell me this as N#2 had told her that she felt I must not have known as I didn't mention anything to her or stop to see her or even check in on her.

LOSER, double!

On my way in from running errands today, N#2's car was home so I stopped and just wanted to give her a hug and tell her how sorry I was. I know she knows the gospel and she told me she had a tender moment where she knew her dad and grandmother were in the room to take her mom from this earth. She knows, intellectually, that her mom is free from pain and her broken body. But, emotionally, she is a daughter who just lost her mom.

And she went through all this without a neighbor who loves her or her visiting teaching friend who cares.

I have so much to learn about heeding the promptings I receive. A week or ten days ago now, I had a feeling to stop in and see if N#2 was OK. There were many cars at her house and that was not a usual occurrence, but I talked myself out of it as I didn't want to intrude if they were doing a "family thing". In reality they were grieving the loss of their mom and grandmother as a family. I didn't listen then.

I hope someday I will learn and in the meantime can be forgiven for being a slacker.

All Aboard the Bandwagon!

I have been "FF-ing" through some episodes of Oprah where she has Suze Orman on talking about the current financial mess our country, and now the world, has found ourselves. I enjoy this because they seem amazed and delighted to find a plan to live more carefully, more frugally. Where have THEY been?

Isn't the point of this mess that, as a people, we have over extended ourselves and have been living way beyond our means? We have been spending our imagined income, not our actual one. We have been saving nothing. And the government's answer to this is to run into the back room and print more money?! Isn't that a felony if WE do it? So now, with this bailout, the government is spending our children's children's futures. Where does this madness end?

My grandparents would have been very young children during the Great Depression. [By the way, isn't that the best oxymoron of all time? Was it really that great? I know it was huge, but we don't call it the Huge Depression...just a thought.] I remember visiting their homes and they all lived fairly simply.

My Washington Grandparents were living in the country and Gpa worked cattle. He was a cowboy in all the right ways--down to letting his doberman house dogs drink beer from the bottle and eat pizza with him. But I digress. He had simple tastes. He liked his beer and he liked his coffee with the guys down at the Brass Rail in the morning. He said little, but liked us kids to come sit with him on the couch and give him a hug.

My Gma was well into her mental illness by the time I came along, but she made the best homemade blackberry jam from berries picked on their place, at home, by hand. She didn't do anything fancy with them. She stored it up and we ate it when we got to visit. In fact, she "stored" a lot of stuff. She could be considered a hoarder now, probably, but she figured she might need it again someday, so why throw it out.

My Live-In Grandparents moved in with us when I was about 6 or 7. When they first came, Gram was pretty sprightly, at least by comparison to later. Gramps had suffered a stroke after a devastating "motorbike" accident disfigured his "good side" a few year years before that. He was physically pretty hammered, but he insisted on being as independent as he could be--despite my parent's concerns and frustrations. But I watched him as he returned to school--wheelchair and outhouse-shaped trailer pulled behind his spray painted old car and all. He wanted to learn Spanish, of all things, so he could communicate with the others at the Senior Citizen's Center where he regularly had lunch. He didn't ever give up while he lived with us. He showed a lot of courage and determination and grit.

My Gram, meanwhile was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis which brought them to us in the first place. She did what she could, but I knew she was hurting, and suffering, and wasn't happy with her situation. It made me very uncomfortable to try to be with her when she was whimpering from the pain she felt. I'm sure this isn't what she wanted with her life, but she stuck it out and showed some real unconditional and, many times, undeserved love toward me as a girl. I do have regrets about how I treated her as I grew up. I hope my behavior once I was older and a little better able to understand her made up for some of that. I know she wanted the best for my sister and me. She loved to hear what we were up to and what new things we were doing. She put on an optimistic face and demonstrated that just spending time together was the most valuable way to live.

These are the lessons, I gathered, that Oprah and Suze are just now trying to help people figure out for themselves. Where have all these people been all this time, since my grandparent's days? My parents lived pretty frugally too. Not to the point that I remember going without something. But we sure weren't fancy folks. And remembering now, I think we were fairly spoiled at times. But there wasn't a lot of money spent on stuff. We spent time together and learned to work and were expected and encouraged to work for what we wanted.

I heard all the time as I grew up, that you can't spend what you don't have. I thought everyone learned this. Apparently not. And now, we are all paying for mistakes made by everyone across the board. Too bad this lesson has to affect so many people's retirement savings and investments for their futures.

I can appreciate, a little, what Suze and Oprah are trying to do, but I just wonder what planet they have been living on for the last few decades as the public's spending habits have amped up year after year. Maybe now, living cheaply will be trendy! Thus making our family and friends trendy too. Yeah. I don't think that will happen. But at least Oprah is driving the bandwagon at this point. Maybe she'll collect some over the top extras from the entertainment industry too. Couldn't hurt.