Life Long Learning

This week I had a chance to sing with a women's choir as part of our stake's Women's Conference at church.  Sister Carole Stephens, the 1st counselor in the LDS General Relief Society presidency was our guest speaker.  The choir sang an arrangement of "The Lord is my Light".  The conference was terrific, and the song went well.  But I learned something that touched me deeply, even befor ethe openingprayer was offered.

I sat with a dear friend who, professionally, is a licensed clinical social worker. In the short time we had before and after the choir warm up and final run through Saturday morning, she and I exchanged details on the kids, families, husbands, work.  She finally asked me how I was doing.  She didn't ask like it w as throw away question. She asked like it was what all the other answers I had just given hinged on.  She was asking how I was doing, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.

After explaining that I had gotten some medical help to get my hormone levels in check and that seemed to be going well, she asked some other deep questions.  Things that are prevalent in this stage of my life--children becoming adults, becoming "empty-nesters" sooner than later, shifts in responsibility changes in my work and volunteer life, and the changes that happen to a couple after being married for 20+ years.

Because she is my friend, I never thought she was holding my life under a microscope and looking at it for merely professional curiosity.  Because I trust her, I told her what was what.  I didn't mince words and I didn't really hold back.  This isn't what I thought my life would be at this stage of it.  I didn't anticipate the emotional heart ache I would have as my kids got to the edge of adulthood and took their first steps into the abyss.  I told her I had anxiety of being "just a couple" again after the years of beings a "family" at home.  She looked at me with compassion and understanding.

She is just ahead of me int he grand scheme of things.  Her eldest child is married and is living in another state while her daughter's husband is in school and she is working full time as a nurse.  Her middle child is attending a university nearby but no longer living at home.  And her youngest is nearing the end of high school and headed off to college and missionary service soon as well.  She gets what I am talking about.  She had been there, done that.  And she had a mother's heart.  She knows what I am feeling.

She gave me some great advice about how to protect my heart and let the kids grow up without going crazy without them.  She gave me a wonderful analogy too.  She said that she never understood why the scriptures tell us to "pray always" but we are taught that God knows our desires and our concerns and our thoughts.  Why do we need to tell Him what is going on in our lives, when he already knows it all?

She theorized that since we know our Heavenly Father is a wonderful parent--perfect, even--and He has had similar experiences that we are having now, He still wants to communicate with us and invites us to pray always so we can initiate that communication.  He will bless us, no matter what.  But He waits for us to ask for His help.  He isn't going to force Himself on us.

A good earthly parent wants to let their adult children to live their own lives, and to make their own decisions.  But that good mortal parent also has had similar experiences and may even have great advice or instruction to give their child to help them avoid trouble or costly mistakes. However, a good parent gives their child space to decide for himself.  But if invited in, will gladly offer whatever they can to help. 

I understood that.  I know my mom used to say that her job was to raise us to be good, hard working, honest, self-sufficient people.  If she did her job, she'd eventually work herself out of that job.  Yet, no matter what I have going on, when I pick up the phone or type a quick email to ask her something or run something past her, she responds with love and warmth and gratitude for being included.  He advice is always stellar.  And then I wonder why I didn't think to ask her sooner.

Life is all about the leaning.  Some times that learning seems to be about the kids.  Other times that learning is for me.  This weekend, it was a lesson I needed to hear, and ponder and appreciate.