Giving Thanks Isn't Just a Holiday

Like I Needed Another Reason

One of my favorite sites to read on the web is the Good News network.  Each week I get a little email newsletter with about 10 stories of Good News happening in the world.  Some are big deal prime time newscast items, others are small gestures someone saw and noted publicly.  This is an article they included in my e-newsletter this week...perfect for this weekend's holiday.

I've always tried to write a little note to those who have helped me out or who taught me a new way of looking at something,  I write thank you notes for gifts received and aid given.  It has always warmed my heart, but this research sounds like it does much more than that for me too.

Thanksgiving Power: The Benefits of Acknowledgment

By Good News Network Thursday, November 21, 2013 

Can you remember how it feels when someone tells you how wonderful you are, or when you receive an unexpected thank-you gift  in the mail?  You felt really happy, right? But, how can we sustain those feelings of happiness longer and more consistently on our own?

One author says we can actually generate those feelings more abundantly when we give them away. Judith Umlas studies why it is important to give positive acknowledgment to our fellow human beings. With Thanksgiving coming up next week in the US, Americans will be given ample opportunities to prove this theory and see if they can keep up their own happiness while boosting others. Check out this article by Donald Officer that first appeared in Positive Psychology News:

Give it away so you can keep it

Gratitude has long been appreciated as a powerful implement in the happiness toolkit. From early on Positive Psychologists have recommended the keeping of a gratitude journal. However, as Martin Seligman and others concede, after a while just recording blessings starts to lose luster. To keep energy high, gratitude must be paid forward – expressed as open acknowledgment which takes on a vibrancy of its own.
Judith Umlas, author of Grateful Leadership: Using the Power of Acknowledgment to Engage All Your People and Achieve Superior Results, has forged a successful, rewarding career out of acknowledging acknowledgement. As Senior Vice President at New York based International Institute for Learning Inc., she has lived her credo for 20 odd years. I heard it in her voice when I interviewed her. This is no mere mantra: she believes deeply in the value of actual practice to both the acknowledger and the acknowledged.

In this book, Judy buttresses her own largely anecdotal evidence with several well known gratitude and acknowledgment studies. Her material is thoroughly documented, often in the words of her clients. She has distilled her experiences into principles that even the gratitude averse can apply, which will be helpful to consultants, managers, coaches and other professional practitioners.
Umlas has written about acknowledgement before. She published The Power of Acknowledgment in 2006. Her focus was transformed, however, while working at CBS as an executive producer well into the final weeks of her pregnancy. She began to realize how many people go without acknowledgement throughout their working careers. Even while devoting the utmost care and a high-level of personalized service, working people are routinely let-down when their dedication is ignored.

Is there a price to be paid for overlooking the contributions of people we work and live with? Gallup surveys suggest a strong link between full productive loyal engagement and acknowledgement. Moreover, reports and exit interviews show unacknowledged high performing employees often leave their jobs even when extrinsic rewards and intrinsic satisfaction are high. How many other important relationships unravel for the same reason?

Like every important change in our lives, learning to practice acknowledgement is often difficult. Consider the ingrained culturally sanctioned habits that prompt criticism over appreciation, starting with ourselves. Gratitude is crucial to acknowledgement. But we need to embrace the habit to realize its importance. Umlas summarizes what it takes to practice acknowledgment as five Cs: consciousness, choice, courage, communication and commitment. Courage especially.

Corporate Culture or Laziness?

Judy Umlas lists several excuses associated with a reluctance to acknowledge. Some suggest it is cheapened by overuse or looks like favoritism.

Yet the author says simple thanks, plus recognition, plus acknowledgement constitute a three part “appreciation paradigm.” It is far more than a management tool, even though it very much contributes to the bottom line. The army, for example, has asked Judy to teach her acknowledgment approach in its program of suicide prevention.

In his forward Doug Rauch, retired Trader Joe’s president and current CEO of Conscious Capitalism Inc., expresses his belief that capitalism is changing. He observes that, “When you create a true culture of care, of gratitude, unbelievable things occur.”

Other CEOs agree. Leaders at Whole Foods Market, The Westervelt Company, General Mills and Prudential Annuities have all lent their profiles to this book. Their experiences remind us of the happiness dividend which is enabled by gratitude.

Judy Umlas is on solid scientific ground, too. She begins with citations from Martin Seligman’s landmark letter of gratitude study, and continues through Tal Ben-Shahar’s Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. She cites specific studies including the 2003 Miami University study by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough on gratitude’s effects on physical and emotional well-being.

All this research underscores the role that unambiguous, heartfelt enunciation of achievement can play in this virtuous cycle. For acknowledgement is much like mercy as Shakespeare writes in The Merchant of Venice, “…it is twice blessed; it blesseth him that gives and him that takes”.

Read the full article, with references, at Positive Psychology News

Donald Officer, MA '89 is a strategic thinking practitioner who melds problem solving and emerging research models to help clients anticipate unexpected scenarios and opportunities. In addition to coaching, facilitation, consulting and teaching, Don writes and blogs at Strategic Praxis, where he welcomes comments. He is a certified facilitator and member of the International Coach Federation and the Canadian Positive Psychology Association.

The Thing About Today Is, It's Now

I know it is only Tuesday and not everyone has extra days off this week, but I am excited today because--even though I have to work today and tomorrow yet--The Girl is coming home tonight for Thanksgiving weekend.

I know she was home briefly over Labor Day weekend, and then again in October for her fall break weekend.  But this is holiday weekend where the whole holiday is about being together as a family and eating good food.  Sure there is room for some time with friends, but I am hoping--though I haven't pushed for her plans yet--she will have time to spend with us this weekend.

I used to inwardly roll my eyes when I heard Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle"--do you remember it?

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home, Dad
I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

Sadly, the older I get I am realizing that this song is true, and it happens when you aren't looking and MUCH faster than you anticipate.  So with The Girl coming home this weekend, I'm looking forward to sitting around and just soaking it all in.  This family time doesn't last for long.  And as the kids are quickly turning into grown ups themselves, I feel doomed to repeating the story from this song.  And it breaks my heart.

I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

I got a letter in the last week from our health insurance company.  Yes, we are some of those weirdos who have paid privately for health coverage.  We didn't have a job with coverage, so we bought our own.  It's called "responsibility".  But that is another blog post.

I got a letter that informs me that our coverage will shift beginning on January 1st, but that because of the Affordable Care Act, we have a new choice available.  We can keep our current policy as it is.  Or we can add the ACA benefits to our policy.

Those benefits, you ask?  Our individual deductible can remain the same ($7500 as it is now)  or drop to $6000 in the new year, as well as a prescription deduction drop (from $1000) to $350.  In all the essentials, those are the only changes.

And since this Act is "Affordable" our premium each month will go from a $327 to $701.  Boy, I'm so grateful this act was AFFORABLE!  I guess I should just be glad the policy was canceled and then uncanceled for another year.


And luckily for me, this is a moot point, as Genius Golfer's new job will offer health care insurance.  Though not at the rock bottom price we have been paying.

This whole national uproar is INCONCEIVABLE. It's like getting in to a battle of wits with a  Sicilian.

"I do not thin' dat word meens wha chew thin' it means"

Video Sunday

Hahahahhaa!