Yesterday I had a speaking assignment in a neighboring congregation. My assignment was to speak on those three little questions in the title. I was given two general conference addresses to base it from: Elder Holland's "The Tongue of Angels" from April 2007, and Elder Bednar's from October 2006 "And Nothing Shall Offend Them". This, then, is the talk I ended up with and gave yesterday.
At the start of the year, our Stake Presidency introduced a second step to our stake goal of Becoming Zion. This step, our challenge for this year, was to know the Savior better--through scripture study, especially in the New Testament. I've loved that challenge. I've tried to narrow in on that goal as we have been studying the New Testament in Sunday school and in my personal study as well.
As I have focused my personal study of the Savior's life, I have loved seeing the characteristics or attributes that the Savior has that we can work towards for ourselves--moving us together as a stake; closer to becoming a Zion-people. With the opportunity to serve with the Young Women, I was very interested to recognize that VIRTUE was, of course, one of the Savior traits that we can develop too.
Preach My Gospel, the missionary manual, defines virtue as "a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards." It is "prerequisite to receiving the Spirit's guidance." Preach My Gospel teaches us that "virtuous people are clean and pure spiritually. They focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts and put unworthy thoughts that lead to inappropriate actions out of their minds. They obey God's commandments and follow the counsel of Church leaders. They pray for the strength to resist temptations and do what's right. They quickly repent of any sins or wrongdoings. They live worthy of a temple recommend."
Now usually when YW leaders speak on virtue, we tend to emphasize chastity and choosing to live a sexually pure, obedient life. And that is certainly part of it. I do not negate that aspect of the Savior's virtue in the least, but today I'd like to focus on the virtue we can develop as we choose carefully the words we speak and thoughtfully determine the manner we communicate with each other.
In Ephesians 4:29, Paul teaches: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good." That is a virtuous standard.
In The For Strength of Youth section on language, it says: " How you speak says much about who you are. Clean and intelligent language is evidence of a bright and wholesome mind. Use language that uplifts, encourages and compliments others. Do not insult or put others down, even in joking. Speak kindly and positively about others so you can fulfill the Lord's commandment to love one another. When you use good language, you invite the Spirit to be with you." Proper language is an outlet of virtuous living.
Brother Richard Williams, director of BYU's Wheatley Institution, has taught "The abundance of life, the fullness of purpose and meaning, are to be found in virtue--virtue that reflects and reaches for the godly virtue of the Savior himself. For us then, virtue is not simply a feature of a good life, subject to the vicissitudes of culture and shifting desires. Rather, virtue is the very purpose of life and the essence of our nature as children of God possessed of moral agency."
Elder Bednar, reminded us of this when he recalled the letters exchanged between Captain Moroni and the Chief Judge, Pahoran, in the book of Alma during a very difficult period of war. "Moroni, whose army was suffering because of inadequate support from the government wrote to Pahoran 'by way of condemnation' and harshly accused him of thoughtlessness, slothfulness and neglect. Pahoran might have easily resented Moroni and his message, but he CHOSE not to take offense. Pahoran responded compassionately and described a rebellion against the government about which Moroni was not aware. And then he responded 'Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great affliction, yea, it greaves my soul. ...And now in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart.'"
Elder Bednar continued, "One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expressions many be offensive but you and I can choose not to be offended--and to say with Pahoran, 'it mattereth not'".
Recently I was in a meeting with some of our Young Men and Young Women, with our stake youth leaders. One young women posed a question that I answered off the cuff, without much thought beyond how it would affect me. Her dad, who was in the meeting as an adult leader, caught me afterwards and chastised me a bit for not giving this YW's question the attention it deserved, especially since she asked it on behalf of a group of other youth who had the same concern. I hadn't give her question enough thoughtful care. I spoke without thinking it all the way through. And suddenly the idea of even inadvertently hurting this young woman's feelings broke my heart. I love her and do value her opinions--yet my actions had not reflected that. I sought to immediately find her and apologize for my thoughtless and hurtful response. Luckily for me, she quickly forgave my carelessness and I found relief from my momentary lapse and righted my relationship with her again.
Dr. Terrence D. Olsen, a BYU professor of Family Life, recently wrote "To be a person of virtue is to be for others--to act in their best interests, and to have a heart of compassion and charity turned outwards. ...When we are being virtuous, we exhibit specific characteristics that are indicative of how we believe we should treat others. Our virtuous lived experience also reveals how our best interests would typically align with the best interest of others and thus contribute to a cohesive society. "
One of the easiest places to practice this moral virtue and kind speaking one to another is right here in your own ward family. In Galatians 6:10, it reads, " As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." Our ward families are one of our households of faith. I share a neighbor's experience, with permission, to illustrate the point.
Eighteen years ago, this good sister was playing the organ in sacrament meeting. Her husband sat with their three, then very small, active boys. Usually, her husband would try to sit on the aisle when she was at the organ, so that between hymns she could unobtrusively join her family for the bulk of the meeting. This week, however, he ended up in the center section, in the middle of the row, surrounded by other families--and with a congregational hymn halfway through the meeting, she decided to just stayed up near the organ. At some point during the meeting, she saw her husband get up with the baby, and, as these things tend to go at times, the other two little boys followed their daddy out of the chapel. However, this good sister never saw her family return to the meeting. She had no idea what had happened, but following the service she met them all at home and asked her husband what had kept them from returning. He explained that another gentleman, a father of 7 children himself, had leaned over the pew, after watching and listening to him wrestle their little boys, and tell this good father "You are too noisy to be here. You ought to go home and not come back." Feeling thoroughly embarrassed and without needed support from his ward family, this good dad took his family home. His wife tells that the following week it took more guts than she thought they had to return to the chapel for another try. Yet they CHOSE not to take that offensive comment to heart and still knew that they needed to be back in sacrament meeting, renewing their covenants and worshipping the Savior.
In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 136:23, we receive direct command about this: "Cease to contend one with another; cease to speak evil one to another." It can't get much more clear. We must choose our thoughts, words, and actions with greater care.
Another story, this time a total stranger watches a young mother with four small, equally active, highly animated boys in the checkout line of the grocery store. This mother was doing all she could to get her necessary business done, and keep her boys controlled, as quickly as possible. But it was afternoon, and the boys were getting tired, and had begun to pester and poke each other, and gradually were nearing that dreaded full-meltdown mode. Kindly this stranger leaned forward and began to talk to one of the middle boys, distracting him momentarily while the mom shifted the baby on her hip to the child's seat in the cart, making herself able to pay for her items and begin to gather the other boys to leave the store. This virtuous stranger told this worn-out, frazzled mom that she was doing a great job and that her boys are acting just as little boys their age do, and it was so wonderful to see them all together--even if they were more than Mom felt she could stand at that moment. That mother walked to the car feeling validated, uplifted, understood and cared for in her eternal calling as a mother because a stranger chose to speak with Christ-like virtue.
Quoting Elder Orson F. Whitney, Elder Holland said "The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience. We should honor the Savior's declaration to 'be of good cheer'."
Elder Holland continued: " (Indeed, it seems to me, we may be more guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other!) Speak hopefully. Speak encouragingly, including about yourself. Try not to complain and moan incessantly. As someone once said 'Even in the golden age of civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.' "
This kind of filtered, honorable, controlled and virtuous way of thinking and speaking takes time to develop in ourselves. But there is no better day to begin than today--no matter where we find ourselves on the spectrum of self-mastery. Some of us might do well to begin at the same point as Margaret, the youngest Dashwood sister in a recent film version of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. Upon her volunteering some personal information of her eldest sister's romantic longing to their new, nosy neighbors, Mrs. Dashwood scolds young Margaret by reminding her that "if you cannot conceive of anything appropriate to say, you will limit yourself to speaking on the weather or the state of the roads".
May I conclude with a reassurance that many of your young women are already becoming marvelous examples of this kind of moral virtue. This summer, our presidency has had the privilege of visiting with each ward during their girls camp experience. The afternoon of our visit to your YW, we joined them at Fish Lake only a few hours after that terrible biking accident. We were immediately informed of what had happened with great care. The kindness shown in camp was purposeful and thoughtfully shared between the girls in camp. These young women behaved toward one another and their leaders with love and sincere concern. They prayed with genuine feelings of faith and interest and charity. The exhibited the Savior's virtue as they cared for each other--never losing sight of those who were away from them and their camp at that time. I know that many prayers were uttered, both as a group and as young individual sisters worried about one of their own. That kind of sincere, genuine, Christ-like concern is the natural demonstration that comes from living a virtuous life.
May we learn to ask ourselves, anytime we begin to think or speak be-- --Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Using these little self-filtering questions will guide us to speaking and thinking as the Lord would have us do-- with more kindness, more love, more understanding, and more often choosing not be offended. Everything we do or say is first a choice we make. I pray that our choices will be virtuous from the start.
