False Alarm, Or, Wishful Thinking

So the meeting with Bishop last evening turned out to be a big misunderstanding on my part.  Sadly.  He just wanted to meet with us because they are going to make some changes that affect Genius Golfer's calling and he wanted to be sure GG didn't see this as a "firing" or sorts.

Weird.  I've never been invited to a "thanks for your service" pre-release pow wow with a bishop before--even for myself.  Much less for GG.

My charming and ever so sensitive spouse has held this over me for two days, since the text came to him.  I've been going through a bit of internal calesthetics trying to think and feel what I should be asked to do, and worse yet, coming up with tentative names for a presidency, if my gut was right.

And this morning I am slightly embarrassed, and worse, disappointed.  I was really looking forward to doing something different, anything different.

That sound pretty pathetic.

Instead, I have to put on my "big girl panties" and prepare to teach a small group of 8 & 9 year olds the stories of the prophet Elijah from the Old Testament on Sunday.  I guess the silver lining with this one is that it isn't David and Bathsheba.

Argh.

Anticipation

Sunday night Genius Golfer got a text from a member of our ward who handles the Bishop's appointment schedule.  Brother H asked in the text if GG and I could meet with our Bishop Tuesday evening.  GG texted back that we would be there.

When GG reported this exchange with me, my first thought was "well, it is about time the gave him a new calling!  He's been stuck with the Young Men for as long--or longer--than The Boy have been there.  Then I felt the Spirit tell me, "Nope, it's you."


Now, I know I have mentioned that I have really stuggled to like Primary, much less loveit.  I had been in the stake Young Women presdiency for 6 years before begin released and called to teach Primary.  I still don't love it, but I didn't want to strangle ALL ym kids on the day of our Primary Program just over a week ago.  Dangit.  What if the Lord thinks I have acquiesced and kind of like this now?!?  No, He knows me better than that. Certainly whatever the new level of pressure is will help me learn to like it.


Great.  It'll probably be a Primary president gig or something equally horrible.


I'll know one way or the other Tuesday night.  In the meantime keep me in your prayers, would you?  I know I'll need them.  And, frankly, if it is my worst fear realized, the kids will need them too.

Primary Makes Me....

CRAZY, sometimes.

This is better advice to apply to my calling in Primary, but I try over and over every week, and I still don't find myself loving it.

I did get a new partner Sunday though.  She was called and is looking froward to this gig.  We start together this coming Sunday.  Wish me luck.  I told the bishopric counselor that if he hadn't called her, I was going to ask to be released.  No such luck.

At This Moment

I have very little to say.  Nothing to complain about, really.  I've avoided the news lately since there hasn't been anything good to hear for a long while. And the family hasn't done anything really weird for some time.

Sounds like things are going along just fine.

Instead, how about an update on my constant battle to try to love Primary?

I've been teaching Primary since November 2012.  I'm still teachings Primary.  I didn't like it then, I really don't like it now much more.  The kids are OK.  I enjoy learning the music and seeing the skill with which our music ladies try week after week to get these punks to sing and learn new music.  But I'm not loving it.

My teaching partner was released on Sunday.  the week before was her last week in our ward.  She'd leaving us for the singles' ward so she can attend with her boyfriend/almost-fiance.  I can't really blamer her for that.  She'd ready to move on in her life. 

The Sunday Cassie said she was leaving, our Primary president asked me if I was ready for a mentor.  I asked her if I needed a mentor?  She said, not hat I was to BE the mentor for another sister who had just joined the Church and whom they wanted to call to teach Primary so she could learn the principles of the Gospel.  I told her that was fine, but I'd really prefer to have another grown up with me each week.

I know it has only been two weeks, but once they released Cassie, I thought they'd call this other new sister.  Nope.  Not yet.  And that situation makes me want to move on with my life too.

I took this calling because I was obedient--I told the counselor to the Bishop that when he called me--but I wasn't thrilled about it.  He tried to tell me that he LOVED being in Primary.  Under my breath I wanted to tell him that HE should be called to Primary then.  I didn't because I was obedient, but I am still waiting for the love to happen.

I belong with teenagers.  Or adults.  Or anyone who is older than 12, or 14.

Keep my in your good thoughts.  I'm not a wicked person, normally.  Just when I think about being stuck in Primary.

Families Can Be Together Forever

For the past 8 months now I have been trying to figure out what I need to learn that I was sentenced to a calling in Primary.  Not my favorite place to be.  I have hoped that if I figure it out I would then be released because I would have "learned what God wanted me to learn" and the reason for the this calling would be fulfilled.

But I had a tiny insight today as I sat in Sacrament meeting, willing myself to stay awake--it was so hard today!  It was testimony meeting and as others stood to share their testimonies, I thought to my self, "What would I share if I got up today?"  This is the game I play with myself to try to stay on task when I can otherwise get pretty inwardly snarky about what other people have to share.  I know.  I am a lousy excuse of what I 'd really like to be.  But this is why I play the game with myself.

Well, today I had an epiphany and I realized that my calling to teach Primary wasn't about what I needed to learn--but it was about learning that the Gospel is really very simple.  Simple enough even a child can learn it.  And the more specific simple truth I recognized was that Families are God's unit of society and what He says goes, when it comes to how families should be and work and grow.

♫  ♪  ♫

"I have a family here on earth.  They are so good to me.  I want to share my life with them through all eternity."

♪ ♫ ♪

"Our Father has a family: it's me, its you, all others too. We are His children.  He sent us here to earth, by birth to live and learn here in families. God gave us families.  To help us become what he wants us to be. This is how He shares His love, for the family is of God."

♫ ♪ ♫

"I am a child of God and He has sent me here, has given me an earthly home with parents, kind and dear."

♪ ♫ ♪

These are lyrics from just three Primary songs that talk about families being part of God's plan for us.  The middle one is the newest song we have been learning in Primary.  I struggle to sing it through when we work on it in singing time because the truth of it's message is powerful to me.  I have a testimony of that  message. 

We live and learn in families so we can become what God wants us to be.  It is one of the ways He has shown the world His love. The influence from the family is the initial foundation we gain as children.  It is what we measure all other knowledge by as we grow.  It is the model we use as we create our own families as married couples.  It is the path God gave us to return to Him again.

I don't think that this epiphany will get me released, but ti does make me feel a tiny bit better about WHY I'm there.  Maybe I need to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the most basic way again to remind me of the most important points of doctrine.  And not get so hung up on the fringy bits.

He Chasteneth Those He Loveth

Last night was the first Stake Leadership meeting since our released from Young Women.  Except I didn't realize it was the Stake Leadership training until I got there.  I thought it was a Primary teacher meeting.  Which, I guess, it was too.  And just by being there, I have turned a corner in my attitude about my Primary calling.

When I came into the chapel and realized that all three auxiliaries were meeting, it dawned on me, and I felt very pouty,  to be honest.  I sat by myself on the back row and grumped to myself in my head.  I missed being in a presidency; I missed the ladies I had served with and I missed having something worthwhile to teach others. But then the meeting started and the music was beautiful and Miss H played the piano--again, beautiful!--and President Phillips spoke to the group.  He nailed it.

Using the scriptural backdrop of Christ speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well found in John 4, he talked to us about putting the effort into our Spiritual needs first and the temporal things will take care of themselves.  Knowing my personal turmoil about getting a job--not wanting to work, I realized that I have become much less willing to listen to the Lord's guidance because I have been too obsessed about my own perceived needs right now.  I listened to the Spirit tell me that the right job will present itself and I'll know what will work for my family situation right now and it might not even be anything to do with the school.  Good to know.  I should have been listening.  Boy, I love President Phillips' masterful way of cutting to the chase for me. He always seems to know just what to ask, say, or guide me to figure out on my own. He is good at that!

Then we broke into the separate auxiliary sessions and I felt my heart break a little bit when the YW friends walked by on their way out of the chapel. But I put on my happy face and moved up to the Primary teachers group.  I was obedient, if not in it with my whole heart yet.

Sister Stinson, the Stake Primary president, is a lovely woman.  She was called a while after we were serving in YW and the few times we worked with her I was really impressed.  Last night was no exception.  She talked about things we need to do as teachers to be successful in Primary and for the children we teach to be successful.  Here is her list, as we discussed each point:

1 -- pray to be filled with love.
2 -- Serve those you teach.
3 -- Look for the good in the children.
4 -- Live in a way to feel the Spirit and live what you teach.
5 -- Don't focus on your weaknesses (see Moroni 10:17).
6 -- Use your talents and share the things you like, personal experiences, testimony.
7 -- Take an active role in Sharing Time.
8 -- All kids respond to music so use it.
9 -- Visual aids will help children remember what you teach,
10 -- "Liken the Scriptures" to the children we teach.

She concluded by saying to all of us that we should never consider ourselves "just a Primary teacher" but that little children were so dear and precious to the Savior that He called them to Him and blessed them one by one and taught them at His knee.  We were the best He has to offer His little ones.  So we'd better do our best to uphold that confidence.

Then Sister Francom talked about what we can do as teachers to reach out to inactive children,  Now, for the record I thin I do pretty well with this.  I have for some time--even from YW days--written notes (snail mail, Facebook, texts, etc) depending on how each person would receive them to let those in my charge know I was thinking of them  outside of the "assigned hours".  This is why I still am writing a dozen or so missionary letters each month.  I still do this for "my kids".  But Sister Francom's points were these:

1 -- Pray for a way to notice those who aren't active
2 -- Celebrate them individually
3 -- find ways to come together outside of Sunday
4 -- Include all in age group within our boundaries to participate (especially Activity Days & Cub Scouts)
5 -- All of our callings begin on our knees.  Trust that you'll receive revelation for each child you teach.
6 -- the Lord's blessings are not just for a select few.

Then the High Council member over Primary, Brother Hoopes, spoke to us about"How can we show the kids we love them?"  The evenings whole discussion had really covered this point.  But he added that each child we teach is different and so we need to love them enough to figure out what works fro each one.   then he quoted President Joseph F. Smith, who said something along the lines of: If you want your children to feel the Spirit, live the Gospel, gain a testimony, then you must LOVE them. (I can't find the exact quote, but it was good.)

Then they shared a message from Sister Wixon, the Primary general President who in General Conference some time ago spoke on what we want the kids to know in 5 years depends in large part on what we do NOW.  If that is the case, and I agree it is, in 5 years these little Primary girls will be turning into Mia Maids.  Mia Maids were my assignment, my age group, my people!   All of a sudden it felt like the clouds had parted and I saw my job in Primary to prepare these girls for YW.  I knew that before--for all my joking about teaching the Pre-Beehives, but it hit me in a new way last night.  that made me feel so much better.

And I got one more little boost from being in that meeting last night--and it came after the meeting was over.  When we finished I realized that I had been sitting in front of two lovely sisters from another ward--both of whom I was privileged to work with when they served together as ward YW president and camp director, who also happen to be sisters in law, and whose husbands I admire a great deal too.  Through my tears I talked with Jana and Sarah about how I just haven't loved this calling.  They both LOVE being in Primary.  then Jana said that she learned something once from her brother, Sarah's husband that made her feel better when she was the YW president, a calling she never felt comfortable doing.  He told her that she could hate a calling until the bitter end, but by being obedient and doing was was asked of her she could still magnify that calling in an acceptable way.  That was revelatory to me!  That gave me hope, rather than the guilt I felt for really not liking my calling.  Sarah added to this by saying that given enough time, I would come to love Primary just like I loved YW too.  I joked back to her that I hope I'm not in this calling THAT long.  It would probably be the Millennium before that happened.

I felt so much better.  I was glad to miss the planning commission meeting that was discussing a rezoning of the rest of the "field" behind our cul-de-sac, most likely for a condo or apartment zone.  Ugh.  I felt blessed to have the Lord trust me with any calling, especially one with children.  Any aged children.  And I deeply felt the Spirit teach me what I needed to know.  Now I just have to put it into practice.

Video Sunday

Change of Attitude?

Today my Primary teaching partner and I will meet and "pow-wow" about our first lesson with our new class.  I sent the 6 little girls an "invitation" to join our class on Sunday and a message that we look forward to learning together with them.  I have created a "getting to know you" sheet for each of them to take home and fill out so we know their favorite treats, talents, goals, and struggles and with that knowledge help them understand and know the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

The lesson itself isn't a difficult one.  We are teaching about Joseph Smith's first vision and what he learned about our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus.  Since the whole theme of Primary this year is "I am a Child of God" this is a pretty good starting point.

I remember learning about the First Vision in my seminary class.  I must have been a junior or senior in high school and, while I knew the story and it's importance before, I never had the Spirit confirm it's reality to me like it did that day.  I vividly remember sitting in the classroom, have just re-read the verses in the Joseph Smith history section of the Pearl of Great Price and listening to our wonderful teacher--I believe it was Brother Dickson at the time--bear a sweet simple testimony that he knew what Joseph said was true.  Someone had prayed that morning to begin class that we'd have the Spirit of the Lord there with us to teach us and testify to us.  Like a huge wave of warm water, the Spirit washed over me as Brother Dickson testified to our class.  I knew it too.  I had always known it, but now the Spirit confirmed that belief and made it knowledge.  It was a powerful class period.  And that feeling has stayed with me as I've grown up.  That piece of testimony is the foundational block of the the rest of my faith, belief and knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I admit that when this new calling came, I wasn't thrilled with it.  I really didn't like that first assignment in Primary I had with Genius Golfer the first year we were married.  It was devastatingly distracting and, besides the birth-control factor, did little for my attitude about Primary.  The class was full of a bunch of cute-when-silent-and-still hoodlum-monkeys who were never still not silent.  I don't remember much from that year except the feeling of disliking my time there.

The other 25+ years of adulthood--if you can call it that--I have spent either in Relief Society or Young Women, both places I feel I have some acumen and talent.  I love to teach but prefer to lead discussions and involve the women--old and young--that I teach.  I feel I have been blessed with some leadership skills and have been able to develop those talents in presidencies in both other auxiliaries.  Primary children don't learn the same way as adults--both older and younger sets.  And I feel I have no natural skill set to pull out of my spiritual toolbox with this new assignment.  And maybe that is why I have been so hesitant.

But my feeling is shifting, ever so much, as I inch nearer to our first day of "our" new class.  My teaching partner, Cassie, and I are developing a personal relationship, to which I am really looking forward.  The lesson this week has reminded me of my own testimony development all those years ago in seminary.  And I feel more excited about our little group of junior-aged young women.

From my YW experience, I know that God has saved His most valiant and faithful children to come to earth at this time--to prepare for Christ's second coming.  It can't be long now,considering the messed up world we live in, but these kids have spend their premortal lives learning spiritually all that they will need.  We have the challenge of teaching them, and then keeping up with them.  This year I will just get  moved up in the line of teaching and guiding a little earlier than the 12-18 year old spot.  When I think of it like that, I feel more excited about it overall.

Change isn't easy for me, as it isn't for many people.  But I know this is Christ's church on the earth today and this Gospel is TRUE.  I know it,I live it and I love it.  But wish me luck, just the same.

I Blame Keith

Yes, my dearest, longest, lasting, high school friend, Keith.  He gets the blame.  After my post about being released from my YW calling, he had the nerve to post a comment abut 6 years was long enough and I should get back to Primary.  How dare he!

I got a calling yesterday...in Primary.  We are not amused.

No idea what age yet...but I was called to teach in Primary and to be a 'mentor teacher' to a young single adult sister who is making her way back in the Gospel.   She will be my teaching partner, and I'm to teach her how to teach as much as I am to teach the kiddos.  The mentoring part is much more interesting to me (at this point of the game) than the kids.

The Lord has a pretty demented sense of humor sometimes.  He knows I am not much good with little people--beyond making faces in the checkout line at the grocery store, where the kid is looking at me but too scared to make noise.  I like holding little babies--when they are asleep and smell good.  But preschoolers and Primary kids hold little interest for me.

Anyone remember how many times I had to call my mom when my own kids were younger and cry to her that "someone in this house will not make it to kindergarten alive"?  I'm not good with little people.

The Boy, on the other hand, and Genius Golfer are both great with small people.  They would ROCK this calling.

But I will nonetheless be obedient and thankful this isn't a job like a General Authority where you have it until you die.  I guess the Library ladies at church are that way too.  But this is a transition position. And I will do the best I can, but I probably won't like it. Just so you know.

And its all Keith's fault.