It's Getting More Difficult...

It is Thursday, and being so, it is my day to spend with Dear Friend Tammy. She is living with and dying from ALS. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I am so grateful to take a day and spend with her.

Her voice is becoming weaker and weaker. I am not sure if it is the affects of long term morphine use, but she seems to drift quicker in and out of sleep, in and out of awareness, and in and out of emotions. I seem to make her cry at least once a visit by asking just the right, or sometimes wrong, thing. The family has contrived a systems of elastic and Velcro and a horseshoe shaped pillow to keep her head up right. She has no more head control at all. She can't keep her head up on her own any more. Her voice is about the only thing left she can control. And even that small control is fading fast.

What makes me feel worse if the fact that her girls still don't seem to get it. They are in avoidance, or denial, or have simply withdrawn from the situation. Last week, I discovered, the youngest DD, age about 11, was being PAID to sit with her mom. But rather than looking for ways to comfort and ease her mom's life, she is busy counting her money. Even sitting right next to her mom, this DD can tune her mom out so well, that Mom's tiny voice can't break through and get her attention. It made me so angry last week.

Helping out is part of being in a family. I thought.

Doing what is right for your mom is part of being a daughter. I thought.

In times of trouble, feelings of charity toward a family member should win out. I thought.

I am wrong, apparently.

I understand that Dad in this family is stressed out. I get that. But from my vantage point, it also appears that he has given up his right to parent his children. The girls are essentially on their own and if he is paying one to "watch mom" because it is easier that dealing with it himself, that is his choice. But it is unconscionable to me.

I feel bad wishing DF Tammy to pass quickly, so she would be out of pain and discomfort. But I know she knows this life is not the end. She has a testimony of God's love for her and of the reunion that will take place with her parents and family who are waiting for her on the other side. I know she feels she will indeed see her own family again. Why can't she just be released from this body and allowed to move on? Then her family might also be able to pick up the pieces and move on as well. Maybe they could even get it together enough to save the two younger girls from complete selfishness. But maybe that is hoping too much.

All I know is that it is getting harder to go over there, at least when the girls are home. Maybe once school is in session again, I can be more focused on Tammy's needs again. I can't take the regular math formulations announcing how much money this DD will have by such and such a date--just for caring for her mother.