A Chat with Mr. Rick

Yesterday I headed over to Mr. Rick and Dear Friend Tammy's home for some training on the Cough Assist Machine that nearly sent me over the edge and could have helped Tammy, should I have known what I was doing.

Come to find out, I almost did.

I spent and hour and a half over there. I practiced with Mr. Rick talking me through it using a soccer ball. The I practiced on Tammy, for real. She needed to cough up more gunk anyway, so this was a real life practice situation with supervisory help--should I totally blow it.

This cannot be any kind of fun for Tammy. I know it helps her feel better, but the frequency of needing the help is getting higher. More and more, Mr. Rick told me, he is doing the cough assist every half hour or so.

As I had a chance to also practice starting the generator--should the power go out it would keep her ventilator and the cough assist working--I felt much more prepared for whatever may happen.

I also got to chat with Mr. Rick for a minute while the nurse's aide was there. I asked him, How much longer can she continue like this? I have noticed the decline even since the change in meds only 3 or 4 weeks ago. He told me the Hospice doctor told them she's got two months or so to live. He told me too, that the neurologist who is Tammy's regular doctor, won't given them any time frame at all. Mr. Rick said from what he understands, this mucus that collects in her throat will most likely be the end of her life too. She'll end up choking to death, essentially drowning in her own body fluids. He told me that there is another anti-anxiety medicine that she might have to move to as she builds an immunity to the one she is on now, that will make her body relax to the point that she is sedated and sleeps the whole day, and all night. He said that is the most likely time when he body won't even sense the need to cough and the mucus will close off her breathing.

He seems very at peace with all that will likely happen. For that I am glad. He knows he is doing everything he can to make her comfortable and that he has cared for her the best he knows how. If she passes in the night, he says that will be God's will and the time will be right.

I hope she is able to get to that point and just go as peacefully as possible. It is heartbreaking to watch her steadily decline and loose even her voice. I know God knows what He is doing, but I wish I understood a little better what His plan is. I'd like to know she doesn't have to suffer much longer.