How does your significant other let you know that you are loved? How do you how your love to them in return?
I feel loved from Genius Golfer whenever he speaks of me to others in glowing terms. He doesn't speak much, but I know without a doubt how he feels when she shares those kind words to others about me. Occasionally he will bring me a little gift--or share a treat with me. I especially love it when he writes me a little love note of some kind--it doesn't even have to be sappy, just words of appreciation mean so much to me.
I try to show my affection by telling him regularly how much I appreciate him--especially when he does things that help me out. I have tried hard to focus my attention to him fully, rather than focus on my phone, tablet, TV or whatever else is going on around me--After all he is worth that and much more.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Monday, February 19, 2018
#52 Stories--Story #19
When you were young, what qualities did you think were most important in a future spouse? Did your list change as you grew and matured?
As a young girl in Young Women at church we regularly made "lists" of what we'd like our future spouse to be like. Luckily for me, the majority of things I wanted in a future partner were relatively reasonable. Most likely that realization came from watching the real life love story my parents had shared fro years and year.
Most often I would say I wanted some marry someone that was a worthy priesthood holder. I was blessed to have many friends growing up that showed me--in my peer group--what guys like that were like. They were wonderful and lifelong friends, even now. Not everyone has had easy or even comfortable lives but I still appreciate and love them for what they taught me as a young woman.
I'd also would have wanted to be with someone who made me laugh. I have a sense of humor that is close to the surface and consequently I find things funny all the time. I like to laugh and enjoy making others laugh too. Someone with a similar sense of humor would be a preference.
I wanted to be with someone who had ambition within reason--someone who liked to work but wasn't obsessed with it. Holding down a job, and earning enough to support a family was an important trait I watched my own dad exemplify. That meant a lot to me from very early in my youth.
Of course it would be great if he were tall, liked to dance, had a great smile, and was cute. But those kind of qualities dropped in importance as I got older and made way for the more lasting personality traits that mean so much more now.
I feel very lucky that for the most part, Genius Golfer is all the things I wanted in a future spouse. He loves his family. He has always had a job and works hard to support our family. He has skills, talents, and gifts that he has figured out how to use to support us. He is also financially careful, cautious and conservative. We certainly get to do and spend money to make our lives memorable and enjoyable. But we don't spend wastefully.
GG is a terrific dad too. He has such a natural way with the kids--from the times they were VERY small. He just 'gets" them. And he seems to always understand when I had HAD it with them. I'm quite sure he saved them from some kind of parental chaos many times.
I know I am a very lucky woman.
As a young girl in Young Women at church we regularly made "lists" of what we'd like our future spouse to be like. Luckily for me, the majority of things I wanted in a future partner were relatively reasonable. Most likely that realization came from watching the real life love story my parents had shared fro years and year.
Most often I would say I wanted some marry someone that was a worthy priesthood holder. I was blessed to have many friends growing up that showed me--in my peer group--what guys like that were like. They were wonderful and lifelong friends, even now. Not everyone has had easy or even comfortable lives but I still appreciate and love them for what they taught me as a young woman.
I'd also would have wanted to be with someone who made me laugh. I have a sense of humor that is close to the surface and consequently I find things funny all the time. I like to laugh and enjoy making others laugh too. Someone with a similar sense of humor would be a preference.
I wanted to be with someone who had ambition within reason--someone who liked to work but wasn't obsessed with it. Holding down a job, and earning enough to support a family was an important trait I watched my own dad exemplify. That meant a lot to me from very early in my youth.
Of course it would be great if he were tall, liked to dance, had a great smile, and was cute. But those kind of qualities dropped in importance as I got older and made way for the more lasting personality traits that mean so much more now.
I feel very lucky that for the most part, Genius Golfer is all the things I wanted in a future spouse. He loves his family. He has always had a job and works hard to support our family. He has skills, talents, and gifts that he has figured out how to use to support us. He is also financially careful, cautious and conservative. We certainly get to do and spend money to make our lives memorable and enjoyable. But we don't spend wastefully.
GG is a terrific dad too. He has such a natural way with the kids--from the times they were VERY small. He just 'gets" them. And he seems to always understand when I had HAD it with them. I'm quite sure he saved them from some kind of parental chaos many times.
I know I am a very lucky woman.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Feelings Demand Processing
I am fighting the feeling the guilt I am sensing because I haven't written in several weeks. But I'm grateful for the relief it gives me to not feel the daily pressure. I hope all of you (however few of you are left) that read my posting can overlook the lack of regularity and just know that I am processing more than I get written each week.
In the weeks since I have written, I had an epiphany and even acted on it.
I realized that I have difficulty communicating with Genius Golfer at times, and I certainly don't receive communication in an easily comprehensible way from him. So I scheduled an visit with my Bishop. A bishop is our local congregational leader. In our faith, this is a man who leads for a period of time--about 5 years, usually--as a volunteer. He really doesn't have any specialized training like theological studies or anything like that, but his faith in the Savior is solid and his determination to follow God's commandments (and help others along the way) is sure. As an added bonus in my case, he is also my neighbor--has been for almost 20 years--and I love him and his family.
So I made an appointment and when the time came I went in to visit. We first visited about our respective children--his son is serving a mission in Europe and The Girl is serving in Illinois. Once the chit-chat was done, he asked what I wanted to talk about. I expressed to him that I have felt a need to seek guidance and advise for a mismatched communication level in my marriage. I explained that I feel unequally yoked to Genius Golfer at times. Intellectually, Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically. We just don't seem to be on the same page. And knowing that we are going to be sending The Boy off to the "next big thing" in his life far sooner than I am ready for, I was worried that the state of the relationship was in danger.
He gave me a reassuring smile and said that when he saw my name on the schedule that night, he had a feeling that I wanted to talk about this. Considering that I hadn't told anyone one Earth about my concerns, I was impressed. And I was comforted because I had laid open my heart to my Heavenly Father in prayer about these concerns for weeks, months, even. I knew the Spirit had prompted him to know what I was coming in to talk with him about. And that made me relax a bit.
Nothing ground breaking or earth shattering was disclosed, but my concerns were taken seriously and treated with respect and loving kindness. He gave me a recommendation to visit with a counselor--a professional with marriage counseling credentials. Then he asked if I would visit with him throughout this time I was seeing the counselor, so he can keep the spiritual side in his line of sight. He suggested that the counselor will help me learn some new techniques and develop some new communication tools to strengthen my marriage. He gave me a priesthood blessing before I left and I felt a surge of love and encouragement from my Heavenly Father and the strength to continue the efforts of trying.
I love my husband. I am committed to our marriage, 100%. There is not a chance that I am giving in or giving up. But I know that somehow I can figure out some way to both be striving for the best we have to offer each other. And I have used up my current tool box. It's time for some new tools. And that is what I'm looking forward to finding.
I'm looking forward to learning and developing and growing in order to learn and grown and develop with GG. Anything worth holding on to is worth that. And our marriage is worth all that and more.
In the weeks since I have written, I had an epiphany and even acted on it.
I realized that I have difficulty communicating with Genius Golfer at times, and I certainly don't receive communication in an easily comprehensible way from him. So I scheduled an visit with my Bishop. A bishop is our local congregational leader. In our faith, this is a man who leads for a period of time--about 5 years, usually--as a volunteer. He really doesn't have any specialized training like theological studies or anything like that, but his faith in the Savior is solid and his determination to follow God's commandments (and help others along the way) is sure. As an added bonus in my case, he is also my neighbor--has been for almost 20 years--and I love him and his family.
So I made an appointment and when the time came I went in to visit. We first visited about our respective children--his son is serving a mission in Europe and The Girl is serving in Illinois. Once the chit-chat was done, he asked what I wanted to talk about. I expressed to him that I have felt a need to seek guidance and advise for a mismatched communication level in my marriage. I explained that I feel unequally yoked to Genius Golfer at times. Intellectually, Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically. We just don't seem to be on the same page. And knowing that we are going to be sending The Boy off to the "next big thing" in his life far sooner than I am ready for, I was worried that the state of the relationship was in danger.
He gave me a reassuring smile and said that when he saw my name on the schedule that night, he had a feeling that I wanted to talk about this. Considering that I hadn't told anyone one Earth about my concerns, I was impressed. And I was comforted because I had laid open my heart to my Heavenly Father in prayer about these concerns for weeks, months, even. I knew the Spirit had prompted him to know what I was coming in to talk with him about. And that made me relax a bit.
Nothing ground breaking or earth shattering was disclosed, but my concerns were taken seriously and treated with respect and loving kindness. He gave me a recommendation to visit with a counselor--a professional with marriage counseling credentials. Then he asked if I would visit with him throughout this time I was seeing the counselor, so he can keep the spiritual side in his line of sight. He suggested that the counselor will help me learn some new techniques and develop some new communication tools to strengthen my marriage. He gave me a priesthood blessing before I left and I felt a surge of love and encouragement from my Heavenly Father and the strength to continue the efforts of trying.
I love my husband. I am committed to our marriage, 100%. There is not a chance that I am giving in or giving up. But I know that somehow I can figure out some way to both be striving for the best we have to offer each other. And I have used up my current tool box. It's time for some new tools. And that is what I'm looking forward to finding.
I'm looking forward to learning and developing and growing in order to learn and grown and develop with GG. Anything worth holding on to is worth that. And our marriage is worth all that and more.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Is Love A Battlefield?
I read this article online yesterday and just loved it. When we hear so much of the break-ups and "baby-daddies" of Hollywood and the Music industry, it is refreshing to hear about this pair...plus I really love Pat Benatar. She is sass personified in her music.
Happy Friday, friends...
Pat Benatar And Neil Giraldo: Star-Crossed Lovers, Partners For More Than 30 Years
By Wendy Geller | – Wed, Jan 9, 2013 8:52 PM EST
Giraldo and Benatar (Photo: Stephen Lovekin)The year was 1979, and 26-year-old star-in-the-making Pat Benatar was not
looking for a boyfriend. That all changed when a young guitarist—“the
most drop-dead gorgeous man I had ever seen in my life”--walked into her
rehearsal space one day.Turns out she was right: The guitarist was Neil Giraldo, who would end up being not only her longtime guitarist, but also her husband. The couple are now parents to two daughters, and have collaborated professionally as well as personally for 30 years strong and counting.
Benatar, who turns 60 on Thursday, is still in the thick of an active career—she and Giraldo embarked on a summer tour in 2012 and are currently playing dates around the nation through this spring--and explains that her long partnership with her husband is a result of respect and simply accepting that failure isn’t an option.
“It's kind of an incestuous relationship,” she told Parade of her marriage. “There isn't any part of our lives that isn't intertwined--so even when there's a conflict, you just have to resolve it.”
“It was a partnership from the very beginning,” Giraldo added. “We were just two missing pieces that found each other."
Benatar and Giraldo’s relationship didn’t start out under the most ideal of circumstances. Part of the reason Benatar was not looking for a boyfriend at the time was because she was separated from her first husband, a soldier in the army whom she married at age 19. “I knew the day we wed that I was making a terrible mistake,” she related in her autobiography. Meanwhile, Giraldo himself was in a relationship, with famous Exorcist actress Linda Blair.
The couple in earlier days (Photo: Benatargiraldo.com)The
two dealt with mutual feelings for each other while on tour,
rehearsing, recording a debut album, and traveling around the country
before Giraldo finally one day asked Benatar to have a drink with
him—alone. At the restaurant, he confessed that he believed Blair had
cheated on him. Benatar noted that she was sympathetic, but deep down
overjoyed. “This is a done deal,” she remembers thinking. “You. Are. Mine.”From that point, it was just a few weeks before the star-crossed pair became an official couple. Benatar’s divorce went through in 1979, and she and Giraldo married in Hawaii in 1982.
Since the two met so fatefully in that rehearsal space, they’ve worked on a dozen studio albums, embarked on more than 20 tours, and seen 19 singles hit the Top 40 chart. Benatar has won four Grammy Awards. Still, she insists that she and Giraldo “met as regular people” which forms the solid ground for their relationship.
“I feel about him now the way I felt about him the very first moment I saw him, and I am so grateful for that,” Benatar confessed to Parade. “We're nuts about each other."
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I'm Not Interested In "Keeping Up"
I am not sure why I'm surprised.
In case you have been living under a rock for the last several weeks, let me catch you up. A young, attention seeking woman, famous for being beautiful and famous, recently married a rich, attention seeking athlete in a ginormously expensive and lavish wedding, made for TV.
They filed for divorce 72 days later.
Why am I surprised? Beautiful people, those who are rich and famous, seem to be the epitome of irreverent and flippant when it comes to something as sacred and important as marriage. It is an avenue for additional media attention, some TV rights of the nuptials or photos of the newlyweds going to the highest bidder.
They don't have an inkling of what it takes to be married. Only, it seems, what it means to host a wedding. These are two very different things. One lasts a day. The other should last a lifetime or more--if it done correctly. But it isn't easy.
But easy is what these kind of people are looking for. Of course they are. They haven't had to work at anything their entire lives. Things have always come easily to them. If you are beautiful, people cut you more slack--for your intelligence, your effort, your initiative. If you are rich, you can afford to do what you want, and let the lawyers and attorneys clean things up for you later. If you are used to getting media attention, you learn to manipulate that attention to whatever you little heart fancies at the moment. There is no need to concern yourself for anything long term. Why bother?
Genius Golfer and I are closing in on our 20th wedding anniversary in the spring. We were young once. But we've never been famous or exceedingly rich or seeking media attention. And maybe all those are good things, in the long run. But given the chance and the inclination after 72 days or even six months, we might have called it quits citing "irreconcilable differences" too. Being married was hard work. It is hard work. Figuring out how to live with someone and get along and work together and cooperate takes some time. And effort. And commitment. Lucky for us, we had all of those. And now 20 years later, we are better for it all.
But it was never easy. Nothing that comes easily would be worth it. Our relationship is valuable because of the work we've put into it. It is of value to us because we know where this relationship can take us, if we continue to work and cooperate and get along. And those promises are worth even more than the life we've lived together thus far. It will allow us to be together forever, with our family where we can still be working things out, getting along and cooperating for eternity.
That is something the rich and famous can't begin to understand in their "15 minutes of fame" world.
In case you have been living under a rock for the last several weeks, let me catch you up. A young, attention seeking woman, famous for being beautiful and famous, recently married a rich, attention seeking athlete in a ginormously expensive and lavish wedding, made for TV.
They filed for divorce 72 days later.
Why am I surprised? Beautiful people, those who are rich and famous, seem to be the epitome of irreverent and flippant when it comes to something as sacred and important as marriage. It is an avenue for additional media attention, some TV rights of the nuptials or photos of the newlyweds going to the highest bidder.
They don't have an inkling of what it takes to be married. Only, it seems, what it means to host a wedding. These are two very different things. One lasts a day. The other should last a lifetime or more--if it done correctly. But it isn't easy.
But easy is what these kind of people are looking for. Of course they are. They haven't had to work at anything their entire lives. Things have always come easily to them. If you are beautiful, people cut you more slack--for your intelligence, your effort, your initiative. If you are rich, you can afford to do what you want, and let the lawyers and attorneys clean things up for you later. If you are used to getting media attention, you learn to manipulate that attention to whatever you little heart fancies at the moment. There is no need to concern yourself for anything long term. Why bother?
Genius Golfer and I are closing in on our 20th wedding anniversary in the spring. We were young once. But we've never been famous or exceedingly rich or seeking media attention. And maybe all those are good things, in the long run. But given the chance and the inclination after 72 days or even six months, we might have called it quits citing "irreconcilable differences" too. Being married was hard work. It is hard work. Figuring out how to live with someone and get along and work together and cooperate takes some time. And effort. And commitment. Lucky for us, we had all of those. And now 20 years later, we are better for it all.
But it was never easy. Nothing that comes easily would be worth it. Our relationship is valuable because of the work we've put into it. It is of value to us because we know where this relationship can take us, if we continue to work and cooperate and get along. And those promises are worth even more than the life we've lived together thus far. It will allow us to be together forever, with our family where we can still be working things out, getting along and cooperating for eternity.
That is something the rich and famous can't begin to understand in their "15 minutes of fame" world.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
What's That Song From "Fiddler on the Roof"?
Last night I went to a reception for a young woman in my neighborhood, whom I have known for years. She got married yesterday. Her mom is one of my Dear Friends. The couple were married in the temple. The groom is a returned missionary. His mom is our state representative on Capitol Hill in Salt Lake City. The bride is nineteen years old.
Miss T looked beautiful. And her family was happy for her. How could they not be? She did this the right way, in the right place.
I just hope it was the right time too. Sometimes I think we emphasize the temple wedding part more than the eternal marriage part. You know what I mean? Are these young newlyweds prepared for the ordinance and celebration of their big day? Or are they really prepared to begin their lives together that will last forever?
There is a difference. And if they are not prepared for the second part there, the joy and magic of the first part will wear off sooner that the frosting on a piece of cake.
I wasn't quite 23 when Genius Golfer and I married. I was four months away from a bachelor's degree. I'd lived in four apartments with six sets of roommates by then. I'd had some pretty amazing experiences in college and in life before we decided to hitch our combined wagons to a star and get married. And we both came into it with our eyes open to the long term commitment we were making. We still didn't know what we were getting into.
Do the kids today do all that?
Tonight I have another wedding reception to go to in our town. The son of one of my PTA friends is getting married. His bride was the object of his high school boyhood crush. They have both been away to school. He served a mission halfway around the world. She has lived in other places in the world. And has, certainly, had roommates and life experience and some education under her belt.
She will be beautiful too. And everyone will be happy for the young couple.
Where does the time go? How old can I possibly be with kids this age getting married? And how glad am I that I was able to make my own decision about who and when I married? I'll try to keep my opinion to myself and pray that they all know what they are getting themselves into.
Of course they don't. No one ever does. That is what makes it an adventure.
Miss T looked beautiful. And her family was happy for her. How could they not be? She did this the right way, in the right place.
I just hope it was the right time too. Sometimes I think we emphasize the temple wedding part more than the eternal marriage part. You know what I mean? Are these young newlyweds prepared for the ordinance and celebration of their big day? Or are they really prepared to begin their lives together that will last forever?
There is a difference. And if they are not prepared for the second part there, the joy and magic of the first part will wear off sooner that the frosting on a piece of cake.
I wasn't quite 23 when Genius Golfer and I married. I was four months away from a bachelor's degree. I'd lived in four apartments with six sets of roommates by then. I'd had some pretty amazing experiences in college and in life before we decided to hitch our combined wagons to a star and get married. And we both came into it with our eyes open to the long term commitment we were making. We still didn't know what we were getting into.
Do the kids today do all that?
Tonight I have another wedding reception to go to in our town. The son of one of my PTA friends is getting married. His bride was the object of his high school boyhood crush. They have both been away to school. He served a mission halfway around the world. She has lived in other places in the world. And has, certainly, had roommates and life experience and some education under her belt.
She will be beautiful too. And everyone will be happy for the young couple.
Where does the time go? How old can I possibly be with kids this age getting married? And how glad am I that I was able to make my own decision about who and when I married? I'll try to keep my opinion to myself and pray that they all know what they are getting themselves into.
Of course they don't. No one ever does. That is what makes it an adventure.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
P.C. or Not P.C.: That is the Question
I read this little article this morning, and while I am not surprised, I am still irritated at those in government. Special interest groups seem to be the only ones who see success. This was part of an e-magazine called Meridian.
Moral Disapproval – So Politically Incorrect
By Gary C. Lawrence
Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that the Obama administration would no longer defend DOMA - the federal Defense of Marriage Act.
Never mind that the law passed by 85-14 in the Senate and gathered a similar 84% of the vote in the House. A real squeaker, that. And signed into law by President Clinton, hardly a right-wing conservative.
Holder said President Obama decided against the ongoing defense of DOMA because the debate in Congress in 1996 included statements that reflected (wait for it) "moral disapproval of gays and lesbians and their intimate and family relationships..."
Imagine, Congress considering morality when deciding our laws. What will come next -- dieters considering calories, car-buyers considering engines, manufacturers considering materials?
If one argues that the moral landscape has changed (Holder says the legal landscape has changed), then let the originators of the law -- Congress -- decide whether or not to repeal it. But to refuse to defend a properly passed law constitutes a de facto executive veto over a law passed by veto-proof margins and the President who signed it 15 years ago.
There is a proper way to take a law off the books. This isn't it.
Mr. President: If you want to destroy DOMA, then have your allies in Congress start the legislative process and let our representatives decide.
Be a mensch and do it the right way.
If this nation isn't ripening in iniquity, with its attending consequences, then I don't know the definition of the term.
Moral Disapproval – So Politically Incorrect
By Gary C. Lawrence
Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that the Obama administration would no longer defend DOMA - the federal Defense of Marriage Act.
Never mind that the law passed by 85-14 in the Senate and gathered a similar 84% of the vote in the House. A real squeaker, that. And signed into law by President Clinton, hardly a right-wing conservative.
Holder said President Obama decided against the ongoing defense of DOMA because the debate in Congress in 1996 included statements that reflected (wait for it) "moral disapproval of gays and lesbians and their intimate and family relationships..."
Imagine, Congress considering morality when deciding our laws. What will come next -- dieters considering calories, car-buyers considering engines, manufacturers considering materials?
If one argues that the moral landscape has changed (Holder says the legal landscape has changed), then let the originators of the law -- Congress -- decide whether or not to repeal it. But to refuse to defend a properly passed law constitutes a de facto executive veto over a law passed by veto-proof margins and the President who signed it 15 years ago.
There is a proper way to take a law off the books. This isn't it.
Mr. President: If you want to destroy DOMA, then have your allies in Congress start the legislative process and let our representatives decide.
Be a mensch and do it the right way.
If this nation isn't ripening in iniquity, with its attending consequences, then I don't know the definition of the term.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Bridal My Thoughts
GG's eldest nephew is getting married next month. His fiance's bridal shower is tomorrow. My job for the shower is to photograph the people that come to celebrate as well as collect and create a recipe book for Lacey. Each invitation to the shower asked for a recipe to be emailed to me for Lacey. So far I have about 6. But that is another post.
I'm delighted to be "helping" with the shower. Lacey, for the few times I have chatted with her, seems lovely. They are choosing to be married in the temple, and that is a good place to start.
My thoughts about all things bridal around here lean more to the "They are so young!" vein. Travis has been home from his mission for a year and a half. He and Lacey have dated for a while (in Utah county's time frame, at least). Over the Fourth of July I learned that Lacey was only 19. That gave me reason to pause.
Not to say that all 19-year-olds are too young to be wed, but I still worry about them. I remember myself at 19, and the worry for them increases. Regardless of how prepared they think they are, marriage is a challenge. Marriage is also a wonderful blessing, with much to gain when challenges are met together.
I was closer to 23 when GG and I got hitched. I was four months away from a bachelor's degree. I was free of student loans and debt in general. And I had lived away from home for nearly 5 years. I had taken that whole college experience as my own selfish "Me-Time'. It was great. By the time we decided to marry, I was ready to share the life I was beginning to create with him. We had similar goals and made plan together for a home, family, life. My parents told me to "move far, far away together" when we married. (Meaning, lean on each other only, not rely on family as we built our own.)
Thinking of the years before I was married, I wouldn't have given up those 5 years of living selfishly for anything. It gave me a great base of experience, good and bad, with which to build a life together. I played. I traveled a bit. I made my own money. I made my own decisions. I had a pile of roommates, from whom I learned a LOT. I made choices that affected myself, by myself.
By the time we got married, I got a lot of that selfishness of youth, out of my system. I was much more ready then to look after, first, my husband, and eventually, my children. Becoming a wife and mother, especially, has to be a selfless step. Or at least, in a healthy relationship, that is how I think it should be. But as a human, you tend to be selfish first, then learn to be charitable. It takes a little work to flip that thinking.
Who knows? Travis and Lacey may be better prepared than I was at their ages. Maybe, they have "sowed the wild oats" that come with youth. Maybe they are just a lot smarter than I was. I hope so, for them. Either way, I hope these two young almost-weds are wise and kind and selfless toward each other. I hope they look only to teach other for decisions, and then learn from the results of their choices and the lessons life brings with marriage. Those kinds of things can strengthen relationships. If they don't stick it out together, and look instead outside for the support that they deserve to give each other, trouble will follow.
Perhaps, they can do better than I did, having learned by observation, rather practice. Maybe that is the difference. Either way, I wish them well and look forward to seeing them grow in love and life, together. Good luck, Trav and Lacey! We love you.
I'm delighted to be "helping" with the shower. Lacey, for the few times I have chatted with her, seems lovely. They are choosing to be married in the temple, and that is a good place to start.
My thoughts about all things bridal around here lean more to the "They are so young!" vein. Travis has been home from his mission for a year and a half. He and Lacey have dated for a while (in Utah county's time frame, at least). Over the Fourth of July I learned that Lacey was only 19. That gave me reason to pause.
Not to say that all 19-year-olds are too young to be wed, but I still worry about them. I remember myself at 19, and the worry for them increases. Regardless of how prepared they think they are, marriage is a challenge. Marriage is also a wonderful blessing, with much to gain when challenges are met together.
I was closer to 23 when GG and I got hitched. I was four months away from a bachelor's degree. I was free of student loans and debt in general. And I had lived away from home for nearly 5 years. I had taken that whole college experience as my own selfish "Me-Time'. It was great. By the time we decided to marry, I was ready to share the life I was beginning to create with him. We had similar goals and made plan together for a home, family, life. My parents told me to "move far, far away together" when we married. (Meaning, lean on each other only, not rely on family as we built our own.)
Thinking of the years before I was married, I wouldn't have given up those 5 years of living selfishly for anything. It gave me a great base of experience, good and bad, with which to build a life together. I played. I traveled a bit. I made my own money. I made my own decisions. I had a pile of roommates, from whom I learned a LOT. I made choices that affected myself, by myself.
By the time we got married, I got a lot of that selfishness of youth, out of my system. I was much more ready then to look after, first, my husband, and eventually, my children. Becoming a wife and mother, especially, has to be a selfless step. Or at least, in a healthy relationship, that is how I think it should be. But as a human, you tend to be selfish first, then learn to be charitable. It takes a little work to flip that thinking.
Who knows? Travis and Lacey may be better prepared than I was at their ages. Maybe, they have "sowed the wild oats" that come with youth. Maybe they are just a lot smarter than I was. I hope so, for them. Either way, I hope these two young almost-weds are wise and kind and selfless toward each other. I hope they look only to teach other for decisions, and then learn from the results of their choices and the lessons life brings with marriage. Those kinds of things can strengthen relationships. If they don't stick it out together, and look instead outside for the support that they deserve to give each other, trouble will follow.
Perhaps, they can do better than I did, having learned by observation, rather practice. Maybe that is the difference. Either way, I wish them well and look forward to seeing them grow in love and life, together. Good luck, Trav and Lacey! We love you.
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