An Honest Shelf Life

Two years ago this month, Genius Golfer got us cell phones.  Because two years ago this month, he quit his job to work for himself, from home.  All three of the others in our family have upgrades their phones one way or another, except me.  I have that two year old phone and it has been great.

Until this week, that is.

This week, my little phone cannot find a network to utilize.  I can get texts and calls, but can't access the web, apps, or other tools that I have slowly been getting used to there.  I've even tried to learn what to do to fix it myself, which all came up dry.

So when GG and The Boy (who has fall break this weekend, so no school today) get going for the day, they are on a quest to replace or upgrade my phone.  But for the record, I think 2 years is a pathetically short shelf life for a little piece of electronic equipment that makes my life easier.

Smart Parent!

I just read this this morning...and I wish I would have done this when the kids first got phones.  I may STILL do this as a Family Home Evening lesson.  It is THAT good:

Greg Hoffman is a kid who just got an iPhone from his parents. His mom, Janell Hoffman, wrote these [slightly edited] rules for its use:

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8-9. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
10. No porn.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder, without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Connected Parenting=Disconnecting Electronics

I recently read this terrific article.  And thought you might like it too.  How much we take for granted in our super-convenience/processed/instantaneous world.  Our kids will pay the price for that.

How to miss a childhood

By Rachel Macy Stafford For Hands Free Mama

Published: Monday, May 14 2012 9:23 a.m. MDT

By sharing my own painful truths when it comes to the distractions of the modern age, I have gained an unexpected insight. In the 18 months my blog, Hands Free Mama, has existed, I have been privy to a new distraction confession every single day.

Up until now, I never knew what to do with this unusual collection of painful admissions from an overly connected society. But today, in a moment of clarity, I knew. And a woman with 35 years of experience as a day care provider held the key.

It came as a message in my inbox after the woman read my post “The Children Have Spoken” which included heart-breaking observations from children themselves about their parents’ excessive phone use.

As soon as I read the first sentence of the caregiver’s email, I knew this message was different than any I had ever received. The hairs on my arms stood up as I absorbed each word that came uncomfortably close to home.

It was a voice of heartache, wisdom, and urgency speaking directly the parents of the 21st century:

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

In a 100-word paragraph this concerned woman who has cared for babies since 1977 revealed a disturbing recipe ... How to Miss a Childhood.

And because I possess hundreds of distraction confessions, including stories from my own former highly distracted life, I have all the damaging ingredients.

All it takes is one child and one phone and this tragic recipe can be yours.

How to Miss a Childhood

Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child midsentence; always let the caller take priority.

Carry your phone around so much that when you happen to leave it in one room your child will come running with it proudly in hand , treating it more like a much needed breathing apparatus than a communication device.

Decide the app you’re playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. 

Even better: yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.

Take your children to the zoo and spend so much time on your phone that your child looks longingly at the mother who is engaged with her children and wishes she was with her instead.

While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.

Go to your child’s sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won’t notice that you are not fully focused on her game.

Check your phone first thing in the morning ... even before you kiss, hug, or greet the people in your family.

Neglect daily rituals like tucking your child into bed or nightly dinner conversation because you are too busy with your online activity.

Don’t look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an “uh huh” so she thinks you were listening.

Lose your temper with your child when he "bothers" you while you are interacting with your hand-held electronic device.

Give an exasperated sigh when your child asks you to push her on the swing. Can’t she see you're busy?

Use drive time to call other people regardless of the fact you could be talking to your kids about their day, or about their worries, their fears, or their dreams.

Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won’t remember you did this all the time.

Have the phone to your ear when she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.

Follow this recipe and you will have:

Missed opportunities for human connection

Fewer chances to create beautiful memories

Lack of connection to the people most precious to you

Inability to really know your children and them unable to know you

How to Grasp a Childhood:

Look into her eyes when she speaks to you. Your uninterrupted gaze is love to your child.

Take time to be with him; really be with him by giving your full attention. The gift of your total presence is love to your child.

Hold his hand, rub her back, and smooth his hair. Your gentle touch is love to your child.

Greet her like you missed her when she was not in your presence. Seeing your face light up when you see her is love to your child.

Play with him. Your involvement in his activities is love to your child.

Set an example of being distraction-free while driving. Positive role modeling behind the wheel is love (and safety) to your child.

Create a distraction-free daily ritual. Consistently making him a priority each day is love to your child.

Talk to him. Ask him about his day. Listening to what he has to say is love to your child.

Focus and smile at her from the stands or the audience. Seeing the joy on your face as you watch is love to your child.

The recipe for “How to Grasp a Childhood” requires only one thing: You must put down your phone. 

Whether it is for ten minutes, two hours, or an entire Saturday, beautiful human connection, memory making, and parent-child bonding can occur every single time you let go of distraction to grasp what really matters.

The beautiful, life-changing results of your “Hands Free” action can start today, right now, the moment you put down the phone.

You can follow this Hands Free Mama and her revolutionary approach to letting go and living life by joining “The Hands Free Revolution” on Facebook or through her blog at www.handsfreemama.com.

Learning Curve

Yesterday, Genius Golfer upgraded our entire family to new phones.  He and I ended up with "smart" phones.  The kids just got new ones that are all included (read: unlimited texting and talk) in our new family plan.

Now, if you will recall, I drug my feet about getting cell phone, but I had lovely girlfriends who pulled me kicking and screaming into the 21st century by getting me a little phone for my 40th birthday.  After having that for two years, I wonder how I got along without it.

Now, after paying 20 cents each minute or text I sent OR received, I am really looking forward to having a phone that works for me, rather than the other way around,.  But this phone might be too smart for this user.  There is a lot to learn.  Of course, the kids get my phone without even seeing it before.  Intuitively they just get this kind of technology.  How is that?!

So I am learning, but the curve is steep.  At least I have my new ring tone--the Pink Panther theme, by Henry Mancini--so I can recognize when my phone rings.  One step down...many, many more to go.

Video Sunday

I always wonder what people who leave their phones on in the movies, or at a meeting, or in church (!) are thinking. Are they REALLY that important?

Maybe I'd understand it if you were waiting for a text that your wife was in labor, or if the hospital had just transferred your parent to the university burn unit. But just for a little chat?! Come on.

I love this commercial. I hope there is also karma coming for drivers who text. But that is another rant. I'll save it for another day.

Welcome to the 21st Century

My girlfriends took me to lunch yesterday for my birthday! They are so great, and they always seem to know just what to say or do that will make me feel with it and groovy (oh, wait, did I just day WITH IT and GROOVY? Whoa. I am almost 40!)

These three friends gave me a very special present. They gave me a cell phone. Yes, I know that I was the last person on earth to jump on the communication bandwagon. I was still so very stubbornly a 20th century girl with my home phone and answering machine. But now I am a thoroughly modern girl.

My kids can now contact MY cell phone when I have left them home for an hour or two rather calling one of my dear friends' numbers. If my zippy little car gets stranded somewhere because I failed to refill it while I was in Orem, I cold call the SLC roadside help line for natural gas cars (they have one, you know). If I were to run away from home in compete despair and discouragement, my Dear Friends could hunt me down and find me in the nick of time, to be saved by the taste of butter cream frosting and quarts of Diet Coke.

So I haved joined the real world. The Boy is even more enthralled than I am with this phone. He is "teaching" me how to use all the features. (How does he know this stuff?!)

Once I got the little cute thing charged yesterday I call Genius Golfer to tell him my happy news and give him the number too, as he might want to find me one of these days. Instead he had only negative things to say "Why'd you do that?" and "How are you going to pay for that?!" It really did suck all the joy out of my new modern girl life.

When GG didn't get home until very late from work last night, he only said 2 gunting words to me. This morning, I got up with him and asked just what was wrong. He said that he had a rough day a work yesterday. When I asked what I could do, he just told me that he would handle it his way and left for work again.

'Communication is the basis for our successful relationship.' Well, not today.

He will come out of this, and if it something really serious, he will eventually talk to me. But in the meantime, I feel completely left out of his life. Like I'm a bit player when I would much prefer to be his life's co-star. I must learn patience with him as he deal with stress. But I want that patience NOW!

At least I can communicate with my friends who might want to find me, with kids who might need me, and for me to reach out and scream for help, and a Diet Coke!