Joy Cometh in the Morning, or Even Before, Sometimes

 OKAY.  I know that last entry was seriously depressing.  I was feeling all that, It was real and my feelings are valid.  HOWEVER, it is not the end.

I felt a little better just vomiting all that out on the page as I wrote, but I finished and felt even sadder, if that can be imagined. 

I needed something but I didn't know what.

So, I turned to YouTube, to watch a lesson from two of my favorite Sunday school lesson expounders. They are teachers who teach Seminary and Institute in the area where I live.  I usually watch their lesson each Sunday as part of my personal study. But this last week I missed it. 

I do not think this was a coincidence that I watched it today.  And here's why.

The subject of our study this week is the final 3 chapters of Mormon's record of his own people--not as an abridger of the great Book of Mormon, but as a historian and prophet in his own book,  Mormon's book. He has watched his people become extinct because of their wickedness, and eventually it is just himself and his son, Moroni left. He is leaving his "last lecture". (If you ever read Randy Pausch's little book you'll see the similarity.)

Anyway, the teachers I watch mentioned that in scripture there a little pattern of people who feel they have been left all alone, but in their stories we find that God never leaves us all alone--I was reminded that even Jesus was sent an angel in the garden of Gethsemane to strengthen Him.

In the Old Testament we can read about Elijah the prophet who had just spent the last three years alone and was even kept alive by ravens who brought him food. But in 1 Kings 19, we are told that Elijah basically feels so down-hearted--like I did just a few hours ago--that he essentially tells God that he's done and he might as well die like all his ancestors had done. Then he curls up under a juniper tree and falls asleep. An angel gently wakes him and tells him to arise and eat of the cake the angle provides and goes on to tell him that he just needs to eat and rest, that the journey is too great for him right now.

Sometimes you just need someone to let you rest, bring you cake and tell you it is going to be alright. Even if you are a mighty Old Testament prophet.

The teachers use this story to illustrate the similar message we find with Mormon telling us his final story. There are days that feel it's all just too much for us. 

I know that feeling all too well today. 

But this scripture story reminds me that God is in charge. Jesus promised great things, and that goes for me too. Just like He did for Elijah. Just as God the Father did for His Son, Jesus Christ. and just like They have promised even me.

Good things to come.  Not a bad idea to sink into as I settle my heart enough for bed tonight. I am grateful for the miracles that God brings to pass in my life.  Even when it is just a gentle nudge to remember that His miracles are unending and offered to every one of His children. Even me. Even tonight. Even in this world and this day, and this situation.

"...and great shall be the peace of they children."

Why Me?! Lord, Why Me?!?

Today at work I had an opportunity to do some work that lets me wear my iPod and concentrate on the project at hand.  I had nearly 4 hours that I could listen to my iPod and steadily work on my project.

I chose to listen to a podcast call "Enduring it Well".  It is a nearly hour long program that involves a conversation with someone (or a couple or family, depending on the situation) that have experienced some really difficult experiences.  Some have lost children, some have lost a spouse, some were recovering from a pornography or drug addiction, an eating disorder, a devastating medical situation, or even surviving a horrible natural disaster.

I listened to several episodes of this show today. I felt so grateful to have had this opportunity. It touched my heart. It moved my compassion. And it altered my perspective. And renewed my belief in miracles.

After listening to these inspirational true-life stories, I stopped for a moment.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was blessed beyond belief.  I have had my own struggles.  I have sinned and yet have experienced the actual relief and redemption that comes from Christ's atonement and the miracle of repentance and forgiveness.

But these stories made me cognizant of the precious feeling that I have been spared so many of these other struggles and challenges. Why? What did I ever do to deserve the blessings I have been given? Why have I been given so much? How could I ever deserve this kind of comfort, this kind of blessing, this kind of protection, or this kind of care from my Heavenly Father?

I was so humbled as these thoughts swirled around my mind. I recognize that I don't deserve all that I have been given. I'm so blessed. I know I'm just one person. Yet, I also know that I am a child of God.  He loves me.  He is the perfect parent, and loved each of us perfectly.  He knows the struggles we go through, and listens to our prayers when we plead and beg for His help to endure things.

I hope that I have been diligent enough to survive my own struggles in a way that pleases my Heavenly Father. I do my best each day to be faithful and obedient to the commandments of God. I'm not perfect in that effort, but I keep trying over and over. My greatest wish in all my thinking today is that I have endured my own trials well, and that I will not be required to endure all things.  Just those things that are going to prove me to Him, that will give me enough to return to Him, to deserve my blessings.

I know I don't have the blessings in my life that I do because I am extra special, or more deserving than someone else.  I really just believe that I'm a beloved daughter of my Heavenly Father and that I have a loving Savior, Jesus Christ. And together, Their grand plan of happiness provides all I need to know to return to Them. My obedience, or my personal will, is the only thing I have to give Them. I know that if I keep making the choice to do just that, I can be all that They intend me to become.  And in doing those kind of things, I find the most happiness and even additional strength to continue to do them.

Why me? I think the really question should be: Why Not?  As I do what the Lord asks, I know I am blessed. And I am continually, and eternally, grateful.  His perspective makes the difference, and I know that it is my responsibility to share His love and His grace throughout my life.  Until I get to return to live with Him again.  Perhaps, then, I might attempt to thank Them in a more direct way.

Signs of Age

This past week was one of gaining personal recognition and gratitude for miracles given by priesthood blessing.  You may not know but I work at a place that does medical equipment for hospice patients--a hospice nurse calls us and orders a hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. and our drivers deliver it to the patient.  But this week, I felt like the tables got turned and I was nearly the patient.

Tuesday I went to work like normal but sometime that morning I saw a wheelchair in the warehouse that wasn't where it was supposed to be.  So I bent over it and had every intention of lifting it up tot he shelf where it belonged.  Just as I began to lift, I heard/felt a ripping--much like when you tear paper towels apart.  It instantly caused me to drop the chair where it was before.  I felt horrible.  I have told the drivers to be careful how they lift things all the time--use your legs!--and here I did exactly the opposite of my own advice.  I thought "how dumb?!" and figured I would have to tough it out.  But the longer I stayed at work--I had two weeks of embroidery I was hoping to catch up on--the worse I felt.  It wasn't just tenderness.  It was really sore and the pain started shooting down my left leg. I began to worry that I had bulged a disc out of my spine, or worse --whatever might be worse?! I had texted my husband to come straight to my office to give me a blessing--thinking he would be home sooner than I'd be done.  But by 3:00 he hadn't responded yet, so in desperation, I asked my boss and a co-worker to give me a blessing before I went home. 

Luckily, for me, I do work with a bunch of returned missionaries and these two men were available and ready to do this for me.  One did the anointing and then my boss gave me a blessing.  It wasn't a blessing for instant healing, but one that promised me no major damage had occurred, but that I had to do what I could to make things better for myself too. In the blessing he told met hat I would be able to find relief as I took myself out of situations that caused me stress.  That I would be able to find relief from mediation and help from resting my body.  It was a comfortable feeling as he finished.  I knew it wasn't going to be well instantly, but that I would eventually be fine.

By the time I got home, I was hurting SO bad that I couldn't take my own shoes off.  I laid myself over the yoga ball in the family room.  I was relieved by stretching my back around the ball, but then I couldn't get up by myself once I was done laying over it.  I finally took a big ibuprofen and an old generic a pain killer left over from a  dental visit or something years ago--and went to bed very early.  The next morning I couldn't get out of bed. My husband told me to get into the doctor, maybe he cold prescribe a muscle relaxer and something for the pain.  I called the office about 9 AM but the scheduling secretary wasn't available--so I left a message.  My doctor was the Urgent Care guy that day, so the scheduler for the office told me to come on in.  I did as quickly as I could and once there, I had to wait for about 30 minutes.  I was standing then tried sitting, but either position was horrendously painful.  I was close to tear as I felt the muscle in my back spazaming and causing pain down my leg.  Finally I got in to see the Doctor and laid myself across the exam table to relieve the pressure on my lower back. When he finally came in, he tried applying pressure in a couple of spots on my back and sent me through the ceiling a couple times.  He quickly prescribed a muscle relaxer, a steroid, a pain killer and double checked that I had a 800 mg Ibuprofan to take.  He also gave me a referral to a physical therapist.

I got home after dropping off the prescriptions and immediately laid on the bed.  I called the physical therapist's office and they had a cancellation that afternoon, so I took it.  The therapist ended up being the same guy that worked on my shoulder after I did that surgery back in 2006, Chad. He started me off with some STEM and heat.  15 minutes of that was the best I'd felt for nearly 2 days.  Then he came in and did some stretching and massaged on the area.  Then put me on a ice pack and sent me home with some small exercises I need to do to not only heal my hurting back, but to strengthen the lower interior ab muscles that support my back too. 

I took the meds that my hubz had picked up for me and went to bed. I slept through the night and then most of Thursday too.  I was in bed nearly all the day--only moving to do the exercises and go to the bathroom.  I haven't slept that long--or that well--in ages.  I was careful to take the meds are prescribed and I started to believe that I might live. 

I woke up Friday feeling better than I had all week. I went to work, on the meds, but I knew I couldn't lift or man-handle things in the warehouse, or the UPS or FedEx shipments, etc.  I was even very careful how I was sitting at my desk, or getting up and down from the chair or the embroidery machines.  I worked a full day and went hoe about 4:30 or so.  I did have to ask for help a few times, but I know that it is OK to ask for help when you need it.

Now, I know that some of the relief I have felt comes directly from the medications the doctor ordered, and other relief may have come from the electrical impulses from the STEM, or the heat and ice.  While I do think those were all helpful, I have a strong feeling that the priesthood blessings was what has helped me get back to "nearly normal" this fast.  I know the Lord cares about my health and the functionality of my body as it is necessary to my work.  I know that He can bless me to be healed in an instant.  But this time I needed to feel some understanding for people who do live in pain.  Luckily for me, He also knows me enough to know that too much demanded patience would put me over the top.  He has begun this process of healing for me, but is giving me the time to learn to be more compassionate to others and to my own self--where my body isn't doing things as fast as I'd like.

This healing process will be steady and over a longer period of time that just a few days, but I'm on the mend and getting back to what I do every day.  Simply getting out of bed without help is a plus.  Being able to tie my shoes or pick up something on the floor is a big deal after how badly I hurt last week.  So that was the extent of my story this week.  I wish we could arrange a few days of bed rest to just catchup on sleep every couple of months or so, but that isn't real life.  I am grateful for the rest I've had and for the relief the meds and the therapy have given me.  Now to do the hard work of remembering these little exercises and condition my back muscles and core muscles to avoid this again.

 

Getting older really sucks.

Most Welcomed Surprise

Last night, I was in the middle of ironing shirts, watching the Prince of Persia, when the doorbell rang.  I wasn't sure who was home, so I went to answer it.  I'm glad I did, since it was for me.

One of my original Trek Boys was standing at my door. I broke into a big smile and had him come in and give me a hug.  We sat down in the front room and visited for 20 minutes or more.

I asked him about his family--they just moved this summer across town.  Everyone is great.  The younger siblings already knew people in their new ward and neighborhood, so that was an easier transition for them.  His older sister recently graduated from BYU and had started her first post-collegiate job, so I ask about how she was doing.

I had just received a sweet note from his sister, just younger than him, who is serving a mission and doing great!  We chuckled about how much she is loving being a missionary.  No surprise there.

Then I asked him about his work and school.  He works at the Senior MTC teaching Russian and Ukrainian to Senior Couples preparing to serve their missions. Crazy!  He loves it of course, and told me about Skyping with a general authority who was working in Germany, but who is trying to learn Russian.  He is teaching these folks via Skype and only gets to work with them about one hour a week or so.

He told me he was leaning a new direction for school.  When we trekked he was thinking some kind of neuroscience to study brain functions.  That was pre-mission, of course, and even pre-university.  Considering the upheaval Ukraine and Russia are in currently, I could absolutely see the interest International Relations wold hold.  I told him about my darling roommate and former FHE brother, now married, who work for the state department and have traveled most of their married life.  They have three daughters they have brought with them all over the world. He looked relieved to hear people can do that with a family.  He said he has a lot of homework to do to look into what kind of careers were possible, but he'd love to work fro the US in a diplomatic assignment or something in the eastern European countries.

Then I broached the subject: dating. He's been home about a year, and I asked him if he was seeing anyone yet.  He was very open with me. Apparently these kids get asked this a lot.  He said he's dated quite a bit, but nothing serious.  But there was one young women he knew from high school, where they were good friends, who just returned from her own mission about two weeks ago.  We chuckled about striking while the iron is hot, without scaring her away.  I gave him permission to ask her out next weekend.  If she is still in the obedient missionary mindset, and maybe she'd be more open to seeing someone seriously.  And if not, they have a lot of catching up and getting to know you again  to do too.  Hint, hint. wink, wink.  He promised to keep my posted.

This kid is one of the kindest, sharpest, brightest kids I have known.  He astounds me with his knowledge and understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He is a loving son and brother and took his responsibilities on trek, and in callings and as a missionary since that time appropriately.  Add some curly hair and big bright smile, and I'm a goner.

It's been five years since we were a trek committee together.  So most of the kids I have been blessed to serve with, I know they have moved on with their lives.  And that is good.  I want that for them.  But once in a while, a personal 20 minutes to catch up and give them a hug again makes my whole day.  I'm astonished that 12 kids I was fortunate enough to work with for about year have made such an impression on me.  I hope I did as much for them, but I love them whether they like it or not.  And I am so proud to call them my friends.

It's No Wonder

When rotten things happen and people question "Why Me?" do they think they are being picked on by God?  Do they think that God sends the rottenness to them just because He Likes to do that sort of thing?

Maybe I have a different viewpoint of the nature of God, but I sure don't think He sends us rotten things to deal with, specifically.  Maybe He allows rotten things to happen to see how we handle them.  Other times He lets others shovel their rotten choice at unsuspecting, innocent bystanders and those by-standers are left to deal with the consequences that are hardly good.

But the biggest question in this scenario is when things are going great, do people ask the same things?  "Why me?" when the tests come back negative, saving them from painful, expensive and lengthy treatments.  Or, if they get a raise, to do ask "Why Me?" and look for ways to help others around them with their additional income?

I think this scripture explains it all.  Those who keep the commandments of God are blessed and happy.  That said, I also don't believe just because you are living according to God's laws are you exempt from things NOT going your way.  But when you are living according to the principles of the Gospel and obeying God's directives, you have the Holy Ghost with you and that Spiritual companionship helps adjust your perspective so that even bad things can be endured.

And endurance is the hardest part, but also the quest that offers the finest promise at its end.  But it doesn't make it any easier to live in the moment, does it?

I am happy to know God's law and I have been never been happier than when I am living it.  It is a simple "if/then" situation:  IF I do what God asks, THEN I am a happier person.

Blessings Of Denial

I think some country singer once had a song about the blessing of unanswered prayers.  Maybe it was Garth Brooks, come to think of it.  Yesterday I had that same feeling--that I had prayed for something that in my mind's eye seemed like the perfect fit, but with added knowledge that I just received, I was grateful that I didn't get what I asked for.

I applied for two jobs at our local high school.  To me, I seemed like a PERFECT fit for either of them.  I loved being with the HS students, I had worked all year for their success, and I enjoyed the faculty and staff.  I wanted to continue working for these great kids and figured this was an easy decision.

Yesterday I found out that BOTH positions I had tried to get were about to be cut to 20 hours a week--in order to avoid having to get paid benefits, which the district can't afford to pay.  Thanks to Obamacare, workers who are at or close to the typical full time hours (40/week) will be eligible for medical benefits where employers have more than a certain number of employees.  Well, the district is HUGE and therefore, fits the template for these benefit requirements.  But the district is stretched so thin with the monies they currently have with just the students and faculties they currently service, there is no way they can afford to pay additional benefits for the secretaries and student advocates.  Their solution?  Cut those jobs in to 2 parts and make them 20 hours a piece, times two.

This is not a good thing for the kids who really come to rely on "their" advocate.  And it isn't do great for the offices who rely on their secretaries either!  Even our assistant front office secretary, who has been there for years and years, will be cut back to 20 hours a week.  Per new district policy.  No new contracted (read: benefit receiving) positions for classified (read: non-teaching) jobs.

With my new job, there is more than a chance that my hours will only increase, as I would like them to, once my PTA job(s) are finished with this school year.  And with that increase, there is also a chance that once my probationary period of "full-time" hours is over I could qualify for benefits.  [Note to self: I'm still not sure I WANT to work full time, but if I do, I will want to qualify for the benefits for our family.]

So, this delightful friend, who told me about this new change with the district and was really hoping I'd want to come interview again for the same job(s) I interviewed for previously, will be disappointed.  As I have started work elsewhere (she didn't know that) I have come to appreciate that my initial prayers weren't answered.  And that the Lord, in His all-knowing goodness, certainly saw this down the line and put me in a place that was a better fit for the circumstances I didn't even know about yet.

That is a real blessing!

Bad Answers

Okay, I just re-read what I wrote yesterday and realized I went against all I just had told you.  I applied for a job at the high school yesterday.  The job that I had just heard about last night that caused me immediate stomach squirming.  But after thinking about it all day, I think the immediate squirming sensation is from nerves.  The rest of the day I have been kind of excited about it.

I know I don't have a lock on this, but feel like it would be a good fit for me.  I enjoy the folks I'd be working with, and while I'd have preferred to work with (and learn from ) the gal that is leaving Monday I could get along there.  I will just have a LOT to learn!

And my PTA life will have to alter, I think.  I know some people can do it and work full time, and maybe there might be some room for concessions as I'll be at the high school already, but I don't want to take anything for granted. This might be the crisis for our board to step it up a bit more. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Did you hear that?  I sounded just like my mom.

I could have just as easily said "Fiddly-dee.  I think about that tomarrah."  But then I'd sound like Scarlett O'Hara and I don't generally do that.

Anyway.

I think The Boy and I have his schedule figured out for next year.  It is crazy to think he is going to be a junior.  I remember what Junior boys looked like--Keith, I am talking about you, and Kevin and Patrick, etc....and The Boy doesn't fit that in my head.  But it is hard for me to look at him and see beyond his little-boy expression or goofy accented voices he pulls for me.  His latest?  Bullwinkle, the Moose.  he had work to do on that one.

The Girl received another scholarship yesterday.  This was the one from a PGHS alum who also is a USU alum.  It is a $5,000, one-year non renewable, non-deferrable scholarship.  She did the math last night and figures the monetary value of the scholarships she has earned or received is close to $40K.  We are so blessed.  It is the perfect timing for that kind of blessing.  And she will do well with that kind of send off.  Tuition, books, housing, food and maybe a laptop or tablet computer will all be covered.

We are blessed.

And regardless of what comes with this job application, I feel a renewed hope that things will work out. They always have in the past.  We are doing what we feel the Lord wants us to do and striving to be obedient each day.  I know He blesses us and I know He has heard my prayers about our situation.  I read in the new Ensign yesterday a paragraph that struck me.  It says:

"...Now with that perspective I can look at difficulties with new understanding. I can see that God did provide miracles all along the way that have carried me through. He did not provide me with the miracles that I wanted; He provided me with the miracles that I needed."

Maybe this job opportunity is what I need, rather than what I want right now.   But either way, Iknow we are blessed.  And that is enough for now.

Revelatory Announcement

Saturday morning I was sitting listening as General Conference began.  The Girl had come down to join me but as she came in I was wiping my eyes.  President Monson had just announced the change in the minimal age for missionaries--now 18 for young men and 19 for young women.  I was contemplating the changes that so many wonderful young men and women I know at school, in my stake, and in my own home will get to choose with this change.

As I explained to the girl, we got a little giddy about it.  I told her that now the boys she is in school with will be able to leave right after high school without the "gap year" of college--for some--and the work year--for others.  But better than that, she said, "Mom that means I can go as soon as I finish my bachelor's degree.  I won't have to do my master's first."

It also means The Boy will leave right after graduation--since he will graduate just after his 18th birthday.  They potentially could leave at the same time.  She graduates just shy of her 18th birthday, and since she will have her associate's degree with her high school diploma, she will only have about two years to finish her undergraduate work for her bachelor's degree.  Then she could leave at nearly 20--while he brother will be 18 and they will serve at the same time. And though we always figured they would have some overlap, this will be so perfectly timed, I can't still believe it all.

As the news sunk in Saturday afternoon, I was so thrilled to see so many young friends posting on Facebook about the new countdown until they could go.  Young women who hadn't thought seriously about missions before--because 21 sounded just too far away--were now figuring that they could serve much sooner and wanted to go.  Others who have always wanted to go, see this as a blessing to speed along their fondest dreams, and were even more excited to serve.

But the funniest thought came form a photo I saw posted on Facebook:

 

Having a prophet guide and direct this church is pretty amazing.  Having the Lord himself lead us is indeed a blessing by which I never fail to be humbled.

On Inspiration

This series on GMA made me want to stop and think of what inspires me. I don't have a fancy, glossy, eight minute video presentation to show it, but I do have many sources of inspiration. I don't believe that this list is a definitive one, but it is a start. Perhaps, after this clip and my list, you will think of those poele who inspire you too. And then, tell them THANKS.

I am inspired by my parents.

I know they weren't perfect, and I know they never thought they were. But they did a pretty good job--against some pretty fierce odds in raising my sister and me. My grandparents lived with us for many years while their health declined and my mom cared for them while she cared for us. My dad works long hours doing something--for a while--that he didn't really like. But he did it to take care of us. Then, together, they took a chance on a new business, and worked themselves ragged making it prosperous. Meanwhile, at home, we were allowed pets, responsibilities, chores, opportunities and glimpses of things in the world that were different to help us appreciate what we had and open our minds to what could be.

I am inspired by my children.

I had no idea having kids would be such a learning experience. I knew I had the responsibility of teaching them the things they would need to know, but I had no idea that I would learn so much from them. They are both very different and consequently have different needs and both require different things from me. I find my self inspired to do better tomorrow when I blow it with them, or trying to duplicate the day when I get something right. They give me a reason to do the other things in my life--PTA, my callings in church, my hobbies. All of those things give me additional connections with my kids. All the things in my life, I hope, reflect just how much I love my family and what they mean to me.

I am inspired by volunteering, and then walking away.

Especially in PTA, I have seen the good that comes from selfless giving of my time and energy. But I also have seen how much more beneficial it is to the children I have served to finish my commitment and then move out of the way for another volunteer to fill my spot. The kids have that many more adults who can learn to love them and they can trust. The system gets another backer, another advocate for teachers and administrators. If I think I am indispensable, and never walk away from the situation, there is no allowance for my own growth, or that of any one else--who maybe could do it better than I did.

I am inspired by the teens I have worked with this past year or so.

They are standing on the brink of adulthood, and have so much to look forward to. They have made some accomplishments, and have goals for others. They are working to fulfill their dreams and are working out what dreams they might have down the road. They are full of energy and excitement and enthusiasm. Three of my favorite things. Best of all they have opened their hearts to include me in their lives and I am inspired to be a little better than I was for them for the next group I get to work with and learn to love.

I am inspired by teachers.

I did that job for a little while in my past life. I remember the sacrifice of time they make for their students. I know they sometimes are working in a hostile environment, and have many hoops to jump through. I am inspired by the care they take in their work quality and the connections they have with students that influence them for life--not just books. As school winds down this week, I am impressed by the endurance they exhibit too. May can be the longest month of the year when you factor in reviewing and testing, year end requirements, high level excitement for summer to come, parents' expectations, and continual preparation.


That is five groups that inspire me. There are many more, especially when I try to list them as individuals. I feel very blessed to have many friends and neighbors that have inspire me and continue to do so. But to keep myself for accidentally missing someone in a list, I won't name names.

And if you recognize yourself in this list today, I thank you.

Having inspiration can get me through some tough times and can remind me to enjoy the good times. I hope you find inspiration all around you today, and can use it to get you through too.

Exactly

This morning in my personal study time, I was reading on 'obedience' and noticed something new about the Stripling Warriors that Helaman led into battle with such success. Not only did they trust what their mothers had taught them, but this time I noticed that their faith was so complete it caused them to be exactly obedient. The verse reads "...they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them...."

It made me think about what I do to "exactness". I am afraid there isn't much. I'm more of a "good enough" girl. But if those warriors were blessed according to their obedience, maybe I should rethink my plans.

No one, seemingly at least, is "exact" anymore. Most of us just get by. We are generally trying to do our best, but it sure feels like we have a lot of outside influences we must deal with simultaneously that nudge us off course from being "exact".

Certainly there are some professions that demand exactness in those who undertake them. Brain or heart surgeons come immediately to mind. Bankers and other financial professionals--one would hope--but the news has proven that only a theory of late, am I right? But for the most part, there is a lot of leeway for most of us.

Maybe that is the real trick here. The "exactness" of the 2000 Stripling Warriors came by their complete faith, but more importantly that faith drove them to desire exactness. If we want to do what is right, we will find a way to do it completely. I suppose the "wanting to" is the harder point for us, simply because we like to think we can do what we want. We cannot expect blessings like they received without relinquishing our will to the Lord's. If we shift to wanting what He wants for us, then our desire to be exact will follow. Only then we can be blessed "according to our faith".

While I recognize that strength comes from making personal strides to become better each day, there are times when waving a wand and leaving it to magic would just be easier. But that is not the plan we signed on for, now, is it? Dangit. Easy wasn't part of the deal. Exactly.

Grateful and Blessed

Genius Golfer was on the phone when I got home yesterday from a PTA meeting, the school Book Fair, a Young Women project prep errand, and getting the little zippy car filled with gas. As he got off, he told me that he had a job. He interviewed on Tuesday with a committee from a local online retail company--no MLM this time--and while I was gone yesterday they called him back and asked of r a second interview which he went to and by the time I was getting home they had called to hire him. He starts the job today!

The Boy has been so determined, especially in the last week or so, praying that Dad will "get a job he likes and that will support our family". The Girl too, but not with quite so many details. Sunday we fasted as a family that something would be offered this week. I felt a little weird setting a time frame for God, but He listened and, better yet, answered within that requested time.

I am just so grateful today for the guidance we'd been given for months and month and years and years to get out of debt, pay off your homes, and save a little for a rainy day. I appreciate the blessing of having food storage in the basement and a freezer full of meat and the knowledge that my children will not go hungry while we weather this storm. I am most grateful for a dear husband who always finds a way to take care of us, no matter what.

When The Girl was first born and I quit my job to be home with her, GG worked three jobs to cover the loss of my income and to keep us in our same little house. (He has insisted that we will stay in this house so our children will live in the same place until they have graduated from high school.)

One of his three jobs back then was at a place called Auto Meter. It was just a two minute walk from our front door. We saved on gas, car costs, and commute time--at least with this job. It was mindless work assembling gauges for a variety of specialized vehicles.

This new job is in the very same building. Now it is called Costume Craze, and though he is not assembling costumes, though if he needed to, he probably could figure that out too. He is getting to just program. No babysitting other programmers, and no management crap to deal with either. He sounds relieved to just get to do the kind of job he loves.

I am very sure that others have had more difficult situations to endure. Ours was challenging, but not debilitating. I have been more stressed these last four months than I remember being since both kids were under the age of 2. But this challenging time was a way to see blessings I hadn't recognized before for me. The kids have cherished having their dad home and able to see them at school things, or weekends, or days off. They have loved it and have soaked up every minute. I have enjoyed having the chance to chat during the day with him, eat lunch with him at home, take him to the grocery store--well, a few times anyways. We have had time to serve Dear Friend Tammy and her husband, Mr. Rick. We couldn't have done that any other way.

I am also grateful for each of you that has had something kind or encouraging to say. The smiles and understanding looks have meant a lot to me as we hung in there waiting. Thank you for your care and support.

Mostly I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers, even if it isn't necessarily the way or time frame I would have wanted at first.