For the first time in 13 years, I missed a parent-teacher conference. Not just "only go to see most of the teachers" or "didn't get to everyone because the kids are doing so well I didn't want to bother anyone". No. I didn't even make it to the high school. At all.
"Why?" is the next logical question. "Work" is the sadly truthful answer.
Genius Golfer went instead. So the family WAS represented, but it wasn't me. And that isn't sitting right with me today.
There are many days I am so thankful to have a job at all, much less one that I mostly enjoy every day and with colleagues I think are pretty fun, doing work that feels useful and with a boss that is super flexible and patient with me.
But last night I resented having a job.
Resentment is not a healthy feeling. It stirs up anger and disappointment and keeps me from seeing anything positive in the situation. It has been sneaking in more often in the past month or so. And I can't seem to control it yet.
Missing parent-teacher conference might seem like a little thing, but I know little things build together to become BIG things if I'm not careful--for good or bad. And this kind of 'little thing' foundation doesn't lend itself to building a strong, positive end. And that worries me.
Showing posts with label Parent-Teacher Conferences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parent-Teacher Conferences. Show all posts
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Keynote Message Noted
Yesterday, as part of the statewide PTA convention I attended, Dr. Brent Top was the keynote speaker. He is a professor of church history and doctrine at BYU. He has also written several books and conducted many studies that focus on family life and family influence.
He spoke to several hundred people yesterday on the topic of helping our children acheive their highest potential. And since that is my goal in my real life too, I thought what he had to say was valuable.
He began by telling us the story of Michelangelo. He was once asked about the masterpiece carvings he created. Someone had asked him how he does that. He basically told them that he sees the finsihed piece within the stone and he just removes the unwanted parts.
He gave four suggestions we can try to help our children from a "rough cut" into becoming their own "masterpiece".
First, create a learning environment. He gave the example of seeds. Even if you plant them in the richest soil with all the amenities a lush garden could need, until the soil is warmed to its optimal temperature the seeds simply won't grow. Love acts as a root-starter and along with warmth and love, children need safety and acceptance and respect.
Then, they need guidance in developing a moral compass. Kids have a strong innate sense of right and wrong. But all around them the societal model contains priority shifts, justification, and motivation to do whatever it takes. He emphasized that morality is not religion. Morality cannot be relative. He also told us that parents need to be parents, not buddies to their kids. And as we are consistent with discipline and punishments, respect can grow. Kids, especially the teens in his study, want boundaries from their parents.
Third, we must help instill a sense of empathy and compassion for others. While we should value academic achievement or athletic prowess, we should also value empathy. Without that characteristic our children cannot reach their full potential. He told of a study he did with people who had near-death experiences. That idea that your life flashes before your eyes seems to be universal, but the things that are recalled are more the feelings that your actions affected in others. So how we treat other people really counts.
Fourth, we must teach our kids to render service to others. This is empathy and compassion in action. As parents knowingly or unknowingly foster their children's idea that it is all about them, and eventually that becomes very restricive and ultimately self-destructive. Dr. Top mentioned some thing that really struck me here. He said, "Those who have true joy look out of the windows in their souls rather than into mirrors." The more we focus on others, the more we gain. He taught the Principle of Indirection--like a boomerang. We put effort into one area and the benefits come from another direction.
Helping children achieve their potential requires effort. Modeling the behavior we want our children to follow requires determination and purpose from us.
I appreciated this more this week, as we had a blow out with The Girl earlier this week. Her big AP test was Friday and I am sure she was feeling stress about wanting to do well. But we have told her from the start that we didn't expect her to score a perfect "5" but a passing "3" would be just great.
However, one girl in her class continually makes everything they do a competition. She wants to rub her percieved superiority in the other kids' noses--even to the point of telling the teacher he is wrong in a very disrespectful way in front of the class. The Girl doesn't care to deal with this girl like that. But this classmate, in my opinion, is at the core, jealous of The Girl for her acceptance and well-roundedness. And she proceeds to become more and more confrontational when The Girl is getting what this classmate really wants.
This classmate is all focus and intensity--she really has limited social skills with kids her own age. And consequently few friends really want to hang out with her--can you blame them? But I know that The Girl is biting her tongue more often than not. I have told her she needs to be kind to this classmate, but needn't try to be her best friend. But it eats her up when she sees the inconsistancy theis classmate displays between prefessin her perfection and treating people around her so badly.
As the test approached this week, The Girl's anxiety peaked too and she acted out disobediently, and got grounded. My job as a parent, according to Dr.Top is to help her develop and achieve her potential. But, boy, that is a hard job.
He spoke to several hundred people yesterday on the topic of helping our children acheive their highest potential. And since that is my goal in my real life too, I thought what he had to say was valuable.
He began by telling us the story of Michelangelo. He was once asked about the masterpiece carvings he created. Someone had asked him how he does that. He basically told them that he sees the finsihed piece within the stone and he just removes the unwanted parts.
He gave four suggestions we can try to help our children from a "rough cut" into becoming their own "masterpiece".
First, create a learning environment. He gave the example of seeds. Even if you plant them in the richest soil with all the amenities a lush garden could need, until the soil is warmed to its optimal temperature the seeds simply won't grow. Love acts as a root-starter and along with warmth and love, children need safety and acceptance and respect.
Then, they need guidance in developing a moral compass. Kids have a strong innate sense of right and wrong. But all around them the societal model contains priority shifts, justification, and motivation to do whatever it takes. He emphasized that morality is not religion. Morality cannot be relative. He also told us that parents need to be parents, not buddies to their kids. And as we are consistent with discipline and punishments, respect can grow. Kids, especially the teens in his study, want boundaries from their parents.
Third, we must help instill a sense of empathy and compassion for others. While we should value academic achievement or athletic prowess, we should also value empathy. Without that characteristic our children cannot reach their full potential. He told of a study he did with people who had near-death experiences. That idea that your life flashes before your eyes seems to be universal, but the things that are recalled are more the feelings that your actions affected in others. So how we treat other people really counts.
Fourth, we must teach our kids to render service to others. This is empathy and compassion in action. As parents knowingly or unknowingly foster their children's idea that it is all about them, and eventually that becomes very restricive and ultimately self-destructive. Dr. Top mentioned some thing that really struck me here. He said, "Those who have true joy look out of the windows in their souls rather than into mirrors." The more we focus on others, the more we gain. He taught the Principle of Indirection--like a boomerang. We put effort into one area and the benefits come from another direction.
Helping children achieve their potential requires effort. Modeling the behavior we want our children to follow requires determination and purpose from us.
I appreciated this more this week, as we had a blow out with The Girl earlier this week. Her big AP test was Friday and I am sure she was feeling stress about wanting to do well. But we have told her from the start that we didn't expect her to score a perfect "5" but a passing "3" would be just great.
However, one girl in her class continually makes everything they do a competition. She wants to rub her percieved superiority in the other kids' noses--even to the point of telling the teacher he is wrong in a very disrespectful way in front of the class. The Girl doesn't care to deal with this girl like that. But this classmate, in my opinion, is at the core, jealous of The Girl for her acceptance and well-roundedness. And she proceeds to become more and more confrontational when The Girl is getting what this classmate really wants.
This classmate is all focus and intensity--she really has limited social skills with kids her own age. And consequently few friends really want to hang out with her--can you blame them? But I know that The Girl is biting her tongue more often than not. I have told her she needs to be kind to this classmate, but needn't try to be her best friend. But it eats her up when she sees the inconsistancy theis classmate displays between prefessin her perfection and treating people around her so badly.
As the test approached this week, The Girl's anxiety peaked too and she acted out disobediently, and got grounded. My job as a parent, according to Dr.Top is to help her develop and achieve her potential. But, boy, that is a hard job.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thoughts for Parent/Teacher Conference
Yesterday I scheduled The Boy's Parent-Teacher Conference. All evening long I was thinking about this opportunity. And the things I need to bring up at that meeting.
The Boy's teacher is brand new--not just to the school we have been at now for 9 years, but new to the profession of teaching. He apparently did something else in his professional career (with school age kids, he assured me) and now has attained a teaching credential and is a brand new teacher. Also, I understand that his wife is a school administrator in another district, so that adds weight to his expertise, right?
I was a brand new teacher once too, in a well established school with parents who were involved and trying to help. It can be intimidating and overwhelming from that side of the desk. But from this side of the desk, it looks very different. So to prepare myself, I thought I should write a list of discussion point I would like to bring up with Mr. New Teacher:
*It is now more than a month into the school year and I haven't seen The Boy bring home any spelling words. Or any writing assignments. Or a reading log with required reading for home. Do you have plans for any of these subjects in this class?
*I have been asking The Boy about his Guided Reading groups. He looks at me like he doesn't know what I am talking about. Will you be utilizing the trailer filled with the school's Guided Reading library? Will that be happening in this subject in your class this year?
* I have noticed, with curiosity, that The Boy has regularly spoken about the choice of classroom pets for nearly 3 weeks. I understand that it has been settled upon by bringing a bearded dragon lizard into the room. Did it actually take three weeks to decide, or where you filling time with the pet campaign instead of doing history, geography or social studies of any kind?
*The Boy was outspoken and highly disappointed when the "Bravo Board Bingo" was held and he received no prize while other select kids, according to The Boy, earned two or three prizes each. I understand the prizes were in the $2-$5 range, each. I have no problem with them receiving rewards for their own good behavior, but have you thought about just giving them a bookmark or a homemade certificate? This would save not only your money, but also the student's expectations that they come to school for the prizes and not the learning. Besides, as I understand it, you are running a classroom, not a popularity contest here.
*Finally, as I collect The Boy every day after school, it seems he regularly has a treat of some kind to tell me about that he ate in class that day. Is this bribing with treats plan working as your classroom management? The kids should be expected to behave, and as the teacher, you set that expectation for their behavior. Being consistent and firm in your rules in class will go a long way in helping them learn to control themselves and, consequently, the overall behavior in your class. Again, my kindest suggestion would be to eliminate food rewards and then the kids won't expect a treat every time they do something correctly. A little Pavlovian, isn't it?
So, Friends, what do you think? Do you think I am being too demanding of the teacher? Too interested in the plan he has for this class? Am I a helicopter parent here? Should I continue my line of questioning to include whether he intends to follow the Utah State based curriculum and testing requirements? Or the NCLB breakdown of sub-groups required to be tested with the state standardized test? And am I a little too sarcastic? I have about two weeks to work the kinks out before I meet with the teacher. I'll keep fine-tuning my questions.
The Boy's teacher is brand new--not just to the school we have been at now for 9 years, but new to the profession of teaching. He apparently did something else in his professional career (with school age kids, he assured me) and now has attained a teaching credential and is a brand new teacher. Also, I understand that his wife is a school administrator in another district, so that adds weight to his expertise, right?
I was a brand new teacher once too, in a well established school with parents who were involved and trying to help. It can be intimidating and overwhelming from that side of the desk. But from this side of the desk, it looks very different. So to prepare myself, I thought I should write a list of discussion point I would like to bring up with Mr. New Teacher:
*It is now more than a month into the school year and I haven't seen The Boy bring home any spelling words. Or any writing assignments. Or a reading log with required reading for home. Do you have plans for any of these subjects in this class?
*I have been asking The Boy about his Guided Reading groups. He looks at me like he doesn't know what I am talking about. Will you be utilizing the trailer filled with the school's Guided Reading library? Will that be happening in this subject in your class this year?
* I have noticed, with curiosity, that The Boy has regularly spoken about the choice of classroom pets for nearly 3 weeks. I understand that it has been settled upon by bringing a bearded dragon lizard into the room. Did it actually take three weeks to decide, or where you filling time with the pet campaign instead of doing history, geography or social studies of any kind?
*The Boy was outspoken and highly disappointed when the "Bravo Board Bingo" was held and he received no prize while other select kids, according to The Boy, earned two or three prizes each. I understand the prizes were in the $2-$5 range, each. I have no problem with them receiving rewards for their own good behavior, but have you thought about just giving them a bookmark or a homemade certificate? This would save not only your money, but also the student's expectations that they come to school for the prizes and not the learning. Besides, as I understand it, you are running a classroom, not a popularity contest here.
*Finally, as I collect The Boy every day after school, it seems he regularly has a treat of some kind to tell me about that he ate in class that day. Is this bribing with treats plan working as your classroom management? The kids should be expected to behave, and as the teacher, you set that expectation for their behavior. Being consistent and firm in your rules in class will go a long way in helping them learn to control themselves and, consequently, the overall behavior in your class. Again, my kindest suggestion would be to eliminate food rewards and then the kids won't expect a treat every time they do something correctly. A little Pavlovian, isn't it?
So, Friends, what do you think? Do you think I am being too demanding of the teacher? Too interested in the plan he has for this class? Am I a helicopter parent here? Should I continue my line of questioning to include whether he intends to follow the Utah State based curriculum and testing requirements? Or the NCLB breakdown of sub-groups required to be tested with the state standardized test? And am I a little too sarcastic? I have about two weeks to work the kinks out before I meet with the teacher. I'll keep fine-tuning my questions.
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