Difference Perspective Changes My Outlook & Attittude

Last week was one of the most scheduled busy weeks I've had in quite a while.  While most had to do with some new assignments at work, and the consequential "making up " regular work I missed while off on new assignments, the task I' want to share here was a volunteer gig.

Genius Golfer and I were asked to "chaperone" a dance on Friday night.  Now, with 15+ years of PTA work under my belt, I have chaperoned plenty of things--including dances at the high school.  But this one was different.  It was a singles dance for church.  It was for church members in the regional area aged 31 and above.

My first thought was, "Why do adults need a chaperone at their dance?"  Then I remembered, this will likely be less a "chaperone" assignment as a set-out-food-and-guard-it.  Like all church activities, there is food available, and there is always someone who scarfs down the food way beyond his portion allowed.

Our friends, Trevor and Janelle--another married couple from our ward, were also there, but Trevor was ultimately in charge of the whole things as his assignment on the high council includes the single adults.  At least I could visit with Janelle and catch up with a grown up outside of the Primary circle.  Plus volunteering is a good thing, in my opinion.

When we got there, GG and I got busy arranging food: fruit, chips, cookies.  Trevor was working on a chocolate fountain.  Then things started going wrong.  No DJ showed up.

Trevor, being in charge of this event, called another neighbor who has DJ'd in the past as has the equipment.  Dave was in Provo on a date with his wife Amy.  They rearranged their schedule to come back to PG and get a dance going.

While that was happening, the chocolate fountain quit working, while full of mostly melted chocolate.  GG and I ran home to unearth our fountain and bring it down to substitute.  Brush off the dust, we'll be fine.

As we sat that up and transferred the melty chocolate into the new fountain, the original DJ rolled in.  Uh oh.  Now we have potentially 2 DJs.  Trevor put out that fire by calling Dave back and apologizing and explaining the situation.  The original guy set up and never was the wiser.  Dave and Amy popped over to see the fallout and to talk to Trevor.  Sorry they had to cut their date night short, but at least they were willing to help.  Things happen, I figure.

People were beginning to arrive now.  Trevor handed me a metal badge with "USHER" boldly printed on it.  I laughed and said that was funny.  He told me "Nope, you'd better wear it or you'll get hit on."

I laughed out loud that time and told him I thought he was pulling my leg. He just insisted I wear it.  GG had one too as did Janelle.  We looked like we were part of a club.  But I put it on to be obedient.

Here is where the evening began to get crazy.

Before I knew it men were coming in asking where the rest of the food was.  we had directions to put the food out in one area and shut the door until 9:30.  There was an hour of dance instruction--like a dance class: foxtrot, waltz, line dances--while people were showing up.  The actual dance began about 9:30 or 10PM.

These guys were pressing harder for food.  Each time we politely told them not until 9:30, they had rude things to say.  This dance cost them $5 to get in, and as far as I could see, none of these vacuuming food dudes had even danced.  Cheap dinner, I guess.  But rude!

Finally, things got sorted out with the dancing, the food, and the DJ and all was beginning to run smoothly.  Trevor gave us instructions to walk the halls of the building occasionally to see that no one was heading into the darker corners.  Also, we have instruction to take a lap now and then to patrol the parking lot and exterior of the building for the same reasons.  Apparently, some men never learn that "No" means no and have tried to push their (percieved) advantage, so some of this was for safety but there was also the "church dance standards" to uphold here too. 

When I've done this job with the Youth (ages 12-18) we just didn't want them sneaking off to make out or something, but here we are talking about adults.  They should be mature enough not to do that in a church building, but I assume much with that thought.  With the Youth, there was never a white board a tthe entrance that had to read: Divorces MUST be Final. 

People ARE crazy, you know.

Anyway, the dance progressed.  Janelle and I took a loop in the gym where the dancing was happening.  After  a quick lap, we sat together in a corner to watch and chat.  Almost immediately after we started talking, a lovely gentleman of about 70 came up to ask us to dance.  (In his defense, I think he was making a lap himself, to be sure every lady had a chance to dance that wanted to.  Bless him.)  But being the married folks at this shin-dig, Janelle kindly pointed to her badge and said that we were there are ushers and, thank you but no.  He looked a little sheepish, but moved on to another lady sitting down on the outside of the dancing.

That wasn't the last of my attempted pick ups.  But it was the nicest.

At another point, I was bringing in a replacement fruit tray for the chocolate fountain and halfway into the door of the "food room" I had a gentleman (a term I use loosely here) of about 80+, standing with a single crutch, wearing grey sweat pants and a partially zipped hooded sweatshirt, with only some of his teeth, look as my chest (!!!!)--but not see my USHER badge--and ask me "How you doin?"  Ewww.  It was creepy. 

The evening seemed to move at a glacier pace until finally it was the last song of the night.  We had the last of the opened food out and I was past ready to clean up and go home.  Suddenly these people were grabbing two and three plates and loading them with all the food they could carry away with them.  I had others--women too this time--come into the kitchen and ask where the ziploc bags were as they wanted to take the veggies and fruit home with them.  Cookies were grabbed by the handful.  Cups were filled with grapes and pineapple and chips and cheese dip.  It was embarrassing, really.

These are gown, mature--in some cases VERY mature--adults. But I have seen better behavior at junior high dances.  Only one lady asked where the vacuum was hidden and she began to help clean up.  The rest fled with food in hand as fast as they could go. I was shocked and quite surprised that this sort of thing went on with grown ups.

We did finally get everything cleaned up and came home, but I learned something.  At some point during the night, I asked Trevor how he came to asking GG and I to help wit this.  Teasingly, he told me that he asked the bishop which couple was hitting s rough patch in their marriage and that was the couple they'd invite to help here.  Of course, he was kidding, but on the way home I thought about that.

I have never been more happy to be married to GG than I was that night.  I felt real sadness for my dear, darling, single girlfriends who are stuck with this kind of junior-high behavior peer group to try to look for a husband.  No wonder they were so discouraged.  And now, I knew that I couldn't just tell them to "hang in there" or "something will work out".  If this was the selection, they had no chance for someone normal, nice and well-mannered.

My only hope for them, and the men in their demographic is that the normal ones stayed home.  And that made me happier yet that I was home with GG and The Boy and never had to be in that group.  YOUNG single adults--the 18-30 group--was bad enough, once upon a time.

Primary Makes Me....

CRAZY, sometimes.

This is better advice to apply to my calling in Primary, but I try over and over every week, and I still don't find myself loving it.

I did get a new partner Sunday though.  She was called and is looking froward to this gig.  We start together this coming Sunday.  Wish me luck.  I told the bishopric counselor that if he hadn't called her, I was going to ask to be released.  No such luck.

At This Moment

I have very little to say.  Nothing to complain about, really.  I've avoided the news lately since there hasn't been anything good to hear for a long while. And the family hasn't done anything really weird for some time.

Sounds like things are going along just fine.

Instead, how about an update on my constant battle to try to love Primary?

I've been teaching Primary since November 2012.  I'm still teachings Primary.  I didn't like it then, I really don't like it now much more.  The kids are OK.  I enjoy learning the music and seeing the skill with which our music ladies try week after week to get these punks to sing and learn new music.  But I'm not loving it.

My teaching partner was released on Sunday.  the week before was her last week in our ward.  She'd leaving us for the singles' ward so she can attend with her boyfriend/almost-fiance.  I can't really blamer her for that.  She'd ready to move on in her life. 

The Sunday Cassie said she was leaving, our Primary president asked me if I was ready for a mentor.  I asked her if I needed a mentor?  She said, not hat I was to BE the mentor for another sister who had just joined the Church and whom they wanted to call to teach Primary so she could learn the principles of the Gospel.  I told her that was fine, but I'd really prefer to have another grown up with me each week.

I know it has only been two weeks, but once they released Cassie, I thought they'd call this other new sister.  Nope.  Not yet.  And that situation makes me want to move on with my life too.

I took this calling because I was obedient--I told the counselor to the Bishop that when he called me--but I wasn't thrilled about it.  He tried to tell me that he LOVED being in Primary.  Under my breath I wanted to tell him that HE should be called to Primary then.  I didn't because I was obedient, but I am still waiting for the love to happen.

I belong with teenagers.  Or adults.  Or anyone who is older than 12, or 14.

Keep my in your good thoughts.  I'm not a wicked person, normally.  Just when I think about being stuck in Primary.

I've Reached "The Point"

I've been working at a paying job from more than a year now.  My schedule is supposed to be 9-3 Monday through Friday.  So far that hasn't really happened.  In fact, lately I have been closer to 9-6 each day.

Today, I reached the point:

The point where I realized I really don't WANT to work every day. 

The point where I recognize the advantages of being home with my fmaily in time to make a dinner that (most)  everyone will eat.

The point where I have some down time to read or study or craft or whatever else I want to to that is just for me.

The point where I realize that I am missing out of "real" life because I am too busy with work life.

The point I resent my coworkers for taking advantage of a nice boss and who put the rest of us in a tight spot.

The point I wish anther office girl was hired already and trained so that I can go home when I am supposed to.

The point where I know what is happening in the world outside my cubicle and the warehouse.


I know this sounds like I'm being a selfish brat.  Maybe I am, because I have hit that point in my work life.  I'm tired but too guilty to take advantage of my employer.  Thought, today I did take my coworker up on her offer to stay late so Ican could go home and have an attitude adjustment.

Guess I needed that.

Attitude Help From Friends

Today's post is a collection of quotes on a good attitude (or a solution to a bad one).  Some days we all need a little help to improve our own attitudes.  I'm lucky to have many friends that give me the right kick in the pants to up my game, and improve my outlook.  Even when the weather feels dreary and cold and I have a long couple of days ahead of me still.

See if any of these help you see things a little better:

 

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995


Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching? ~Dennis and Wendy Mannering


Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book


If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde


Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire


If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert


It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~Annie Gottlier


Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left. ~Hubert Humphrey


Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill


Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown


There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. ~Roald Dahl


To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. ~George Santayana


Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler


If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit


So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"


He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts. ~Samuel Johnson


I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party! ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com (2009 tweet, @wildthyme)


The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. ~Foster's Law


Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Instruction Book


Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. ~Bill Meyer


We find things where we look for them, which is why I never look for a golf ball out of bounds. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1893


Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. ~Attributed to both Jonathan Swift and Benjamin Franklin


To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have. ~Ken S. Keyes, Jr., Handbook to Higher Consciousness


Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it. ~Joe Clark


The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton


If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. ~Vince Lombardi


My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants. ~J. Brotherton


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly. ~Publius Terentius Afer


I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln


Just because you're miserable doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life. ~Annette Goodheart


In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays


Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~Buddha


There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues


I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow. ~Abraham Lincoln


Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health. ~Author Unknown


Got no checkbooks, got no banks,
Still I'd like to express my thanks -
I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night.
~Irving Berlin, "I Got the Sun in the Morning," 1946

To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell. ~Ancient Proverb


Make your optimism come true. ~Author Unknown


True contentment depends not upon what we have; a tub was large enough for Diogenes, but a world was too little for Alexander. ~Charles Caleb Colton


To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~Confucius


Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability. ~Joe Brown


Why aren't you dancing with joy at this very moment? is the only relevant spiritual question. ~Vilayat Khan


I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl


You can bear your troubles or shrug them off. They're your shoulders. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com


The best things in life are unexpected — because there were no expectations. ~Eli Khamarov, Surviving on Planet Reebok


The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude. ~Dennis S. Brown


Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
Where most it promises.
~William Shakespeare


Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us. ~Stephen Covey


If you have nothing to be grateful for check your pulse. ~Author Unknown


Affectation is a greater enemy to the face than smallpox. ~English Proverb


Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words and make them true.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox


No power in society, no hardship in your condition can depress you, keep you down, in knowledge, power, virtue, influence, but by your own consent. ~William Ellery Channing, 1838


A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body — the wishbone. ~Robert Frost


If we shall take the good we find, asking no questions, we shall have heaping measures. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf. ~Jon Kabat-Zinn


Staying positive is one of the hardest fights, though I'm happy I'm in it. ~Daniel, @blindedpoet


A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. ~Patricia Neal

Attitude, Again

It's all how you look at things....

Its All In the Perspective

Had a friend post something that got me thinking:

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes;
We have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry;
We have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds;
They were so warm and comfortable last night.
I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom,
Complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory;
They are so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly;
It has served us faithfully for many years.
It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today.
It has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing,
The lawn that needs raking;
We all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door.
My kids are healthy and able to run and play.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says
You have richly blessed my family.
I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.
-author unknown

Perhaps if I keep this kind of mindset, I will be more grateful for the blessings I know I have, but tend to over look.

Wanted: Happy Helpers

I just received this from a PTA source, but I think it speaks well to any of us that are helping as volunteers, anywhere.  I had heard about this hospital's story before, but it is worth sharing.

WANTED HAPPY HELPERS: MUST LOVE CHILDREN


Sometimes in volunteer work we come across difficult people. We may wonder why they want to volunteer and be part of a service oriented organization if they are not invested in those outside of themselves.

Recently, a children’s hospital in Florida reviewed their evaluations. They were dead last in patient satisfaction in the whole country. Wanting to change that very dubious distinction, they turned to The
Happiest Place on Earth. They contacted the Disney corporation and asked for help in turning things around at their hospital. They learned some very valuable lessons in customer satisfaction. 

At Disneyland and Disneyworld their employees who meet and greet people all day have two faces, their backstage face and their on stage face when they are serving ice cream or dressed up as a Disney
character. The Backstage face may carry the cares and worries of the individual. They may be moody or self absorbed, tired or feeling under the weather. But when they step on stage, they become actors who are the happiest people on the face of the earth and who are only concerned about the customers, who are the visitors at Disneyland and Disneyworld. The on stage face is one of concern ONLY for making their customs smile and feel happy. The on stage face considers the customer the most important person on the earth. It is their express duty to get a smile from everyone they meet. Disney emphasizes that to work at Disney you must LOVE children.

The hospital took a page from Disney and began training their personnel to become completely concerned with the feelings of their patients (Customers) and what would make them smile. They greeted sick children arriving for surgery with a ukulele playing character from Jungle book. For a moment the fears of the child and worry of the parents disappeared and they smiled. Staff was trained to reach out with their hearts. To serve children they must love children. The hospital customer satisfaction went up to over 80%, one of the highest in the nation. 

We should also take a page from Disney as we work diligently to serve children. Instead of deciding how we think we can make things better for children, perhaps we better check our egos at the door and discover what Children really need from us. We should not just serve children but love children.

As we try to make All children smile with the joy of learning and hope for the future, let’s make PTA
the “Happiest Place on Earth”.   --UtahPTA.org

The Weight of Words

One of fabulous junior high secretaries made a nice comment on something I wore to the school the first week or so.  It made me realize that I generally go for the uniform--solid color t-shirt and jeans; making no real effort in my appearance other than "try to be clean". 

After her kind words, I have tried to do better and dress more professionally, if anything.  Not that I have gone out and bought a lot of business clothes, but I have just taken more care in putting something one that looks grown up but still cute.  So far I think it is working.

This same secretary, is about my height, but of slighter build than me (and really, who isn't?!).  She always comments about how cute my shirt is, or where did I find such a flattering blouse.  I gotta say, it is very motivational to my effort.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was always someone who made a kind comment every time you tried a little more to do your best?  That would be so much more helpful than the inner dialogue I have with myself.  You know the one that goes like this:

--This is clean.  I can wear this.
--That?  Ugh.  Your belly really pooches out in that pair of pants.
--But if I wear a long enough shirt no one will even notice.
--If you wear that long shirt, you'll like you are hiding a second trimester pregnancy.
--Or I could try to wear that blouse I just ironed.
--Did you hear yourself?  You had to iron that one.  So not worth it.  You'll just have to wash it and then iron it again.  And you know how much you hate ironing.

Do you hear that voice in your head too?  That Negative Nancy who just cuts at every thought you might have had that was positive?

With the secretary going out of her way to say kind things about what I am wearing, she makes me feel better about myself and certainly about making the effort to look not-like-a-junior-high-student.  She hasnt' got a big motivation to say these things, other than she is a wonderful woman with a very good heart--I mean, she works at a junior high, need I say more?!  Yet her uplifting words are well worth it to me. 

And I have thought since, how am I using my words?  Am I uplifting someone else with the things I say?  And I being sincere when I say them?  Do the people around me feel better about themselves for the things I say to them?

Maybe I need to reevaluate the words I am using to others...and to myself.  Words are powerful things.  Use them with caution.

Teens, Part 2

At what point does your darling, brilliant daughter start to give you the silent treatment?

Around here, apparently, when you tell her that she needs to be in bed early since she has a swim meet in the morning, you tell her to do her chore before it gets too hot, and her dad and brother are out of town on a Scout trip.

Geez, Louise. The Girl has basically given me the cold shoulder most of the week, unless she has needed a ride somewhere. But the last day or two has been icy.

It hurts, frankly.

She had asked earlier in the week if she could watch "Movie X" and I told her that yes, I thought she was old enough to undertand it [for the what it is worth column, it wasn't a naughty movie--just not Disney channel stuff.] So I tracked it down to watch last night, but after three nights late with friends in a row she no longer wanted to watch it.

Or she just didn't want to watch it with me.

I get it. She is becoming her own person, but I hope this rude and cold person is not the one she is becoming. Obviously she doesn't treat her friends like this--or she would have no friends. This must be special treatment for her mother.

I can see the advantage of having two parents at this age. She and Genius Golfer get on quite well, ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent is when she is being unreasonable or he is being overly protective or something. But generally they are pretty tight.

Maybe this behavior toward me is just her lashing out because she missed her dad.

I am surprised though how much more talking there is when The Boy is around. He is like the grease in the gears--helping everything to come together. But I am sure that will shift too when he is eleven days from being 15.

Good Sports

Tonight we had an activity for the 16-18 year old kids in our stake. We played about four silly games modeled after games on the TV show "A Minute to Win It". We talked about the ways they spend the minutes of their day and the decisions that occur in those minutes. The emphasis, obviously I hope, was that good decisions are necessary all day long and the most important decisions can be made early in their lives and provide happier outcomes.

We started with just about 18 kids there. Four were young men.

I just want give a shout out to people who are good sports. These four young men, though vastly outnumbered, and doing things that were not terribly "manly" games, still stepped up and gave it a good try. Did they win the events? Not by a long shot, but they each participated and played along with us.

I just love that. Too bad so many people scoff or criticize after only just one look and decide that it is "stupid", "a waste of time", or "not worth my energy". I think there is something to be said for being willing to try things, and for doing it with a good attitude.

Opposition in All Things

Yesterday, as we were walking our car-less pool of kids home, my favorite hoodie sweatshirt (which was tied around my waist) got caught by a bent piece of chain link fence and torn.

Luckily, it was a $4 find on the men's clearance rack at Kohl's, and I do have a sewing machine, and it is only a hoodie.


I got a call last night to speak with one of the high councilors in another ward this Sunday when I was already planning on visiting our last ward of Young Women as a Stake YW Presidency.

Luckily, he assigned me a very specific topic and gave me a shorter amount of time than normal, and I can speak about almost anything for 10-12 minutes.


I am down to only one pair of everyday shoes, as my sneakers are wearing out and I haven't yet found another pair I like as much.

Luckily, I still have the one pair I like and they have enough wear left in them that I can keep wearing them until I do find something. And I have the resources that I can buy an new pair when I need them and not on a more limited basis.


The Boy is stressing about his math class. He was up later than normal last night with homework and was near tears when he finally finished.

Luckily, he was nearly crying to Genius Golfer (who took care of it fabulously) and The Boy was probably over tired from Bonus Scouts, Piano, and Football practice today. Plus a good night's sleep always makes things look better in the morning.


The Olympics have over for weeks and were my favorite thing to watch (that week swimming was on), and since then I haven't found much in the way of decent stuff on TV to veg-out with in the evenings.

Luckily, last night saw the return of The Girl's and my favorite regular TV show: Dancing with the Stars. And there is going to be a lot of competition and a lot of lousy dancers to see voted off.



If I didn't see the downer points of life, I couldn't appreciate the high points, right?! That's the way I see it.

'Cuz I'm BAD, I'm BAD. You know it!

I do try to post something every day, so my apologies for not getting something up yesterday. Apparently my exhaustion from Friday took hold for Saturday too.

Today I would like to address a pet peeve. It has to do with attitude.

Yesterday we had a stake wide Youth Sports Day. This was two hours of fun and games for all the youth (12-18 years old) from the 6 wards in our stake. Generally everyone had a good time and played along.

Now, when hosting an event like this, you have to understand from the get go that you won't please everyone and that there will always be someone who would rather do something else. Life is like that, right? But the way I see it, like Karma, what goes around, comes around. If I play along with your game, then eventually you'll play along with my game. We both get to play and we both will play what we like.

Sadly, there are always some who are never happy with anything, and would rather pout than play along, no matter WHAT the activity is. I had a young woman like that yesterday. It wasn't as if she was left alone and not asked to participate. I point blank asked her to come play game A with me and she began walking with me only to turn and go the other way into the building. This is a chronic condition with this particular girl, so far as I can tell. But she isn't the only one I have watched with this kind of attitude.

My question always is, Then WHY do you come?

They knew what this activity was, and either chose to attend, or were forced to by a parent (who may or may not know the attitude and behavior of their little cherub at youth activities). If the parent forced them to come, it probably isn't the first time and I would like to think that as the youth here, in this scenario, you'd like to have some fun at some point. So don't you think you would eventually just play along? The fun will follow.

In case you think this bad attitude epidemic is localized only to the youth, look around at adults who live near you. Do they have a "just play along" attitude or do they want to "play" only when they get to play their game their way? Yeah. I know. A lot of people keep their childish pattern of behavior into adulthood. I think by the time you are an adult, it can safely be called selfishness.

All of this makes me crazy. Yes, I had to go to activities I didn't care for when I was a youth. Yes, I had to choose to like things sometimes. And Yes, that taught me that life is so much more fun if I am making an effort toward having a good time than sitting in the corner, pouting.

Maybe this type of bad attitude is a plea for someone to reach out to them; to draw attention to themselves in some kind of way. But I think reaching out or giving attention to someone who has chosen not to play along just reinforces the bad attitude and it will keep coming back. Kind of like teaching two year olds when they are having a melt down. If you feed that tantrum, they keep having them. If you ignore the tantrum (all things being equal in this hypothetical and the child is not going to hurt himself) they will give it up. It may take several attempts on their part to see your consistency in ignoring the tantrum, but eventually they get it.

Too bad we can't just put these bad attituders in the time out chair and ignore their tantrums while everyone else plays along and has some fun. How old IS too old for time out?! I wonder.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Everyone has issues. Everyone has worries. "Nobody knows the troubles I've seen..." It is just part of life. Right?

I find it very curious that while we all have these troubles and sorrows, issues and worries, the things that bother us are not the same as the things that bother those around us. We can and must learn empathy for others. And generally, I think everyone I know feels badly for those whose situations seem tough, though different, from our own.

Lately, though, perhaps the situations of those around me are increasing in intensity or the duration has lasted beyond what they expected because I am hearing a lot more negativity. It has felt like a playground battle nigh unto "My dad can beat up your dad." The difference now is, "My issues are worse that her issues." And that is quickly followed by a laboriously created list of just WHY the issues are worse for the one making the list. And that, then, is followed up with a stinging critique of what the other person is a) doing wrong, b) not doing or c) doing while flat out justifying it wrongly to herself.

AAAARRRRGGGHH. Enough already. Sure, situations at times are really rotten. Sometimes really, really rotten. Many times they are out of our control and we are left to deal with it. But we must remember: We are friends; most of the time we like each other's company. We are women, raising our families the best way we can. We are women of faith who usually understand that God is ultimately in control and we can just lean on Him when the days are longer than we can take or when we feel too wimpy to do what is placed before us. We are sisters in Spirit, yet these are the very same women we are comparing ourselves to and, in essence, beating up emotionally to make ourselves feel better. That is not the way we'd want to be treated. Why are we treating others like that?

Now, before any dear readers begin to think that I am speaking from upon my high horse, soapbox, or ivory tower, let me gently remind you that I am easily the first to jump into this fray. I have already recognized that I quickly fall into the "compare and contrast" chatter, but I also know that it is not right. I am trying hard to stop any negativity that I add to any conversation. Stopping the behavior is harder than it sounds. But I try again every day. I am a work in progress.

Maybe we are all just unsure of ourselves, like we were in seventh grade, when we wanted to be like and be liked by the "Cool Kids". I heard someone say once though, that we compare our Monday-Morning-Worst to everyone else's Sunday-Go-To-Meeting-Best and that is not a fair comparison. I also heard someone say that while I was looking to the proverbial "Cool Kids" other people were looking at me and thinking I was a "Cool Kid". Whether that is true or not, it is worth thinking about and reflecting on the next time we want to play "My situation is worse than yours" with a friend.

Maybe the answer is just BREATHE! Cut others a little more slack. Then give yourselves a LOT more slack and try again in the morning. Maybe we can work on lifting each other along a little better without having to leave anyone on the side of the road, in the dirt, or crying at the curb. Let's try that and see how it feels around us. Maybe we are the catalyst we are looking for to be the change we want. Maybe I am just exhausted and need a nap today. Maybe I just need to get myself to Hart's and get the Diet Coke I am craving to start that day. Yep, that is most likely it. In the meantime, I'll try to just get along and say things that are encouraging rather than discouraging. Trying again tomorrow to do better.