Irony

Yesterday began with an "emergency" faculty meeting, to which I was invited.  It was more a briefing about the grief counseling that was available for the high schoolers (and the staff, if needed) from the school district because of the suicide of one of our high school students Thursday.

Lo, and behold, our local TV station had also designated the day "Be a Friend Friday".  The irony wasn't lost on me.

Coping Mechanisms Observed

I spent this morning with my Dear Friend Tammy. Tammy has A.L.S. (also called Lou Gehrig's Disease) and is completely bedridden now. Her personality and sense of humor is still intact and same as ever. But physically she is not herself.

Tuesday and Friday mornings I spend at her place doing some housekeeping and laundry and just visiting with her. Her Husband, Rick, goes into the office on Fridays so she needs someone there to help her and watch her while he is gone. Today, I also got to help the hospice nurse wash her hair and then I fed her some lunch.

Her girls were home today, since it was Fall Break Weekend, but their dad still had the regular adult help scheduled for today. I was curious to watch how the three girls are coping with their mom's situation. Each one deals with it so differently.

Daughter #1 is a senior in HS and seems to deal with the whole situation by avoiding it. She is away as often as not. She has a job, granted, but it sounds like she is off with friends (always away from home) when she is not working. I hope she doesn't miss the opportunity to say things to her mom that she will want to say. And I hope she figures all this out before she regrets her choices down the road.

Daughter #2 is in junior high and very sporty. But she has become more of a home body of late. Today, in fact , she was making chili for their family's dinner and kept checking in with her mom for directions. Her mom tells me that DD#2 regularly sits with her and they read/listen to a book on tape and then talk about it together. Daughter # 2's coping with things by not going very far from home, nearly the opposite of her big sister.

Daughter #3 is in elementary school and is the family princess. She has always been the baby and was treated as such as she was growing up. But she also likes to dress and act older than her age, playing up the cuteness or the (at times) flirty factor. Her coping mechanism seems to be a stronger need for attention. She checks in on mom while she is home, but has also swiped mom's lipstick or make up and I find silky black bras in her laundry. I worry that her acting "older" will draw the exactly wrong kind of attention down the road.

How these three girls cope is fascinating and at the same time worrisome. I want to encourage them to do things that will be positive and will become treasured memories with their mom and the time they spent with her, serving and sharing with her for them. I'm not sure my influence is one they will listen to or even care for, but I feel for them all. Most of all I feel for Tammy who is not capable to changing much around her. She is putting on a good face and being as strong as she can for her girls, but she can't force a change in them, or in herself.

Each one of us is in a similar circumstances with our families and loved ones. We may not be facing terminal illness, but we all know that no one gets out of this life alive. Are we spending our time wisely? Are we making memories that we will treasure down the road? Are we telling people who mean something to us that we love them, admire them, pray for them? Look at your family this weekend, and see how you can improve those little moments together. It isn't easy, but it will be worth it. I just hope Tammy's girls can balance out their feelings with the time they have left with their mom.