Similarities & Differences

Yesterday's news that husband of missing Utah mom, Susan Cox Powell, intentionally blew up his Washington state home killing his two little boys and himself makes me ill.  Now, no matter what the general public thought of him, we know he is a murderer.  There needn't be a court ruling on that.  He made sure he could do this heinous deed thoroughly and speedily.  My heart breaks for the grandparents who had custody of these little boys, and now are faced with the loss of their daughter two years ago and now her precious boys.

What really makes me uncomfortable with this story is that is could have been our family's story.  With the exception of my sister hasn't gone missing, these two family dramas run parallel to each other.  And frankly, there was a time I wouldn't have put it past my sister's ex to pull something so despicable as hurting their boys too.  In fact, for many years I felt my heart drop out of my chest any time I heard on the news of some horrific accident or act of violence in their county.  I worried it was my sister or her boys.

The differences in the story makes the outcomes polar opposites though.  My sister never went missing.  Her two boys are ten years older than little Charlie and Brayden Powell.  My nephews have not been kept from seeing either of their parents--but their grandparents' rights of visitation have certainly been impeded.

The Powell boys were taken from their dad after their Grandfather, with whom they were living with their dad in Washington, was arrested on child porn and voyeurism charges.  That is sick enough right there.  Add to the information that their mom was one of the voyeurism victims of this sick man makes is weirder and weirder.  Good thing their maternal grandparents were there to take them in.

Now those grandparents have lost the two little boys they tried to protect and shelter from the shambles their little world had fallen into after their mom went away.  Now those grandparents have lost their daughter with really no explanation or conclusion or understanding.  I can only imagine what kind of heartache they are feeling for their losses.

I understand a little because I see my own parents ache to be a part of their grand children's lives.  They too have been kept from being part of the two boys lives.  All of us have been estranged from my nephews by lies their father has told the boys.  My kids have lost their only two cousins they have on that side of the family.  Even as my younger nephew comes around, it isn't the same relationship.  The older nephew refuses to see us, speak to us, or even open cards we send for birthdays or holidays.  That is sad too.

Both families in both cases need time to heal and sort out the details of their lives now.  We'll never go back to the way it used to be with my nephews.  The Cox and Powell families will never be bale to go back.  And while I am not suggesting our loss is easier or greater than theirs, all the families have lost loved ones.  Perhaps this is one of those "eternal life" kinds of solutions--it will take that long to figure it out and heal fro the damage we have all endured.