#52 Stories--Story #32

How have challenges and hardship shaped the women in your family? In what ways have trials formed characters?

My mom didn't tell us much about her growing up life--I mean we knew she was a good student and had good friends.  She was more athletic than I ever was, but my sister shared that interest.  I knew she was a hard worker and everything she was able to do or have was pretty much because she worked for it.  Her family growing up was poor and transitory--they moved a LOT when she was in school. Her mother had mental illness from the time she was just starting to understand the bigger world. She was forced to deal with some pretty grown-up and heavy issues early in her life.  Her dad drank and was absentee in their home life a lot. Her parents argued a lot. She was anxious to make her own way in the world and it wasn't long after she graduated from high school that she moved out and soon moved away.

Her character reflects all of that.  She did her best to protect us from the transitory nature of her growing up by living in the same place while we were in school.  I graduated from high school with kids I had been in first grade with--in some cases.  I have solid roots in my hometown. She taught us to work hard and be productive.  We were strongly discouraged from wasting time and becoming undependable.  She and my dad still are in love--it was even embarrassing sometimes as a teenager--but I am so grateful for that stability in my family of origin.  They showed us what a good family life was like.

My dad's mother, my Gram, lived with us from the time I was about 7 or 8.  I saw in her a woman who was a survivor--sometimes against her will.  She survived a tough life as a young mother and wife.  My gramps wasn't a happy man when he drank, and according to my dad, that was much of the time when their family was young. Bu tthey discovered the Gospel of Jesus Christ and joined the church and some of those things changed.  But Gramps still had unkind thing to say to her at times.  I recall him being quite sharp with her in his tone and his words when she was hurting--which became more and more often as her MS developed.  But she sure tried to put on a good face for my sister and me.  I know she tried hard to show her love for us and her family.  She loasted longer than any of my grandparents and she had been sick a lot longer than any of  them.

My maternal grandmother lived far away, but I knew doubted she loved me. She seemed like a happy person, and at least happy to see us when we were there. as a little girl I didn't understand why she did some things some times, but as I grew up I understood it was not who she was.  She was ill too.  But hers was in her mind.  After my own experience with The Boy's delivery and my battle with post partum depression, I think I had a lot more in common with Grandma than I knew at the time.  I am convinced that she had that same disorder--brought on by having 5 babies in fairly short order in a lonely small isolated place with a partner who had to be away to earn a living.  My situation wasn't that dire, but I think even with differing specifics, the results were similar--but they didn't identify the illness and certainly didn't treat it the same way I was able to. I feel very badly for her now.  I look forward to getting to know her without the illness someday in the next life.  I admire her musicality and sociality. I admire her bright outlook--but maybe that was a providential blessing for her as a coping mechanism. I physically resemble the women on my maternal side, so I feel for them and with them, even if I don't completely understand them all the time.

Finally, I'd like to mention my sister here. We didn't seem to have much in common as we grew up.  We thought differently, we enjoyed different things.  We had different friends and enjoyed/tolerated different relationships with our parents a lot of the time. But as we were adults raising our own children, I came to admire her personal grit and individual strength.  I  watched her endure and survive an incredibly painful divorce, and the subsequent fall out with her children; her personal growth and resiliency has been amazing to observe. I'm not sure I could have done as well as she has in the years since that event. But she shows the best of both sides of the women in our family.  And while I may not say it enough, I am indeed proud of her and I love her.  We still do't have a lot in common, and we might even still have different goals for ourselves, but I feel stronger with her in my corner--even theoretically. And I still admire her.

Weekend Perfection!

This past weekend was about as perfect as I could imagine.  My parents rolled into town Friday about lunch time.  We had a fantastic visit with them.  The Boy came home to a new (to him) truck--thanks to mechanic-shop-owning-Grandparents.  He loves it.  (Pictures to come soon).

Then Saturday Genius Golfer played in a tournament, where he shot a 78, so he was happy.  The kids an I did our regular Saturday chores, plus a ton of outside yard work and patio clean up in preparation for the family fiesta Sunday.  We got errands done and spent a pretty great day together.  Grandparents spent the day with my sister and her family--watching nephew #2's lacrosse game and going out to dinner.  My aunt and uncle from Idaho met them at the lacrosse game and them came south with them that evening to our place.  The Boy had never met them in person, so that was fun.

Sunday we had church and for our Sacrament meeting my sister and family, GG's mom and sister, and my parents and aunt & uncle joined us.  Then a few more cousins, Gpa Herb, and assorted dear friends joined us for The Boy's ordination.  He was made a priest yesterday.  It was a wonderful group.  We are so lucky to have so much family and so many friends who support and love us.

We had a terrific lunch at our place--thanks to the many who helped bring food!  We all got to eat and relax and visit and listen to the older generation tell stories.  Some of my favorite things!

Then, once everyone headed home, The boy had an appointment to receive his patriarchal blessing. We headed to the patriarch's home about 6 PM and spent the next hour or so with him and his darling wife.  After some visiting there and getting-to-know-you type of conversation, the blessing was given.  WOW!  It was powerful.  The Boy and GG both get weepy--only when they feel the spirit strongly.  this was one of those times.  It was beautiful.  I was moved and humbled.

I'm so lucky to have such great kids!  They have much expected of them by our Heavenly Father.  But I know--and was reassured yesterday--the He is not only aware of them, but will guide them to do all that He needs them to do, if they will be obedient.  I sure hope I live long enough to see all the marvelous blessings both of them have been promised.  It will be tremendously satisfying. 

After that event, we headed south do my parents could see my aunt's cute home in Springville.  We got to visit a little more with some darling cousins and 2nd-cousins.  My kids must seem very cool to these little cousins, as they became the center of attention while we were there.  then we headed back home about 9:30 and mosied off to bed.

My parents left early this morning and The Boy drove himself to school in his truck.  Pretty perfect indeed.