And a Time to Refrain From Speaking

Yesterday's post encouraged you to get involved with the political process, as much as I usually hate it, in order to (1)  save Masterpiece, Nature and American Experience, to say nothing of Arthur and Sesame Street on PBS, and (2) plead for more money to go to public school funding. 

To SPEAK, so to speak.

Today I led my monthly Council PTA meeting where I waxed poetic about these same issues before 10 schools worth of principals and PTA leaders.  And I swore. 

A reminder to REFRAIN from speaking, which I did not myself heed today.

The swearing was inadvertent, to be sure, but I still had that word slip out of my mouth.  Actually it rather popped, and less slipped.  I felt awful.  I don't use that word, ever!  I really don't swear beyond the advisedly used "crapola" which really comes in handy, but even that sounds terrible when my kids say it, so I am trying to break myself of it too.  But this one?!  Yikes.

Here I am, an avowed follower of Christ in my personal and public life, and still I was not a good example today--accidentally or otherwise.  The moment I said it I was mortified.  That word has meaning that had not intended.

Where did it come from?  I asked myself that.  My internal dialogue went like this:

"Holy crapola!!  (See it is useful)   WHERE did that come from?    Quick, apologize...maybe no one noticed.  Oh no.  They noticed.  I can feel myself turning BRIGHT red.  They couldn't have missed it.  I know they know I said it.  Maybe I have undiagnosed Turret's.  Nah.  That is pretty unlikely, but nice cover attempt.  It just won't work.  Dangit!"

That conversation I had with myself for about half a second the moment I heard myself say the word.

I hate when I do stupid things.  And it seems that I am doing more and more stupid things--things I never have done before--more and more often.  Dangit.

So, if you were sitting in that meeting and heard me do this, I am so sorry.  Please don't judge me if you happen to see me in my ecclesiastical assignment this Sunday or any other time.  Please know what I said today is not a normal part of my vocabulary.  And please forgive me for being so lame.  Just know I try every day to do better than yesterday, and tomorrow--frankly-- is already looking pretty good, all things considered.

Dangit.