Side Tracked

I had planned on posting another graduation talk--something about "the things no one will tell you when you graduate", but I have a little venting to do today instead.  The graduation advice will have to wait.

For all my whining when my kid were little--toddlers are a tough crowd!--I figured that teenagers would be great.  And they are, usually.  In fact, I have not known another age group I like as much--whether my own kids or other people's children.  But lately, I have really struggled with The Girl.

I understand that she is getting older, and occasionally I see the "more mature" side coming out for her but it isn't all the time yet, and I struggle with that. 

I know that at her age she will want to be with her friends more and more, but I struggle with the feeling of disregard I get from her--and it isn't for the family.  It is for me.  She doesn't dis her dad and she has been including her brother more and more.  No, her loathing and anger seems pointed at me.

I get it.  I am "the meanest mom in the world".  That is a title I hold proudly--since that usually mean I am holding the line on some discipline issue.  And maybe that is where the anger and sharpness comes from.  I am the enforcer.  Dad is the softie.

I struggle with the idea that she can be so kind and generous and happy with her friends.  But not with me.  I struggle that she will share her feelings with her dad.  But not with me.  I struggle that she finds ways to blame me for her reactions to the consequences for her actions. And then she writes about it.

With only one more year at home, I guess this is inevitable.  The whole reason parents let their kids go, right?  They become so difficult the parents want them to go figure it out on their own?  Well, I like The Girl.  I think she is pretty great.  And she is worlds smarter than I was at her age.  She certainly has many more advantages than I ever did academically.  And she has a lot of promise for university success, and the financial freedom that can come with it. Her opportunities are unprecedented in my eyes.  But I don't sense that she is grateful for these advantages. 

I don't expect her to grovel at home, but a little humility would be nice.  Sometimes it feels like the only time she speaks to me in a calm voice is when she is being passive aggressive, taking out on me what she felt was some slight from before.  Or she wants something.

She is growing in independence, and I want that for her.  She has a little summer job.  She has a car.  She has a license.  She has relatively simple household chores--which she does, but sometimes only after a lot of hounding from me.

What really knocks me out is when she tried to tell me that I have no idea what she is going through/talking about/feeling at this moment in her life.  Really?  I'd like to note, here, that she also hasn't really ever asked me about what I dealt with at her age.  I have a crate of journals, written throughout my teen years.  She has access to a grandma who could probably remember a thing or two about me at her age.

Individuation.  That is what the child development books call it.  It is a process that all kids have to go through to become well adjusted, independent adults.  And that is what I want for her.  But in the meantime, the process is a struggle.  And I really don't like it.

Graduation: Bonus Video

I LOVE THIS!!

Capturing A Mother's Crowning Glory

Would you get a look at these cuties?!?

OK.  Well, a couple of closed eyes in a family this size isn't too bad, really.  There were several shots of this pose taken, so I just grabbed the imperfect one to show and tell.  This is my lovely friend, Wendy C's family.  Her delightful husband, their five kids, the in-laws, her grand-kiddos and her mom.  Jewels in her crown, indeed.

I got to spend about an hour taking their family pictures yesterday in the early evening.  Can't you see the harsh lighting?  But what a beautiful spot for photos.  The shady tree, the orchards behind.  And not too hot, and not too cold.

Well, Wendy C.  I hope you can find a few you really, really like from the 100+ shots we took.  And if not, you've got a couple of Photoshop pros in the group.  But it sure was fun!  Thanks!!

Scared Ya, Didn't I?

It isn't very often that I get an upper hand around here.  But today I did.  And it was thanks, in part, to a technique I learned from my dad as a girl.

The Boy and I were running errands in the neighboring town, and o the way home we were going to pass our favorite burger joint.  Slowly and steadily I drifted the car to the right side of the lane, all the while telling him that the car's steering is defective, with increasing franticness, as such:  "I can't get the car to go straight! It's drifting to the edge!  Oh NO!!  We're being sucked into the JCW's parking lot!"  It so worked.

I stopped to get us each a hot fudge shake. 

Maybe it was the almost-a-driver-observations he has been making lately, but he was sincerely worried, then scared then panicked!

Awesome.  I giggled all thew ay home while he grimaced and ate his shake.

So, We Went To Salt Lake For The Day....

 The royalty with the ladies fro Good Things Utah.

 On the kitchen set....

 We had lunch at The Roof Restaurant at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.  Shi-shi-poo-poo.

 Then the appointment at the Church administrative building was at 1 PM.

 Elder Clayton met with us, where the ladies invited him to come to Strawberry Days, and gave him Strawberry Cheesecake.  Not too righteous to bribe....

He was lovely and very curious about what Strawberry Days is all about.  The girls really emphasized the "family" centered kind of activities we hold that week and how our community volunteerism is how we can keep it that way.

This is a part of the Strawberry Days "behind the scenes" that I had never been to before and it was interesting to watch unfold.  I also heard an awful lot of "pageant-y" mom-talk on the way.  Another tangent of curiosity.  I had no idea about that world.  Hey, I just take pictures.

You're The Exception?!

Today was the first day of swim team for the summer rec program.  As it is the first day, there was a little, informal parents' meeting to cover some basic policies that need to be adhered to throughout the season.  It is never fun, but necessary, nonetheless. It is also the first day the swim team gear is available for purchase.  We had a pile of new swimmers, so this is a challenge to just keep people from walking off with a suit they "forgot" to purchase..etc.  But I was floored today by one mom in particular.

Now, I need to preface this by saying that there are always families every year that think the rules don't apply to them.  Whatever the rule.  They are the exception.   So I don't know why this woman surprised me so much.

Well, about 7 AM the line for the gear was easily 20 people long already.  The new coaches had introduced themselves, and the kids were all headed off into the water to start their day's practice.  One young man--I'd say maybe 15 or 16 years old--was standing with this woman, who was  NOT in line for the team gear.  She butted her way into the boxes of stuff--fins, suits, goggles, etc.--grabbing what her son (the sad boy with her) would need.  Then she tells our team mom (who, meanwhile, is trying to keep track of said gear so it doesn't walk away AND answer suit fitting questions, etc) that her son "needs this stuff right now because he is supposed to be in the water".

He didn't have another suit to wear?  Even some trunks? Why is a kid that old needing his mommy to suit him out for the team?  I mean, moms of kids that age generally pay for the stuff, but the kids are much more self sufficient than that.  How is this kids going to find the blocks on a meet without her holding his hand?!

I wanted to tell her that there are several others in the line waiting fro their turn, and they also have kids who somehow managed to make it to the water this morning.  Instead I mentioned to her that she'll still need to wait and that her son will be fine whenever he gets to the pool, as it was only the first day.

But about then I put myself in time-out when I saw her expression (which read like I was a complete idiot) and I knew I was very close to saying something so snarky and nasty that I would regret it.

Nice way to begin the season.  Yikes.

Video Sunday

Can't WAIT to see CARSLAND!  Coming this summer....to Disney's California Adventure.