Not Like I Was Raised

There have been some interesting discussions at work recently that revolve around financial responsibility.  From what I have heard, I came to a conclusion that I was raised to be weird.

I am the first to own that I AM weird.  That was never the question.  But I kind of discovered that I was raised this way.

A colleague who recently moved, left his house on the market--without selling it--and apparently had no issue with just walking away from it.  This, from what I was told, isn't the first time he has done this.  And declaring bankruptcy is also something he had done before, and he is "eligible" to file fro it again in just a few months.  So, that made it another option.

Another coworker, who has been down similar paths as the first in terms of bankruptcy and walking away from a house, had to get a loan to get his wife's car fixed.  I know it was a big repair, but I was surprised that it would require a loan.

Here is where I know I am weird.  I couldn't do any of these things.  I couldn't leave unpaid a mortgage I signed off on.  I couldn't live paycheck to paycheck so that when there was a localized, financial emergency I couldn't help myself.  And I certainly couldn't continue spending with things like this hanging over my head.  this is exactly WHY we have no boats, four wheelers or other "toys" in our little family.

For one, I feel that financial responsibility is part of my integrity.  And that is priceless to me.  I tell the truth, I take it on the chin, I pay my bills.  Is that always easy?  Of course not.  Have I been able to get whatever I want when I want it?  No way.  I learned I can scrimp and save and exercise patience to get what is worth getting.

This, perhaps, is my hold back in going on this fabulous trip this summer with my family.  My gracious mom and dad have paid for Genius Golfer and I to accompany them on an Alaskan cruise to celebrate their 50th anniversary with my sister and her husband.  The cruise fare was our Christmas present.  It was an incredibly generous gift.  And that was the only way we could go at this point in our financial lives.

I could put everything on a credit card I didn't mean to pay off each month; we could do that.  But that is not using your resources wisely.  We didn't have the time to put money aside to save ourselves enough to go.  And we are still refilling our emergency fund from the two years GG was unemployed.

But other people must do this differently.  I just never realized HOW different I was.  The other benefit of this realization is that I am profoundly grateful GG sees this the same way I do--sometimes maddeningly so.  If this was something we fought about, I'd likely be single.

So, world.  I'm WEIRD and I'm loving it.  I'm financially responsible.  And that must also make me "boring" to a lot of folks.  And I am really OK with that, as I can sleep at night knowing I I have nothing hanging over my head.  There is already enough to keep a mom up in the night without inviting potential financial ruin into my worries.

Integrity Matters

KUTV :: News - Get Gephardt - Content On Pinterest Could Leave Users Violating Copyright Laws

So my new obsession/hobby may just be getting me int legal trouble?!  Yikes!  I hope this isn't the deal this report is making it out to be, but you never know anymore. The discovery of brilliant new recipes to try on my family has been a great resource from Pinterest, but if lawsuits are to follow because I "pinned" a photo of my favorite Mr. Darcy from a Jane Austen-fan blog, I might not see the benefits long term.

Ethical quandaries aside, we live in a litigious society.  Someone is always out looking for an easy buck, and for many people that means suing over their own dumb mistake if they think the other party has deep pockets.    Too bad, really.

Just last night I saw a report on this same news broadcast of the city the Logan honoring several citizens who, months ago now, pushed a burning car off an injured motorcyclist and saved his life.  There were a dozen or more people willing to get involved because it was the right thing to do.  But if they had thought much longer about it, there might have been some hesitancy to do anything for fear of the legal reprisals.  Luckily for the cyclist, that wasn't part of their thought process.

Doing the right thing, no matter who is watching, is still the right thing to do.  I learned that as a kid.  I relearn it when I try to teach my own kids that same principle.  Living with integrity isn't easy, but the more you do it, the more suited you become to continuing to do it.

Genius Golfer has had issues with software piracy that I never did.  But that principle of doing the right thing, because it is the right thing applies there too.  File "sharing" is really stealing if you take something that didn't belong to you in the first place...not matter how much you are helping the other person you are giving it to.  A few Christmases ago, I made a CD of crazy Christmas music for our neighbor gifts here on the Circle.  I paid for the individual songs on iTunes for each of those discs.  In that way, it was like designing my own playlist CD I could otherwise buy at the store.

But other files, programs, and intellectual property all began with someone, who deserves the credit.  Here's hoping the Pinterest issues will be settled before lawsuits are called for.  And, 99% of the time, I would guess the intent of the Pinterst users is not to infringe on copyrights but to share the information they found with others who might enjoy it.  Let's hope common sense becomes more and more common.

Sort of Like Mastercard

Last night I helped with our junior high's band concert.  Beginning band, Concert band, Jazz band, Percussion ensemble, Symphonic band.  Yep, we had it all.  Including  a visit from the paramedics and fire fighters.

As the Beginning Band finished up their section and the concert band was prepping to go on, a little grandma was exiting the building and lost her balance somewhere on the exterior stairs to the parking lot and fell, hitting her head.  There was blood, to be sure.  And a handful of very scared grand kids.  One granddaughter was due to go on stage with the concert band.

As I was in charge of back stage crowd-control, I saw the emergency lights flashing and realized what had happened.  I bolted out to see what could be done to help--and what had been done to help--and then tried to help divert the students to where they needed to be and to help the EMTs do their work without extra "help" from the families and students who were coming and going.

The granddaughter was softly crying, worrying for her grandma.  I told her what I knew--which was minimal--and that the EMTs were taking good care of her grandma and how lucky her grandma was to have a granddaughter who not only loves her so much, but that plays in the band and I asked if her grandma just loved to hear her play...as a diversionary tactic, of course.

That little question seemed to do the trick.  Though this sweet girl was at the edge of tears the rest of hte evening, I promised her I would go check with the assistant principal about what the emergency personnel thought of the prognosis for her grandma and let her know the minute she was off stage.  Then I gave her a tiny pep-talk about go out there and play like grandma would like to hear.  She did, and I did what I told her I would do.

Grandma was conscious and alert when they put her in the ambulance.  And the AP said they seemed to indicate that she would be OK, though quite sore, once they bandaged her head and made sure she wasn't dealing with broken bones.

This morning, I had a message on facebook from a past PTA president with whom I have worked.  The grandma was her mother in law, and the granddaughter was her daughter.  She just thanked me for comforting her daughter after grandma's fall.

It is just a good feeling knowing that you do the right thing--comforting a distracted and worried young woman.  But then there is a sense of relief and deeper sense of gratitude for doing the right thing when you discover you there is more connection that you imagined.  And that person is grateful you did the right thing too.

Integrity...it is priceless.

It's Called an HONOR Code for a Reason

BYU's basketball team has had a lot of press this season.  Rightly so.  They have had a Cinderella season.  They have given the school, the conference, and the region a lot of reasons to cheer.  Both wins over San Diego State were tremendous--the only two losses SDSU have had all season long.  Not too shabby.

This week, however, the talk has shifted from their performance on the court, to the university's decision regarding Brandon Davies' (number 0, above) honor code violation and subsequent dismissal from the team for the remainder of the season.  It is a critical time to make roster changes to a team, but more so when that roster change is your third leading scorer, your leading rebounder and the biggest inside guy you have out there.  The conference tournament and the NCAA tournament--that crazy March Madness--are closing in.  The Cougars even had a chance to have a #1 seeding there.  Now that is looking doubtful.

Hey, I am a proud graduate from BYU.  I have been as excited as anyone else for the Cougs to be playing so well.  I found myself a little sick with Jimmer-fever myself.  That is what makes being a university alumna fun--I have a life long relationship with the school.  Last night's loss to New Mexico was more than a little disappointinging.

But in a world where the lack of honorable men and women in business, in politics, in general society  is repeatedly lamented, I am very proud of the university's decision to stick to its guns.  And I think Brandon Davies should be lauded for his, reportedly, volunteering the information which then cost him his spot on the team.  From the reports we have heard, the violation was not criminal.  That tidbit leads me to believe it was of more a moral issue--not that is any of my business, mind you.  It is hard enough to go to a leader--athletic, academic or religious--and confess you have made a mistake.  If you knew that your confession would cost you the high-profile athletic affiliation you've enjoyed on scholarship?  Well, that is a big risk to set things right.  And an honorable one.

ESPN commentators, among others, have spent some time talking about BYU's Honor Code as something so outrageous and unreachable that it was ridiculous for the university to expect anyone to live by it, much less a hugely popular athlete.  What they don't seem to understand is that many, many high profile athletes--as well as your average BYU student--have been living in accordance with that Honor Code from the first day of admission, and even before.  Everyone signs it.  Every year it is renewed.  No one is forced to attend BYU.  Especially when you factor in the high demand for the limited spots at the school for students.  

BYU is ranked as America's "favorite college"--meaning that more BYU applicants who are accepted actually attend than any other school in the nation.  Unlike Harvard, which is still high on the list, but where an applicant might try to be accepted without any intention (are ability) to attend there, BYU's applicants REALLY want to go to school here.  There are plenty of people who knowingly apply, are willing to sign the Honor Code and will attend and live by that code, as well as the academic expectations the university has set.

The key to the Honor Code is your PERSONAL honor.  Your integrity.  Your word.  Those things have seemingly less and less value to the world, yet BYU demands them be valued.  That goes for each student who attends.  That means, ALL students: Mormon or not; US student or international student;  Undergrad or graduate student.  Even the faculty have a high standard to which they are held.  Here is a whole university--35,000 or so strong--who value Honor, enough to require a signed Honor Code as part of their acceptance.

I was secretly hoping that the Cougs would beat NM last night, perhaps with some Divine assistance and then maybe prove how right this whole Honor Code thing is.  But they lost. 

Does that mean God isn't interested in the influence of this discussion of Honor Codes and BYU basketball on the world?  Students have jokingly called this "God's University" for many years.  Doesn't He have some sway here?  Couldn't He help them win and show the world that Honor still does has value and let the world see the Cougars are stronger because of it?  I'm sure He could have done that.  But it didn't happen.

Maybe this isn't a lesson for the world to learn.  Maybe this is a lesson for the university's students, alumni and supporters around the world to re-evaluate and re-examine their own behavior and determine if it is truly honorable.  Maybe it is a chance to have the world talking--not about the team's games and achievements but about the team's real priorities.  Maybe it is a chance for the world to recognize that honor and integrity are more valuable to society than sports and win percentages.

I hope the discussion turns that way.  But I also hope the Cougs can win their last home game and still have a great showing in the MWC tourney in Vegas next week.   And I really hope BYU can pull themselves together and play with the strength and heart that comes from living up to your word and earning respect for not only their play throughout the season, but for having their long term, personal priorities in the right place. 

But, let's be really honest here, a good showing at the Big Dance wouldn't hurt my feelings either.

Reason Number 14

Did you hear this survey that was splashed all over the news last night? High school aged teens were surveyed on their own ETHICS. And their ideas of ethical behavior was messed up.

The Josephson Institute in LA published the 2008 Report Card of Ethics of American Youth. see:http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5heO49If8cVynFgMZMsjn0jX52ywg Very disturbing. Almost 30, 000 kids were surveyed and while 93% claimed they were satisfied with their own personal ethics:

• 78% of public school kids (while 83% of private and parochial school kids) admitted to lying to their parents about "something significant".
• 64% admitted to cheating on a test at school and 38% said they'd done that more than once.
• 30% admitted to stealing something from a store in the last year, with boys slightly higher here with 35% copping to that while only 26% of girls did.

This got under my skin yesterday. Honesty used to be a hallmark of character. Apparently now, it is missing in action. How can these kids surveyed settle themselves with this type of admitted behavior and still think they are "satisfied with their personal ethics"??

What is wrong with us as parents? Is this what our behavior is teaching our kids? Are we modeling for them what we expect, or is it more along the lines of what we can get away with? I find it all very sad.

I think I have stressed INTEGRITY with my kids from the time they were little. We try to be very open with them, so that when mistakes are made--and they are by all of us--we can talk about it and make changes to improve. That is the whole point of the Gospel, isn't it? We learn, we try, we make mistakes, we change, we get better. And Christ allows us to improve.

Honesty is one of the Big 10 Commandments, right? So why does it sound so off the radar for these kids? It's too bad society has fallen so far from living the "Big 10" that the concepts are beginning be lost on our youth. There will be worse to come from these newbies with this kind of foundation.

My thought here is that this is just another reason to love the Gospel, to live the Gospel and to share the Gospel. I love that I can choose to live an ethically straight life and have no guilt about it--now or when I'll face God someday. I'll just have to focus of the benefits I have with the Gospel in my life and emphasize the values it teaches. And be grateful for that.