Maybe it is the realization that my "baby" is a senior in high school now, technically, at least. Or because I cannot wait for the new office gal to start work on the 9th of June so can go back to my part time situation, but this week has been ROUGH.
It has been a long long month for that matter too. I'm tired and exhausted and feeling broke. All of that drains me of good efforts to stay positive and energetic.
Yesterday I got off early--thanks to a coworker that, I believe, could see me struggling. I came home and made cookies. Do you know the last time I made cookies on a weekday during the light of day? Its been a LONG time, I assure you. Baking is enjoyable to me. Notice, however, baking and cooking are not the same thing.
I made a cute "sleeve" of cookies to a swim friend who after a long year of working out some things for himself received a mission call this week. I am SO proud of him. I adore their family and think he is a great kid. This mission call coming was just a sweet pit stop in a long hard road he has traveled for a year or so. Knowing he is worthy to go and ready to serve is inspiring.
But while I was there dropping that off to him, I realized how much I miss the friends I have made as a school volunteer. This just-called-missionary's mom being one of the best. Working full time has really cut in on my ability to see people and visit and catch up with them. My time is a real fragile things anymore and I miss having the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it.
But the selfish portion of that explanation aside, I do miss the mental health I feel when I have had friends to talk with. There really is an element of therapy I gain from the friends I have had over the years as we experience similar issues with our families, kids, careers, callings at church, etc. Genius Golfer is great, but he's been too busy to do much talking--which was too little to begin with. I identified the feeling of being alone in a world of people as I saw my dear friend and her family last night.
Perhaps the answer here is a nap, and a coming vacation. The change of scenery will be nice. And I'm looking froward to getting back to my regular 9-3 schedule once Ella comes to work on the 9th. Or maybe someday soon after that date, as I will still have training to do with her. But the point is the same. Getting back to an "early-out" schedule every day will help my attitude about work.
I saw this past month, particularly, that I was missing the crossroads of the day with The Boy by being stuck at work. I feel him drawing away--as tends to happen a this age--but I have no power to alter that shift when I'm not at home when he is. And I worry about what else I am missing in his life by being at work.
Again, here's hoping for a nap, and a vacation, and a schedule change. But all of that will take time, and that isn't something I have an ample excess of right now.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I'm Done
It is the last week of school for the year, and I have only one more year of public school to worry about with my own children. I've spent a lot of years--a decade and a half, in fact--worrying about my own kids as well as any others that went to the local public school with mine. I spent a few years worrying and working for all the children that went to school anywhere in our town and another couple working and worrying for all children in our district.
But I'm done.
Last night at Costco I ran across a book by Glenn Beck that feeds the conspiracy theorists' rhetoric against the Common Core. I'm done fighting that fight.
In a purely selfish move, I'm going to say that I'm thrilled that my younger child, The Boy, is the final grade level that has nothing to do with the CC "roll out" in our district. He avoided it by being a year ahead in math and his English grade level stuff, while some elements have been integrated in but none of the required pieces are demanded until the year after his. And I'm not sorry about that at all.
I have volunteered in my kids' school for 15 years now. I have sat on committees of concerned parents every time I've been asked. I have worked with wonderful teachers--who aren't paid NEARLY what they deserve to do what is asked of them by society at large, much less the district they work for--and still they see the positive in the most recent changes that have taken the conservative right to grab their pitchfork and torches and demand change. I've seen administrators try to jump through the needs legal and district mandated hoops to help their teachers do what they do best--TEACH.
You see, the change happens every 4-8 years. Very similar to certain presidential administration changes. That is not a coincidence. Every national leader KNOWS the system is broken, but not a single one will put the money where his/her mouth is to make things right enough for the best to happen for our kids. But that is another topic completely. Educational theories come and go. Good teachers are coming less often, and the bad ones hang on for too long. But changes to the system/curriculum/methodology change on a regular basis. and good teachers take what works, fit it to their subject matter, try to breathe life into their topic with more energy and enthusiasm than a three ring circus ringmaster for the attention deficit, virtual world believing, entitlement driven students of today.
Today, I'm ranting about the anti-Common Core fanatics. I was sorry to see Glenn Beck is now their poster boy. I don't listen to his show but I admired him for not backing down on his religious beliefs in light of national attention and criticism--especially during the Prop 8 debacle in California some years ago. But now, the Tea Partiers must keep buying his books so he has found a new sublect to appease they and take their money.
For me, I'm just done. I'm done trying to explain what I have seen and heard and done in my local schools. I'm done trying to help others understand the reasoning for the changes. And I'm definitely done making head-banging-against-the-bricks attempts to persuade the conspiracy theorists to see the situation as I do. That opposition is too strong. And I'm just one person. And I'm tired of fighting.
Like Chief Joseph, Nez Pierce leader in the late 1800s, said "on this spot I'll fight no more forever". It is just too exhausting.
But I'm done.
Last night at Costco I ran across a book by Glenn Beck that feeds the conspiracy theorists' rhetoric against the Common Core. I'm done fighting that fight.
In a purely selfish move, I'm going to say that I'm thrilled that my younger child, The Boy, is the final grade level that has nothing to do with the CC "roll out" in our district. He avoided it by being a year ahead in math and his English grade level stuff, while some elements have been integrated in but none of the required pieces are demanded until the year after his. And I'm not sorry about that at all.
I have volunteered in my kids' school for 15 years now. I have sat on committees of concerned parents every time I've been asked. I have worked with wonderful teachers--who aren't paid NEARLY what they deserve to do what is asked of them by society at large, much less the district they work for--and still they see the positive in the most recent changes that have taken the conservative right to grab their pitchfork and torches and demand change. I've seen administrators try to jump through the needs legal and district mandated hoops to help their teachers do what they do best--TEACH.
You see, the change happens every 4-8 years. Very similar to certain presidential administration changes. That is not a coincidence. Every national leader KNOWS the system is broken, but not a single one will put the money where his/her mouth is to make things right enough for the best to happen for our kids. But that is another topic completely. Educational theories come and go. Good teachers are coming less often, and the bad ones hang on for too long. But changes to the system/curriculum/methodology change on a regular basis. and good teachers take what works, fit it to their subject matter, try to breathe life into their topic with more energy and enthusiasm than a three ring circus ringmaster for the attention deficit, virtual world believing, entitlement driven students of today.
Today, I'm ranting about the anti-Common Core fanatics. I was sorry to see Glenn Beck is now their poster boy. I don't listen to his show but I admired him for not backing down on his religious beliefs in light of national attention and criticism--especially during the Prop 8 debacle in California some years ago. But now, the Tea Partiers must keep buying his books so he has found a new sublect to appease they and take their money.
For me, I'm just done. I'm done trying to explain what I have seen and heard and done in my local schools. I'm done trying to help others understand the reasoning for the changes. And I'm definitely done making head-banging-against-the-bricks attempts to persuade the conspiracy theorists to see the situation as I do. That opposition is too strong. And I'm just one person. And I'm tired of fighting.
Like Chief Joseph, Nez Pierce leader in the late 1800s, said "on this spot I'll fight no more forever". It is just too exhausting.
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