Has anyone read the book "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want" by Sonya Lyubormirsky? A friend recommended it to me after she gave me permission to feel depressed until Thanksgiving. I'm thinking about hunting it down, just to see what it says.
The other information this insightful friend gave me was a series of "Happiness Strategies". Dr. Dean Barley from BYU had spoke at their RS activity the night before I saw her and all this information was in the front of her thoughts. The strategies her suggeted nclude:
1) Gratitude strategies: think of someone to whom you have never expressed full thanks, write it all out, read that to them face to face with eye contact, let them react unhurriedly, write down three things for which you are grateful daily and their causes, discuss blessing with a partner
2) Cultivating optimism: speak to my self like to would to a friend, be factually correct, look for evidence, seek other possible explanations and contributing factors
3) Avoid over thinking and social comparison (Rumination):self-distraction with positive activities
4) Practicing acts of kindness: combats compassion fatigue
5) Nurturing relationships show interest and encouragement, self-disclosure, express affection and admiration, affirm their successes, loyalty, reciprocate favors
6) Coping strategies: social support, finding meaning by talking and writing, absorb self in activities that change the brain state
7) Forgiveness: (REACH) Recall, Empathy, Altruistic gift of forgiveness, Commit, Hold onto forgiveness
8) Flow: task that is challenging and require skills, concentration, clear goals, immediate feedback, deep effortless involvement, sense of control, sense of self vanished, time stops
9) Savoring: pleasures need to be spread out over time and varied, shared with someone, look forward to it, reminisce
10) Goals: make adequate preparation by setting clear specific goals, go public with them, reduce triggers and increase reminders, track progress, use rewards, build a support system to help
11) Practicing religion and spirituality: do something that improves your relationship with God
12) Take care of your body: appropriate fitness, nutrition, sleep, laughter, and meditation
This sounds like a great plan. And I think I'll get right on it starting Monday.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
At Least It's Friday
It's is Friday and that is best thing I can say today. I growled at The Girl this morning when she opted to sleep in (she didn't have class until 9) so I had to take The Boy to school (in my bathrobe) and then I came home and went back to bed where I slept until 11 AM. What is wrong with me?
Based on family history, this is the beginning of clinical depression. But knowing we are being released on Sunday, I think it is just regular old depression...but I could be wrong. I just feel listless and without energy.
A friend gave me permission to feel like this for a month, after I told her that I'll snap out of it after Sunday. At least with the permission, I can cut the guilt a little bit. But I still feel a little bit lost. I crossed off several things on my calendar today, knowing it isn't my job anymore to do them...things that last Sunday we were planning on doing. Now we aren't.
I'll be fine, but I am not a big fan of change generally, and even less so when it is change I have to deal with directly. I'll be fine. I keep telling myself that hoping at some point I'll believe it.
Based on family history, this is the beginning of clinical depression. But knowing we are being released on Sunday, I think it is just regular old depression...but I could be wrong. I just feel listless and without energy.
A friend gave me permission to feel like this for a month, after I told her that I'll snap out of it after Sunday. At least with the permission, I can cut the guilt a little bit. But I still feel a little bit lost. I crossed off several things on my calendar today, knowing it isn't my job anymore to do them...things that last Sunday we were planning on doing. Now we aren't.
I'll be fine, but I am not a big fan of change generally, and even less so when it is change I have to deal with directly. I'll be fine. I keep telling myself that hoping at some point I'll believe it.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
If The Costume Fits....
Halloween this year was more of a "come as you are" event. As you can see by the photos:
The Girl went as a "swimmer"....what a stretch! And The Boy? I think he dressed as a "sophomore". At least, that is what I like to think.
And me? Yes, I AM the "Killer of Dreams". That is just what I am...at least, if you are a swimmer or a sophomore.
I got several giggles form the high school staffers when I arrive to work the school PTA store. Then several kids saw me and were instantly depressed. Like I said, it was a "come as you are" situation.
I got several giggles form the high school staffers when I arrive to work the school PTA store. Then several kids saw me and were instantly depressed. Like I said, it was a "come as you are" situation.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
On A Lighter Note
Yesterday's post was a little heavy, wasn't it? It didn't begin that way, but if you read much of it, you can see the slide. I'm just frustrated with the negative campaign ads and the nastiness that comes as the election gets closer. Let's just vote, already. I am, in fact. Today. We have early voting, and while the wait was about an hour when it began on Monday, last night the website said there was a 10 minute wait. I'm going this afternoon.
But today I thought I would post a lighter fare. It is Halloween, after all. The Girl dressed as a swimmer--ooooh, big stretch. He wore her suit, shorts a warm up jacket, flip flops, and tucked her cap and goggles into the leg of her suit. I hope the school doesn't have to call me to bring her some appropriate length shorts. But they might.
The Boy? Yeah, he didn't want to dress up. He is too cool for that I guess. But he did inspire my costume. I get to work at the Viking Store today--as many of our volunteers have little children and were needed in Halloween parties at the elementary schools. So I am dressing up while I work the store today. The Boy gave me the idea...I'm going as the "Killer of Dreams". I made myself a sash and a crown--sparkly, of course. I'll get a picture when I get it on together today.
In the meantime, here is my favorite shot of the kids for Halloween:
The Mermaid and the Cowboy. So cute. Boy I loved making their Halloween costumes. It was fun imagining with them, and then trying to put their imagining into fabric, glitter, accessories and makeup to send them out to be so cute! But that mermaid outfit nearly did me in. The sequin fabric didn't agree with my sewing machine. But I persevered and she was happy with it.
Too bad they are all too big to make anything for them now. Good thing I have lots of pictures of them in their costumes--and loads of great memories.
But today I thought I would post a lighter fare. It is Halloween, after all. The Girl dressed as a swimmer--ooooh, big stretch. He wore her suit, shorts a warm up jacket, flip flops, and tucked her cap and goggles into the leg of her suit. I hope the school doesn't have to call me to bring her some appropriate length shorts. But they might.
The Boy? Yeah, he didn't want to dress up. He is too cool for that I guess. But he did inspire my costume. I get to work at the Viking Store today--as many of our volunteers have little children and were needed in Halloween parties at the elementary schools. So I am dressing up while I work the store today. The Boy gave me the idea...I'm going as the "Killer of Dreams". I made myself a sash and a crown--sparkly, of course. I'll get a picture when I get it on together today.
In the meantime, here is my favorite shot of the kids for Halloween:
The Mermaid and the Cowboy. So cute. Boy I loved making their Halloween costumes. It was fun imagining with them, and then trying to put their imagining into fabric, glitter, accessories and makeup to send them out to be so cute! But that mermaid outfit nearly did me in. The sequin fabric didn't agree with my sewing machine. But I persevered and she was happy with it.
Too bad they are all too big to make anything for them now. Good thing I have lots of pictures of them in their costumes--and loads of great memories.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Where Is Civility on the Ballot?
I read a great article this week about Politics and Civility. After the year we've had you wouldn't think those two concepts can coexist. But according to the article, they can and should. It is just a matter of personal choice.
The article was a composite of three different speeches made at BYU over the past year. The first gentleman quoted was Mark DeMoss, an evangelical and founder of the public relations agency, The DeMoss Group, who spoke oncampus in January of this year.
After joining to help the Romney campaign back in 2008, he saw the unrest and incivility on the political turf and began a civility project. He wrote to every sitting governor and every member of congress during the summer of 2010 (anticipating an ugly midterm election) to take a simple pledge regarding their upcoming elections:
1) I will be civil in my pubic discourse and behavior.
2) I will be respectful of others, whetheror not I agree with them.
3) I will stand against incivility where and when Isee it.
Of the 585 letters he sent to these elected officials, only three returned the pledge signed. That is pretty sad. Is it any wonder the regular, rank-and-file Americas have a hard time keeping a civil tongue when our elected officials can't even commit to behaving and speaking civilly?
He dissolved the civility project in early 2011. And Mr.DeMoss made a very good point in this article. He said, "The First Amendment may give me the right to demonize you with public speech, but it doesn't make it right." Yet so many people would seem to believe otherwise.
The second author quoted in this article is Karen W. Hale, a former Utah state senator and vice chair of the Utah Democratic Party, and member of the LDS church. She also was a candidate for Lieutenant Governor a few years ago. Her insights were pointed as well.
She said "For many public servants, partisanship seems to have taken precedence over the motives that drew them to political involvement in the first place--to promote the public, or common, good and to improve the lives of Americans.
"Looking at the controversial, adversarial nature of politics today, we might ask who in the world would want to get involved? the partisanship, the bickering, the ridicule, and the name-calling are all legitimate reasons to think twice about jumping into the political arena. These unsavory by-products also dim our hopes of making a positive difference in our government, communities and society."
Then she quotes former US Senator John Glenn from an interview he did with Time magazine as he was leaving office about 14 years ago. He says: "I worry about the future when we have so many young people who feel apathetic and critical and cynical about anything having to do with politics. They don't want to touch it. And yet, politics is literally the personnel system for democracy. We've got the finest democracy in the world, but it;s also one of the most complicated. Not everyone needs to run for public office, but every tie someone drops our of the system it means hey in effect give their franchise to somebody else....If you say politics is so dirty you don't want anything to do with it, what you're really saying is that you don't want to get dirty from democracy."
That is exactly how I have felt about politics. Especially in the local area. Man, otherwise rational people can get more than their panties in a knot over a candidate or issue and become completely blind to any discussion or alternative thought. Then that kind of fringe belief systems drives them into mad, and even crazy, paranoid behaviors. It definitely keeps me at arm's length from it all.
Ms. Hale also mentioned a couple of things as they relate to living the Gospel and participating in the political system around us. The points she makes are not new. We've heard them from our church leaders for years too. "It is unlikely that any one party will encompass and represent all of your beliefs. You will need to select the party with which you most identify."
And then, quoting Elder Marlin K. Jensen from an 1998 Salt Lake Tribune interview, she adds " principles compatible with the gospel maybe found in the platforms of all major political parties."
Finally, she says "I believe that partisanship--in the sense that we claim a political party and work within the structure of a largely partisan system to participate in the process of government and engage in robust, civil dialogue--is compatible with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
"However, partisanship--in the sense that we demean, belittle, and separate ourselves fro those who hold differing political views ad that we place party success ahead of the common good--is not compatible with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
"Becoming more civil may require that, fro time tot time, we change the radio station or television station, broaden our daily news diet, and listen to people who may disagree with our points of view. As we work to understand other perspectives, we may just get a taste of where the other side is coming from and occasionally find common ground upon which to build."
I loved her piece. What a breath of reason to hear the ideas that we can agree to disagree, but that doesn't have to lead us to be disagreeable.
The final portion was from Senator Joseph Lieberman, US senator from Connecticut and the first Jewish person to be nominated for national office with his unsuccessful bid as Al Gore's vice presidential nominee. He spoke primarily on religion in politics and the base of value that the early Founding Fathers gave our country because of their faith.
He said "...America has been a nation that has been defined not by our borders, but by our values. One of those founding values was a belief in a higher power--a belief in God....In that way, the United State of America was and is a faith-based initiative....and the First amendment prohibits the establishment of an official religion, ensuring every American the right to worship--or not worship--as he or she chooses. The full promise of this founding vision, I believe, is one of freedom of religion, not freedom from religion."
The whole article is pretty great. If you are interested in seeing the rest of this, check the link HERE. With all this easing my current political headache, I still can't wait for Tuesday to come and go. No one person can change the country--for good or bad. But we need to look for those who we feel most likely will represent our own views and then work hard in our own community to help make that vision real.
The article was a composite of three different speeches made at BYU over the past year. The first gentleman quoted was Mark DeMoss, an evangelical and founder of the public relations agency, The DeMoss Group, who spoke oncampus in January of this year.
After joining to help the Romney campaign back in 2008, he saw the unrest and incivility on the political turf and began a civility project. He wrote to every sitting governor and every member of congress during the summer of 2010 (anticipating an ugly midterm election) to take a simple pledge regarding their upcoming elections:
1) I will be civil in my pubic discourse and behavior.
2) I will be respectful of others, whetheror not I agree with them.
3) I will stand against incivility where and when Isee it.
Of the 585 letters he sent to these elected officials, only three returned the pledge signed. That is pretty sad. Is it any wonder the regular, rank-and-file Americas have a hard time keeping a civil tongue when our elected officials can't even commit to behaving and speaking civilly?
He dissolved the civility project in early 2011. And Mr.DeMoss made a very good point in this article. He said, "The First Amendment may give me the right to demonize you with public speech, but it doesn't make it right." Yet so many people would seem to believe otherwise.
The second author quoted in this article is Karen W. Hale, a former Utah state senator and vice chair of the Utah Democratic Party, and member of the LDS church. She also was a candidate for Lieutenant Governor a few years ago. Her insights were pointed as well.
She said "For many public servants, partisanship seems to have taken precedence over the motives that drew them to political involvement in the first place--to promote the public, or common, good and to improve the lives of Americans.
"Looking at the controversial, adversarial nature of politics today, we might ask who in the world would want to get involved? the partisanship, the bickering, the ridicule, and the name-calling are all legitimate reasons to think twice about jumping into the political arena. These unsavory by-products also dim our hopes of making a positive difference in our government, communities and society."
Then she quotes former US Senator John Glenn from an interview he did with Time magazine as he was leaving office about 14 years ago. He says: "I worry about the future when we have so many young people who feel apathetic and critical and cynical about anything having to do with politics. They don't want to touch it. And yet, politics is literally the personnel system for democracy. We've got the finest democracy in the world, but it;s also one of the most complicated. Not everyone needs to run for public office, but every tie someone drops our of the system it means hey in effect give their franchise to somebody else....If you say politics is so dirty you don't want anything to do with it, what you're really saying is that you don't want to get dirty from democracy."
That is exactly how I have felt about politics. Especially in the local area. Man, otherwise rational people can get more than their panties in a knot over a candidate or issue and become completely blind to any discussion or alternative thought. Then that kind of fringe belief systems drives them into mad, and even crazy, paranoid behaviors. It definitely keeps me at arm's length from it all.
Ms. Hale also mentioned a couple of things as they relate to living the Gospel and participating in the political system around us. The points she makes are not new. We've heard them from our church leaders for years too. "It is unlikely that any one party will encompass and represent all of your beliefs. You will need to select the party with which you most identify."
And then, quoting Elder Marlin K. Jensen from an 1998 Salt Lake Tribune interview, she adds " principles compatible with the gospel maybe found in the platforms of all major political parties."
Finally, she says "I believe that partisanship--in the sense that we claim a political party and work within the structure of a largely partisan system to participate in the process of government and engage in robust, civil dialogue--is compatible with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
"However, partisanship--in the sense that we demean, belittle, and separate ourselves fro those who hold differing political views ad that we place party success ahead of the common good--is not compatible with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
"Becoming more civil may require that, fro time tot time, we change the radio station or television station, broaden our daily news diet, and listen to people who may disagree with our points of view. As we work to understand other perspectives, we may just get a taste of where the other side is coming from and occasionally find common ground upon which to build."
I loved her piece. What a breath of reason to hear the ideas that we can agree to disagree, but that doesn't have to lead us to be disagreeable.
The final portion was from Senator Joseph Lieberman, US senator from Connecticut and the first Jewish person to be nominated for national office with his unsuccessful bid as Al Gore's vice presidential nominee. He spoke primarily on religion in politics and the base of value that the early Founding Fathers gave our country because of their faith.
He said "...America has been a nation that has been defined not by our borders, but by our values. One of those founding values was a belief in a higher power--a belief in God....In that way, the United State of America was and is a faith-based initiative....and the First amendment prohibits the establishment of an official religion, ensuring every American the right to worship--or not worship--as he or she chooses. The full promise of this founding vision, I believe, is one of freedom of religion, not freedom from religion."
The whole article is pretty great. If you are interested in seeing the rest of this, check the link HERE. With all this easing my current political headache, I still can't wait for Tuesday to come and go. No one person can change the country--for good or bad. But we need to look for those who we feel most likely will represent our own views and then work hard in our own community to help make that vision real.
Monday, October 29, 2012
A Sinking Feeling
My dear friend Pam called last night that the stake presidency would like to meet with us (we are all in the stake YW presidency together) this Thursday at 9 PM. Nothing was mentioned about the topic of the meeting. My first thought was we are being released. My second thought--and completely full of denial--was that there were changes that needed to be made in our Fireside scheduled for Sunday night. Denial didn't last long, before the realistic depression started to sink in last night.
The entire evening was flat--like a dead balloon. If we are released, I'm not surprised. But I am really bummed, if that is what this is about.
I've had this calling for 6 years and a few months. I was terrified when it first came to me. But I have loved it for the last four years or so. I feel like I have finally figured out a lot of stuff that took me two years to understand at the beginning. But I guess, that is the sign that we will be released. We've just started to feel competent in the last couple of years. That is about when the changes come in life, right? Just as you think you know what you're doing.
We'll see what Thursday night brings. No matter what the outcome, I know that I have loved this calling, the ladies I serve with and the YW we serve. They are wonderful--all of them. And I am better for having this opportunity to work in the YW program than I would be without it.
I'll keep you posted.
The entire evening was flat--like a dead balloon. If we are released, I'm not surprised. But I am really bummed, if that is what this is about.
I've had this calling for 6 years and a few months. I was terrified when it first came to me. But I have loved it for the last four years or so. I feel like I have finally figured out a lot of stuff that took me two years to understand at the beginning. But I guess, that is the sign that we will be released. We've just started to feel competent in the last couple of years. That is about when the changes come in life, right? Just as you think you know what you're doing.
We'll see what Thursday night brings. No matter what the outcome, I know that I have loved this calling, the ladies I serve with and the YW we serve. They are wonderful--all of them. And I am better for having this opportunity to work in the YW program than I would be without it.
I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
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