Lessons From The Spirit

This weekend I discovered a few things that I should have already known, but the Spirit had to teach --or at least, re-teach me.

During the Relief Society broadcast Saturday evening, the RS general presidency members spoke about keeping covenants.  That has been the them of our stake this whole year, so I thought I had heard all there was to hear about that topic.  But I was wrong, as is commonly the case.  I learned that I choose to keep my covenant every day--in every little thing I do. 

By the time the "half-time hymn" came around the Spirit was working on my big time.  The hymn was "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go", which I have always considered a missionary hymn. But the Spirit taught met hat this hymn is really about doing what we are asked because we are covenant keepers.

It may not be on the mountain height Or over the stormy sea, 
It may not be at the battle's front My Lord will have need of me.
There is a need for teachers who have a testimony and commitment to be there every week so those kids learn and behave and feel the Spirit.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:I'll go where you want me to go.
I've never really had a Primary calling before (the first 4 months after we were married really don't count--as that was more birth control, than teaching....) but if this is where I am supposed to be, then I'm here.
 Perhaps today there are loving words Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin Some wand'rer whom I should seek.
Some of these kids are dealing with some tough things in their families.  Their families need the Gospel and its blessings.  Maybe something I say will affect  the kids and in turn affect their families for good.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide, Tho dark and rugged the way, 
My voice shall echo the message sweet: I'll say what you want me to say. 
If the Savior were here, He would love and teach these kids.  Even the ones that I struggle with. Heavenly Father knows and loves them, and He'll help me to know how to do that too.

There's surely somewhere a lowly place In earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day For Jesus, the Crucified.
I considered the Primary teacher one of the lowliest of callings when I got this gig. And I know it isn't a life-long calling, so I should shift my attitude.
So trusting my all to thy tender care, And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be.
Plus, if I know--and I do--that Christ loves me, then I need to love those around me to show Him my level of commitment and conversion.  My covenants in the baptism and the temple direct me to do just that.


I have a lot to learn, apparently.  And this Primary calling is just the start.  Ten months into it and I am finally figuring just this little bit out.  At this rate, I might not learn enough from this calling to ever be released.

He Chasteneth Those He Loveth

Last night was the first Stake Leadership meeting since our released from Young Women.  Except I didn't realize it was the Stake Leadership training until I got there.  I thought it was a Primary teacher meeting.  Which, I guess, it was too.  And just by being there, I have turned a corner in my attitude about my Primary calling.

When I came into the chapel and realized that all three auxiliaries were meeting, it dawned on me, and I felt very pouty,  to be honest.  I sat by myself on the back row and grumped to myself in my head.  I missed being in a presidency; I missed the ladies I had served with and I missed having something worthwhile to teach others. But then the meeting started and the music was beautiful and Miss H played the piano--again, beautiful!--and President Phillips spoke to the group.  He nailed it.

Using the scriptural backdrop of Christ speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well found in John 4, he talked to us about putting the effort into our Spiritual needs first and the temporal things will take care of themselves.  Knowing my personal turmoil about getting a job--not wanting to work, I realized that I have become much less willing to listen to the Lord's guidance because I have been too obsessed about my own perceived needs right now.  I listened to the Spirit tell me that the right job will present itself and I'll know what will work for my family situation right now and it might not even be anything to do with the school.  Good to know.  I should have been listening.  Boy, I love President Phillips' masterful way of cutting to the chase for me. He always seems to know just what to ask, say, or guide me to figure out on my own. He is good at that!

Then we broke into the separate auxiliary sessions and I felt my heart break a little bit when the YW friends walked by on their way out of the chapel. But I put on my happy face and moved up to the Primary teachers group.  I was obedient, if not in it with my whole heart yet.

Sister Stinson, the Stake Primary president, is a lovely woman.  She was called a while after we were serving in YW and the few times we worked with her I was really impressed.  Last night was no exception.  She talked about things we need to do as teachers to be successful in Primary and for the children we teach to be successful.  Here is her list, as we discussed each point:

1 -- pray to be filled with love.
2 -- Serve those you teach.
3 -- Look for the good in the children.
4 -- Live in a way to feel the Spirit and live what you teach.
5 -- Don't focus on your weaknesses (see Moroni 10:17).
6 -- Use your talents and share the things you like, personal experiences, testimony.
7 -- Take an active role in Sharing Time.
8 -- All kids respond to music so use it.
9 -- Visual aids will help children remember what you teach,
10 -- "Liken the Scriptures" to the children we teach.

She concluded by saying to all of us that we should never consider ourselves "just a Primary teacher" but that little children were so dear and precious to the Savior that He called them to Him and blessed them one by one and taught them at His knee.  We were the best He has to offer His little ones.  So we'd better do our best to uphold that confidence.

Then Sister Francom talked about what we can do as teachers to reach out to inactive children,  Now, for the record I thin I do pretty well with this.  I have for some time--even from YW days--written notes (snail mail, Facebook, texts, etc) depending on how each person would receive them to let those in my charge know I was thinking of them  outside of the "assigned hours".  This is why I still am writing a dozen or so missionary letters each month.  I still do this for "my kids".  But Sister Francom's points were these:

1 -- Pray for a way to notice those who aren't active
2 -- Celebrate them individually
3 -- find ways to come together outside of Sunday
4 -- Include all in age group within our boundaries to participate (especially Activity Days & Cub Scouts)
5 -- All of our callings begin on our knees.  Trust that you'll receive revelation for each child you teach.
6 -- the Lord's blessings are not just for a select few.

Then the High Council member over Primary, Brother Hoopes, spoke to us about"How can we show the kids we love them?"  The evenings whole discussion had really covered this point.  But he added that each child we teach is different and so we need to love them enough to figure out what works fro each one.   then he quoted President Joseph F. Smith, who said something along the lines of: If you want your children to feel the Spirit, live the Gospel, gain a testimony, then you must LOVE them. (I can't find the exact quote, but it was good.)

Then they shared a message from Sister Wixon, the Primary general President who in General Conference some time ago spoke on what we want the kids to know in 5 years depends in large part on what we do NOW.  If that is the case, and I agree it is, in 5 years these little Primary girls will be turning into Mia Maids.  Mia Maids were my assignment, my age group, my people!   All of a sudden it felt like the clouds had parted and I saw my job in Primary to prepare these girls for YW.  I knew that before--for all my joking about teaching the Pre-Beehives, but it hit me in a new way last night.  that made me feel so much better.

And I got one more little boost from being in that meeting last night--and it came after the meeting was over.  When we finished I realized that I had been sitting in front of two lovely sisters from another ward--both of whom I was privileged to work with when they served together as ward YW president and camp director, who also happen to be sisters in law, and whose husbands I admire a great deal too.  Through my tears I talked with Jana and Sarah about how I just haven't loved this calling.  They both LOVE being in Primary.  then Jana said that she learned something once from her brother, Sarah's husband that made her feel better when she was the YW president, a calling she never felt comfortable doing.  He told her that she could hate a calling until the bitter end, but by being obedient and doing was was asked of her she could still magnify that calling in an acceptable way.  That was revelatory to me!  That gave me hope, rather than the guilt I felt for really not liking my calling.  Sarah added to this by saying that given enough time, I would come to love Primary just like I loved YW too.  I joked back to her that I hope I'm not in this calling THAT long.  It would probably be the Millennium before that happened.

I felt so much better.  I was glad to miss the planning commission meeting that was discussing a rezoning of the rest of the "field" behind our cul-de-sac, most likely for a condo or apartment zone.  Ugh.  I felt blessed to have the Lord trust me with any calling, especially one with children.  Any aged children.  And I deeply felt the Spirit teach me what I needed to know.  Now I just have to put it into practice.

Blessings that Come from the Gift of the Holy Ghost

I had another opportunity to speak in another ward this week.  My dear friend, Pam, had her son's mission farewell that same day, so I took her spot to speak so she could enjoy her day with his son and their extended family that came to celebrate with them.  Knowing that the talk I gave last week didn't really fit the subject given me, I felt I should just begin again with a new talk. Here is what I came up with:

As the Savior knew the end of His earthly ministry drew near, He prepared His apostles by assuring them in the book of John “And I will pray the Father and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever” (John 14:16) and “If I go not away, the Comforter will not come until you, l but if I depart, I will send him unto you.” (John 16:7)

Even though these words were spoken to His Apostles of the ancient church, they are still promised to each of us as members of his Church today.  As we are worthy of it, the Holy Ghost will abide with us too. 

Having the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost affords us many blessings—besides the assurance that we are doing what the Lord would have us do.  I’d like to share some thoughts today on a few of those blessings of having the Holy Ghost as our constant companion—the utilization of receiving the Holy Ghost.

President Boyd K. Packer, in the Seminary Centennial celebration in January, taught us that “the gift of the Holy Ghost will protect you in enemy territory.”  He said: “You have been taught all of your lives about the gift of the Holy Ghost, but teaching can only go so far. You can and, in fact, you must go the rest of the way alone to discover within yourself how the Holy Ghost can be a guiding and protective influence.

“For young men and young women, the process is the same. Discovering how the Holy Ghost operates in your life is the quest of a lifetime. Once you have made that discovery for yourself, you can live in enemy territory and will not be deceived or destroyed. No member of this Church—and that means each of you—will ever make a serious mistake without first being warned by the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

“Sometimes when you have made a mistake, you may have said afterward, ‘I knew I should not have done that. It did not feel right,’ or perhaps, ‘I knew I should have done that. I just did not have the courage to act!’ Those impressions are the Holy Ghost attempting to direct you toward good or warning you away from harm.

“There are certain things that you must not do if the lines of communication are to remain open. You cannot lie or cheat or steal or act immorally and have those channels remain free from disruption. Do not go where the environment resists spiritual communication.

“You must learn to seek the power and direction that is available to you, and then follow that course no matter what.” 

Elder Dallin H. Oakes quoted our prophet today when he taught: “President Thomas S. Monson has declared ‘We are surrounded by immorality, pornography, violence, drugs, and a host of other ills which afflict our modern-day society.  Ours is the challenge, even the responsibility not only to keep ourselves unspotted form the world but also to guide our children and others through the stormy seas of sin surrounding us that we might one day return to live with our Heavenly Father.’  Truly we need the guidance of the Spirit and we must be diligent to do those things necessary to have the companionship of that Spirit.  Specifically we must keep the commandments, pray, study the scriptures, and repent weekly as we partake of the sacrament.”

Now I have had occasional experiences in my life when I have felt the Holy Ghost specifically protect me from harm, danger or accident.  But I have more often felt His influence as I choose to live in obedience to the commandments, petitioning my Heavenly Father in daily prayer, searching for scriptural direction and keeping myself away from influence in my mind and body that would do me ill. In my family life, my calling, my work, I feel the Spirit leading and guiding me as I seek to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Another blessings of having the Holy Ghost as a constant companion is the comfort He is able to provide. Sister Margaret Nadauld, former General YW president, once said “You too are loved by the Lord, just as the disciples of old.  You are loved more than you will ever know.  He wants you to be successful in your life’s mission!  You don’t have to face the experiences of this life alone, nor have you been sent here to fail.

“For this reason,” she continued, “a holy gift was given to you at the time of your baptism….The Holy Spirit can be with you always and guide you back to Him….

“The Lord promises us that because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence and prayer.”

I have two personal experiences with the Holy Ghost blessings me with comfort that I’d like to share.  The first occurred a couple of years ago.  I had gone to my doctor for a regular check-up.  After a routine imaging test, I ended up having a little spot that did not look like the radiologists thought it should.  Consequently, I ended up in an MRI.  An MRI is a big, thick, metal donut shaped machine that makes very loud sounds and because of the safety concerns the operator is forced into the adjoining room to work it—leaving me as the patient in this cold, loud, scary place by myself.  I was scared, knowing the unwanted outcome of this test could potentially alter my life, my family’s life and all the normal things I was comfortable doing.  I knew that my Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers.  So while this big, clangy, scary machine was working all around me, I prayed that I could feel a sense of His care and some degree of comfort.  Almost as soon as I thought those words, I felt a warmth and peace that I knew could only be the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Ghost also instantly brought to my mind the words of a hymn that offered additional reassurance and calm.

The second incident just happened Friday night.  My dad called me just before 4 PM that afternoon.  He and my mom were on the freeway on their way to the University of San Francisco hospital. He had just received a phone call we have been praying, hoping and waiting for.  A kidney was there for him. He has been on dialysis for 3 1/2 years and has been on the transplant short list for almost a year.  He sounded excited and relieved.  They live in California, 900 miles away from me.  As soon as I hung up the phone, I was overcome with emotions and dropped to my knees with gratitude for this wonderful news, again to ask my Heavenly Father for His blessing—to bless my dad that this kidney will be a match, that the surgical team will be guided my His hand, that the transplant will be successful and that my dad might be healed with this miracle of modern medicine.  As I finished my list of requests, I thought to add one more.  I asked that even though I was two states away and unable to be there with them in person, I asked that I could feel the Lord’s will and know that whatever happened would be okay.  As I stood up –and throughout the night—I felt a calm, sweet peace that I know comes only from the Holy Ghost.

Now I know that not all prayers are answered that quickly—but when you really need to be comforted, the Holy Ghost is there immediately if you are worthy of it to bring the peace and clam each of us needs from time to time, even if it is just to strengthen us to keep dealing with the situation we worried about in the first place.

Finally, the other blessing of the Holy Ghost comes in His role as a testifier.  Again, from Sister Nadauld, “This Holy Spirit can help you really understand deep down inside the most important truth ever known—that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world and that because of Him every one of us who has ever lived will one day live again.  And because of Him we can repent or wrongdoing and get on the path that leads us back to our Heavenly Father.  That is what the Atonement is the Holy Spirit will testify of that truth to our hearts as we seek to know, and He testifies to others as we bear testimony of these truths to them.”

The Holy Ghost will let you feel for yourself when someone teaches you something true.  Each of us has to figure out how He speaks to us. But once you know that, (and the more you feel His presence with you, the easier it gets) you will feel Him testify over and over to you of truth.  Each time I read the Book of Mormon, for example, I take Moroni’s challenge with a sincere heart having real intent and ask if the Book of Mormon is the word of God.  And invariably, the Holy Ghost will tell me it is.  It doesn’t matter how many times I have done this before.  It is still truth, and He will testify of that to me.

The Holy Ghost is a protector, a comforter, a testifier.  He is a remarkable member of the Godhead.  He is always willing to be with us as we do those things the Lord has outlined as required for that blessed companionship.   And each week as the sacrament prayers are said, we hear those requirements again and the promise is made to us once more.

The Spirit Speaks To Me

Yesterday I had a long day of church activities.  The day began with a visit to another ward's sacrament meeting wherein the Laurels of that ward spoke and the YM/YW did a special musical number.  The whole program was centered on the For the Strength of Youth standards.  The girls were fantastic and the musical number was lovely.  Following that meeting, President P of our stake presidency sat down to visit with us--us being three of the four members of our Stake YW presidency.

Long story short, here, but he asked what our plans were at camp in  July when the Bishops came up to meet with their ward YW and provide dinner and have ward testimony meetings.  After some "well, we could go with our own wards..." kind of talk, he asked (but it was already decided, according to his tone) that we meet together as Stake leaders.  The stake presidency would bring up dinner and they wanted to talk to us.  We would not be visiting with our own wards that night.

Following that request/decision, our fearless leader, Pam, shared some connection he has to a new location for trek, possibly, for next summer.  It is off the BLM land, away from missionaries' overly watchful eyes, and on private land where we can run a trek any way we want to.  Oh, and it does actually include a portion of the Mormon trail...and it is in Wyoming.  Jokingly, I jumped in with a snarky comment about "May we negotiate an invitation to trek is Pam gives you this information?"  And President P just smiled his wise, knowing smile at me.  Again.

I regularly ask about trek when I see our stake presidency.  They know I'd love to go.  But they haven't ever said if our presidency will still be serving when the time comes to do that.  That said, let's fast forward to a few hours later.

It was also a ward conference yesterday, so after visiting the sacrament meeting where the Laurels did the program, and then sitting through my own sacrament meeting with The Boy as the other half of our family was home nursing Pink Eye, then I went to another 3 hours of meetings in yet another ward--and another building for that matter. 

Our lesson seemed to go well, and I didn't take quite so much time--I tried to quell the rambling and chatting and stayed on topic.  So far, so good.  Eventually I'll get the time management of this lesson down and we'll be done with ward conferences.  Anyhoo, we made our way into the final sacrament meeting of the day (this was number 3, remember).

We began to sing "How Firm a Foundation" and I recalled a trek moment with that song...and suddenly the tears well up and the I felt the Spirit tell me "You won't be in this calling for long.  A change is coming."

I love this calling.  It is the best in the church, if you ask me.  I get to work with the YW leaders in the six wards in our stake.  I get to see the YW of our stake at the activities we attend, at girls' camp, on planning committees, and for their recognition nights. 

But I also get to work with the cream of the crop YW and YM on our stake youth committee each year.  These kids are the BEST.  And, inevitably, I end up loving them.  I really just adore them.  And that group--though it changes each year--is the group I will miss the most. Well, that and the ladies I have the privilege of serving with in our presidency.  I love them all.  Totally and completely.

Now, I'm pretty sure that President P's insistence on meeting with us at camp may very well be the meeting where they tell us they are going to release us.  As i recall, two stake camps ago, the former presidency I was in got word we'd be released at camp...and Fearless Leader Pam was actually called while we were at camp.  In that case, I got recycled.  I doubt I'll be that lucky this time.

Then to finish off the day--and my personal well of tears and love for these kids--I attended Seminary Graduation last night.   Seeing the majority of our most recent stake youth committee kids graduating...knowing the HS graduation is next week...and that they'll be leaving for bigger and better things (including the Young Single Adult ward) just brought that feeling of the Spirit back once again.  I need to let them go.  And be ready to do it, like it or not.

I guess, knowing how much I love change...the Spirit is just warning me. To be ready.  To say goodbye.  And to be open to whatever comes next.  Dang.  I hate it when that happens.

Out of the Blue

Today was one of those days you don't see coming.  Well, the morning at least.  It isn't quite one o'clock yet but the day has filled in really well already.

I got up this morning and felt like I should go to the temple.  Normally I go once a week with a friend and I hadn't even asked her what her schedule was like yet for a planned trip together to the temple.  But feeling like I should go, I just got ready, got the kids off to school, and went.  And I'm glad I did.

I didn't go with a pressing concern or worry.  I didn't even have a special blessing I was seeking.  I just felt that I should go, and I did.  Occasionally you do get immediate bonus points for being obedient to those kind of promptings.  Today was filled with bonus points.

"Tender mercies", as Nephi the Book of Mormon prophet explains them, sort of encapsulate what I felt today.  Just reaffirmations that I am loved, that I matter, that the Lord is aware of me and is watching out for me, and that things will all turn out OK.

With Genius Golfer's plan to work for himself, I have felt an increasing anxiety about finances lately.  Some of it is the new year and the resolutions that typify the season.  But some of it is my own need for security.  One of the things I felt strongly is that financially things will work out fine, so long as I get out of GG's way and let him do his work.  That was a very welcome prompting.

Another came with the idea that I am doing what God wants me to be doing.  Sometimes I get caught up in the day to day goings on with both PTA and my Young Women calling, and today I felt that both of those, along with my work at home--for my own family--was fine.  I am doing what I need to be doing.

I wish I was more perfectly in spiritual tune often enough to feel that more regularly, but I am very grateful to feel that once in a while, at least.  Sort of like a spiritual progress report.  I need to recognize that more often to keep my head in the game, so to speak.

So, today I am especially thankful to feel the Spirit in my life, to recognize God's love and to feel some sense of approval from my Heavenly Father.  All of that, given to me out of the blue this morning.

ED: Just got this quote (Thanks, Al Fox!) and it completely fits why I write thing like this post. 
"Knowledge carefully recorded is knowledge available in time of need. Spiritually sensitive information should be kept in a sacred place the communicates to the Lord how you treasure it. That practice enhances the likelihood of your receiving further light."--Richard G. Scott

28th

28) I am grateful to day for the Holy Ghost. I am thankful that I can feel His promptings and have a sensitivity to the spirit. I recognize that the Holy Ghost is available to tell me things I need to know, testify to me of truth as I hear or read or feel it and bring things to my remembrance. I am grateful for the feeling I have when I feel the Spirit. I don't even mind the weeping that comes with that feeling anymore. Lately I feel like I can weep at the drop of a hat, but I sense that it is the Spirit I feel that brings the tears. I am grateful that my spirit is receptive enough to His spirit that I can feel a difference. I am grateful that my heart is not so hardened that I am past feeling that. Each day I get a sense of the nearness of the Holy Ghost in my life, I give thanks. I am learning to discern the Spirit in my daily life, and I am grateful for the re-dos, the do-overs and the try-agains when I miss a prompting and the Lord sends me another one. I am grateful He trusts me enough to prompt me to do or say something by sending His spirit. I hope to someday be in tune with that Spirit all the day long that I might lift those around me and help them to also feel His love and His spirit in their lives.

When Will I Learn?

Have you ever felt like a big fat failure? Maybe you haven't. I have, and did again just yesterday.

A neighbor called me with some information she wasn't sure what to do with. She had just run into another neighbor from the block down from us at the grocery store where Neighbor #2 works. Neighbor #1 asked N#2 how she was and N#2 mentioned she was better now that she was back to work. thinking she meant she had been sick, N#1 asked what had happened. N#2 mentioned that her mother passed away last weekend as tears welled up in her eyes.

Did I mention N#2 was a former Visiting teaching lady of mine?!

Yes, Say it with me: LOSER!

Neighbor #1 called to tell me this as N#2 had told her that she felt I must not have known as I didn't mention anything to her or stop to see her or even check in on her.

LOSER, double!

On my way in from running errands today, N#2's car was home so I stopped and just wanted to give her a hug and tell her how sorry I was. I know she knows the gospel and she told me she had a tender moment where she knew her dad and grandmother were in the room to take her mom from this earth. She knows, intellectually, that her mom is free from pain and her broken body. But, emotionally, she is a daughter who just lost her mom.

And she went through all this without a neighbor who loves her or her visiting teaching friend who cares.

I have so much to learn about heeding the promptings I receive. A week or ten days ago now, I had a feeling to stop in and see if N#2 was OK. There were many cars at her house and that was not a usual occurrence, but I talked myself out of it as I didn't want to intrude if they were doing a "family thing". In reality they were grieving the loss of their mom and grandmother as a family. I didn't listen then.

I hope someday I will learn and in the meantime can be forgiven for being a slacker.

It's a Powerful Thing

You know, when you plan for the worst case scenario or most desperate situation because you are always thinking "What if ________?" I am notorious for that. I 'm the worst "What-If-Er" you know.

Most times it comes to nothing, in which case you are prepared nonetheless, and life goes on just peachy-keen. Once in a while it is more than nothing, but is usually not too big a deal.

Still in the back of my head, at least, I am always planning for the "What If_______?" scenario.

This morning I had an MRI done on my left breast. I am still wondering how they can image just the one, but I didn't think to ask anyone. Maybe another time. Maybe not.

The MRI test is a little like trying to ride a sausage making machine for fun. This morning I had to lay very still, face down, with the "girls" dangling inside a vertical cave of sorts while I was wheeled backwards into a tiny tube that made all sorts of scary sounds. It was a very good thing I was face down. I don't think I am claustrophobic, but I might have become so if I had let my mind head down that path.

As I was laying very still, worrying about all the "What Ifs", my heart rate exploded and my breathing was speeding up. I was worried that I might be moving involuntarily just to stay alive in the loud sausage tube or that the "pictures" wouldn't be any good because my heart and lungs were going a mile a minute. Instead of freaking completely out, I focused my thoughts on my Heavenly Father and said a prayer--not asking that everything will be perfect, but just that I can calm down, they can get what they need from me and that I may be ready for whatever the results might be. My thoughts then turned to the words of hymns I could remember under stress.

Have you ever heard BYU's concert choir recording of "Redeemer of Israel"? They were recorded years ago with the orchestra. The music is powerful and just fills you up as you hear the crescendo of strings and percussion. The words are pretty reassuring too: "How long we have wandered as strangers in sin, and cried in the desert for Thee! Our foes have rejoiced when our sorrows they have seen, But Israel will shortly be free." Kind of makes you re-evaluate who's side you are on, doesn't it?

I ran that and other hymn lyrics through my head as I stayed as still as I could for the 40 minutes required to finish this test. I noticed as I continued "singing" the hymns in my head that my breathing slowed and my pulse returned to a normal range. I felt the calming influence of the Spirit with me--even in that cold, dark, loud, scary place.

If the Father will hear and answer my prayer for comfort so quickly and gently, I know that whatever these blasted tests finally show about the spots in my breast, I will be OK--whichever way the path takes me. Because no matter which path I end up on, He will be there too. Right beside me. And you can't get someone more powerful or loving to stay with you through all of this.

I Have Much to Learn, Yet.

I'm taking a step back from any political thoughts here today, though they would be more timely and apropos today than say, tomorrow. But I just can't bring myself to think another day about it.

Instead today I would like to share something that I have been pondering since Monday.

I go twice a week to care for my friend, Tammy. I generally do her family's laundry and dishes, and some light housekeeping as well as sit and visit with her while her husband is at his office or getting a chance to go play racquetball with Genius Golfer.

My days got switched up this week and Monday morning I spent with her rather than Friday this week. Mondays are always a little more haggard than most days due to the early out day and the pile of things that add up over the weekend. This week was no different, except that instead of my standard issue Monday at home doing my junk, I was at Tammy's helping with hers.

I think I go into her visit with a list of "things to do" and if I get to everything there, then I have been successful. But Monday, Dear Friend Tammy's neighbor came over and covered while I ran to get Tammy some lunch. When I got back, Tammy's husband, Mr. Rick was home already and the home health aide nurse was there and together they were washing Tammy's hair, so both of us--the neighbor and me--were done.

I was thanking this good neighbor for always being "on call" as it were with Tammy and for covering, specifically, for me that day. She then said something very profound, and this is what has been on my mind all week. She said, "This is the best part of my week. Tammy has always been a reverent person, but when you are sitting with her you get a chance to soak in that reverence and feel a little closer to our Heavenly Father. It is a pretty special glimpse into the eternities. I'm blessed when I am with her."

I have always been so concerned in the stuff I was doing that I didn't stop to think of the why part of the question. In my heart I know that I do look forward to being there, in that I can serve Tammy and her family in a a very temporal, physical way. I can do what the girls and Mr. Rick don't have time or energy to do. By serving them, I can show them that we love them.

Dang. Sweet Neighbor is right. And I haven't taken the time to appreciate that aspect of helping over there. Dang. I always seem a little slow in the spiritual pick up. I do get it eventually, but I sure feel that it is shown to me by someone else before I "get it" on my own. And perhaps, I'm a little more preoccupied with the temporal needs here than I should be. I just know that if I were in her shoes, I would want to have my family taken care of and that is something I am capable of doing.

So I reflect on this good neighbor's thoughts and chastise my own. I will try more to feel the Spirit of serving, rather than the doing of the service and checking it off the list. It was an eye opening thought that I desperately needed to hear. I am grateful that our Heavenly Father is so loving and kind that He will send me the message one way or another until I receive it. I hope I get it sunk deep into my heart so the service I offer in the future will be not only helpful to those I serve, but acceptable to Him as well.

So much to learn, and so little time to learn it well.