How Big IS My Brave?

 We have some dear friends who, just this weekend, opened a little soda shop in a nearby town.  This is a franchise they bought into and plan on running it as a family.  We have been hearing about it almost since day one.  I have been intrigued.

We spoke with the franchise owners at our friend's soft open last night. They gave me directions to start the process, to at least get more information.

Could I own a little business myself? Could I run a business? Could I handle the stresses of getting something together to do this? It would definitely stretch me in ways I never have been before.  But I watched my parents run a successful business. I've managed small offices and departments. I know enough to either be dangerous or successful. I want to do something that will be small enough to manage and big enough to make us some retirement money.  I want to have opportunities to do things like cater a PTA Teacher's Conference at a local school, and give local high school kids a job in a good environment. I was something positive to be working toward when I get to St George.

This might be it. 

Thoughts like a Waterfall

It's been nearly 2 years since I posted anything on here, but that isn't because I haven't had anything I wanted to say.  Mostly it was just because I felt too stressed by work, worried about family, and discouraged by life in the real world to sit and write out my inner musings. But I am trying to change that.  I want to purge my mind of the things that I worry about , the topics the world keeps pounding into me and the stresses of a job I'm not in love with but coworkers I really enjoy.

The world is a crazy place.  We have been dealing with a global pandemic since March 13, 2020. Everywhere I have heard about those who are isolating, staying home to stay safe, and all the missing out of things.  I also heard of so many that were catching up, making things right at home, reconnecting as families, and rediscovering their divine relationships.  I envy that a bit.  My job was deemed "essential" and therefore nothing has really changed but my work life has only gotten busier, and more accommodating to our customers, more tasks assigned, and only the same old group to do it all. I feel I have missed out of the reconnecting with my soul that many people have experienced.  My soul is TIRED. My soul feels starved some days. My soul feels defeated.

My family is financially fine.  Everyone of our Core 4 Family were deemed "essential" in March.  But we were essential in three different locations. I'm grateful that things financially are OK, and I'm grateful that the kids' jobs were safe and they are healthy and doing just fine. But I have envious feelings toward those that could Skype and touch base each week or multiple times a week. Or even have everyone over on Sundays to have "at home church". When I'm not at work, I feel like I am treading water as fast as I can to keep my head above water.  My mind is on overdrive and my emotions are spent.

We haven't had congregational worship meetings since the end of February. I miss the people I see there, even neighbors that I would normally see in the neighbor hood, but everyone else is "bunkering down", it seems. I miss the communal worship and singing together hymns of praise and worship. I especially miss the regular and thorough study I did weekly as I prepared to teach Sunday School. Doing it at home to keep up with weekly reading assignments is a very different way to study the scriptures. I miss the effort-filled preparation and the in persona sharing face to face and heart to heart. I miss my class members who have always had a larger breadth and depth of knowledge and experience they would graciously share each week. I miss the interplay with the Spirit as we shared our testimonies of the Savior.

I'm discouraged by the rantings of the media and the political leaders who seem only motivated to scare people and create a frenzy of terror and anxiety. I feel like I want to drop off the face of social media, but there I have tried to post something positive and uplifting each day--for myself as well as for others. It isn't always genuine as I struggle to see the positive, but I do it anyway as a "fake it 'til you make it" syndrome. Here is where I really feel I cannot do much to help the larger world.  The professional media outlets from whom we have been able to learn unbiased information are gone. Now you tune in to hear what they want you to hear and then they ram it over and over down your throat. It is a world of confrontation and dissonance. It's uncomfortable and unsettling. But that is the choice we have. You can select hard right or hard left, and they will determine what you should know from their point of view. Gone are the days of unbiased journalism. Reporters all are working an angle and the networks just reinforce that angle all day long. It's exhausting.

Maybe someday things will be normal again. But I don't think that way things were in January will ever be considered normal.  Whatever we end up with after this craziness will be the new normal, until the next big thing comes along.

I just want things to be simple and good and happy and right. I do not think they will be ever again. Or at least not until Jesus comes back.  I vote for that. I vote for Jesus to come, and the sooner the better.

Supposed To Do

Last night as I was sleeping I must have dreamt about all the things on my "to do" list this week. It was an unsettled night. That list gets longer as the weeks go on, and yet there is very seldom a spot to write something I want to do just for me.

I exercise because I am supposed to do it, according to my doctor.

I do laundry because I am supposed to do it, or else what would my family be wearing?

I make menus and do grocery shopping because I am supposed to, else what is my family to eat?

I take kids hither and yon because I am supposed to, or how will they get there?

I visit ten different schools' PTA boards this month, because I am suppose to for my job in PTA this year.

I go visiting teaching, because I am suppose to and I feel guilty if I don't.

You know, maybe the guilt all these things induces in me is why I keep doing them month after month. That cannot be the correct motivation for getting things done, however. I just hope I get credit for doing what I am supposed to do, regardless of my attitude about each thing. That may well be my only hope.

I thought there were 24 hours in EVERY day?! A Travelog

I don't seem to know what happens to me every day. Each day I make myself a little "To-Do" list, either on paper or in my head, and set to work on it. Being a list-maker, lets me see just what I am accomplishing each day, even if no one else does.

Today was like all the other days. I got kids off to school, with lunches, notebooks, folders, PE clothes, etc. Then on Fridays I head to our Dear Friend Tammy's.

[By way of explanation, Tammy is the wife of Genius Golfer's best friends from High School. They live in the town next to ours with their three girls. Tammy has ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, and has been declining steadily since her diagnosis almost a year and a half ago. She is stuck in a hospital bed, on a CPAP mask, and can only move her middle finger on her left hand on her own. She can't even bend her elbow to lift her hand to scratch her own face. GG's friend, Mr. Rick is her full time care giver and has been working from home for months now. On Fridays he needs to attend meetings, etc. at his corporate office--plus I think the break and change of scenery is good for him--but he can't leave his sweet wife alone now. So there is a small army of friends and neighbors who take shifts to care for her. My shift is as soon as I get The Boy off to school on Fridays until about lunch time.]

So today, I got to their place and began with a chat with Tammy and then got some laundry started for her family ( 3 loads in all today), fed her some lunch, cared for her while the Hospice social worker came to check on her and basically did what I could to make her feel more comfortable. It was pretty good day today, as she was in good spirits and this little social worker was very pleasant.

About noon the nurse's aid came so I was relieved of my spot and I headed back home where I made some lunch, read the mail--thanks for the letter and newspaper articles from home, mom--took a potty break. Then I headed over to the Junior High.

Each Friday at the junior high, the PTSA sells suckers during the two lunch periods to the students. Dear Friend Lisa has taken my first lunch shift while I am helping at Tammy's place, so I just come over for the second lunch period. The Girl has the second lunch this year, so she has lunch at the table with me and we chat a bit between "customers". It was crazy busy today selling candy to hormonal 'tweens and pubescents, but the time when by quickly.

From there I ran to the friendly local Macey's grocery store where I had earlier in the week ordered 13 dozen cookies for our Stake Youth Sports Day tomorrow. (I know. It is sports day and yet the treats we have are so not healthy snacks. But the youth council chose the treats; I am just the delivery lady.) I picked them up along with 6 watermelons.

While at the store, I also picked up milk, bread and eggs that our family needed. I looked like a one cart circus! In fact, I was! One of our former elemaentary school lunch ladies was in line behind me while the cashier was ringing up my stuff. As he was going, the giant box of cookies got wedged between the scanner and his register. But the conveyor belt kept going, which in turn started the watermelons rolling--all six of them. Each of us at the check out line was trying to get a hold of either the cookie box, a watermelon or the box of donuts. We all failed. These were big melons and are quite heavy, as you know, and before we could finally pull the giant box of cookies out of the wedged spot, the 6 watermelons had basically steamrolled this little lunch lady's box of glazed donuts!!! They looked like a dozen flattened glazed snickerdoodles with holes in the center. The cashier, the lunch lady and I were laughing so loudly that other customers in the other check out lines were staring at us. I was so grateful that the lady behind me a.) knew me and liked me anyway, and b.) had a sense of humor about the whole things, and c.) was very patient throughout the entire thing!

Then I schlepped all the cookies, watermelons, milk, eggs and bread home where it was unloaded. Then I turned around again and headed out to pick up boys from the elementary school. I got everyone home from school and The Boy began his last minute packing for his scout camp out tonight which included a quick run to Walgreen's for , you know, those really important items--treats! He "needed" three packages of Jolly Ranchers for the hike and camp out. He spent his own money, so I couldn't really argue with him.

We got him packed while The Girl and her BFF, Christine, got ready for soccer practice. But not their team's soccer practice, but they were invited to join a co-ed junior high indoor team, so it was the new team's practice. Luckily BFF's mom took them while I took The Boy to the church to meet up with the scout group.

I got him off and on his way--sugary candy at the ready--and came home to find The Girl already home. So here we sit just long enough to write a quick (or not so quick, as it turns out) entry for all of you before I take her to her REAL soccer practice tonight.

Did I mention, that Genius Golfer is away at his work's convention this week?! Whew...not wonder I am tired.

When the saying says, "No rest for the wicked" I think I understand. I am dog-tired today. Luckily, no one is looking for a real sit-down kind of dinner tonight. Maybe I should have just grabbed some of The Boy's Jolly Ranchers. At least I can eat those on the run.