Rough Week

Maybe it is the realization that my "baby" is a senior in high school now, technically, at least.  Or because I cannot wait for the new office gal to start work on the 9th of June so can go back to my part time situation, but this week has been ROUGH.

It has been a long long month for that matter too.  I'm tired and exhausted and feeling broke.  All of that drains me of good efforts to stay positive and energetic. 

Yesterday I got off early--thanks to a coworker that, I believe, could see me struggling.  I came home and made cookies.  Do you know the last time I made cookies on a weekday during the light of day?  Its been a LONG time, I assure you.  Baking is enjoyable to me.  Notice, however, baking and cooking are not the same thing.

I made a cute "sleeve" of cookies to a swim friend who after a long year of working out some things for himself received a mission call this week.  I am SO proud of him.  I adore their family and think he is a great kid.  This mission call coming was just a sweet pit stop in a long hard road he has traveled for a year or so.  Knowing he is worthy to go and ready to serve is inspiring.

But while I was there dropping that off to him, I realized how much I miss the friends I have made as a school volunteer.  This just-called-missionary's mom being one of the best.  Working full time has really cut in on my ability to see people and visit and catch up with them.  My time is a real fragile things anymore and I miss having the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. 

But the selfish portion of that explanation aside, I do miss the mental health I feel when I have had friends to talk with.  There really is an element of therapy I gain from the friends I have had over the years as we experience similar issues with our families, kids, careers, callings at church, etc.  Genius Golfer is great, but he's been too busy to do much talking--which was too little to begin with.  I identified the feeling of being alone in a world of people as I saw my dear friend and her family last night.

Perhaps the answer here is a nap, and a coming vacation.  The change of scenery will be nice.  And I'm looking froward to getting back to my regular 9-3 schedule once Ella comes to work on the 9th.  Or maybe someday soon after that date, as I will still have training to do with her.  But the point is the same.  Getting back to an "early-out" schedule every day will help my attitude about work.

I saw this past month, particularly, that I was missing the crossroads of the day with The Boy by being stuck at work.  I feel him drawing away--as tends to happen a this age--but I have no power to alter that shift when I'm not at home when he is.  And I worry about what else I am missing in his life by being at work.

Again, here's hoping for a nap, and a vacation, and a schedule change.  But all of that will take time, and that isn't something I have an ample excess of right now.