Not Like I Was Raised

There have been some interesting discussions at work recently that revolve around financial responsibility.  From what I have heard, I came to a conclusion that I was raised to be weird.

I am the first to own that I AM weird.  That was never the question.  But I kind of discovered that I was raised this way.

A colleague who recently moved, left his house on the market--without selling it--and apparently had no issue with just walking away from it.  This, from what I was told, isn't the first time he has done this.  And declaring bankruptcy is also something he had done before, and he is "eligible" to file fro it again in just a few months.  So, that made it another option.

Another coworker, who has been down similar paths as the first in terms of bankruptcy and walking away from a house, had to get a loan to get his wife's car fixed.  I know it was a big repair, but I was surprised that it would require a loan.

Here is where I know I am weird.  I couldn't do any of these things.  I couldn't leave unpaid a mortgage I signed off on.  I couldn't live paycheck to paycheck so that when there was a localized, financial emergency I couldn't help myself.  And I certainly couldn't continue spending with things like this hanging over my head.  this is exactly WHY we have no boats, four wheelers or other "toys" in our little family.

For one, I feel that financial responsibility is part of my integrity.  And that is priceless to me.  I tell the truth, I take it on the chin, I pay my bills.  Is that always easy?  Of course not.  Have I been able to get whatever I want when I want it?  No way.  I learned I can scrimp and save and exercise patience to get what is worth getting.

This, perhaps, is my hold back in going on this fabulous trip this summer with my family.  My gracious mom and dad have paid for Genius Golfer and I to accompany them on an Alaskan cruise to celebrate their 50th anniversary with my sister and her husband.  The cruise fare was our Christmas present.  It was an incredibly generous gift.  And that was the only way we could go at this point in our financial lives.

I could put everything on a credit card I didn't mean to pay off each month; we could do that.  But that is not using your resources wisely.  We didn't have the time to put money aside to save ourselves enough to go.  And we are still refilling our emergency fund from the two years GG was unemployed.

But other people must do this differently.  I just never realized HOW different I was.  The other benefit of this realization is that I am profoundly grateful GG sees this the same way I do--sometimes maddeningly so.  If this was something we fought about, I'd likely be single.

So, world.  I'm WEIRD and I'm loving it.  I'm financially responsible.  And that must also make me "boring" to a lot of folks.  And I am really OK with that, as I can sleep at night knowing I I have nothing hanging over my head.  There is already enough to keep a mom up in the night without inviting potential financial ruin into my worries.

Never a Dull Moment

Just when I think things are settling down, I get thrown a curve ball.

Since a week or two ago, Genius Golfer has had some increasingly severe pain in one of his teeth.  Over the weekend the pain got severe enough that Tylenol and Advil weren't touching it.  He took a leftover Lortab sometime Saturday night and was completely loopy on Sunday.  (Funny for me; not so much for him.)

Today he finally let me get him an appointment to see our dentist, who graciously saw him as soon as GG could get there.  Yep.  It is time for a root canal.  I figured as much.

So the insurance we do have, doesn't cover any endodontic work.  A root canal is done by an endodontist.  Figures.  Again.

But with some shuffling of money--that is what an emergency fund is for, right?!--he is scheduled for a root canal tomorrow morning about 7 AM.  The endo's office will give us a discount for paying in cash, but it is still quite a chunk of change to put down.  I'm telling myself, "It's only money...this is what moneys is for...and GG is in a lot of pain and needs this done sooner than later."

I never seem to get too comfortable.  And I guess that is just was well.  Curve balls happen and, luckily, we are flexible enough to handle them when they do.  Plus, GG on good drugs for recovery could be pretty funny!

Appalled!

I am a talk radio news junkie, at least until the lunchtime news is over. I can't stand the venom the afternoon guy spews. Yesterday morning the Morning Talk Show Guy was taking calls about the most irritating piece of news; he called it The Outrage of the Day. He read the news story of disgraced CEO of Lehman Brothers, Dick Fuld, who sold his $13M+ home for $10, to his wife! He was headed to a civil lawsuit and was quick to divest himself of any assets that the lawsuit might demand.

This guy, Fuld, has been called in print a 'financial terrorist'. Remember, he was one of the first in line at the bailout window. He drove his company into the ground and made off like a bandit, then this?!

I was so furious I had to shut off the radio. Good thing I found the Classic Rock station. I needed a little old school head banging to make myself feel better.

What is this world coming to? How far will be have to go before the Apocalypse? It makes me, almost, wish for the Second Coming just to watch some of these narcissistic, delusional, self-entitled, out-of-touch-with-reality, corporate pirates torched and turned to dust. How do they live with themselves?! I get a nickel too much in change and I have to take it back to the store.

OK, now I need to go do some deep, cleansing breathing just so I don't want to take out my carpool kids today. Or maybe, I just need to stick with the Classic Rock station and bypass talk radio all together. Ohhhmmm. Oooohhhhhmmmmmm.

Amen, to that!

Our message presented in Sacrament Meeting today was that of Financial Self-Reliance. It is a principle that I have become more and more grateful for and can see the wisdom in even more clearly.

This isn't an old fashioned, out of date or past it's prime way of thinking. It is as modern and current as the latest reports from Wall Street.

The lovely young couple who spoke, presented well thought out and well researched messages from apostles and prophets through the history of the Church. It didn't matter that some of the quotations they used were from 1930 leaders. The message is still true and possibly more important now.

In the last month and 8 days, I have been increasingly grateful that Genius Golfer and I have been on the same page regarding spending and saving; that we have been partners in creating a financially self-reliant home. The persistence in that over the years is paying off in a happy, safe, comfortable living now.

Our kids have seen first hand that when we saved to pay off our home a few years ago and consequently went without a few things, we are reaping the rewards of having what we need and also having a chance for Dad to find the kind of job he wants to do now without a lot of pressure to do it quickly. I hope they are paying attention. In all the essentials, the kids haven't really been deprived. We are living about like we did with a job, but with more "Daddy Time" than ever before. The kids have especially loved that.

When they were small and told me they wanted things, I would simply reply "It's good to want things." I know it frustrated them then, but I meant it. If they wanted it bad enough, they would have to work and save and really think hard about spending THEIR money on it. Mom was not just going to get it for them because they said they wanted it. I saw too many times when I did get them something--like for a birthday or Christmas--they didn't take care of it or appreciate it like I would have liked. It wasn't something they had learned the value of yet if it just given to them.

It is nice to hear this message today as a testimony to a way of life we subscribed to a long time ago and have now lived with long enough to see the real pay off of being debt free and with enough saved to not be obliged to do anything without thought and time on our side. Amen, I say to that message. Amen, indeed.

All Aboard the Bandwagon!

I have been "FF-ing" through some episodes of Oprah where she has Suze Orman on talking about the current financial mess our country, and now the world, has found ourselves. I enjoy this because they seem amazed and delighted to find a plan to live more carefully, more frugally. Where have THEY been?

Isn't the point of this mess that, as a people, we have over extended ourselves and have been living way beyond our means? We have been spending our imagined income, not our actual one. We have been saving nothing. And the government's answer to this is to run into the back room and print more money?! Isn't that a felony if WE do it? So now, with this bailout, the government is spending our children's children's futures. Where does this madness end?

My grandparents would have been very young children during the Great Depression. [By the way, isn't that the best oxymoron of all time? Was it really that great? I know it was huge, but we don't call it the Huge Depression...just a thought.] I remember visiting their homes and they all lived fairly simply.

My Washington Grandparents were living in the country and Gpa worked cattle. He was a cowboy in all the right ways--down to letting his doberman house dogs drink beer from the bottle and eat pizza with him. But I digress. He had simple tastes. He liked his beer and he liked his coffee with the guys down at the Brass Rail in the morning. He said little, but liked us kids to come sit with him on the couch and give him a hug.

My Gma was well into her mental illness by the time I came along, but she made the best homemade blackberry jam from berries picked on their place, at home, by hand. She didn't do anything fancy with them. She stored it up and we ate it when we got to visit. In fact, she "stored" a lot of stuff. She could be considered a hoarder now, probably, but she figured she might need it again someday, so why throw it out.

My Live-In Grandparents moved in with us when I was about 6 or 7. When they first came, Gram was pretty sprightly, at least by comparison to later. Gramps had suffered a stroke after a devastating "motorbike" accident disfigured his "good side" a few year years before that. He was physically pretty hammered, but he insisted on being as independent as he could be--despite my parent's concerns and frustrations. But I watched him as he returned to school--wheelchair and outhouse-shaped trailer pulled behind his spray painted old car and all. He wanted to learn Spanish, of all things, so he could communicate with the others at the Senior Citizen's Center where he regularly had lunch. He didn't ever give up while he lived with us. He showed a lot of courage and determination and grit.

My Gram, meanwhile was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis which brought them to us in the first place. She did what she could, but I knew she was hurting, and suffering, and wasn't happy with her situation. It made me very uncomfortable to try to be with her when she was whimpering from the pain she felt. I'm sure this isn't what she wanted with her life, but she stuck it out and showed some real unconditional and, many times, undeserved love toward me as a girl. I do have regrets about how I treated her as I grew up. I hope my behavior once I was older and a little better able to understand her made up for some of that. I know she wanted the best for my sister and me. She loved to hear what we were up to and what new things we were doing. She put on an optimistic face and demonstrated that just spending time together was the most valuable way to live.

These are the lessons, I gathered, that Oprah and Suze are just now trying to help people figure out for themselves. Where have all these people been all this time, since my grandparent's days? My parents lived pretty frugally too. Not to the point that I remember going without something. But we sure weren't fancy folks. And remembering now, I think we were fairly spoiled at times. But there wasn't a lot of money spent on stuff. We spent time together and learned to work and were expected and encouraged to work for what we wanted.

I heard all the time as I grew up, that you can't spend what you don't have. I thought everyone learned this. Apparently not. And now, we are all paying for mistakes made by everyone across the board. Too bad this lesson has to affect so many people's retirement savings and investments for their futures.

I can appreciate, a little, what Suze and Oprah are trying to do, but I just wonder what planet they have been living on for the last few decades as the public's spending habits have amped up year after year. Maybe now, living cheaply will be trendy! Thus making our family and friends trendy too. Yeah. I don't think that will happen. But at least Oprah is driving the bandwagon at this point. Maybe she'll collect some over the top extras from the entertainment industry too. Couldn't hurt.