Exhaustion Doesn't Really Explain It

Getting The girl ready to go for her mission, and actually out the door and gone has been a long quest.  But this morning VERY early, it is done.  She's on her way and didn't even look back.  I'm her mom--I watched to see if she would!

We had a wonderful family filled, Spirit loaded, Christ centered weekend with her to see her off.  She spoke in our sacrament meeting  Sunday and her topic was "how the Young Women's program prepared me for a mission".  I'll need to thank the Bishop for his topici as I was a mushy woman through most of the meeting. 

I was so thrilled to see so many friends and family and friends we consider family there that day.  I was delighted to have SO many of The Girl's friend from work, school, swim and the ward stop in to the house after the meeting for lunch!  I'm so grateful for the family and friends that helped provide a delicious meal that day--and the leftovers we've enjoyed most of the weekend.

Monday was a holiday and we spent it standing in the sunshine for the Ogden Temple open house.  It was a longer wait than I anticipated but worth it when I had The Girl whisper to me, "Would you mind, when I got married, I got married here?  This is beautiful."  It really was.

Then Tuesday we filled with a lunch with cousins--both returned sister missionary--who had great advice for The Girl.  Then an afternoon movie about Joseph Smith and his call as a prophet for these last days while The Girl finalized her packing.  Then off to a marvelous experience with the stake president having Sister DeBuck set apart as a full time missionary.  Wow.  That capped the night.

A quick sleep--I was up at 2:40 AM--and a run to the airport where she headed out to learn and to serve.

Even after a morning nap, I feel exhausted, and still processing the whirlwind that was this summer with The Girl.  But I couldn't be more pleased with her choices and the blessing she is.

What a Week; Let's Not Repeat This One

I am usually better at getting something posted more often than once a week, but this particular week was at least a month or more long.   I'm so tired.  I'm so tired.  I'm so tired.

I even took the day off yesterday to attend the funeral of a very dear friend's mother.  I was going to go back to work after the service, but my boss told me to just take the day and do what I needed to do.  Good thing, as I am not feeling like myself.

Thursday was one of the worst days I have had at work.  From the moment I walked in things just went south.  I realized I didn't need it.  I recognized that I don't really feel any joy in my work.  And I was just moments away from quitting.  I am not helping the company on weeks I feel like this.  And I am not really helping my family being at work.

The last time I remember feeling like this was shortly after The Boy was born.  I am sure it is some sort of depression, but not serious enough to medicate or see anyone about it. I just need to suck it up and snap out of it.  I keep telling myself these kind of bumper sticker psychology.  So far, it isn't helping.

In reality, I was more than tempted to get in the car and drive to see my parents.  I haven't been home in over three years.  And while I have seen them--for about a week on our Alaska trip--going home would be a welcomed refuge just now.  But I don't have time, since I have to work Monday.

Maybe this is all part of letting go of The Girl as she leave for her mission.  But I really don't think so.  I'm happy for her to do that.  I know it is the right thing to do.

Part of what I feel is affecting me is that I have lost a built in support group of girlfriends.  I am not in a presidency to work with together; I am no longer on the PTA board of The Boy's school (I'm just supposed to be a happy helper); I don't' even have a teaching partner in Primary.  Genius Golfer is working and if not working, he is golfing or helping The Boy golf.  They are gone a lot.  The Girl just spent a week in Vegas with a friend and her family and today she is at Lagoon with her work friends.  My friends in town are busy moms with things to do on the weekend.  I can't take them from their families on weekends.

Luckily these kind of days don't happen often.  But I am just so tired.  I'm tired of the housework I see piling up around me, the yard work that I can't begin to handle and the guilt I feel with all the work I see and can't catch up on.

Here's hoping for a nap.  A very long nap.

Losing Interest

I never thought I'd say it, but I am losing interest in swim team.  The Boy is swimming for the high school and for the first time ever I am a little sad about that.  When The Girl was in high school, she swam all four years and did great.  It was her "thing".  For The Boy, his "thing" is really golf.  He only agreed to swim because I wanted him to do it.

He doesn't have room in his schedule to have the "swim class" the first semester and so he swims with the team when he can--usually at the night practices that begin in November.  Consequently he is just not that dedicated.  And with the graduation of the many kids I knew, I am not that interested either.  The kids who swim now aren't part of the group that I have worked with and loved because of the summer swim team.

The other reason I feel my interest waning is that I just don't want to do it any more.  The team ALWAYS needs help--usually timing, which is fine, but not every family does their part.  So some of us do it more than we fairly should.  This year I did my allotted meets early int he season and I really haven't been to a meet since I got sick in December.  At least with the summer team, a parent volunteer can work WITH the kids--which I love--when we work the bull pen. Even then, not everyone does their part of the work needed.

Maybe my interest us waning too because I just want to go home and veg out after work.  I'm dressed for work--not to freeze in the bubbled pool, or to get soaking wet from the boys who slam into the walls on their races.  Plus I never can make it to see the start of the meet.

For whatever the reason, I am losing interest and with The Boy deciding NOT to swim next year, I am really OK with that decision.  I even think that I may not push him to swim this summer.  The Girl doesn't age out of that one yet--she could swim one more summer season--but I may not encourage her either.  Or maybe, I'll let them do it themselves and not mess with helping anymore.

Or maybe, I'm just tired today and really ready for the weekend.  Yeah.  That could be too.

Dragging, And NOT The Fun Way

We are all getting back to "normal" around here today.  The Girl is back in Logan at school ready to start another semester.  The Boy just left for school, having grunted at me as he pulled the door shut behind him.  Genius Golfer was out of here really early, so we might get to see him tonight.  And I am getting myself together to head out to work in a few minutes.

Too bad there isn't some kind of post-vacation treatment I could take to get right back into my regular routine.  so far I haven't found anything.

Let me know if you have something that works for you.  I'd like to try it.

How Far Can You Stretch?

This is the question I have been asking myself , rather a lot lately.  I feel like I need to do what it takes at work--considering Office Manager's family situation right now. I feel like I need to put in more effort at home for The Boy because I do feel guilt about being at work when he gets home--though he has told me that he is "fine, mom".  I feel like I need to do whatever I can to support and defend Genius Golfer so he feels like he can do his work and make it successful.  I feel like The Girl needs more emotional support now that midterms are here and the novelty has worn off at school.  I feel like I need to "finish strong" with my little primary class at church because they change classes the first Sunday of the new year and we only have them for a few more weeks.  And I feel the need to up my enthusiasm about visiting teaching because 1) my partner is now in the stake RS presidency and 2) I had a very good lesson taught (by my nephew) in sacrament meeting Sunday about HT/VT being like missionary work to those who have already been baptized.

That being said, I also got word yesterday that I will likely be training next week to work in the Big Boss' scrub stores as the daytime ladies need me.  And one of those times apparently is the one day off I asked for in December to see the Festival of Trees this year.  That might require some negotiating.  But I can't blame ShopGirl#2, since her missionary son is coming home from Canada that week and she wants to be home with him and their family.

I think my attitude is flagging a bit because I'm tired and there are days (more often lately) when I just don't want to be working at all.  That kind of resentment isn't healthy, I know.  This is my new reality.  I just need to face it and be brave.

In the meantime, I'm taking my vitamins and trying to get enough sleep (is there such a thing?) and attempting to keep from medicating myself with donuts and ice cream.  And THAT may be the hardest bit of this whole deal.

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

How can it be Saturday already?  What is wrong with this picture?

School ended this week, exhaustion enveloped me, slept longer than I should and still took a nap, like a bad mom I didn't make the kids go to the last hour and a half of school Thursday, had a Seminary Council Parents' meeting, YW presidency meeting and Girls' camp field trip, and neighborhood end of school BBQ, while kids both at camp outs, and Genius Golfer is...well, golfing.

I guess that is how that happened.

How Do You Spell "RELIEF"?

Today I spell "relief" D-O-N-E!  As in, my PTA awards luncheon is DONE!!

All in all, it went pretty well.  And the best call of the day was the box lunches.   We had 120-ish people there to honor about 56 folks from 10 schools. 

We were one hour, start to finish.  Perfect.  Even the clean up went well.  Why did I not think of that meal option earlier?! 

I'm thrilled to honor those who serve our kids so well at these schools.  And, while I generally do not enjoy surprises that I do not have a part in--until the surprise part, it was very sweet to have such a lovely appreciation gift and comments of thanks given to me today.  That was very nice.

Now I feel like I need a big long nap.  Which I will get right on after I collect The Girl from swim practice tonight, make dinner and get everyone ready for bed.  Then, they are on their own, but I will crash!

Losing Stream

Today is finally Friday. Man, what a long week it has been. I am drained, physically and mentally. I still face the last day of Junior High sucker sales for PTA today, tiring in and of itself some days. Next week is going to ramp up as well; it always does.



Maybe that is why I like the sentiment in this comic. For Better or Worse, written by Lynn Johnston is a classic newspaper comic about family life.

In case you can't read it, it says:
Friend: You've know Connie for along time.
Ellie: Since University.
E: I was going to teach English and she was studying radiology. Then she went off to work in South America and me?...well...I got married.
E: Connie thinks my life is perfect because I have a husband, and I envy hers 'cause she has a career.
F: Raising kids is a career, El. Ally our knowledge skill and expertise you pour into your children.
E: True. Maybe that is why I feel empty sometimes.

It isn't just the kids who can make me feel drained. I keep trying to tell myself it is because school is nearly out, or because I am cutting my Diet Coke intake dramatically (gasp!) or because I am trying to walk more each day. But ultimately, life is making me tired.

I suppose that is how it should be. I am doing PTA, Young Women, helping Tammy, serving my family, teaching kids, raising leaders, and trying to be a good, fun friend. Check back on me in a week or two. Maybe then summer will have kick started me and filled me with energy and excitement, or at least made me less tired.

Yeah. I can't be sure of that either. But tired from swimming is very different from tired from life.

Let's Do The Time Warp, Again....

Is it me, or does the week seem excruciatingly long??? Yesterday I was sure it was next Tuesday, but it was only Thursday. What makes the time feel like it is flying by or standing still? Some cosmic time warp?!

I have a sign in my kitchen that says: "With Kids, the Days are Long but the Years are Short".
And usually I would agree with that. But these last two weeks are just dragging by for me. I have a ton of stuff to do, but I find I am ready for the weekend about Wednesday.

Is it any wonder that I am completely attached to my mug of Diet Coke when I feel like I have been run over by a truck when I wake up each morning and just can't seem to get going without it? It's just a good thing that Diet Coke will help, otherwise, I might start looking for something harder.

Maybe it is the combination of the weather changing, our family employment situation changing, and the fact--though I don't like to admit it--that I am getting older. Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, I just feel tired. And I would love a nap. I can't remember the last nap I had. They used to be regular Sunday activities. Not any more.

So, here's to the weekend when I should be able to sleep in. Oh, wait! The Boy's football practice was changed to Saturday morning at 8 AM. Genius Golfer will likely take him, but I am sure I'll be up at my regular time getting everyone going. I guess I can hope for a sleep-in on Sunday then. I'll cross my fingers.