This morning I had to tell The Boy that his favorite, and only, cub scout leader passed away in the night.
Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and a bleeding ulcer that had kept her from eating anything for almost a month. She was in a lot of pain, I am sure, but never wanted a fuss made over her. Her family had rallied around and did what they could to support her and strengthen each other.
We were up early to make it to a neighboring pool for a swim meet at 7 AM this morning. While I had the kids' attention before family prayers this morning I told them about her passing. Other kids in our neighborhood, who knew the situation--and this latest tragic development--swim too, and I didn't want my kids to hear it on the pool deck right before a race, in public, with no place to let the tears out in private.
I am glad I did it this way. As I told him, The Boy's eyes welled up with tears and, though he tried to be tough and strong about it, he wept for this dear, sweet woman who really loved him. He knew she loved him and wanted the best for him. She encouraged him in scouts and as he became a boy scout she cheered for him from the sidelines as he achieved everything he did.
He gave her his Eagle Mentor pin at his Court of Honor.
He cried big, heart heavy tears this morning for her. Then he wiped his eyes with his swim towel, and got in the car to go compete.
Just like Diana would have wanted him to do.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Lessons Learned--Better Late Than Never
I am a huge fan of the blog Cake Wrecks (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/) and I think Jen and John are hilarious. So when I discovered that Cake Wrecks Jen had a second blog I followed the links and have been enchanted by her geeky-girl writing there. This week I read the following post on her EPBOT blog. As I went through her list, I felt a little like a young Luke Skywalker learning at the feet of Jedi-master Obi-wan Kenobi. She is wise, and right on the money.
If you think about her "rules" listed here, you may recall some of my posts that broke each and every rule--and worse, some that I not only broke the rules, but broke the realtionships I wrote about. Good thing this life is all about learning and relearning and figuring things out until we get it right.
Over the years I've seen bloggers both rise and fall to the occasion of handling hard times. When it's handled well, I've had my respect and admiration for a writer increase tenfold. When it's handled poorly? I cringe and watch the melee from the sidelines, wishing someone had been there with a quick word of caution before "publish post" was clicked.
So, in the interests of seeing less crash-and-burn blogtastrophes, here are a few of my own words of caution, learned either first-hand by experience, or second-hand from the sidelines.
1) "Shut up and smile" is NOT the answer.
Look, we're writers, and we're human. Showing our readers that we face the same crappy stuff they do from time to time will not only foster better relationships with them, it's also the only honest, honorable thing to do. The key is simply choosing those times wisely, and sharing in a way both you and your readers will be comfortable with. So don't quash your feelings, use them wisely.
2) Write now, post later.
By all means, write that scathing rebuttal, or describe your day spent crying into a pint of ice cream - but when you're done writing, wait. Emotions are fickle things, particularly anger. Take a few hours to cool off and/or gain a little more perspective before committing to a published post. Remember: once on the Internet, always on the Internet.
Case-in-point: A blogger with some of the best writing chops I've ever seen destroyed her blog and substantial following with an increasingly bizarre barrage of posts detailing both her and her husband's infidelity - calling out "the other woman", etc - and culminating in what she later claimed was a drug-induced hallucination about attempting to kill her dog. Even deleting those posts within a few hours wasn't enough; it was a very public, very messy breakdown.
Within days all of her sponsors had fled, along with even her most devoted followers and any chance of having her book published. The last I checked she now works two jobs to support her family, and no longer writes online at all.
Obviously that is an extreme case, but the moral is: don't do that.
3) Try to see things from your readers' point of view.
Our emotions color everything, and shrink the world until all we can focus on is our own immediate crisis. Sure, you may be wracked with grief, or reeling from anger, but odds are your readers are not. Throwing a big jumbled ball of negativity on them will be out of character at best, and a shocking turn-off at worst. If you don't feel objective enough on your own, enlist your spouse or a friend to pre-read.
4) Rewrite
Once you've waited a few hours or a few days, go back and adjust. Odds are you'll need to soften the language, since we tend to write in extremes when our emotions are in the driver's seat. Ask yourself, "What in this post could come back to bite me?" Are you portraying relatives or friends in a bad light? Are you starting a war you'll regret?
Then consider how you're portraying yourself. Do you sound catty? Vindictive? Whiny? Just looking for sympathy? In other words, will your readers still respect you in the morning?
With these questions in mind, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite.
5) A little humor goes a long way.
As a humor writer, I freely admit I'm biased here. However, nothing softens the sting of negativity like a little wry self-deprecation or irreverent one-liner. Yes, your readers are there because they like you, but like it or not, they're also there to be entertained. Don't reward their loyalty by dumping a bucket of ice-cold horror on them - give them some virtual breathing room by granting them permission to laugh.
Here's a positive case-in-point: I follow a few fashion bloggers, most of whom are just pretty faces in pretty clothing to me. However, when Keiko Lynn detailed the painful few days she spent nursing her terminally ill horse, suddenly she gained a new dimension in my eyes. Now, did I expect that kind of sadness on a fashion blog? Of course not. However, the human connection Keiko forged through that post made me a more devoted reader, and I respected her all the more for it.
I've been told my own memorial post about Sweet Baby James achieved something similar on Cake Wrecks. Was it shockingly out of place on a humor blog? Absolutely. However, with rewriting and a lot of thought and by ending with a smile, it let me share what my heart demanded while also sparking an avalanche of reader response (I still hear from readers about James), only one of which was critical.
Which bring me to: yes, it's a gamble. Yes, you risk exposing your weaknesses and open yourself up to criticism and ridicule.
But if it didn't carry that risk, would it really be worth writing?
Let me end by saying there are exceptions to nearly every "rule." Sometimes you can't wait. Sometimes you can't crack a joke. Sometimes you just have to express yourself in a raw, shocking, get-it-all-out-there-before-you-explode kind of way. However, even then, I truly believe keeping these tips in mind will help you express yourself in a way that both you and your readers won't have cause to regret.
If you think about her "rules" listed here, you may recall some of my posts that broke each and every rule--and worse, some that I not only broke the rules, but broke the realtionships I wrote about. Good thing this life is all about learning and relearning and figuring things out until we get it right.
Over the years I've seen bloggers both rise and fall to the occasion of handling hard times. When it's handled well, I've had my respect and admiration for a writer increase tenfold. When it's handled poorly? I cringe and watch the melee from the sidelines, wishing someone had been there with a quick word of caution before "publish post" was clicked.
So, in the interests of seeing less crash-and-burn blogtastrophes, here are a few of my own words of caution, learned either first-hand by experience, or second-hand from the sidelines.
1) "Shut up and smile" is NOT the answer.
Look, we're writers, and we're human. Showing our readers that we face the same crappy stuff they do from time to time will not only foster better relationships with them, it's also the only honest, honorable thing to do. The key is simply choosing those times wisely, and sharing in a way both you and your readers will be comfortable with. So don't quash your feelings, use them wisely.
2) Write now, post later.
By all means, write that scathing rebuttal, or describe your day spent crying into a pint of ice cream - but when you're done writing, wait. Emotions are fickle things, particularly anger. Take a few hours to cool off and/or gain a little more perspective before committing to a published post. Remember: once on the Internet, always on the Internet.
Case-in-point: A blogger with some of the best writing chops I've ever seen destroyed her blog and substantial following with an increasingly bizarre barrage of posts detailing both her and her husband's infidelity - calling out "the other woman", etc - and culminating in what she later claimed was a drug-induced hallucination about attempting to kill her dog. Even deleting those posts within a few hours wasn't enough; it was a very public, very messy breakdown.
Within days all of her sponsors had fled, along with even her most devoted followers and any chance of having her book published. The last I checked she now works two jobs to support her family, and no longer writes online at all.
Obviously that is an extreme case, but the moral is: don't do that.
3) Try to see things from your readers' point of view.
Our emotions color everything, and shrink the world until all we can focus on is our own immediate crisis. Sure, you may be wracked with grief, or reeling from anger, but odds are your readers are not. Throwing a big jumbled ball of negativity on them will be out of character at best, and a shocking turn-off at worst. If you don't feel objective enough on your own, enlist your spouse or a friend to pre-read.
4) Rewrite
Once you've waited a few hours or a few days, go back and adjust. Odds are you'll need to soften the language, since we tend to write in extremes when our emotions are in the driver's seat. Ask yourself, "What in this post could come back to bite me?" Are you portraying relatives or friends in a bad light? Are you starting a war you'll regret?
Then consider how you're portraying yourself. Do you sound catty? Vindictive? Whiny? Just looking for sympathy? In other words, will your readers still respect you in the morning?
With these questions in mind, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite.
5) A little humor goes a long way.
As a humor writer, I freely admit I'm biased here. However, nothing softens the sting of negativity like a little wry self-deprecation or irreverent one-liner. Yes, your readers are there because they like you, but like it or not, they're also there to be entertained. Don't reward their loyalty by dumping a bucket of ice-cold horror on them - give them some virtual breathing room by granting them permission to laugh.
Here's a positive case-in-point: I follow a few fashion bloggers, most of whom are just pretty faces in pretty clothing to me. However, when Keiko Lynn detailed the painful few days she spent nursing her terminally ill horse, suddenly she gained a new dimension in my eyes. Now, did I expect that kind of sadness on a fashion blog? Of course not. However, the human connection Keiko forged through that post made me a more devoted reader, and I respected her all the more for it.
I've been told my own memorial post about Sweet Baby James achieved something similar on Cake Wrecks. Was it shockingly out of place on a humor blog? Absolutely. However, with rewriting and a lot of thought and by ending with a smile, it let me share what my heart demanded while also sparking an avalanche of reader response (I still hear from readers about James), only one of which was critical.
Which bring me to: yes, it's a gamble. Yes, you risk exposing your weaknesses and open yourself up to criticism and ridicule.
But if it didn't carry that risk, would it really be worth writing?
Let me end by saying there are exceptions to nearly every "rule." Sometimes you can't wait. Sometimes you can't crack a joke. Sometimes you just have to express yourself in a raw, shocking, get-it-all-out-there-before-you-explode kind of way. However, even then, I truly believe keeping these tips in mind will help you express yourself in a way that both you and your readers won't have cause to regret.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Saying Good Bye to Harry
Tonight the final Harry Potter film will be released at midnight. My family will be going to the 12:30 AM show. I'll be in Logan canyon visiting another Girls' Camp. When I first realized the scheduling conflict, I was really bummed, but now I am OK with it. I plan to see the movie tomorrow afternoon with some friends.
But I didn't want to write about my dilemma with the timing of the screening of this movie. I want to write about my attachment to Harry and the magical world he inhabits.
I came to know Harry in about 1999 or so. The Sorcerer's Stone was published in the US the year before, but I was a little slow to catch the Hogwart's Express. But once I read that first book, I was hooked.
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It was a classic Hero's Tale. The fact that Harry was an orphan, unwanted by his extended family, who discovered he had special powers and gifts only made it more heroically literary. He leaves his dismal upbringing where he never felt accepted and was brought into a world he never knew existed; a world where he was an iconic figure, beloved by all who had heard his story of triumph against evil.
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The following six novels only cemented my adoration of this world, this parallel universe filled with colorful and imperfect characters. Harry's friendship with Ron and Hermione were honest and sincere, though flawed and human like my own real life.
For the next decade or so I lived vicariously at Hogwart's, experiencing the adventures with the trio and looking for the clues that would give Harry the ultimate edge over the evil Voldemort. During this time, I was able to share this fantastical world with The Girl and The Boy--though The Boy accepted it grudgingly, as he had to read to know the story.
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When the movies were released, The Boy and Genius Golfer caught up with The Girl and I in our magical world. Even better, though, than the movies, were the audio books read by actor Jim Dale. I fell in love with the story all over again as I heard him voice the characters so distinctly and enthusiastically. My iPod is filled with all seven audio books--filling more memory space than the music files I have on it.
I thrilled at the final installment, where good finally overcame evil. And though I was sad to know the original story was complete, I could imagine what the characters were doing, outside the books, as though they were actual people. I loved the conclusion, and the hope it gave the characters to lead happy, love-filled lives together.
Now the final film is being released. I feel like the conclusion bringing up all those sad completion feelings again. I only hope my imagination will be fired up once again as I contemplate the joy these adolescent literary friends have brought me over the years.
Goodbye, Harry, Ron and Hermione. Thank you for all the good time we have shared, and the escape you offered my mind and imagination. I wish we lived closer. I hope to see you again, in the not so distant future. In the meantime, I'll reminisce with our mutual friend Jim Dale, who tells the absolutely best stories.
![]()
But I didn't want to write about my dilemma with the timing of the screening of this movie. I want to write about my attachment to Harry and the magical world he inhabits.
I came to know Harry in about 1999 or so. The Sorcerer's Stone was published in the US the year before, but I was a little slow to catch the Hogwart's Express. But once I read that first book, I was hooked.
It was a classic Hero's Tale. The fact that Harry was an orphan, unwanted by his extended family, who discovered he had special powers and gifts only made it more heroically literary. He leaves his dismal upbringing where he never felt accepted and was brought into a world he never knew existed; a world where he was an iconic figure, beloved by all who had heard his story of triumph against evil.
The following six novels only cemented my adoration of this world, this parallel universe filled with colorful and imperfect characters. Harry's friendship with Ron and Hermione were honest and sincere, though flawed and human like my own real life.
For the next decade or so I lived vicariously at Hogwart's, experiencing the adventures with the trio and looking for the clues that would give Harry the ultimate edge over the evil Voldemort. During this time, I was able to share this fantastical world with The Girl and The Boy--though The Boy accepted it grudgingly, as he had to read to know the story.
When the movies were released, The Boy and Genius Golfer caught up with The Girl and I in our magical world. Even better, though, than the movies, were the audio books read by actor Jim Dale. I fell in love with the story all over again as I heard him voice the characters so distinctly and enthusiastically. My iPod is filled with all seven audio books--filling more memory space than the music files I have on it.
I thrilled at the final installment, where good finally overcame evil. And though I was sad to know the original story was complete, I could imagine what the characters were doing, outside the books, as though they were actual people. I loved the conclusion, and the hope it gave the characters to lead happy, love-filled lives together.
Now the final film is being released. I feel like the conclusion bringing up all those sad completion feelings again. I only hope my imagination will be fired up once again as I contemplate the joy these adolescent literary friends have brought me over the years.
Goodbye, Harry, Ron and Hermione. Thank you for all the good time we have shared, and the escape you offered my mind and imagination. I wish we lived closer. I hope to see you again, in the not so distant future. In the meantime, I'll reminisce with our mutual friend Jim Dale, who tells the absolutely best stories.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Reunion Season Is Here
I am very happy (happier than you could possibly know) that this is NOT my family. Though it does have a bit of "from Finnish ancestry" look about them. But it must be someone's family. And that is sad. But funny too. I know I shouldn't laugh, but it is hard not to laugh when I look at this one.
My Uncle and Aunt called this past weekend and invited us to Idaho one weekend in August to come visit and BBQ and catch up with their family. Their daughters who live back East will be out and I can't even recall the last time I saw them all. It might have been my grandpa's funeral, and that was 1991. It has been a good long time, not matter.
So far it is looking good that we can make it, but we are waiting to see what The Boy's football schedule will bring. The fact that they have started working out together as a team already--for the whole of summer--makes me think they will have to do something. And somehow football coaches have the ability to really put fear into the hearts of their players like nothing else I have known (or tried, for that matter).
If we do make it, I'm sure we'll be taking pictures together. And I promise NONE will look like this one.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Use It or Lose It
Each morning the kid are at swim practice, I try to do an hour or so of water aerobics. Last week, our teacher focused on arms for two days in a row. Saturday I felt my arms weighed 400 pounds a piece.
I am amazed at how whimpy I feel when I am trying to do right by my body. Too bad my body isn't committed to this kind of treatment, itself.
I always feel better afterwards, at least a day or two later. But exercising in the water is sure easier on my knees than running, or even walking hard for an hour. I realize that I'll never be a size 6--or even a size 10, for that matter. But I do feel better when my jeans a little looser and my joints don't ache.
This old body is going to give out at some point anyhow--regardless of what I do to preserve it. But I am really hoping it will keep working for me as long as possible. I have some friends and family who aren't the best poster-children for getting old. And they dont' make it look at all appealing. So back to the pool I go, not only to drop off kids, but for my own exercise as well.
I am amazed at how whimpy I feel when I am trying to do right by my body. Too bad my body isn't committed to this kind of treatment, itself.
I always feel better afterwards, at least a day or two later. But exercising in the water is sure easier on my knees than running, or even walking hard for an hour. I realize that I'll never be a size 6--or even a size 10, for that matter. But I do feel better when my jeans a little looser and my joints don't ache.
This old body is going to give out at some point anyhow--regardless of what I do to preserve it. But I am really hoping it will keep working for me as long as possible. I have some friends and family who aren't the best poster-children for getting old. And they dont' make it look at all appealing. So back to the pool I go, not only to drop off kids, but for my own exercise as well.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Looking Forward To It
I got a message from an old college roommate that another of our roommates was coming to town, after living overseas for several years, and they were planning a dinner out--just the grown ups. The girls messaged me to invite Genius Golfer and I to join them.
I don't think I have seen these girls for 5 years or more.
They were the last set of roommates I had before GG and I got married. Three of us married that year, and the other two were patient and kind watching the three of us become wedding idiots. You just can't put a price on that kind of friendship.
So we are meeting this week to catch up, and probably crack up a little too. Can't wait for that!
I don't think I have seen these girls for 5 years or more.
They were the last set of roommates I had before GG and I got married. Three of us married that year, and the other two were patient and kind watching the three of us become wedding idiots. You just can't put a price on that kind of friendship.
So we are meeting this week to catch up, and probably crack up a little too. Can't wait for that!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
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