Shifting Tides of Teenaged Emotion

Last night I was worried about The Boy.  We had to run an errand as soon as I got off work and on the way home from that he opened up a little about how he was feeling about school, swimming, his first day of the ACT prep class I am making him take.  He didn't look at me, as I was driving, but I could see his eyes getting moist from over in the driver's seat.

The ACT prep class was, I thought, a great idea.  For $45 he'd get to take an hour after school T-F except fall break (coming this weekend) until the next ACT test date on October 26th.  He is signed up to take it again then, so I thought the timing was perfect.  He wasn't interested--nor could I afford--a $250 two week course the same teacher offers during the summer.

His report of the first day of class (yesterday) was that the class was FULL of kids and that he had homework (!) on top of his regular homework.  His quadriceps were sore from running the 2.5 miles or whatever they ran in their dry land practice Monday afternoon.  Plus he added that he was hungry (a constant, it seems these days) and tired (also a regular feature in his life).

So as we were getting ready to go to bed, I mentioned to Genius Golfer my concerns.  "I think The Boy might be slightly depressed."  I went on to give my reasons and asked what, if any thing, does he happen to say when he comes home for lunch?

"He just tells me he's fine, school is fine, work is fine, swim is fine,"  Genius Golfer answered me.

"What question did you ask to give him such scintillating responses?"

GG said, "I just asked how's it going?"

Figures.

The Boy has slept in past his alarm now every day for a week--at least.  Good thing he has a few days this weekend without much of a schedule so he can catch up on the sleep thing.  If he is rested and fed, life looks much better.  Even a life that includes an ACT prep class, with homework!

Swim Team Getting Cozy

Last Saturday was a swim meet at another pool, so I didn't have to work it.  Consequently I saw a lot of my kids, and the other high school aged swimmers on our team.

This is mostly what I saw:

 The Boy is the center of the attention here....

 But, The Girl is getting attention too, just in the shade.

 I had to be really covert to get these shots....The Boy was suspicious.

In all honesty, I think the kids were just keeping each other entertained until it was their turn to swim again.  And it was funny to sit in the midst of all this teenage energy.  This meet was the final regular season one before the County Finals, the first weekend of August.

Pulling It Together

We had yet another suicide this week in our little high school community.  A sophomore.  He had friends and got good grades, and by all accounts, didn't seem to "fit the profile".  But he is gone.  And his friends are left to pick up the pieces of the end of school memories and try to understand something that doesn't make any sense.  To anyone. Even adults.

The ironic part here is that two days before the news of his death, we had a BIG community wide Suicide Prevention meeting where several people spoke about their experiences with children whom they have lost and from experts that had some insights and words of counsel and prevention.  I meant to go, but lost track of time that evening and didn't make it.  But I heard it was well attended and very well done.

I worry about the kids left behind when their friend makes this permanent kind of choice.  Most don't have the skills to comprehend any aspect of that kind of decision, and there is a lot of blame swirled about.  Others don't have an objective, rational outlet for their grief and the dead friend almost becomes a perfected memorialization of himself. 

When this happened earlier this year, there were rumors of copycat kids who saw the outpouring of grief, love and postmortem honor and it was worried that those kids on the fringe would see the "glory" achieved by the dead and want to have that too.  What these people choose to do is a selfish act, a criminal act.  And that kind of thing shouldn't be glorified.  But the kids left behind don't really know how to behave and their wearing "Sunday dress", for example, is really a sign of respect to the families of those who has passed away, more so than a glorifying of the one lost.  But the kids don't always get that--or even why they do it.  'The rest of the school is dressing up, it so they all must have loved him', kind of thinking.  Then it gets a little slippery.

Our town has now lost three kids since January.  Whatever degree of mental illness they were each suffering with isn't even mentioned, yet they certainly must have been dealing with that.  I wish we could talk more openly with our kids, and each other, about the mentally ill and the help that is out there and the concern we have for those with this potentially life-ending debilitation.  But it just isn't something we want to deal with.  It is uncomfortable and if we really look at it closely, we might see we all have a little bit to work through in our own lives--and that is the scariest thing if all.  It could have been us.  It could have been them.  It could have been...

Splash In To Summer

Swim team sign ups for the summer recreation team have begun.  This year we had a great system to let the families with kids who have been swimming sign up first.  Priority goes to those who had already previously committed.  I was planning on working the sign ups this week.  Luckily for me my work schedule accommodated that.  I enjoy seeing everyone again after the long cold winter break.  But the Recreation Center had it all figured out, and it ran much more smoothly!

Meanwhile, The Girl has been hired to work the pool's front desk, as well as the snack shack.  And she believes she will also get to help coach the younger swimmers, as she has in passed years.

The Boy just interviewed to assistant coach the little kid swimmers too.  He loves doing that and does really quit well with the tiniest kids on the team.  He is on the list work the snack shack again.  He is thrilled.

We've been very lucky to get the kids in to work at the pool.  It is a perfect teenage job.  I don't want them working during school, if they can help it.  Studies are their main priority during the school year.  But in the summer--the rules change and they can work a lot of hours, still see their friends and make a little money and learn to take orders from a different adult than me.  And that helps all of us.

Bring on the heat!

Sins Of The Mother

Recently I have been more and more grateful that my kid are fat better people than I was at their ages.  not just better students--The Girl surpasses all my academic goals.  Ever.  And The Boy eclipses my social comfort boundaries by far.  But lately, I am grateful for their efforts to use good language and speak kindly.  They may not think using these standards, but I don't hear them say things that offend, so that works for me.

There are just a few word that I know I used as a teen that are demoralizing and grating when I hear them now. And lest you think I had a total potty mouth, I didn't swear, but I chose words that now have no place in polite conversation.  Maybe that is my own maturity.  Perhaps it is society's shift to what is acceptable.  Maybe both.

The words I'm talking about are words like "retard", "queer", "fag", "bitching", and "gay".  When I used words like these, back in the day, it was part of our daily vocabulary.  From a language with endless adjectives, we chose to regularly use these kind of words.  The 80s had a lot of good points, as I grew up, but word choice wasn't one of them.

On rare occasions now I hear one or two of these and it makes me wince.  Sadly, these are words that have regular, appropriate meanings but we as a society have pushes those out as old fashioned and archaic so that the original definitions are hardly recognizable any more.

So, for anyone one who knew me then, and heard me use those kinds of words, may I just apologize?  Sincerely?  I was young and stupid and frankly I didn't even think they were that bad.  But I know better now and I genuinely try to do better.  Every day.

For those of you who know me now, please excuse my behavior of the past.  I did learn the lessons that came with those poor choices then.  And I commit to doing better and raising my kids to do even better than that.

I'm not even sure what triggered this topic in my ind, but it has rested on me for a couple days.  And I needed to get it off my chest.  Or lips, as the case may be.

Choices Made and Lesson Learned, We Hope

I meant to write yesterday and then the day got away from me and my mind was full of wonder and worry.  Without giving up the guilty, I thought I'd try to tell a story that taught me--and most hopefully the kids--a good lesson about making good choices and only listening to friends who do the same.

A very sweet boy on the swim team made a really dumb decision yesterday.  I happened to be visiting with his good mom when she passed up a couple of phone calls from the team's coach, who is also our friend, and then decided she'd better take this son's text message he sent...that all came in about 5 minutes' time.

It seems that this otherwise good boy--one who is smart and clever and funny and bright--was egged on to "moon" the cars behind the bus as the team drove to the nearby covered pool for their A4 class time practice.  And he gave in to the peer pressure and did it.

Now, here is where the story gets a little dicey.  This otherwise very good, smart and clever boy was seen and a call was made to the local police department who then met the bus at the nearby recreation center and questioned the boy about his "reckless" shenanigan.  This good mom, upon reading a text from her son that in essence expressed "Mom, I made a dumb mistake and now the police are here to talk to me and I'm scared", called the coach back and got her take on what was going on and then appropriately, immediately left our group to go to her boy.

The team had a swim meet later that afternoon, so while my own kids (who don't have the A4 swim class) weren't on the bus for this incident, they were meeting the bus afterwards to go to the meet.  On the bus to the meet, they heard from the other kids about what happened and also heard the coach tell the team how very disappointed she was in them for encouraging this good kid to do something so stupid.  The Boy said that the other kids just seemed to think it was funny and while not a GOOD choice, wasn't that big of a deal.  But The Girl heard from her team friends that they felt really bad for this boy and were worried about him.  They also said there were some kids who tried to convince him NOT to do it.

As I texted his mom, that evening, I was told that this boy would, indeed, face some consequences for his actions.  He was to be suspended from school for a few days, would be benched from the next three swim meets, and lose his team captaincy for the rest of the year.  As far as the legal ramifications, that would depend on whether or not the viewer(s) of his little stunt pressed charges.  If that occurred, things could get increasingly worse.

My thoughts and worries for him included the potential for a postponed (at best) chance to serve a mission--which he was planning on at midsummer with the new age threshold.  If charges are filed it could take that opportunity away from him for good.  It could land him on the sex-offenders registry, and even in juvenile detention for some time, and probably a good sized monetary fee.  Now that is the worst case scenario, but I am quite sure that this usually very obedient, compliant, worthy, priesthood-holding young man didn't think about these potential consequences, or even just past the idea of "Ooooh, that would be do funny!"  Not a single thought past that.

This situation made for a very interesting--and hopefully impactful--dinner conversation last night at our house.  Everything we do is a choice, and for every choice there is some kind of consequence.  Even this morning, The Girl prayed that they would "make good choices and do what is right".  Those are more then magic words you say to get what you want...it is a plea for heavenly help to guide you to do what you know is correct.  Regardless of the other bozos who egg you into something really dumb.

At least, I hope that is what it means...since I, as their mom, pray every day that they will have good friends who will help them make good choices.  Choices and consequences...that is what life is made of for us here on this Earth.  And sometimes that makes or a better day than others.

KissThisGuy(dot)com

There is a website, here (and see the title above), where people can record--forever, and everyone--song lyrics they have always understood WRONG.  For example, Jimi Hendrix never recorded a song called "Kiss This Guy" .  His song was called "Kiss the Sky".  This is the basis for the title of the site.

Anyhoo.  Genius Golfer and I ran away from home this morning to the "early bird" special at the movies to see "Rock of Ages".  It was a completely guilty pleasure--both being children of the 80s, and loving the now classic big-hair-band rock anthems of the age.

We we joined in the theater by one other guy, who left half way through and then came back in for the ending.  This is not a movie you will hear about when the Academy award nominations come out, but it was good for an embarrassed laugh and a few cringes and rolled eyes.  But Tom Crusie, if he is really doing the singing, did pretty well.  For a guy that is 50 next week.

Again, anyhoo.

On the way home we were laughing together about how when I was a kid and these songs were current radio fodder, I never heard the lyrics as that overtly sexual or racy or pro-illicit-drugs or anything other than just a 'good song with a beat you can dance to'.  But seeing them as a mom (and a YW leader) I sure hear the differences now.

Yikes.

But that beats GG's take.  He understood the lyrics to say something totally wrong, so they were never naughty songs for him.  He was surprised by the lyrics too as we watched this dumb movie today.  He heard these songs for the first time with their actual lyrics--sex, drugs and rock and roll!

You can't take us anywhere.

Side Tracked

I had planned on posting another graduation talk--something about "the things no one will tell you when you graduate", but I have a little venting to do today instead.  The graduation advice will have to wait.

For all my whining when my kid were little--toddlers are a tough crowd!--I figured that teenagers would be great.  And they are, usually.  In fact, I have not known another age group I like as much--whether my own kids or other people's children.  But lately, I have really struggled with The Girl.

I understand that she is getting older, and occasionally I see the "more mature" side coming out for her but it isn't all the time yet, and I struggle with that. 

I know that at her age she will want to be with her friends more and more, but I struggle with the feeling of disregard I get from her--and it isn't for the family.  It is for me.  She doesn't dis her dad and she has been including her brother more and more.  No, her loathing and anger seems pointed at me.

I get it.  I am "the meanest mom in the world".  That is a title I hold proudly--since that usually mean I am holding the line on some discipline issue.  And maybe that is where the anger and sharpness comes from.  I am the enforcer.  Dad is the softie.

I struggle with the idea that she can be so kind and generous and happy with her friends.  But not with me.  I struggle that she will share her feelings with her dad.  But not with me.  I struggle that she finds ways to blame me for her reactions to the consequences for her actions. And then she writes about it.

With only one more year at home, I guess this is inevitable.  The whole reason parents let their kids go, right?  They become so difficult the parents want them to go figure it out on their own?  Well, I like The Girl.  I think she is pretty great.  And she is worlds smarter than I was at her age.  She certainly has many more advantages than I ever did academically.  And she has a lot of promise for university success, and the financial freedom that can come with it. Her opportunities are unprecedented in my eyes.  But I don't sense that she is grateful for these advantages. 

I don't expect her to grovel at home, but a little humility would be nice.  Sometimes it feels like the only time she speaks to me in a calm voice is when she is being passive aggressive, taking out on me what she felt was some slight from before.  Or she wants something.

She is growing in independence, and I want that for her.  She has a little summer job.  She has a car.  She has a license.  She has relatively simple household chores--which she does, but sometimes only after a lot of hounding from me.

What really knocks me out is when she tried to tell me that I have no idea what she is going through/talking about/feeling at this moment in her life.  Really?  I'd like to note, here, that she also hasn't really ever asked me about what I dealt with at her age.  I have a crate of journals, written throughout my teen years.  She has access to a grandma who could probably remember a thing or two about me at her age.

Individuation.  That is what the child development books call it.  It is a process that all kids have to go through to become well adjusted, independent adults.  And that is what I want for her.  But in the meantime, the process is a struggle.  And I really don't like it.

Prom Prep

 The Girl went to her first prom this weekend.  She got to go with our Dear Friend Chris, Thursday evening for what Christ called a "right of passage", a pedicure...Chris' treat.  Did I mention The Girl is spoiled?

The our lovely neighbor--who has only boys, and military boys at that--came over and did her hair.  The Girl had been over to Becky's a couple of days before for a few "trial runs". Becky designed a swirly bun line with some clip on sparkly bits for The Girl's big date.  Good thing we have Becky.  My hair talent is nil.

 

I did help her with the make up.   The Girl doesn't really wear much, so we used just a little more than nothing to give her a glamorous look for the night.

 

 Then her date, Trent got there.  She pinned on the boutineer with minimal coaching from me.  Though I think she pinned in on the wrong side of his coat.  They were running late, and she got it on her first attempt.  So there it stayed.

Lucky for Trent, the corsage he brought for her was a wrist kind...easy--peasy.

 

There they are.  First Prom date...in her borrowed, puffy, sparkly fancy-pants dress.  Not too bad if I do say so myself.  

Lacking Frontal Lobe Update

Friday morning I was back at the junior high to clean up our sucker sales mess and to count the deposit from the previous two nights.  When I got there, the front office secretaries told me I had a little note waiting for me too.  Joy.  Not many guesses needed to figure out who left it for me.

It was my not-BFF Lexi, the potty mouthed 8th grader.  Her note was folded all cute, like my actual, real BFF in junior high used to leave me back in the day.  I'll share with you what she wrote, with her original spelling and grammar intact.  There are more things to be concerned for with this girl, I'm afraid:

im sorryisaid you were  a btich Ilost track of my emotions.  I promase I want Do it agian-I never act like that at conserts you just caught me offgard and I really mean i m sorry I Dont mean anthing i said I just lost someone I really loved anDit was my mom and I got upset cause a year ago my mom died over a heartatack and  I lost her bu beforthat she told me she would come to all my conserts and last ones and I got mad and took it out on you anDIm realy sorry I lov how you volunteerd to be at the consert I really appreasiate it., thankyou have a good day --lexie

Overlooking the appalling spelling, grammar, and punctuation, I don't really believe this girl. She told the principal, the night of the incident, her swearing wasn't really to me but at her friend about her stepmom. Now, her "apology" feeds me this sob story?  Well, I guess she is figuring out she made a bad choice and this,perhaps, was part of her consequence.  But still.

I only have two more concerts to cover at the junior high this year.  They are for band and orchestra, which aren't nearly as high-drama as the choirs.  So I should make it.  Plus, this kind of stuff just makes me all the more grateful for my own kids--who aren't perfect--but already demonstrate better self control and interpersonal respect than this sad 8th grader.

I Blame The Under-Developed Frontal Lobe

The past two nights I have been at our Junior High helping with the Choir Concerts.  My part in this event is essentially a "bouncer"...or "policing the hallway".  There were up to six different groups that performed (the beginning and advanced choirs sang Wednesday night, the 4 advanced only on Thursday).  This is not a job for the faint of heart.

It is also a job that firmly establishes why so many parents want nothing to do in terms of volunteering at the Junior High.

The first night the Beginning Girls and the Beginning Boy choruses are full of mostly 7th graders.  This is generally the first experience these kids have with performing arts.  And certainly the semester's performances are the first many of these kids have had to present themselves in front of an audience--and, consequently, the waiting to go on backstage.  This was my mission, and I chose to accept.  What was I thinking?!

Seventh graders in early May are sweaty, hot, hormone-driven lunatics.  Actually, all Junior high students fit that description--regardless of their grade.  But these Sevies were really on edge Wednesday night.  There was flirting and teasing abounding.  It was also nauseating.

But one flirty situation parlayed itself into trouble the following night.  One of the 8th grade girls, who was singing with the Advanced Women's Chorus--let's call her Lexi, since that is her name--was backstage with the beginning boys 7th grade group, flirting like there was no tomorrow.  Her flirting was not just distracting to the three or so boys hovering around Lexi, but was starkly against the rules that had been set by their teacher: only the group waiting to go on will be in the hallway and will be silent.

Fail.

When I asked her to go away and leave the boys in peace so they can be ready to sing, she got increasing belligerent.  She didn't mask the idea that she was upset with me enforcing the "law of the hallway".

When the beginning groups were done, and the short intermission was over, she was still giving me crusty looks as the advanced choirs took the stage in turn.  I've had worse.  It wasn't that big of a deal to report her after the show to the director.

Last night, however, was a different story.

I had been at the choir room doorway, waiting to hear the last minute directions the teacher gave the advanced groups (as the beginning kids were off the hook last night) so I knew what to enforce.  I wasn't there even 10 minutes when Lexi saw me and immediately crusted her look again, and mouthed to me "You're a  B_#*%!"  I smiled, nodded my head and mouthed back to her, "Yes, I am and I will be watching you all night!"

In a few minutes the principal showed up to check on things, and I  while we waited for the teacher to finish warming up the groups, I shared with him Lexi's line-crossing behavior.  He was livid.  This girl was not a first time visitor with the good principal, and he called her out of the group as soon as the warm up was finished for a little talking to.

A few minutes later, he called me to fill in the details of the night before, which I did.  Then he turned to Lexi and asked her why she had just lied to him about what happened.  Her story changed pretty fast...and comically, if you ask me.  He sent her back to the choir room to wait for him.

He consulted with me about whether to keep her from singing tonight, hurting her parents--should have happened to attend, or wait until Friday morning and let her have it during school.  I told him I didn't have an opinion on this, but was just sorry he had to deal with it at all.  In the end he opted for the Friday morning principal's office visit with her to set a punishment.

Before the night was over, she had missed her cue to get onstage and sing.  She blamed the principal for making her late to the stage...funny, since his conversation with her was over before the show began.  But, since she missed her cue, she will now have to deal with the choir teacher's consequence as well as the principal's this morning.

Junior high kids--teenagers in general--certainly can be idiots.  But it helps when you have a crazy home life on top of bad behavior at school, and poor academic achievements.  Heaven help the junior high faculty and staff.  And PTSA volunteers.

Mom, In The Trenches

Last night was the junior high's Grand Concert.  It is a fundraising concert by all the music department at our junior high.  I was one of two "chaperones" AKA "back stage bouncers". 

For the most part, the kids are really great.  They are excited to sing/play/perform for their families.  But sometimes I realize that I do things like this just so I can appreciate my own kids more for their better-than-average behavior (most of the time).

We had a group of Concert choir girls--8th and 9th graders--who were belligerent and outright naughty.  They were supposed to stay in the choir room, or, because it gets so warm in there with so many sweaty-teen-aged bodies, outside on the grassy front lawn of the school if they weren't onstage performing.  I spent most of the night following them and telling them to get back to where they belonged.  (And not like the Beatles: ♫ "Get back...to where you once belonged" ♫).

Before the finale I told the choir director that I would commend the other groups for their backstage behavior, but the Concert Choir girls earned themselves a "D" for behavior.  He gave them a talking to before they went onstage, but I am sure they will hear more about it before tonight's final concert performance.  At least, I hope so.  Otherwise, I will need more Tylenol.

Rewind to 1984

The Girl seems to think that I don't remember what it is like to be in high school, and all the "dumb" stuff that happens there.  So I broke out the journals and today I'd like to share something that happened this week in 1984.  I would have been The Boy's age--a freshman in high school.  If my teen aged children keep up this argument this may become a weekly blog post.  Just warning you.

March 10, 1984

The Young Author's conference went pretty well.  Ginger and Melanie both said we did well.  The volleyball team played again today.  I made about 5 points total.  Tonight's party started at 7:30 but Richelle, Wanda and I didn't come until about 8:15 because we went to see "Footloose" again.  Richelle hadn't seen it before.  (I think it;'s better the first time.) The party was alright though. Scott didn't come and neither did Jim.  Bart was there though.  Last night when we went shopping I left my retainer at Carl's Jr in Salinas.  We have to wait until Monday to call Dr. Hawke.  I can't wait.  He's gonna give me the third degree.  I'm gonna give mom the privilege of calling him.  My mouth feels lonely without it.  That's it.  All for now.

So I did make dumb mistakes...and had the same kind of issues The Girl seems to think are hers along and that no one will EVER understand.  Too bad, so sad.  Being a teenager just stinks.  Always has, always will.

How Many Teens Does It Take To Sweep The Patio?

Each morning of swim team, I try to go for an hour or so of Water Aerobics.    I've been doing this now since The Girl started swimming, so about 5 years or so.  I love it!  It is so nice to exercise without any pressure on my joints, and let's face it--the buoyancy of the water makes you feel as thin as you hope the exercise will make you.

Instead of extolling the benefits of such a workout, however, I would like to comment today on the inefficiency of the maintenance crew that works at the city pool while we are in the water.

I don't know how many people (read: teenagers) are hired to work maintenance at the pool each summer, but it is about 10 times too many.  I think the biggest problem with this crew is that they are left on their own too long without any supervisor, OR they have never been taught HOW to work.

I think that they are hired to do the following:  vacuum the carpeted areas and sweep the deck around the pool.  There are also some who pick up trash with little pinching tools that have long handles.  They are supposed to clean the dried on gum from the cement, and pull the trash out of the sand volleyball pit as well.  I occasionally see them sweeping the sidewalks out front of the pool entrance and building, so that must be some of their responsibility too.

Lifeguards they are NOT.  In fact, I know the Snack Shack girls have more hustle than they do too.  (Not that I am biased there, however.)

Today, we watched the City's Parks crew come in and mow the grass and then one adult with a leaf blower "swept" the entire eastern side of the deck in one pass.  While 9 kids with push brooms watched him.  Then they went back to carrying their brooms around, attempting half heartedly to look busy. I wanted to yell at them, "Uh, didn't your mother teach you that brooms work better when the brush part is against the ground?"

Holy cow.

One of the Water Aerobics patrons is neighbors to the head of the Parks & Recreation Director.  She told us that she emailed him to tell him that if the kids at the pool don't have enough work to really keep them busy, the fitness room inside the Recreation Center need some attention.  They could actually WORK.  Plus, if the city is in such dire financial straights maybe the 15 or so maintenance kids could be cut to the three boys that actually DO something (Yeah, I 'm talking about you, Spencer M, and the Cannon brothers!)

I know it is a thankless job.  It is a job that must be repeated every day--sweeping and vacuuming are do-overs every day the pool is in use.  But what kind of work ethic are these kids learning?  They can get a job--especially when I heard this week that the 16-19 year old unemployment irate in Utah is 26+ % (the highest in 40 years!)--when there aren't enough to go around, and then get paid to do apparently nothing. 

No wonder so many kids applied to work at the pool.  Word must get around.  And I'd guess it gets out from the kids not actually working but getting paid to spread the word.

Teens, Part 2

At what point does your darling, brilliant daughter start to give you the silent treatment?

Around here, apparently, when you tell her that she needs to be in bed early since she has a swim meet in the morning, you tell her to do her chore before it gets too hot, and her dad and brother are out of town on a Scout trip.

Geez, Louise. The Girl has basically given me the cold shoulder most of the week, unless she has needed a ride somewhere. But the last day or two has been icy.

It hurts, frankly.

She had asked earlier in the week if she could watch "Movie X" and I told her that yes, I thought she was old enough to undertand it [for the what it is worth column, it wasn't a naughty movie--just not Disney channel stuff.] So I tracked it down to watch last night, but after three nights late with friends in a row she no longer wanted to watch it.

Or she just didn't want to watch it with me.

I get it. She is becoming her own person, but I hope this rude and cold person is not the one she is becoming. Obviously she doesn't treat her friends like this--or she would have no friends. This must be special treatment for her mother.

I can see the advantage of having two parents at this age. She and Genius Golfer get on quite well, ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent is when she is being unreasonable or he is being overly protective or something. But generally they are pretty tight.

Maybe this behavior toward me is just her lashing out because she missed her dad.

I am surprised though how much more talking there is when The Boy is around. He is like the grease in the gears--helping everything to come together. But I am sure that will shift too when he is eleven days from being 15.

She's Becoming a Teen, For Sure!

This week The Girl and I have been home alone--except for Grandma and Grandpa visiting on Wednesday and Thursday. As we have had the place to ourselves and were a little bit more loose on the chores and schedules, The Girl has suddenly exhibited full on Teen Tendancies.

Three nights of the last three nights, she has had friends ask her over for "late nights". Easily 11:00 PM nights--three in a row. I am exhausted just keeping up with her.

I get it that this is a point in teen development--that she has to go through. But I sure wish that it was something that I could sleep through rather than worry through. Especially with Genius Golfer--who is a late night guy, anyway--gone for the week.

I suppose I went through this stage when I was her age, but seeing it from this persepctive is very different. I told her this morning that I can not do this another night--and with a swim meet tomorrow at a pool in a city 20 miles away, neither can she. We'll see how tonight goes.

I know that you parents of older teens, and young adults, I sound like a total whiner. But I am onthe brink of this stage with her and though I know I'll live through it it feels like the sleep deprivation period of the baby stage for me. Yikes...at least I am past that now.

A nap might be the answer for me today...she goes to work, so I could just be lazy and snooze away. Might be just the ticket.

4H and a Hog-Raising Girl

http://static.dispatch.com/www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2010/05/17/hog-wildnot-this-girl.html

Holy Cow, or should I say, HOG! Here is a girl I can relate to. Well, almost.

I sure loved hearing about this girl as opposed to the thousands of other inflated ego toting, entitlement attitude teens in the world today. Sure wish there were more like this one.

More importantly, I hope I am raising two to be more like this girl.

Who Flipped HER Switch?!

Yesterday, The Girl came home from school in a great mood. It was the last day of the semester and she had a super day. She chatted with Genius Golfer and me before setting out to do other afternoon-y things. Her Friend-Across-The-Street eventually came over and the two of them devised a plan for the evening.

Friend had to babysit for her cousins--and these apparently are wild cousins if you are their babysitter, so I have heard. The Girl asked if she could go "help" babysit. I told her that was fine with me, but the real person to answer that question is the cousins' mom. They are her kids, after all.

Without any other notification to me (I was making dinner) they were off. I am assuming here that they got permission, got a ride and got the babysitting done--as we didn't see the girl until almost 10 PM.

Now, I am not one to assume my kids are anything. They usually have to prove it in my Kitchen District Court, and generally they are guilty until proven innocent. But in this situation, I couldn't imagine anything else happening. The charge here: just not informing this parent.

I grilled her when she got home about letting me know, did you get permission, when you are going, etc., etc., etc. Of course, in equal portion to my harping, she gave me teenage attitude. It was a good thing I was exhausted and already in bed--making my yelling all the less impressive, to be sure.

The next few years will be a trial for me. A lot of mood shifts and flipping of attitude. I see why people have suggested adopting them out for about 4 years when they are 13 or 14.