If I Ruled The World

I had several moments this past week where I thought "If I ran the world, _________ would not be allowed."  Now most of these are directly applied to visitors at Disneyland, but see if these aren't just what the world needs.

If I Ran the World...at least at Disneyland....

1) No one would stop right in the walkway to do anything.  Pull over to the side of the walkway if you need to talk with your friend, change the baby's diaper. find your phone, eat your lunch, or find a bathroom on the map.

2) Having only half/part of your party actually wait in the line and then at the last moment have everyone join you would get you thrown out of the park.  Yes, the line wait sign says "45 minutes".  That is the gauge for those in the line, right now.  Not the dozens of extras you are smuggling in on the last turn before boarding.

3) If your baby/child/teen/spouse is crying--it is time to go home.  Take a time out.  The park isn't going anywhere.  You can get your hand stamped and come back later--after a nap.

4) You would understand that the park's food, while convenient, is expensive. Please don't try to haggle about it and PLEASE don't complain to the wait staff/food service employee about the prices.  It wasn't their decision.  You choose to get in the line, so order already and remember where you are!

5) If you travel with a family reunion group, and are probably from Utah, make sure you know who had your kids.  It isn't fair to the kids when you yell at them because they were standing in line, waiting patiently--and very calmly--with Uncle Fred and you just didn't see the hand-off.

6) Just because the fabric of the clothing you thing makes you look so good is stretchy doesn't mean it actually fits you.  Pouring yourself into a stretchy lace undershirt and topping it with a halter bikini top doesn't keep all your bits out of sight...if anything it makes them MORE obvious and glaring.  Yikes.  Just put some clothes on.

And, perhaps most importantly, 7) I don't care if you are celebrating your 50th anniversary, your weekend wedding, or your coming out to your parents as a junior high lesbian couple, the PDA has got to stop.  I don't want to see it from ANYONE.  This is an amusement park, not some kind of cheap motel lobby!  Enough, I say.


From these basics, you can see why no one has asked me to be the General Manager of the World.