#52 Stories--Story # 34

What are some ways you and your father are inherently alike--physical traits, temperament, personality, talents, interests? 

I'm not sure we have many physical characteristics that are similar. We both squint when we smile--and that goes deep through the family. We both have dark hair naturally.  Mine has gotten darker as I got older and his is finally turning a silver gray now that he's over seventy. Bu that is probably the extent of the physical similarities.

As far as other traits we have a lot more in common.  We have a similar sense of humor to one another.  I remember many many nights sitting at the dinner table laughing over something we saw on Saturday Night Live or a movie we enjoyed and could get to laughing so hard that you couldn't understand any thing we were saying--but we knew what the other one meant in all that.  I felt bad for my mom because she never seemed to be in on the joke.  But she laughed with us---probably because we were so silly as we laughed ourselves hoarse. We find a lot of the same kind of things funny--Far Side, Roadrunner & Coyote--all the Looney Toones, really--cartoons, SNL sketches from the 80s, ridiculous movies--could make us laugh and laugh until my face hurt.

My dad's temperament has mellowed with age I think but I know that I have a similar temperament so far as patience goes as he did when we were growing up.  I hope I can mellow about it all someday too. Unruly little children used to make him crazy, and I find my teeth on edge over similar situations. Maybe this one has less to do with his temperament than with how unruly some kids are.

He is pretty self-deprecating--and I find myself doing that more and more too. I know some of his comes from the idea that he never thought himself very book smart--thus he always wanted us to do well in school and a university education was expected of me and my sister. I find I am more self-deprecating for the joke of it.  I can make fun of myself easily and prefer that to making others feel less than for the sake of a joke.

My dad has incredible mechanical talent.  He just seems to understand how things go together and how they work.  I remember watching him when he was disassembling or reassembling motor parts and wondering how he knew to do that just that way. I know it is partly because he has been doing it for a long time, but also because his mind understands and comprehends how things go together and why they work. I wish I was better about this particular talent, but I'm still quite a newb about most things mechanically.

Dad also has an amazing memory for specifics.  he might not remember someone's name from Walla Walla or Burbank, or the Sunnyvale days, but he'll recall the vehicle that person drove and little things about the cars. But that is what he enjoys and it's always easier to recall those kind of things when you enjoy them that much.

I know he doesn't think he is very knowledgeable about the Gospel, but I always knew he felt things  that were true.  We do have similar reactions to feeling the Spirit. We both tend to get a little emotional when tender spiritual things are brought up. We both feel the Spirit probably more than we hear him. I think that is a good quality to share--even if it is sometimes less than convenient when it happens in a group of people or during a speaking assignment.

#52 Stories--Story #32

How have challenges and hardship shaped the women in your family? In what ways have trials formed characters?

My mom didn't tell us much about her growing up life--I mean we knew she was a good student and had good friends.  She was more athletic than I ever was, but my sister shared that interest.  I knew she was a hard worker and everything she was able to do or have was pretty much because she worked for it.  Her family growing up was poor and transitory--they moved a LOT when she was in school. Her mother had mental illness from the time she was just starting to understand the bigger world. She was forced to deal with some pretty grown-up and heavy issues early in her life.  Her dad drank and was absentee in their home life a lot. Her parents argued a lot. She was anxious to make her own way in the world and it wasn't long after she graduated from high school that she moved out and soon moved away.

Her character reflects all of that.  She did her best to protect us from the transitory nature of her growing up by living in the same place while we were in school.  I graduated from high school with kids I had been in first grade with--in some cases.  I have solid roots in my hometown. She taught us to work hard and be productive.  We were strongly discouraged from wasting time and becoming undependable.  She and my dad still are in love--it was even embarrassing sometimes as a teenager--but I am so grateful for that stability in my family of origin.  They showed us what a good family life was like.

My dad's mother, my Gram, lived with us from the time I was about 7 or 8.  I saw in her a woman who was a survivor--sometimes against her will.  She survived a tough life as a young mother and wife.  My gramps wasn't a happy man when he drank, and according to my dad, that was much of the time when their family was young. Bu tthey discovered the Gospel of Jesus Christ and joined the church and some of those things changed.  But Gramps still had unkind thing to say to her at times.  I recall him being quite sharp with her in his tone and his words when she was hurting--which became more and more often as her MS developed.  But she sure tried to put on a good face for my sister and me.  I know she tried hard to show her love for us and her family.  She loasted longer than any of my grandparents and she had been sick a lot longer than any of  them.

My maternal grandmother lived far away, but I knew doubted she loved me. She seemed like a happy person, and at least happy to see us when we were there. as a little girl I didn't understand why she did some things some times, but as I grew up I understood it was not who she was.  She was ill too.  But hers was in her mind.  After my own experience with The Boy's delivery and my battle with post partum depression, I think I had a lot more in common with Grandma than I knew at the time.  I am convinced that she had that same disorder--brought on by having 5 babies in fairly short order in a lonely small isolated place with a partner who had to be away to earn a living.  My situation wasn't that dire, but I think even with differing specifics, the results were similar--but they didn't identify the illness and certainly didn't treat it the same way I was able to. I feel very badly for her now.  I look forward to getting to know her without the illness someday in the next life.  I admire her musicality and sociality. I admire her bright outlook--but maybe that was a providential blessing for her as a coping mechanism. I physically resemble the women on my maternal side, so I feel for them and with them, even if I don't completely understand them all the time.

Finally, I'd like to mention my sister here. We didn't seem to have much in common as we grew up.  We thought differently, we enjoyed different things.  We had different friends and enjoyed/tolerated different relationships with our parents a lot of the time. But as we were adults raising our own children, I came to admire her personal grit and individual strength.  I  watched her endure and survive an incredibly painful divorce, and the subsequent fall out with her children; her personal growth and resiliency has been amazing to observe. I'm not sure I could have done as well as she has in the years since that event. But she shows the best of both sides of the women in our family.  And while I may not say it enough, I am indeed proud of her and I love her.  We still do't have a lot in common, and we might even still have different goals for ourselves, but I feel stronger with her in my corner--even theoretically. And I still admire her.

#52 Stories--Story #9

What qualities in friends do you most admire? 

I've been very lucky to have some wonderful friends in my life.  And each of them have had wonderful qualities.

I love having an honest friend.  Honesty is even better when they have tact and compassion with that honesty.

I love my friends to be loyal.

I love my friends to be good examples of integrity.  Their values may not be exactly what mine are, but when they live with integrity to those values, my own desire to live up to my values increases too.

I love friends with a sense of humor--and even a dash of sarcasm and snark help.

I love helpful and cheerful friends.

I love friends with kindness built deep into their beings.

I love generous friends.

I love grateful friends.

#52 Stories--Story #5

What personal values do I hold most dear?

There are many that mean a great deal to me.  However, my most dearly held personal values would include FAMILY, INTEGRITY, and DOING MY BEST.

FAMILY is vital and of eternal worth, as that is the most important set of relationships we can develop.  I have responsibility to forge bonds with my parents, and sister and her family.  I have duty to create a bond with my husband and children and their eventual families. Ultimately, we are bonding our family links from ancestors to descendants through temple work and ordinances offered there. Eventually we will have the chance to build that bond directly all the way back to the beginning and have those same relationships with our Heavenly parents. That will be the greatest worth and most cherished blessing from family.

INTEGRITY because I'd love to be recognized for being honest and staying true to what I say I will do. There is strength that comes from doing what is right, no matter who is watching, and I'd love to have that kind of reputation. For my word to be good enough for others to believe and count on would be a good marker of my character.

DOING MY BEST is important as I am not perfect in my behavior, but I try each day to be a little better, and do a little better. I hope other people would give me the benefit of the doubt when I do mess something up--thinking that I would not do something purposefully to hurt another person. DOING MY BEST is an attitude of continuing to try, of never giving up, of enduring to the end. The Lord has asked that much of me.  And so long as I am trying to do my best, I can count myself in alignment with Him.