I Just Did A thing

I just hit "send" on an email to my Alma mater's alumni magazine. Each quarter they publish short first hand stories of former students on a particular theme.This edition requested submissions fro a theme of "students-ward stories".  Here's what I submitted:

Fall semester in the late 80s-early 90s was drawing to a close but before our ward broke up to go home for the Christmas break, we had one more Sunday to meet together. One more Sunday school lesson I had to prepare. But this was going to be the Christmas lesson. Everyone knew the Christmas story, so how could I make this very familiar story mean something more to my ward-mates?

Gathering inspiration from the likes of popular talk show divas of the day, Oprah and Sally Jessy Raphael, I went WAY out of my comfort zone and prepared a Christmas Lesson the likes of which this ward had never seen. I called on a dozen or so friends in the ward—family home evening brothers, roommates, and a few other good friends who probably just felt sorry for me and knew I needed some help. I asked each person to study the Christmas chapters in the scriptures and be prepared for questions posed as if to a specific participant in the story. I then prepared what I thought were thoughtfully angled questions to ask the Innkeeper, or a shepherd, or one of the angels, or Joseph or Mary.

I started our lesson with a question to each character that belonged in that story. What I imagined would be little lighthearted, fun, end-of-semester lesson turned sincere and spirit-filled series of testimonies of each of these ward members. Each took the assignment to heart.  Each bore testimony of Who Jesus is, how much He means to them, and their gratitude for Him. The Spirit bore powerful witness that Sunday to each of us there—participants and listeners alike-- of His birth, His life and His atoning sacrifice and what a wonder and blessing He is to us.

Thoughts like a Waterfall

It's been nearly 2 years since I posted anything on here, but that isn't because I haven't had anything I wanted to say.  Mostly it was just because I felt too stressed by work, worried about family, and discouraged by life in the real world to sit and write out my inner musings. But I am trying to change that.  I want to purge my mind of the things that I worry about , the topics the world keeps pounding into me and the stresses of a job I'm not in love with but coworkers I really enjoy.

The world is a crazy place.  We have been dealing with a global pandemic since March 13, 2020. Everywhere I have heard about those who are isolating, staying home to stay safe, and all the missing out of things.  I also heard of so many that were catching up, making things right at home, reconnecting as families, and rediscovering their divine relationships.  I envy that a bit.  My job was deemed "essential" and therefore nothing has really changed but my work life has only gotten busier, and more accommodating to our customers, more tasks assigned, and only the same old group to do it all. I feel I have missed out of the reconnecting with my soul that many people have experienced.  My soul is TIRED. My soul feels starved some days. My soul feels defeated.

My family is financially fine.  Everyone of our Core 4 Family were deemed "essential" in March.  But we were essential in three different locations. I'm grateful that things financially are OK, and I'm grateful that the kids' jobs were safe and they are healthy and doing just fine. But I have envious feelings toward those that could Skype and touch base each week or multiple times a week. Or even have everyone over on Sundays to have "at home church". When I'm not at work, I feel like I am treading water as fast as I can to keep my head above water.  My mind is on overdrive and my emotions are spent.

We haven't had congregational worship meetings since the end of February. I miss the people I see there, even neighbors that I would normally see in the neighbor hood, but everyone else is "bunkering down", it seems. I miss the communal worship and singing together hymns of praise and worship. I especially miss the regular and thorough study I did weekly as I prepared to teach Sunday School. Doing it at home to keep up with weekly reading assignments is a very different way to study the scriptures. I miss the effort-filled preparation and the in persona sharing face to face and heart to heart. I miss my class members who have always had a larger breadth and depth of knowledge and experience they would graciously share each week. I miss the interplay with the Spirit as we shared our testimonies of the Savior.

I'm discouraged by the rantings of the media and the political leaders who seem only motivated to scare people and create a frenzy of terror and anxiety. I feel like I want to drop off the face of social media, but there I have tried to post something positive and uplifting each day--for myself as well as for others. It isn't always genuine as I struggle to see the positive, but I do it anyway as a "fake it 'til you make it" syndrome. Here is where I really feel I cannot do much to help the larger world.  The professional media outlets from whom we have been able to learn unbiased information are gone. Now you tune in to hear what they want you to hear and then they ram it over and over down your throat. It is a world of confrontation and dissonance. It's uncomfortable and unsettling. But that is the choice we have. You can select hard right or hard left, and they will determine what you should know from their point of view. Gone are the days of unbiased journalism. Reporters all are working an angle and the networks just reinforce that angle all day long. It's exhausting.

Maybe someday things will be normal again. But I don't think that way things were in January will ever be considered normal.  Whatever we end up with after this craziness will be the new normal, until the next big thing comes along.

I just want things to be simple and good and happy and right. I do not think they will be ever again. Or at least not until Jesus comes back.  I vote for that. I vote for Jesus to come, and the sooner the better.