Redundancy, Again: Identity Theft

I realize I am not posting as often as I had hoped, nor am I posting much in the way of earth-shaking news.  But I feel like I have been mulling over several interrelated feelings and thoughts that I am still digesting and absorbing. 

Does this sounds like a gastro-medicinal paragraph?

For nearly twenty years my whole life has revolved around taking care of two smaller humans: The Boy and The Girl.  Sure there was some housework and cooking and some community volunteering--again, that dealt directly with whatever the kids were involved with at the time.  suddenly, with The boy's impending high school graduation this week that segment of my usefulness is over.

This past week I was recognized by two otherwise total strangers as I went about my day.  One lady recognized me and took several minutes to pinpoint where she knew me.  I gave her several choices: PTA, Strawberry Days, church?  Nope.  Finally she asked me, almost delightedly, "Did your kids swim?"  Of course, that was where she knew me.  I was the "Bullpen lady".  It's been two summers now since I did that.

The other was a gal that waited on The boy and I over one of our recent lunch dates and she knew immediately where she knew me from too--PTA at Central elementary.  "Do you have any other kids at Central?" she asked.  I had to tell her nope, that my baby was graduating from high school this week.  It's been MANY years since I did PTA at Central...but she knew me from that.

What kind of impact will I have now that this stage of my life is over?

That is really a rhetorical questions, as I am sure things will come to the surface and I'll figure out what to do next.  I do work.  I still go to church,  though in teaching Primary kids my reach is certainly shorter in distance and influence.  I will begin to work at the temple in another week.  But if I'm not a full time MOM, what am I really?

These, and other tough questions, pull doubt into my mind over my purpose and influence.  I know I will never lead a Fortune 500 Company, nor will I headline a TED talk presentation anytime soon.  My goodness, I rarely have more readers here than my own mother and a handful of dedicated (though a little bored) friends.  Is what I'm doing enough?  Is what I HAVE done enough?

I guess those questions will play out as The Girl and The Boy move on in their own lives and I can sit back and see the influence they have on others around them.  I'll bask in the reflected light they give off.  And that light will warm my heart like the sun.  I suppose I need to give it time.

From The Mouths Of RMs

Yesterday is church we had a farewell/homecoming for one family in our congregation.  The second brother just returned from his mission in Tennessee and next week the youngest brother leaves for his.  This family is a neighbor in our cul-de-sac so we have knows these boys pretty well.

The younger brother will be serving in the Alpine-German speaking mission.  I'm sure he'll be great.  He already looks the part. and he will definitely blend in better than most.

The returning brother spoke about a talk from General Conference that I remember feeling was spot on at the time, but hearing it again really touched me.  She spoke on the Elder Hallstrom's talk called "That's Just Who I Am". 

The gist of the talk in conference was that once we say, "That's just who I am" we eliminate the opportunity of change in our lives.  Change is what this life is all about.  Change is a gift given to each of us by the Savior's atonement.  When we decide, fatalistically, that is just who we are, we dismiss His power to heal and change us.

Maybe it is because Genius Golfer told me I was asked to give the closing prayer, or because the message was powerful, I got a LOT out of that talk.  And I ended up NOT having the closing prayer; GG was just giving me a hard time because he had been asked to give the opening prayer.

Lessons From The Spirit

This weekend I discovered a few things that I should have already known, but the Spirit had to teach --or at least, re-teach me.

During the Relief Society broadcast Saturday evening, the RS general presidency members spoke about keeping covenants.  That has been the them of our stake this whole year, so I thought I had heard all there was to hear about that topic.  But I was wrong, as is commonly the case.  I learned that I choose to keep my covenant every day--in every little thing I do. 

By the time the "half-time hymn" came around the Spirit was working on my big time.  The hymn was "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go", which I have always considered a missionary hymn. But the Spirit taught met hat this hymn is really about doing what we are asked because we are covenant keepers.

It may not be on the mountain height Or over the stormy sea, 
It may not be at the battle's front My Lord will have need of me.
There is a need for teachers who have a testimony and commitment to be there every week so those kids learn and behave and feel the Spirit.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:I'll go where you want me to go.
I've never really had a Primary calling before (the first 4 months after we were married really don't count--as that was more birth control, than teaching....) but if this is where I am supposed to be, then I'm here.
 Perhaps today there are loving words Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin Some wand'rer whom I should seek.
Some of these kids are dealing with some tough things in their families.  Their families need the Gospel and its blessings.  Maybe something I say will affect  the kids and in turn affect their families for good.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide, Tho dark and rugged the way, 
My voice shall echo the message sweet: I'll say what you want me to say. 
If the Savior were here, He would love and teach these kids.  Even the ones that I struggle with. Heavenly Father knows and loves them, and He'll help me to know how to do that too.

There's surely somewhere a lowly place In earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day For Jesus, the Crucified.
I considered the Primary teacher one of the lowliest of callings when I got this gig. And I know it isn't a life-long calling, so I should shift my attitude.
So trusting my all to thy tender care, And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be.
Plus, if I know--and I do--that Christ loves me, then I need to love those around me to show Him my level of commitment and conversion.  My covenants in the baptism and the temple direct me to do just that.


I have a lot to learn, apparently.  And this Primary calling is just the start.  Ten months into it and I am finally figuring just this little bit out.  At this rate, I might not learn enough from this calling to ever be released.

Words To Live By

Recently I had a friend share this quote with me.  I am not sure what it is about it, but I felt an immediate respnose to it.

"The purpose of life is not to be happy.  It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have made some difference that you have lived and lived well."  --Ralph Waldo Emerson


I am planning on using that as my closing thought to my PTSA board for the year.  We meet one more time to close out the month and wrap all our activities up.  But Mr Emerson really sums up what I feel is the purpose I feel as I have served in PTA over the years. By a pleasant happenstance, I also find happiness in being useful and honorable and compassionate.  Making a difference in the world can do that for you.  And I'm happy to have discovered that for myself.  I hope that my community and the schools and children I have felt have benefited by my little difference are as happy about my work as I am to do it.