Two Way Street

I had a nice chat with my sister last night. She was waiting for my parents to show up for her graduation ceremony--she finished her masters degree! She was calling with the standard "did they tell YOU what their plan was?" stress. It is funny if you think about it. They are grown adults, fully capable of getting themselves there. We still worry. Must be genetic.

Part of her call though has caused me to think. She is divorced, has been for two plus years now. She has tried some random dating, set ups, online dating. There is not a deep pool from which to draw, apparently. There are a lot of serious weirdos out there. (Can I get an AMEN from the single girls?!)

Since the divorce, she has been very good friends with a former family friend who knew her ex husband. He is a good guy who, I think, just wanted to make sure she was all right as she has been going through all the changes that come with a change in marital status. He likes her boys and enjoys being around them.

He was raised LDS in Ogden. In HS he make some choices that put him out of favor with his ward. He has felt ostracized, shunned, and left out due to a bad choice. He dealt with the choice the best way he could, though it wasn't something that seems to have made him happy in the long run. He has since married and had three kids and divorced as well. Still, he has not been interested in "church people" because he felt they were judging him. That was one of his attractions to my sister, allegedly, was that she took him as he was and saw him as a good person, though not active at church. (She seems to think there is more to his testimony than he recognizes, but that will have to wait. She has not added any pressure in that arena.)

Well, Sister was looking forward to our parents meeting Mr. Man at her graduation. As it has gotten closer, Mr. Man has gotten a little skittish. His reason? He basically told her "Your family might look down on me...judge me...presuppose who I am or what I am...think less of me...won't think I am 'worthy' to date, blah, blah, blah."

Now, is that fair? Really?

My parents are some of the most open, welcoming people I know. They have, for as long as I can remember, taken everyone at face value and began to develop friendships from there. They have friends in all sorts of walks of life. Some are religious, some are not. Some are more than a little rough around the edges, others are very smooth--sometimes too smooth for my taste. But with my folks, they take you as you are. Strangers are just friends they haven't met yet. They activate the benefit of the doubt most of the time.

While they, themselves, are quite religious now, they weren't always. Things in their lives have shown them this Gospel is vitally important. They know living it makes them happy. But that doesn't disqualify others from being their friends. If anything, they have a lot to share, if someone is interested.

They have never lived in Utah, so the wacky, sometimes judgemental, standoffish tendencies some LDS members here might have toward inactives or non-LDS folks, doesn't even faze them. They don't presume everyone is LDS in the first place, so there is no assumption made.

I hope Mr. Man shakes off his self-doubt and steps up to meet them today. Otherwise, this will be a relationship shipwreck before the storms even begin. Wanting something from others you are unwilling to give in equal measure back; isn't that the definition of hypocrite?

I'll keep you posted.