Spinning Wheels, And Other Analogies

No, I don't mean the spinning wheels, like Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on in the story.  I mean, my wheels feel like they are spinning out...in the mud or sand or ice.  Like this blog project is getting no where in a big hurry.

Ideally, it is a point of connection for my family our of state.  Ideally, it is a personal history, a journal of sorts.  Ideally, I would be writing every day.  My world is far from ideal a the moment.

At this moment, I feel like this failure to blog is another seam slowly ripping along my straight stitched tidy life, just a thread at a time.  Nothing is a major blow out, but if I don't take the time to fix the little things, the seam will be gaping, and the edges of my life's fabric will begin to fray and there will be permanent damage.

I don't want you to worry.  There isn't anything that will rock our family's world--or my health world, or my children's world.  It is just the fact that working--what essentially amounts to full time--and tryingt o keep up with the house, The Boy, Genius Golfer, my primary class, the neighbors, etc., etc., etc. is  really knocking the wind out of me some days.  Some days I can keep it together.  Others I can't seem to keep my legs under me.

Is this typical for "working moms"?

I hate to use that term--frankly, as all the women I know are "working"--the difference is really just the paycheck.  But this shift in my life over the past almost-a-year-now, feel more acute as I go on.

I'm not saying I'm giving up the blog.  It is a useful tool to unload my mind and even vent about the world I live in.  But I put pressure on myself to write EVERY day and that isn't happening, which then goes on my "still undone" list.  And that self-imposed pressure isn't healthy, surely.

So, while my goal may be to write regularly, that may or may not be daily.  But I've been doing this since June 2008 and it's the best thing I have to say I'm a journal writer.  I don't want to leave it hanging.  So please be patient with me while I sort through my life.

And please don't ask me about my scrapbook project(s).  That is even more discouraging.

Letting Things Go

I've been at my new job for a month now.  And I am learning a lot there and at home.  One of the biggest lessons I have learned it that I need to learn to let things go.  Things like these:

My overgrown flower bed right outside my front window and the weeding that I have avoided and run out of energy to keep up on in the other flower bed.  Summer is coming and I know I should have a garden spot ready, even just for tomatoes.  But it isn't going to happen this year.  (It barely happened last year and I wasn't working last summer.)

I have to be honest here, it irritates me that I can't keep doing everything I have always done AND still work this little job I have now.  I'm a capable woman, with brains in my head, and a healthy (for the most part) body to work with here.  And  I have the same amount of hours in the day that other people have.

But still, my weeds are over taking my flower beds, and the flower beds need attention, generally.  And I have chosen to let it go.  Not that it doesn't bother me any more, but I have to be more selective in what I spend my energy on.  And making sure my family is OK, my kids are well and happy, teaching Primary each week, getting to work each day and doing my job, and try to hold all that together is enough for now.

Maybe someday I will get a working time turner, like Hermoine had in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  In the meantime, I am trying to choose wisely.  And learning to let it go if it isn't wise at the moment.