How have you adjusted to life as an empty-nester? What advice do you have for others who are entering this stage of their lives?
We are just barely into this stage of life. And actually, the kids do come in and out of the house yet, but the mostly live in an apartment on their own while they are at school. At first I was really worried. My whole life had revolved around them since their birth. I was able to stay home with them and raised them while Genius golfer provided for us financially. that was a really blessing that he felt strongly that this was a priority.
Just as the adjustment that has to happen when children are added to a family, there is a period of adjustment as they grown up and leave home too. At least when they are born, their needs seem to come gradually--besides the food, clothing, protection that they need from the start. When they leave for other adventures, that seemed to happen much more "all at once".
I remembered my parents telling my that my mom when through a similar feeling of net being needed any more, once my sister and I moved out of the house. However, I also remember how much I needed her guidance, reassurance and encouragement once I was on my own--which isn't really true, if I still needed her for so much, right?
I felt a little useless for a while too. I looked forward to phones calls or texts with a "Mom, how do you .... ?" kinds of questions. Or my favorite: "I just called to chat...". I know my kids have been taught things that will help them to be independent and productive adults. That is what I saw my ultimate job to be as their parent. But I also knew that they'd come into some things in the world that I hadn't prepared them for--and those scared me. But they have proven themselves to be both independent and resilient. When things have come up that they've had to learn the hard way, they seem to make the most of the life lesson and move forward knowing a little better for next time. In some of those life lessons, I am the one learning--patience, most of all--as they learn, grow, and develop in their own time and pace. Sometimes that is frustrating. Sometimes it is terrifying. sometimes that is devastating. But I know that I have prayer on my side as their parent. And an apostle of the Lord once said that "There are few things more powerful than the prayers of a righteous mother." some days I cling as hard to that as I can. Other times that is a just a steady comforting thought.
One thing, separate from my own usefulness, that I worried about as we came into this phase of life was the increased togetherness I would have with GG. I love him, and have we've usually had a good time together, but now it was going to be just us. They kids weren't there to distract us, or divide our attention, or demand our time. Could we stand each other all the time?
Luckily, we found this a time of renewed commitment to our marriage relationship and to our spiritual life together. We committed to a weekly date night--that had kind of fallen away with the growing fmaily's crazy schedules in the past few years. We also tried to find ways to just be together--running errands or doing chores. And one thing I found really enjoyable was having a project to do together. For us it was our house in St. George. We scouted the location. We imagined the design. We planned for the construction. We witnessed the building. We have started to furnish it. We have created reasons to enjoy it together. We are still a ways from having it "done" but those kinds of long term (and high value) plans have helped us work toward a tangible goal together.
Eventually I'd like to do more traveling and seeing the world again with him. I think those kinds of discovery experience we share will strengthen our relationship too. But for now we are looking forward together, working toward united goals, and planning for our future together. And that is a great place to plan to be.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Friday, July 27, 2018
Sunday, February 4, 2018
Sunday, January 7, 2018
#52 Stories: Story #14
What goals do you hope to achieve this year?
I don't always post new year resolutions, but I do make some goals for myself each year. When the kids were at home, I'd make a point of teaching this in Family Home Evening each new year--for them to take time and think about what they wanted to accomplish and then refer to the previous goals to see what they'd achieved.
These were my goals from 2014, for an example (& these are still hanging on the bulletin board in sight of the computer):
Attend the temple once a month
Keep up with the Sunday school reading
Eliminate the word "crap" as an expression
Watch what I eat
Write to missionaries once a month
In 2014 to the present, I kept some of these better than others. I ended up being a temple worker in the Mt. Timpanogos temple for a year about 2015. That kept me at the temple almost every week.
My SS reading was a hit and miss thing--but now I am teaching Gospel Doctrine every other week, so I have no excuse NOT to keep up. I have to!
"Crap!" as an expression is slowing leaving my natural speech pattern--but "Holy Mackerel" and "Holy Smokes" have made a raging reappearance.
I have watched what I have been eating--specifically since last March. I began using a little app on my phone called Lifesum and it gives me a calories counter and exercise tracker. With that help I have lost 23 pounds. I'm not done yet, but I will still be continuing with this one.
Writing to missionaries? You'd think that I could do this with my eyes closed almost since we can email missionaries now. I've slowly pulled back this goal but I will like to write to my family members who are serving missions--right now that means Sister Green in Pennsylvania. I used to write the each of the missionaries serving form our ward, as well as any of the stake committee YM or YW that I served with in my Stake YW calling. Those letters were hand written and sent in the mail with a stamp--all over the world--for about 6 years. Currently we do not have any young full time missionaries from our ward. But I'm still up for this for our niece McKay.
So this year, for 2018, what will my goals be?
1) continue working with my little phone app to count calories and exercise more regularly to loose a few more pounds to be healthy and in better physical shape.
2) write to Sister McKay once each month as she serves a mission in Pennsylvania.
3) call my parents more regularly--once a week or so.
4) find out what I need to do to renew my teaching certificate and get things in place to do that
5) attend the temple monthly
I don't always post new year resolutions, but I do make some goals for myself each year. When the kids were at home, I'd make a point of teaching this in Family Home Evening each new year--for them to take time and think about what they wanted to accomplish and then refer to the previous goals to see what they'd achieved.
These were my goals from 2014, for an example (& these are still hanging on the bulletin board in sight of the computer):
Attend the temple once a month
Keep up with the Sunday school reading
Eliminate the word "crap" as an expression
Watch what I eat
Write to missionaries once a month
In 2014 to the present, I kept some of these better than others. I ended up being a temple worker in the Mt. Timpanogos temple for a year about 2015. That kept me at the temple almost every week.
My SS reading was a hit and miss thing--but now I am teaching Gospel Doctrine every other week, so I have no excuse NOT to keep up. I have to!
"Crap!" as an expression is slowing leaving my natural speech pattern--but "Holy Mackerel" and "Holy Smokes" have made a raging reappearance.
I have watched what I have been eating--specifically since last March. I began using a little app on my phone called Lifesum and it gives me a calories counter and exercise tracker. With that help I have lost 23 pounds. I'm not done yet, but I will still be continuing with this one.
Writing to missionaries? You'd think that I could do this with my eyes closed almost since we can email missionaries now. I've slowly pulled back this goal but I will like to write to my family members who are serving missions--right now that means Sister Green in Pennsylvania. I used to write the each of the missionaries serving form our ward, as well as any of the stake committee YM or YW that I served with in my Stake YW calling. Those letters were hand written and sent in the mail with a stamp--all over the world--for about 6 years. Currently we do not have any young full time missionaries from our ward. But I'm still up for this for our niece McKay.
So this year, for 2018, what will my goals be?
1) continue working with my little phone app to count calories and exercise more regularly to loose a few more pounds to be healthy and in better physical shape.
2) write to Sister McKay once each month as she serves a mission in Pennsylvania.
3) call my parents more regularly--once a week or so.
4) find out what I need to do to renew my teaching certificate and get things in place to do that
5) attend the temple monthly
Saturday, July 30, 2011
This Just In
We just got back from the Gold Swim Meet, the county finals for the summer recreation swim season. It was held at Lehi's Legacy Center, and the Lehi folks running the show did a terrific job. The meet ran smoothly and, all things considered, rather quick too. And I didn't have to do a dang thing but watch my own kids--and cheer for those on our team!
The Legacy Center in Lehi has a fantastic aquatics center, and luckily today it was closed to the public throughout the meet. This gave us the whole place to spread out and make camp then we could walk in to watch our kids' events. Much more enjoyable then being mashed into a viewing area that isn't big enough for two teams' families--much less all eight teams in our county summer league.
The Boy got back from a week long, high adventure camp at Flaming Gorge with his scout group yesterday afternoon. He hasn't been at practice all week. We weren't sure how he would do--physically or emotionally--considering the lack of sleep and nutrition this past week. But he ended up doing really well!
The Boy swam the 50 yard freestyle sprint, the Medley Relay (4x50), 100 freestyle, 50 yard breaststroke and the freestyle relay (4x50). Unofficially--meaning that these are the times I wrote down from the unofficial poolside scoreboard--he did better than his seed times across the board.
50 yard freestyle: 32.03 seconds
200 yard Medley Relay: 2.21.11 The coach tells me they took first place!!
100 yard free: 1.11.??
50 yard breast: 38.55 On this one, he dropped 3 seconds from his previous best time.
And I didn't get their relay time....we were all relieved to be almost done by that point in the meet. But I think they took 2nd place.
The Girl has focused in to the county record for the breaststroke in her age group since she swam faster than the record at one of our mid-season dual meets. She has a very natural stroke and since she swam year round this year, her technique has only gotten better. Her Individual Medley--meaning she swims 50 yards of each of the four strokes herself (as opposed to a RELAY)--has really gotten a boost since her breaststroke time has improved. An IM can be won or lost with the breaststroke leg of that race.
Her times were very impressive! Unofficially, of course, here is what I recorded:
200 yard Medley Relay: 2.11.20 (County record had been 2.14.51) First place, and a new relay record!
100 yard freestyle: 1.02.74--taking a surprising 2nd place.
200 yard IM: 2.36.51--she took first in this event!
100 yard breast: 1.19.80 (Previous county record was 1.21.80) First place, and new indivual record!!
And I didn't her free-relay time either...or the just for show "Coaches' Relay"...but both of these were fun to watch!
Our team's kids--overall--did a great job today. Genius Golfer even heard another team's coaching staff talking amongst themselves who asked "How does their (meaning, our) team just kill us every summer but not carry that momentum into the high school season?!" Good question, really.
Alas, for our high school swim season, it is really a quest for The Girl to achieve her personal best...and enjoy the team for what it is worth. Too much politics, personality conflicts and teenage dramatics to make it worth much more than that to her. Luckily she sees the advantage of swimming, despite all the high school hijinks.
But what a great day today! I was so proud of both the kids and their efforts to reach their goals! Now, The Boy's efforts shift immediately to football. Two-a-day practices begin Monday morning!
Ahhh, the joys of parenthood!
The Legacy Center in Lehi has a fantastic aquatics center, and luckily today it was closed to the public throughout the meet. This gave us the whole place to spread out and make camp then we could walk in to watch our kids' events. Much more enjoyable then being mashed into a viewing area that isn't big enough for two teams' families--much less all eight teams in our county summer league.
The Boy got back from a week long, high adventure camp at Flaming Gorge with his scout group yesterday afternoon. He hasn't been at practice all week. We weren't sure how he would do--physically or emotionally--considering the lack of sleep and nutrition this past week. But he ended up doing really well!
The Boy swam the 50 yard freestyle sprint, the Medley Relay (4x50), 100 freestyle, 50 yard breaststroke and the freestyle relay (4x50). Unofficially--meaning that these are the times I wrote down from the unofficial poolside scoreboard--he did better than his seed times across the board.
50 yard freestyle: 32.03 seconds
200 yard Medley Relay: 2.21.11 The coach tells me they took first place!!
100 yard free: 1.11.??
50 yard breast: 38.55 On this one, he dropped 3 seconds from his previous best time.
And I didn't get their relay time....we were all relieved to be almost done by that point in the meet. But I think they took 2nd place.
The Girl has focused in to the county record for the breaststroke in her age group since she swam faster than the record at one of our mid-season dual meets. She has a very natural stroke and since she swam year round this year, her technique has only gotten better. Her Individual Medley--meaning she swims 50 yards of each of the four strokes herself (as opposed to a RELAY)--has really gotten a boost since her breaststroke time has improved. An IM can be won or lost with the breaststroke leg of that race.
Her times were very impressive! Unofficially, of course, here is what I recorded:
200 yard Medley Relay: 2.11.20 (County record had been 2.14.51) First place, and a new relay record!
100 yard freestyle: 1.02.74--taking a surprising 2nd place.
200 yard IM: 2.36.51--she took first in this event!
100 yard breast: 1.19.80 (Previous county record was 1.21.80) First place, and new indivual record!!
And I didn't her free-relay time either...or the just for show "Coaches' Relay"...but both of these were fun to watch!
Our team's kids--overall--did a great job today. Genius Golfer even heard another team's coaching staff talking amongst themselves who asked "How does their (meaning, our) team just kill us every summer but not carry that momentum into the high school season?!" Good question, really.
Alas, for our high school swim season, it is really a quest for The Girl to achieve her personal best...and enjoy the team for what it is worth. Too much politics, personality conflicts and teenage dramatics to make it worth much more than that to her. Luckily she sees the advantage of swimming, despite all the high school hijinks.
But what a great day today! I was so proud of both the kids and their efforts to reach their goals! Now, The Boy's efforts shift immediately to football. Two-a-day practices begin Monday morning!
Ahhh, the joys of parenthood!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
Last night I was wondering to myself, 'What is it about New Year's that makes people drink so much more than any other day?' I'm not a drinker, but I have a theory that seems to work in my mind.
At New Year's Eve, people remember the past year. They think about the things they did or didn't do, the goals that they met or didn't meet, the opportunities that came their way and what they did with those opportunities. I think for some people, this dredges up a lot of regret and sadness that the year ending didn't live up to its potential for them. This in turn, makes then sadder and more regretful and drives them to drink, to try to forget all the sadness and regrets.
Now, like I say, I am not a drinker, but as the year came to an end last night, I thought about things too. Some things made me sad, others made me regretful. But most were happy memories, full of gratitude for another year, for family, for health, for time to doing things, help people, make changes. I ended up drinking too, but my flavor of choice, is of course, Diet Coke!
The New Year's Eve and Day are just calendaring notations. I figure there is already a way set up to make changes. You needn't wait for the turn of a new year to turn a new leaf. Every time you set a goal for yourself, it is a New Year chance to get better, do better. The important bit is to decide to change and make things better. Only you can do that. I can encourage, cajole, torment, tease, and wish for you--but only YOU can make changes that will truly affect your life.
So, while I wish each of you a very Happy New Year and do indeed hope 2009 will hold peace, joy and happiness for you, only you can make that happen. So here's a wish that you have a moment of clarity and realism and make goals that will uplift and encourage yourself to do better in ways that only you know.
You may see a list of New Year's Resolutions from me here, but probably not. I set goals for myself, but most will seem silly to other people. That is OK. I am here to just tell you the goals you make for yourself need only to help you. But if there is something I can assist you with in meeting those goals, I would consider that a privilege of friendship, and would be happy to do it.
Good Luck and Happy 2009!
At New Year's Eve, people remember the past year. They think about the things they did or didn't do, the goals that they met or didn't meet, the opportunities that came their way and what they did with those opportunities. I think for some people, this dredges up a lot of regret and sadness that the year ending didn't live up to its potential for them. This in turn, makes then sadder and more regretful and drives them to drink, to try to forget all the sadness and regrets.
Now, like I say, I am not a drinker, but as the year came to an end last night, I thought about things too. Some things made me sad, others made me regretful. But most were happy memories, full of gratitude for another year, for family, for health, for time to doing things, help people, make changes. I ended up drinking too, but my flavor of choice, is of course, Diet Coke!
The New Year's Eve and Day are just calendaring notations. I figure there is already a way set up to make changes. You needn't wait for the turn of a new year to turn a new leaf. Every time you set a goal for yourself, it is a New Year chance to get better, do better. The important bit is to decide to change and make things better. Only you can do that. I can encourage, cajole, torment, tease, and wish for you--but only YOU can make changes that will truly affect your life.
So, while I wish each of you a very Happy New Year and do indeed hope 2009 will hold peace, joy and happiness for you, only you can make that happen. So here's a wish that you have a moment of clarity and realism and make goals that will uplift and encourage yourself to do better in ways that only you know.
You may see a list of New Year's Resolutions from me here, but probably not. I set goals for myself, but most will seem silly to other people. That is OK. I am here to just tell you the goals you make for yourself need only to help you. But if there is something I can assist you with in meeting those goals, I would consider that a privilege of friendship, and would be happy to do it.
Good Luck and Happy 2009!
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