Pushed to Move

 A month or so ago I wrote about feeling nudges on my heart. I knew something was needing to change and I needed to do it.

Well, I have made those changes.

The 22nd of December I worked my last day at the Hyundai dealership where I had been doing three jobs: warranty administrator, cashier's office manager, administrative assistant to the service manager. I was there for 2.5 years.  I inherited a hot mess when I got into that place.  I left them an organized, cross-trained, competent team with expectations and goals set in place for them as a whole that maximizes the work we do to help the service department, and the dealership as a whole. I feel like the work I was there to do was done and I felt I was ready for a change.

Sadly, the timing wasn't exactly of my own choosing.  Coming off a three months past a positive Covid-19 test, I was still easily fatigued.  I couldn't get enough rest. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything else but get through the day at work, and then kept us clean and clothed and fed at home. I knew that was the catalyst to make the change. I had only thought I'd have another year or so to make that change.  The need I had to make adjustments and opportunities to recover made that change needed now, not later.

So the 23rd, I packed up my clothes and the handful of other things I knew I needed immediately and hit the road south. Hubz had already gone south on the Saturday before, so he was there already. Driving down alone was a release, a "pause" in my consciousness, and chance to recalibrate my thoughts. When I pulled in to the garage I felt a little lost, but had a feeling that things would soon settle and I was where I needed to be.

That doesn't mean that I didn't feel guilty to be able to leave my life and hit a reboot for myself. I have dear friends who, I know, were sad and were going to miss me.  I had guilt about that. I was disappointing them by making this change. I was disappointing my boss by choosing to leave a job he appreciated me for doing. I was disappointing members of our congregation that enjoy my Sunday school classes each month. I was disappointing myself for thinking I didn't deserve this move and these changes. But I sure felt guilty about disappointing people.

Somehow I will work out this undeserved guilt about disappointment others, but that will take so much time. But in the mean time I will get my health back into my own hands. I will work out some physical exercise, some sleep patterns, some mental stability. I know that this is what my life needs to be in this moment. I won't be in this moment forever, but I need to make the best use of my time here while I'm in it. I will know when the next thing needs to happen and I will be ready.

Choices Made and Lesson Learned, We Hope

I meant to write yesterday and then the day got away from me and my mind was full of wonder and worry.  Without giving up the guilty, I thought I'd try to tell a story that taught me--and most hopefully the kids--a good lesson about making good choices and only listening to friends who do the same.

A very sweet boy on the swim team made a really dumb decision yesterday.  I happened to be visiting with his good mom when she passed up a couple of phone calls from the team's coach, who is also our friend, and then decided she'd better take this son's text message he sent...that all came in about 5 minutes' time.

It seems that this otherwise good boy--one who is smart and clever and funny and bright--was egged on to "moon" the cars behind the bus as the team drove to the nearby covered pool for their A4 class time practice.  And he gave in to the peer pressure and did it.

Now, here is where the story gets a little dicey.  This otherwise very good, smart and clever boy was seen and a call was made to the local police department who then met the bus at the nearby recreation center and questioned the boy about his "reckless" shenanigan.  This good mom, upon reading a text from her son that in essence expressed "Mom, I made a dumb mistake and now the police are here to talk to me and I'm scared", called the coach back and got her take on what was going on and then appropriately, immediately left our group to go to her boy.

The team had a swim meet later that afternoon, so while my own kids (who don't have the A4 swim class) weren't on the bus for this incident, they were meeting the bus afterwards to go to the meet.  On the bus to the meet, they heard from the other kids about what happened and also heard the coach tell the team how very disappointed she was in them for encouraging this good kid to do something so stupid.  The Boy said that the other kids just seemed to think it was funny and while not a GOOD choice, wasn't that big of a deal.  But The Girl heard from her team friends that they felt really bad for this boy and were worried about him.  They also said there were some kids who tried to convince him NOT to do it.

As I texted his mom, that evening, I was told that this boy would, indeed, face some consequences for his actions.  He was to be suspended from school for a few days, would be benched from the next three swim meets, and lose his team captaincy for the rest of the year.  As far as the legal ramifications, that would depend on whether or not the viewer(s) of his little stunt pressed charges.  If that occurred, things could get increasingly worse.

My thoughts and worries for him included the potential for a postponed (at best) chance to serve a mission--which he was planning on at midsummer with the new age threshold.  If charges are filed it could take that opportunity away from him for good.  It could land him on the sex-offenders registry, and even in juvenile detention for some time, and probably a good sized monetary fee.  Now that is the worst case scenario, but I am quite sure that this usually very obedient, compliant, worthy, priesthood-holding young man didn't think about these potential consequences, or even just past the idea of "Ooooh, that would be do funny!"  Not a single thought past that.

This situation made for a very interesting--and hopefully impactful--dinner conversation last night at our house.  Everything we do is a choice, and for every choice there is some kind of consequence.  Even this morning, The Girl prayed that they would "make good choices and do what is right".  Those are more then magic words you say to get what you want...it is a plea for heavenly help to guide you to do what you know is correct.  Regardless of the other bozos who egg you into something really dumb.

At least, I hope that is what it means...since I, as their mom, pray every day that they will have good friends who will help them make good choices.  Choices and consequences...that is what life is made of for us here on this Earth.  And sometimes that makes or a better day than others.

Parenting is not for whimps

I remember those old commercials for the Air Force or the Army or the Peace Corp where the tag line was "The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love". While I have never been in the Army or Air Force or Peace Corp, the only job I can think of like that is the job of PARENT.

I know that you don't get a lot of immediate gratification for your efforts as a mom or dad. In fact, it usually takes years to see any results from your work. But every once in a while you get a little glimpse of what your payout might be like. More often, you are knee deep in the trenches of life and covered in spit/poo/dirt/snot, but you keep on keeping on.

Once in a while your kids get themselves into a problem and have to learn from it and you have nothing to do but watch them learn it. They might not be ready to listen to your advice, or they might have listened but still have to learn it for themselves, the hard way. As a parent who tries to do your part, that is the worst. It is heartbreaking to see your kids mess up when you know they are so much better than the choice they made.

I think the only way to get through those rough bits is to think about what the difficult experiences will help them become down the road. It is still not easy, but you can pacify yourself by thinking they will be stronger for the experience and you just have to love them through it.

At least, this is what I tell myself when my kids make choices I don't necessarily agree with. I know this is part of them growing up, but I wish there was some magic trick to whisk them through the tough parts and still be able to learn the lessons that come from that. So far, I haven't found that magic. If I did, I would gladly share it all with you.

I know that you are trying your best with your kids too. I have seen you struggle with your own children and their choices sometimes. I have seen the tears in your eyes as you explain how they have grown from the choices they made and consequences that followed. Thanks for the love you continually show the children in your lives. Thanks for the example you set in following through with consequences that are hard to dole out. And thanks for the support you give me as I try to be a good parent too. It is a tough job, but I do love it.