#52 Stories--Story #40

How have you adjusted to life as an empty-nester? What advice do you have for others who are entering this stage of their lives?

We are just barely into this stage of life.  And actually, the kids do come in and out of the house yet, but the mostly live in an apartment on their own while they are at school.  At first I was really worried.  My whole life had revolved around them since their birth.  I was able to stay home with them and raised them while Genius golfer provided for us financially. that was  a really blessing that he felt strongly  that this was a priority.

Just as the adjustment that has to happen when children are added to a family, there is a period of adjustment as they grown up and leave home too.  At least when they are born, their needs  seem to come gradually--besides the food, clothing, protection that they need from the start. When they leave for other adventures, that seemed to happen much more "all at once".

I remembered my parents telling my that my mom when through a similar feeling of net being needed any more, once my sister and I moved out of the house.  However, I also remember how much I needed her guidance, reassurance and encouragement once I was on my own--which isn't really true, if I still needed her for so much, right?

I felt a little useless for a while too.  I looked forward to phones calls or texts with a "Mom, how do you .... ?" kinds of questions.  Or my favorite: "I just called to chat...". I know my kids have been taught things that will help them to be independent and productive adults.  That is what I saw my ultimate job to be as their parent. But I also knew that they'd come into some things in the world that I hadn't prepared them for--and those scared me. But they have proven themselves to be both independent and resilient. When things have come up that they've had to learn the hard way, they seem to make the most of the life lesson and move forward knowing a little better for next time. In some of those life lessons, I am the one learning--patience, most of all--as they learn, grow, and develop in their own time and pace.  Sometimes that is frustrating. Sometimes it is terrifying.  sometimes that is devastating. But I know that I have prayer on my side as their parent.  And an apostle of the Lord once said that "There are few things more powerful than the prayers of a righteous mother."  some days I cling as hard to that as I can.  Other times that is a just a steady comforting thought.

One thing, separate from my own usefulness, that I worried about as we came into this phase of life was the increased togetherness I would have with GG. I love him, and have we've usually had a good time together, but now it was going to be just us.  They kids weren't there to distract us, or divide our attention, or demand our time.  Could we stand each other all the time?

Luckily, we found this a time of renewed commitment to our marriage relationship and to our spiritual life together.  We committed to a weekly date night--that had kind of fallen away with the growing fmaily's crazy schedules in the past few years. We also tried to find ways to just be together--running errands or doing chores.  And one thing I found really enjoyable was having a project to do together.  For us it was our house in St. George. We scouted the location. We imagined the design. We planned for the construction. We witnessed the building. We have started to furnish it. We have created reasons to enjoy it together. We are still a ways from having it "done" but those kinds of long term (and high value) plans have helped us work toward a tangible goal together.

Eventually I'd like to do more traveling and seeing the world again with him. I think those kinds of discovery experience we share will strengthen our relationship too. But for now we are looking forward together, working toward united goals, and planning for our future together. And that is a great place to plan to be.