Life is Full of Lessons

I returned home from a 3 week trip-of-a-lifetime vacation to Europe.  I'll tell you all more about that, believe me!, but I want to purge my mind of the thoughts I have had since I returned home Thursday night.  I'm not sure it isn't just the jet lag taking over me, but I have a heavy heart from what I learned happened at home while I was gone.

You know those little winky comments people make when they wish you "a child just like you"?  Well, I always thought that child was The Girl for me.  We are both fairly stubborn, strong willed, and head strong.  Of course, this was the child I "deserved".  Well, apparently I have two I deserved.

While I was away on my trip, Genius Golfer dealt with The Boy's choices that, I'm sorry to say, are not what we would have him choose.  I know that kids--of all ages and persuasions--come to enjoy to choose for themselves things that parents may not like.  And this is part of the purpose of life--to figure things out and grow from them.  But regardless of our choices, we cannot choose our consequences.  Or the people that are affected by our choices.  That isn't up for negotiation either. But people are affected by our choices.  And we are affected by the choices of our children.

The Boy isn't doing anything that is illegal or even life-threatening.  His choices are leaning more in the moral facet of life.  And his morals, at the moment at least, are not ours as his parents. The truth of this realization is heart breaking to me.  And I realized further that what hurts the most is that my dream for my son is different than his own.  My dreams for his character have shattered, though it isn't a permanent situation.  Hope is there for redemption, but he will have to earn back his mother's trust.

An honorable character and a virtuous life is something you work on consistently, day in and day out.  Honor and virtue are gathered in droplets over time.  The loss of these is like spilling a pitcher of water.  Once it is out, you are really on clean up rather than repair.  It doesn't mean the pitcher can never be filled again--but this batch is spoiled.

I always knew that I loved my children.  But that love turns disappointment into heartache when things go wrong.  It is a tough lesson to learn.  And I'm well into the lesson.