I recently found this online. Make more sense than I could have without much brain work. Happy Mother's Day:
So I've decided to be proactive and tell my kids what I want for mother's day. Here it is:
What I Want for Mother’s Day
Dear Children,
Mother’s Day is coming up, and I thought I should tell you what I want. This way there’s no guilty panic or last minute purchasing of flowers at the closest gas station. So, this is what I want, this year and every year after; it’s pretty simple really.
I want you to be a decent human being.
I want you to be who you are, but don’t be a jerk.
I want you to work hard at everything you do, because life is too short not to give it everything you’ve got.
I want you to ask for help when you need it.
I want you to help others when they need it.
I want you to learn how to cook, do your own laundry, pay your bills and know how to clean a bathroom.
When you screw up, and you will, more than once, I want you to own it, because it’s the screw-ups that make the victories sweeter.
I want you to travel, because the world is huge and you are one part of it.
I want you to know that even when we hate each other, I will never stop loving you.
I want you to play nicely with others.
I want you to feed your curiosity.
I want you to find a way to do what you love, and realize that that might look different than you originally thought.
I want you to respect every human being’s right to be who they are.
I want you to sometimes be more interested in someone else than in yourself.
I want you to know that you are flawed and you are extraordinary. There is no one else like you.
I want you to know that I would lay down my life for you in Lily Potter fashion any day of the week.
I want you to realize how lucky you are every once in awhile even if only for an instant.
I want you to know love, even if it means getting hurt.
I want you to relax and not feel guilty about it.
I want you to know life can be brutally hard sometimes.
I want you to know that you can choose happiness even when the dark side offers you cookies.
And I wouldn’t mind breakfast in bed.
See, simple.
Love,
Mom
Showing posts with label mother's day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother's day. Show all posts
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Monday, May 14, 2012
Making Peace
If you have been a regular reader at the this blog, you will know that I haven't exactly enjoyed Mother's Days. Most of the time I dislike them because on Mother's Day the talks prepared for our sacrament services make mothers sound like some kind of angelic, perfect, and unattainable creatures with patience and kindness oozing out of the every orifice and shepherding their children who are all mild mannered, academically high achieving, and eternally kind to their siblings. It is a lot to take in without choking.
Usually I do choke on that stuff. And if you throw in a singing of the hymn "Love at Home", I'm physically nauseated.
This year, however, I had a great Mother's Day. Some of that came in the anticipation of and preparation for hosting the family dinner for Genius Golfer's family. But some of it, I believe, is the conscious "lowering of the bar" of my expectations. It was much easier to get through a day knowing it wasn't going to be perfect, but that I knew I was doing that best I could, and my family loved me just the same.
The other very helpful point came in the messages shared in our Sunday services. Our Bishopric spoke. Each of the three acknowledged that they had realized that Mother's Day is a difficult day for women for many reasons. They acknowledged the idea of difficulty women have with the day when they haven't had the chance to bear children themselves. They acknowledged that some women are dealing with ill, rebellious, or wayward children and the day only reminded them of their feelings of guilt and longing for things to be different. Our Bishop even spoke of the doctrine of the family and the place of motherhood in God's eternal plan. It was comforting, to be honest.
One of the counselors who spoke happens to be my neighbor. And when he began his talk he started by telling of a conversation he had a few years ago with a sister in the ward who let him have it about Mother's Day Sunday services. This woman told him that the speakers only induced more guilt and feelings of missing the mark for the women in the congregation when they talked about their perfect mothers. Those unrealistic expectations were reaffirmed when she heard the talks tell of the seemingly perfect behaviors and attitudes the speakers' moms held. The counselor mentioned this and said he was surprised by this woman's feelings. He thought she was doing a really good job, and was willing to serve her family, the ward, the community and thought her a good example of all the good things "mothers" do.
That woman who spoke to him was me.
The rest of his message focused on the idea that our worth as women (and men too, for that matter) really comes from our identity as children of God. Daughters of God are priceless and our worth is unmeasurable. The expectations that we feel we've failed to meet aren't real, and they aren't from God. They tend to come from each other. His message was completely uplifting and validating and true. It was so good to hear.
And it immediately had me asking for his forgiveness for venting to him in that angry way all those years ago.
I think my peace about Mother's Day has finally come. Finally.
Usually I do choke on that stuff. And if you throw in a singing of the hymn "Love at Home", I'm physically nauseated.
This year, however, I had a great Mother's Day. Some of that came in the anticipation of and preparation for hosting the family dinner for Genius Golfer's family. But some of it, I believe, is the conscious "lowering of the bar" of my expectations. It was much easier to get through a day knowing it wasn't going to be perfect, but that I knew I was doing that best I could, and my family loved me just the same.
The other very helpful point came in the messages shared in our Sunday services. Our Bishopric spoke. Each of the three acknowledged that they had realized that Mother's Day is a difficult day for women for many reasons. They acknowledged the idea of difficulty women have with the day when they haven't had the chance to bear children themselves. They acknowledged that some women are dealing with ill, rebellious, or wayward children and the day only reminded them of their feelings of guilt and longing for things to be different. Our Bishop even spoke of the doctrine of the family and the place of motherhood in God's eternal plan. It was comforting, to be honest.
One of the counselors who spoke happens to be my neighbor. And when he began his talk he started by telling of a conversation he had a few years ago with a sister in the ward who let him have it about Mother's Day Sunday services. This woman told him that the speakers only induced more guilt and feelings of missing the mark for the women in the congregation when they talked about their perfect mothers. Those unrealistic expectations were reaffirmed when she heard the talks tell of the seemingly perfect behaviors and attitudes the speakers' moms held. The counselor mentioned this and said he was surprised by this woman's feelings. He thought she was doing a really good job, and was willing to serve her family, the ward, the community and thought her a good example of all the good things "mothers" do.
That woman who spoke to him was me.
The rest of his message focused on the idea that our worth as women (and men too, for that matter) really comes from our identity as children of God. Daughters of God are priceless and our worth is unmeasurable. The expectations that we feel we've failed to meet aren't real, and they aren't from God. They tend to come from each other. His message was completely uplifting and validating and true. It was so good to hear.
And it immediately had me asking for his forgiveness for venting to him in that angry way all those years ago.
I think my peace about Mother's Day has finally come. Finally.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I Stand Corrected
OK, my post yesterday was a vent...and the dis about Mother's Day was bound to happen. But the moment after I wrote that and posted it, I read an article that has since made me rethink my feelings about motherhood.
In this article, the author spoke of the story in Matthew 25 that we generally think of in terms of charity. Mothers are good at "Clothing the naked, feeding the hungry...." They do it all the time. But how many of us have ever thought that WE are also those"whom ye saw naked, and clothed" or "hungered and fed"?
Maybe we need to cut ourselves a little slack.
I don't imagine any mom worth the title gets up any morning of her children's lives and wondered how she could ruin her kid that day. We each try really hard to do the best we can. No, we aren't perfect at it, but it isn't for lack of trying.
Most moms--especially the ones I really admire--work very hard to do the best they can for each of her children. And that best isn't always the same for each child. She is personalizing her mothering for each one. Honing in on what will assist and teach and develop her child--one child at a time.
So, I apologize for the snippy Mother's Day remark, and vow that tomorrow I will do my best to cut myself and everyone else I know a little more slack about our parenting behaviors. But that doesn't mean I have to like singing "Love at Home".
In this article, the author spoke of the story in Matthew 25 that we generally think of in terms of charity. Mothers are good at "Clothing the naked, feeding the hungry...." They do it all the time. But how many of us have ever thought that WE are also those"whom ye saw naked, and clothed" or "hungered and fed"?
Maybe we need to cut ourselves a little slack.
I don't imagine any mom worth the title gets up any morning of her children's lives and wondered how she could ruin her kid that day. We each try really hard to do the best we can. No, we aren't perfect at it, but it isn't for lack of trying.
Most moms--especially the ones I really admire--work very hard to do the best they can for each of her children. And that best isn't always the same for each child. She is personalizing her mothering for each one. Honing in on what will assist and teach and develop her child--one child at a time.
So, I apologize for the snippy Mother's Day remark, and vow that tomorrow I will do my best to cut myself and everyone else I know a little more slack about our parenting behaviors. But that doesn't mean I have to like singing "Love at Home".
Friday, May 6, 2011
Is It Friday YET?!
This has been an incredibly long week. At least it feels like it. I can't tell yet if that is the burnout I am still experiencing from last weekend's big events, or if I have just gotten older and I am more tired and more easily irritable.
I have increased the mileage I am walking each week--I did 3.64 miles yesterday and back to 2.67 today...but my weekly average is way up. And my mind is running faster than that, as it seems to have much to retain and remember and prod me to get done.
I was so tired that last evening I fell asleep watching mindless TV with Genius Golfer, who, I suspect, might have wanted to get frisky after the show. What a sad wife I am. Then I sat up awake for another hour being mad at myself for NOT giving him the time he needs. I mean, he was home before 9 PM for crying out loud. I would have been nice to spend some of that time consciously with him
Afterschool yesterday seemed to be the breaking point for me.
The Girl skipped swim practice so she could study and review and study some more for her AP Government exam that is coming on Tuesday. The Boy, on the other hand, plopped himself down in his usual seat in front of the TV and tried to load a gift card for another twelve months on his Xbox Live account--so he can play some war game that I hate with his cousins and friends online from the comfort of his own TV chair. Well, he couldn't get the Xbox to recognize his account since he couldn't remember his password.
Now, as an organized mom I have a special place where I keep all the kids' computer/electronics info so, in the event such as this, I could help him. But the little nerd never gave me his Xbox info. (Probably thought I'd sabotage his account--'cause I really don't like this game, but no one listened to mean 'ole mom--and he is probably right about the potential for sabotage.) So I had nothing to help him. He called GG and railed on him for tricks to open this (dumb) Xbox account. When GG didn't have anything for him to try, The Boy came back to yell at me.
Now, I can take it when they have good reason to yell at me. And to be honest, they generally do have some good reasons, some times. But this was not one of those times.
Anyhoo, he kept trying different potential passwords and after about 45 minutes of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, he finally guessed correctly. And he got on to play that insipid game.
Fast forward a bit--about 5, I leave The Girl to study, and I leave The Boy with a reminder that he has X, Y, and Z chores to get done tonight. I take off to help set up and host a dinner for the Leaders of, the Moms of, and the Young Women in our stake that are graduating from HS. I was gone for about 3 1/2 hours.
I got home to a house that hasn't been touched since I left--with the exception of part of the lawn that had been poorly mowed and not cleaned up or swept or finished in any way. Blinds were still open. Porch lights were not on. Dishes were not finished. But that blasted game was still on and going...like the Energizer Bunny was playing it. And I guess, he was, just in a different form: The Boy!
I was ticked.
Genius Golfer had beaten me home by about 15 minutes. It was clear his day at work wasn't much better than my afternoon with the Bedlamites we are raising. And the joy of motherhood was sucked from my life for a moment. It was so disappointing.
Now, The Boy did sheepishly come and try to apologize, once I yelled at him to shut off that ridiculous game and get his stuff done, shocking him back to reality. But by then, I was ready to give up. Throw in the towel. Raise the white flag.
Friday couldn't come soon enough for me.
And some of my friends and family wonder why I hate the song "Love at Home" with such a passion?!?! Mother's Day (and the whole idea around it) is just a reminder of the things that I am not doing well enough--i.e., controlling my temper, teaching moderation or responsibility or thoughtfulness or accountability, being a good example of kind, loving, nurturing parenting.
Wake me when it is Tuesday.
I have increased the mileage I am walking each week--I did 3.64 miles yesterday and back to 2.67 today...but my weekly average is way up. And my mind is running faster than that, as it seems to have much to retain and remember and prod me to get done.
I was so tired that last evening I fell asleep watching mindless TV with Genius Golfer, who, I suspect, might have wanted to get frisky after the show. What a sad wife I am. Then I sat up awake for another hour being mad at myself for NOT giving him the time he needs. I mean, he was home before 9 PM for crying out loud. I would have been nice to spend some of that time consciously with him
Afterschool yesterday seemed to be the breaking point for me.
The Girl skipped swim practice so she could study and review and study some more for her AP Government exam that is coming on Tuesday. The Boy, on the other hand, plopped himself down in his usual seat in front of the TV and tried to load a gift card for another twelve months on his Xbox Live account--so he can play some war game that I hate with his cousins and friends online from the comfort of his own TV chair. Well, he couldn't get the Xbox to recognize his account since he couldn't remember his password.
Now, as an organized mom I have a special place where I keep all the kids' computer/electronics info so, in the event such as this, I could help him. But the little nerd never gave me his Xbox info. (Probably thought I'd sabotage his account--'cause I really don't like this game, but no one listened to mean 'ole mom--and he is probably right about the potential for sabotage.) So I had nothing to help him. He called GG and railed on him for tricks to open this (dumb) Xbox account. When GG didn't have anything for him to try, The Boy came back to yell at me.
Now, I can take it when they have good reason to yell at me. And to be honest, they generally do have some good reasons, some times. But this was not one of those times.
Anyhoo, he kept trying different potential passwords and after about 45 minutes of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, he finally guessed correctly. And he got on to play that insipid game.
Fast forward a bit--about 5, I leave The Girl to study, and I leave The Boy with a reminder that he has X, Y, and Z chores to get done tonight. I take off to help set up and host a dinner for the Leaders of, the Moms of, and the Young Women in our stake that are graduating from HS. I was gone for about 3 1/2 hours.
I got home to a house that hasn't been touched since I left--with the exception of part of the lawn that had been poorly mowed and not cleaned up or swept or finished in any way. Blinds were still open. Porch lights were not on. Dishes were not finished. But that blasted game was still on and going...like the Energizer Bunny was playing it. And I guess, he was, just in a different form: The Boy!
I was ticked.
Genius Golfer had beaten me home by about 15 minutes. It was clear his day at work wasn't much better than my afternoon with the Bedlamites we are raising. And the joy of motherhood was sucked from my life for a moment. It was so disappointing.
Now, The Boy did sheepishly come and try to apologize, once I yelled at him to shut off that ridiculous game and get his stuff done, shocking him back to reality. But by then, I was ready to give up. Throw in the towel. Raise the white flag.
Friday couldn't come soon enough for me.
And some of my friends and family wonder why I hate the song "Love at Home" with such a passion?!?! Mother's Day (and the whole idea around it) is just a reminder of the things that I am not doing well enough--i.e., controlling my temper, teaching moderation or responsibility or thoughtfulness or accountability, being a good example of kind, loving, nurturing parenting.
Wake me when it is Tuesday.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Whiplash!
It is still raining today, so no garden photo yet. I promise to remember...eventually.
Sunday was Mother's Day and typically not my favorite day of the year. In fact, I usually hate the entire day. But this year was pleasantly tolerable. In fact, not to startle anyone, but I think I even liked it.
I got up and the kids were getting themselves ready for church. Genius Golfer got up and we were all on time, though having taken separate vehicles that wasn't a potential problem this year.
The kids were kind to each other, and everyone got along. The lessons in church were fine and the speakers in Sacrament meeting spoke about motherhood and honoring women in realistic terms, FINALLY! I left the meeting feeling like although I wasn't perfect, I could keep plugging away and so long as I do my best, that is just fine. Oh, and there wasn't a note of Love at Home to be heard! Hallelujah! I hate that song.
I had a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a rare love letter from GG and another homemade gift and card with tender heart-felt comments from The Girl waiting for me when we got home.
We had dinner with GG's family at Grandmama's place. It was delicious and GG did most of the clean up afterwards. The men grilled the streaks and took care of all the food too. So nice.
Now, fast forward to this morning.
Last night the kids were goofing around until almost 10. Past my bedtime, when I was that exhausted. GG just laughed at me for being irritated with the kids for staying up late. He is a late night kind of guy and they like to stay up with him. But I have to deal with the aftermath in the morning, not him.
This morning, my alarm didn't go off--apparently an operator error. The Girl woke me up by opening my bedroom door allowing the hallway light and her room's light to shine in on my face. That occurred just about two minutes before I needed to have her in the car to be taken to her early morning class at the high school. So I had barked at her for standing in the doorway with the light shining in--prior to looking at the clock and seeing the time. And the lateness.
So she didn't speak to me beyond the responsive minimalistic grunt. I don't know if it meant in the affirmative or negative. I don't think she cared to tell me anyway. She was just being polite. Well, sort of.
I still haven't gotten into the shower to really wake up and I have a list of things to do today that may or may not get done. And it is raining. Again.
If it weren't Mother's Day residual, I'd wonder if there was an element of bi-polar disorder going on here today. It isn't the first time I have wondered that.
Sunday was Mother's Day and typically not my favorite day of the year. In fact, I usually hate the entire day. But this year was pleasantly tolerable. In fact, not to startle anyone, but I think I even liked it.
I got up and the kids were getting themselves ready for church. Genius Golfer got up and we were all on time, though having taken separate vehicles that wasn't a potential problem this year.
The kids were kind to each other, and everyone got along. The lessons in church were fine and the speakers in Sacrament meeting spoke about motherhood and honoring women in realistic terms, FINALLY! I left the meeting feeling like although I wasn't perfect, I could keep plugging away and so long as I do my best, that is just fine. Oh, and there wasn't a note of Love at Home to be heard! Hallelujah! I hate that song.
I had a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a rare love letter from GG and another homemade gift and card with tender heart-felt comments from The Girl waiting for me when we got home.
We had dinner with GG's family at Grandmama's place. It was delicious and GG did most of the clean up afterwards. The men grilled the streaks and took care of all the food too. So nice.
Now, fast forward to this morning.
Last night the kids were goofing around until almost 10. Past my bedtime, when I was that exhausted. GG just laughed at me for being irritated with the kids for staying up late. He is a late night kind of guy and they like to stay up with him. But I have to deal with the aftermath in the morning, not him.
This morning, my alarm didn't go off--apparently an operator error. The Girl woke me up by opening my bedroom door allowing the hallway light and her room's light to shine in on my face. That occurred just about two minutes before I needed to have her in the car to be taken to her early morning class at the high school. So I had barked at her for standing in the doorway with the light shining in--prior to looking at the clock and seeing the time. And the lateness.
So she didn't speak to me beyond the responsive minimalistic grunt. I don't know if it meant in the affirmative or negative. I don't think she cared to tell me anyway. She was just being polite. Well, sort of.
I still haven't gotten into the shower to really wake up and I have a list of things to do today that may or may not get done. And it is raining. Again.
If it weren't Mother's Day residual, I'd wonder if there was an element of bi-polar disorder going on here today. It isn't the first time I have wondered that.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thanks for What You Do Anyway
I saw this on the news a year or two ago and this week someone sent it to me again. It is worth another watching.
As you go about the day today, just know that some of what you might hear in church honoring mothers is about you, but not all, and that is OK. Some of what the commercials try to sell us about mothers is true for you, but not all and that is OK. A portion of the things that you do might get recognized by your family, but not all, and that is OK too. Mothering is just what you do. Even without the promise of a peaceful, relaxing, "Love at Home" kind of day today. And definitely without the achievement of one of those perfect Mother's Days. And that is OK.
If it helps, I know what you do and I love you more for it. Thanks for the mothering you do everyday.
Happy Mother's Day!
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