Making Peace

If you have been a regular reader at the this blog, you will know that I haven't exactly enjoyed Mother's Days.  Most of the time I dislike them because on Mother's Day the talks prepared for our sacrament services make mothers sound like some kind of angelic, perfect, and unattainable creatures with patience and kindness oozing out of the every orifice and shepherding their children who are all mild mannered, academically high achieving, and eternally kind to their siblings.  It is a lot to take in without choking.

Usually I do choke on that stuff.  And if you throw in a singing of the hymn "Love at Home", I'm physically nauseated.

This year, however, I had a great Mother's Day.  Some of that came in the anticipation of and preparation for hosting the family dinner for Genius Golfer's family.  But some of it, I believe, is the conscious "lowering of the bar" of my expectations.  It was much easier to get through a day knowing it wasn't going to be perfect, but that I knew I was doing that best I could, and my family loved me just the same.

The other very helpful point came in the messages shared in our Sunday services.  Our Bishopric spoke.  Each of the three acknowledged that they had realized that Mother's Day is a difficult day for women for many reasons.  They acknowledged the idea of difficulty women have with the day when they haven't had the chance to bear children themselves.  They acknowledged that some women are dealing with ill, rebellious, or wayward children and the day only reminded them of their feelings of guilt and longing for things to be different.  Our Bishop even spoke of the doctrine of the family and the place of motherhood in God's eternal plan.  It was comforting, to be honest.

One of the counselors who spoke happens to be my neighbor.  And when he began his talk he started by telling of a conversation he had a few years ago with a sister in the ward who let him have it about Mother's Day Sunday services.  This woman told him that the speakers only induced more guilt and feelings of missing the mark for the women in the congregation when they talked about their perfect mothers.  Those unrealistic expectations were reaffirmed when she heard the talks tell of the seemingly perfect behaviors and attitudes the speakers' moms held.  The counselor mentioned this and said he was surprised by this woman's feelings.  He thought she was doing a really good job, and was willing to serve her family, the ward, the community and thought her a good example of all the good things "mothers" do.

That woman who spoke to him was me.

The rest of his message focused on the idea that our worth as women (and men too, for that matter) really comes from our identity as children of God.  Daughters of God are priceless and our worth is unmeasurable.  The expectations that we feel we've failed to meet aren't real, and they aren't from God.  They tend to come from each other.  His message was completely uplifting and validating and true.  It was so good to hear.

And it immediately had me asking for his forgiveness for venting to him in that angry way all those years ago.

I think my peace about Mother's Day has finally come.  Finally.