Dream On?

I woke up several times last night and each time I went back to sleep I'd fall back into an uncomfortable dream I was having throughout the night--which was the reason I kept waking up.  Sadly, it was not the "Hey, remember!  These are the blog post topics you couldn't remember" kind of dream.  It was a weirdly sad dream instead.

I don't generally remember what I dream about at night, but this one--probably because of the multiple interruptions and revisits--had the best chance of staying in my head.

I dreamt it was nearly my class reunion.  Number 25 is scheduled for this summer.  I dreamt that my mom called to tell me that my childhood friend Kathy had called and has asked if my parents would mind hosting a pre-reunion party for several of our friends.

Now this is not unheard of.  My parents actually did this the weekend of my twentieth reunion.  I was there and it was primarily for friends from church who weren't really interested in drinking--our actual reunion was held at a local winery near my parents' home.  I thoroughly enjoyed the pre-party.  Even more than the actual reunion party.

But in the dream, Kathy was putting the pressure on to have the party at their place.  The funny thing here is, in real life, Kathy hasn't spoken to me for 15 years.  She certainly hasn't called my parents to chit-chat with them in all that time.  So the likelihood of her really doing this is small.  I know.  But in a dream, you can't tell yourself the plausibility of the situation.

In the dream, I was upset that she would bully herself in on my parents.  In the dream I wasn't planning on going to the reunion anyways (I still am not in real life) so I thought she had 'some nerve'.  And my parents, who when we were young, really loved this girl like she was a bonus sister to me.  So I thought that was pretty tacky.

Innocuous enough, right?  It was just a dream, after all.  But that logic didn't help my mind settle all night long.

When I got up this morning, I thought about why I wasn't going to go to the reunion, really.  Some little part of me doesn't want to see her again.  That much is true.  But the more part of my reason stems from having a life now I like so much better than the one I had in high school.  I have very little in common with the kids I grew up with any more.  Though my friends from church would still be delightful to see and catch up with, but that didn't feel comfortable last time, sitting the winery's party tent with everyone else around us slowly getting sloshed.

Does this line of reasoning make me a bad person?  I had a great childhood and a pretty fun high school career.  But that was so long ago.  I never fit with the "cool kids" in high school, though may were my friends.  I didn't fit with the "jocks", though I had many friends who were definitely in that group.  I did what I liked and tried to be friendly and smart and do what I needed to get to college and more on.  I thought, at the time as well as today, that THAT is what HS is all about.  The launching ground.  Not the final destination.

So, knowing that my dream life is worrying about this six or seven months prior to the actual event--it will be held during Garlic Festival, apparently--I guess I have many more uneasy and sleepless nights ahead.  But the feelings I had that my life is good now, in the place I'm at now, and with the family and volunteer work and church commitments I have now, is a pretty powerful realization.  I do love my life.  And I certainly wouldn't want to go back for a do-over.  Because really, I'm watching The Girl go through all that teenaged- high school-drama right now and that is challenging enough, as just the parent.  Been there, done that.