Heart Break And Happiness

Last night I was sitting as the university competition pool, getting ready to watch the state swimmers warm up.  The meet was due to start in about an hour.  My phone jiggled and I knew I had a text.

I pulled my phone out of my bag and flipped to the text.  A PTA friend messaged me that one of our high school seniors had committed suicide an hour or so before now.  My heart sank. How devastating.  I immediately felt sympathy for her parents, siblings and family friends.

There were not many details yet--just an announcement.  My friend asked that if I hear anything, to please let her know.  So I shot out a message to a teacher-friend and another PTA friend who happens to be a long term sub at the moment--both teaching at the high school.  Had they heard?  Did they know anything of her? Her family?

The meet got started, and I tried to focus on the happiness all around me.  I watched senior swimmers who, undoubtedly, had worked their whole "career" for the minute and a half shot for a championship in the water.  I saw teams spend their efforts to pull off great achievements in speed and coordination.  I watched some freshman and sophomores upset older student swimmers to reach their own achievements, likely to be repeated or defended for years to come.

Then my phone jiggled again.  Texts coming in.  My teacher friends hadn't heard much, but the details were starting to be discovered.  A fight with a boyfriend. A drive up the canyon. That boyfriend who found her hanged. Impromptu student candlelight vigil arranged for to be held in another two hours. Messages flooded to the students to wear their Sunday best to honor her memory.  Again, my heart was breaking.

The Girl stood atop the block, waiting for the start.  The race began and she was off.  Really off, actually.  She wasn't swimming like herself.  And it was difficult to watch.  She pushed through whatever she was fighting in her head to finish--8th place in her heat.  Not at all what er saw two weekend ago at the region finals.  But she still swam the 200 yards in less time that her regular season time.  Didn't get a personal best i this meet, but she finished--and not the very last in the event.  There are only 19 others in the state faster than her.  That is still something to celebrate.  I'm still very proud of her reaching her goal--just by qualifying for the state championship.

The final event that we watched last night was the 50 freestyle.  At the Olympics this event is called the "Splash and Dash" and the winner is crowned the "fastest in the water". One of our Viking swimmers was the top seeded entrant.  He was off the blocks like a shot and back before we knew it.  21.2 seconds.  What can you so that fast?  Swim 50 yards? Nope?  Me neither.  But Nate can, and he did!  He was our first State Swim champion!  I was so happy for him!  And for our team!

Between the good I saw at the swim meet and the unfurling heartbreaking details of this local tragedy, there was some tempering.  The spectrum of human emotions is a broad range.  And I saw both ends of it regarding our little high school community.