An "A-Ha" Moment

 Shortly after moving in later December, I struggled with the lingering aspects of Covid related fatigue. But there was more to my melancholy. Today I learned what it was.

I have been listening to podcasts in my car during my lunch break. An hour seems like a long time for lunch when you haven't ever really HAD a lunch break before. Today I listened to an episode of Brene Brown's Unlocking Us podcast. This summer she and her two sisters are talking about the guideposts she introduced to the world in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. There are 6 episodes covering the 10 guideposts.

Today the podcast covered (#3)  Cultivate a Resilient Spirit and Let Go of Numbing and Powerlessness and (#4) Cultivate Gratitude and Joy and Let Go of Scarcity. In that podcast, which is a really easy conversation between three funny, loving, mental health-profession sisters who are articulate about these types of subjects. But together their natural talk unpacks these concepts in a way reading the book--which was AMAZING the first time I read it too--didn't do for me.

As I sat listening to these goals/guideposts, I realized that I spent a couple months grieving--similar to the feelings you have when someone dies--about leaving our home of 26 years. I missed my friends, I missed the old space and all (even the too much) my space I had there. I couldn't find things I know I packed and stored. But mostly I missed the easy way I could pull my friends into my life at the drop of a hat.

In those early months here I felt bereft of friends. Genius Golfer is good, but, come on. We gotta be real here. I missed my girlfriends. All the Marco Polo videos in the world didn't make up for the distance and aloneness I felt.

These three sisters articulated that feeling as GRIEF and in their naming it, I was given permission to call it what it was without feeling overly melodramatic. That made my heart heal a little bit.

Now, much has happened since those earlier months this year. I had prayed for friends and, what with God's funny sense of humor, he certainly gave me some new friends to build relationships with, but at the cost of being called as the Relief Society president in my ward. Now I am responsible for the welfare--temporal and spiritual--of 185 women. I'm in charge of getting sisters the help they need, when they need it. Convenience is no consideration or factor.

Now I am too busy and tired to be grieving. At least, I feel less like I need to. I still miss those very dear friends I left in our northern home. But I know that friendship is an unending circle, if I do it right. these new friends will never replace the long-time friends in my heart, but they will fill in some of the gaps in my heart.

Moving Down The Road

 What a crazy month March has been. We got word that we had out purchasing offer for the business property in t George accepted on Feb., 25th--Genius Golfer's birthday. Having that accepted, we were in a time crunch to get our home in Pleasant Grove packed up cleaned and sold as quickly as we could knowing out closing date on the business property was tentatively April 16th. Time was of the essence.

I headed north to the PG house the very next day.  I have two wonderful friends who hunted boxes for me and boy, did they come trough for me!  I immediately began boxing up the house.  There is SO much you don't think about after living in a house for 26+ years! I began to box things--not thinking that we still had to live in the house--cook, eat, clean, wash, etc.--while we were packing.  I learned right away that the most used pan in the house should NOT be in the first box I packed. GG was semi-polite about that but he was right in being frustrated that I didn't think it all the way though.

I quickly filled boxes and piled those boxes into the 3rd car garage--our staging area for the move. I packed all week. About March 3rd we had enough stuff out of the house that GG scheduled the online realtor to come take the photos they needed. Photos were taken.  the phones were approved the next morning and the house was on the market within 1 week of us deciding to sell.

The market is SO crazy right now that we had people assure us that the house would sell for thousands--even tens of thousands--more than we list it at and that we should expect a bidding war for our place.  I was a little embarrassed that we could list the home for so much money, especially knowing what we paid for it when we bought it. I couldn't wrap my brain around that kind of value in this house. I knew it was a wonderful place to raise our family--back yard,  cul-de-sac, drive thru driveway, 3rd car garage, etc. But in my head I still was thinking the value of what we bought it as, not this crazy inflated real estate bubble. It sounded so greedy to list it at $439,000.  But that is was we decided. We hit the publish button and held our breath.

The house was publicly listed on the MLS on Friday.  We had 3 or 4 people immediately want to see the house that day!  Another 6-7 the next day and several more for Sunday.  So we rented a UHall and loaded that and my car and took the first loads to St George with us. Whew!  What a stress! We had friends that were coming to StG that weekend and had planned to stay with us anyway, now they were conscripted into unloaders with The Boy and his Sweetheart too.  We had unloaded the UHall in 20 minutes.

By the time we were ready to head back to PG on March 10th, we had offers.  One was exactly the asking price ($439K) then $444K, $454K, and $470K. We looked at the details in each offer.  The lowest and the highest wanted closing dates into April and we weren't sure that would cut it time wise with our business property closing.  The $444K one wanted 2.5x the realtor allowance for the buyers realtor.  We opted to accept the $454K offer.  We went thru the dance to accept their offer on Thursday the 11th. 

We were contacted the next day by our realtor that the buyer changed their mind and didn't want the house after all.  GG found out that the buyer declined because they found out the city wouldn't let them build a 4th car garage to the already built half of the house.  GG could have told them that!  We tried for that too, once upon a time. DOH!  That set us back a week now.  Time was speeding up it seems. And the pressure was building!

So, back on the market the house went. Another load of stuff in cars that weekend while more showings were scheduled.  One day we had 11 showings. Since GG worked from home, it was easier for him to be in St George when we were constantly being interrupted to show the house. It was very unnerving for me, but he was only annoyed because it interfered with his work.  

So I left him in StG and I came back north on the 16th. That day we decided to take one of the new offers.  The $470K family had been contacted after the first offer fell through, but they didn't want it by then. This new offer was for $449: and was from one of the families that initially offered too.  They raised their offer another $5K but they still had a detail about their realtor's fee at 2.5% what we had agreed on when we started this process.  So GG and I decided to counter with the acceptable purchase price, but we wouldn't pay more for the realtor. They accepted our counter offer and I let our a deep breath.

Our closing for the PG house was now scheduled for April 8th, barring any issue with the home inspection and appraisal. Great, I held my breath again.

Meanwhile I continued to box up and clean the house. What a chore!  I had already filled a 20 yard dumpster mostly with expired food storage that I knew I didn't have room for in StG. I had taken two trailer loads of stuff with a friend to DI as donations.  We made one pick up truck--thank to a friendly neighbor--to the dump. There was still The Girl's closet. I wasn't about to sort her stuff she left with us when she moved back east. She had booked a flight out to see us March 20-27 and now that visit would include a purge of her closet and pile of stuff I had already boxed up.

Following the week with The Girl here, I took her to he airport and returned home in where we packed up both cars again and left that afternoon to head to StG again. By now we had sold or given away all of our furniture except the 2 barstools and a folding chair.

GG left me in StG on Sunday t head back and get his stuff in the PG house wrapped up. His chores included selling our little CNG Honda and his large wood working tools too. All his items were sold quickly online.

I have been here this week alone trying to rest and unpack where I can.  I believe I might have to collect items for a donation run yet again because I over estimated the storage area I have here.  I am anxious to have GG under the same roof again with me, but things will be righted soon enough.  At least things look to be going forward to close on the house on the 8th of April.

I do know form this experience that I NEVER want to move again.  Especially after living in a home for 26 years and two children and all that comes with that. I see the advantage of living a minimalistic life.  But I enjoy my creature comforts too much to be that minimal, really.

New Year, New Location, New Progress

 We moved to St. George over Christmas break. Well, I think we moved. We're here in our house in St. George, but we still own a house in Pleasant Grove, and we already have plans to go back there for a few weeks in March. So, maybe we are "snow birding" this winter. I'm not sure about all of this, really.

But the move has already seen some drastic changes for the good for me. Without having to live by an alarm clock, I have slept and slept and slept. Slowly, my body is recovering. It is slow, mind you.  But I am feeling better already just with the opportunity to sleep as long as my body needs to sleep. That could not happen when I was working and was needing to work just after 6AM each day.

With no employment responsibilities, I have used the time to exercise to build strength in my lungs and muscles. I have found a new online yoga class that has helped me focus on my breathing as a way to strengthen from the inside out. It is fostering a renewed flexibility in my body and reminding my body of old ways of toning up and feeling strong again. 

Having a pool at my daily disposal, I have begun to swim each day and with that daily ritual, I was gathering strength to my breathing as well as my muscles. I am saving my joints from the pounding that running would cause and I find emotional and mental health as I see the blue skies each day--even if the air is still a little brisk. On days when I have a little extra energy, I have also taken myself walking, using the several trails that follow the rivers edge here and have found myself enjoying seeing the wild animals along the quiet trail and the serene, natural habitat of creatures great and small.  I have also enjoyed sharing a "good morning" with fellow trail users on both their bikes and their sneakers.

The winter was always hard to cope with in the north.  There could be weeks at a time that were socked into an inversion that trapped cold, gross, gunky air in the valleys. The air was unhealthy, and the mood turned sour quickly when that occurred.  Here, there is no inversion issue.  The winter is here, but regularly we are 10+ degrees warmer than friends in the old cul-de-sac. Seeing the blue skies each day is a blessing I didn't appreciate like I should have before, but I sure do now.

There is still much to do with my personal health improvement campaign.  But I feel I am well on my way. None of this would have happened without Genius Golfer's agreement to let me quit my job and move south. That would not have been an option had we not bit the bullet 4 years ago and begin this "retirement" house project and the subsequent pool project. Maybe he knew I would need to flee here for my mental health some day, but I do nothing either one of us had any idea my physical health would need it too. So, I'm all the more grateful for him leading those decisions.

With all that said, my business plans for our Quench-It down here are at a stand still, for now.  Finding a good location is much more difficult than I had imagined. But I feel like that right thing will show up and when it does we will be ready. But like all my gut feelings, I have no time schedule given to me ahead of time. So we wait, prepared.

Progress on too many arenas might be too much to accomplish, perhaps.  So I have taken my sense of accomplishment from my health progression and will focus on that for the time being. Regardless, I am grateful to be here and to be on the upward swing, however slow that movement.

Pushed to Move

 A month or so ago I wrote about feeling nudges on my heart. I knew something was needing to change and I needed to do it.

Well, I have made those changes.

The 22nd of December I worked my last day at the Hyundai dealership where I had been doing three jobs: warranty administrator, cashier's office manager, administrative assistant to the service manager. I was there for 2.5 years.  I inherited a hot mess when I got into that place.  I left them an organized, cross-trained, competent team with expectations and goals set in place for them as a whole that maximizes the work we do to help the service department, and the dealership as a whole. I feel like the work I was there to do was done and I felt I was ready for a change.

Sadly, the timing wasn't exactly of my own choosing.  Coming off a three months past a positive Covid-19 test, I was still easily fatigued.  I couldn't get enough rest. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything else but get through the day at work, and then kept us clean and clothed and fed at home. I knew that was the catalyst to make the change. I had only thought I'd have another year or so to make that change.  The need I had to make adjustments and opportunities to recover made that change needed now, not later.

So the 23rd, I packed up my clothes and the handful of other things I knew I needed immediately and hit the road south. Hubz had already gone south on the Saturday before, so he was there already. Driving down alone was a release, a "pause" in my consciousness, and chance to recalibrate my thoughts. When I pulled in to the garage I felt a little lost, but had a feeling that things would soon settle and I was where I needed to be.

That doesn't mean that I didn't feel guilty to be able to leave my life and hit a reboot for myself. I have dear friends who, I know, were sad and were going to miss me.  I had guilt about that. I was disappointing them by making this change. I was disappointing my boss by choosing to leave a job he appreciated me for doing. I was disappointing members of our congregation that enjoy my Sunday school classes each month. I was disappointing myself for thinking I didn't deserve this move and these changes. But I sure felt guilty about disappointing people.

Somehow I will work out this undeserved guilt about disappointment others, but that will take so much time. But in the mean time I will get my health back into my own hands. I will work out some physical exercise, some sleep patterns, some mental stability. I know that this is what my life needs to be in this moment. I won't be in this moment forever, but I need to make the best use of my time here while I'm in it. I will know when the next thing needs to happen and I will be ready.