What a Week; Let's Not Repeat This One

I am usually better at getting something posted more often than once a week, but this particular week was at least a month or more long.   I'm so tired.  I'm so tired.  I'm so tired.

I even took the day off yesterday to attend the funeral of a very dear friend's mother.  I was going to go back to work after the service, but my boss told me to just take the day and do what I needed to do.  Good thing, as I am not feeling like myself.

Thursday was one of the worst days I have had at work.  From the moment I walked in things just went south.  I realized I didn't need it.  I recognized that I don't really feel any joy in my work.  And I was just moments away from quitting.  I am not helping the company on weeks I feel like this.  And I am not really helping my family being at work.

The last time I remember feeling like this was shortly after The Boy was born.  I am sure it is some sort of depression, but not serious enough to medicate or see anyone about it. I just need to suck it up and snap out of it.  I keep telling myself these kind of bumper sticker psychology.  So far, it isn't helping.

In reality, I was more than tempted to get in the car and drive to see my parents.  I haven't been home in over three years.  And while I have seen them--for about a week on our Alaska trip--going home would be a welcomed refuge just now.  But I don't have time, since I have to work Monday.

Maybe this is all part of letting go of The Girl as she leave for her mission.  But I really don't think so.  I'm happy for her to do that.  I know it is the right thing to do.

Part of what I feel is affecting me is that I have lost a built in support group of girlfriends.  I am not in a presidency to work with together; I am no longer on the PTA board of The Boy's school (I'm just supposed to be a happy helper); I don't' even have a teaching partner in Primary.  Genius Golfer is working and if not working, he is golfing or helping The Boy golf.  They are gone a lot.  The Girl just spent a week in Vegas with a friend and her family and today she is at Lagoon with her work friends.  My friends in town are busy moms with things to do on the weekend.  I can't take them from their families on weekends.

Luckily these kind of days don't happen often.  But I am just so tired.  I'm tired of the housework I see piling up around me, the yard work that I can't begin to handle and the guilt I feel with all the work I see and can't catch up on.

Here's hoping for a nap.  A very long nap.