Choose The Battles, Win the War

When the kids were little I remember kind people, seeing my near-nervous-breakdown-status, telling me to "Choose your battles".  At the time, they all seemed like battles that needed to be fought in order to "win" the war.

As the kids got older, I suspected that I was battling on too many fronts and therefore was exhausted and not prepared to win anything but some R & R, someday...whenever that was.

Last night I think I grasped the idea that not all battles were worth fighting.  In fact, with some battles, NOT fighting might actually help me win the war.

Yesterday's Battle #1:
The Girl had a swim meet last night in a nearby town's fitness center.  The Boy and I went down a little later to watch as she told us that she'd be swimming the backstroke and the breaststroke at this meet, as well as the regularly assigned relays.  Normally she swims the 100 yard breast stroke and the 500 yard freestyle (the long distance event for HS meets).  But at this meet, both of the events she was scheduled to swim take place later in the meet, so we went down a little later to catch them both.

It ends up that she was actually assigned to swim the medley relay (normal--as she swim the breaststroke leg of that) which is one of the first events of the meet.  Then she was also scheduled to swim the 4x100  freestyle relay (also normal, as she is the 2nd fastest girl distance swimmer), and the breast stroke (normal as that is her speciality).  But instead of the 500 which is event number 9 in the meet, she was plugged into the 200 yard freestyle--event number 4.

Now the difference of 5 events might not seem like much, but when your first relay is number 2, then the boys' version of that replay is number 3 and the girls are wanting to "cheer" for their teammates in that event, that number 4 sneaks up on you.  And it did yesterday.

She missed her event.

The Boy and I arrived just after this meltdown, and expecting her to swim the two we were told earlier, was surprised that she was upstairs in the spectators' box with some other swim girls, talking to their parents.  She wasn't on deck getting ready to swim.  That is when she told me she missed her event.

This is the first time in all the years of swimming she has missed an event.  She began swimming at about age 9--in the summer city rec program.  At first, she made all her events because I was the one seating them in the bull pen and would hunt her down if she wasn't where she was supposed to be.  But sooner than later she caught on, she loved this after all and she was where she needed to be.  Every time.  But not yesterday.

Now she has coaches that she must answer to.  She already felt awful about letting her team down, and being distracted by the boys relay team and she knew she's have to face the coaches with this mistake.  My work with this battle was done before it started.

I promise you that this will likely NEVER happen again.

Yesterday's Battle #2:
At this same meet, as the events finsihed I asked her if she wanted to ride home on the bus or come home with The Boy and me.  She chose the bus.  I am sure there is an element of "boys on the bus" that makes the choice over "Mom and the Brother" much more promising.  But I only have my suspicions.  So we left and headed home while she got back into the pool for a cool down swim.

Later that night, as we gather for family scriptures and prayer, she casually announced that she thinks she might have left her team swim suit in the locker room at the nearby town's fitness center.  She had swam her cool down set and went to the locker room to shower and change before riding the bus home. 

She left the suit in the changing area.

I immediately called the fitness center where I had her talk to the receptionist and explain the situation.  She was told that the lifeguard do go through the locker room and collect lost and found items but they don't do that until the center closes--another few hours from then.  She left her name and phone number with the receptionist.  We all hoped that they would find it, or that another teammate might have picked it up--knowing it was a teammate's suit (they all match) and that she could locate it at practice today.

If it is indeed lost, she will have to buy herself another team suit.  This may involve me driving her to the swim shop this weekend, but it will come out of her money she earned working at the pool this summer and put away.  $65 or so will make a dent, to be sure. She has a solution before her, regardless of the outcome.  No need to fight this battle, as it will only make me crazy.

Let's hope she will remember her things a little more closely next time.  Otherwise this will be an expensive lesson to learn.  But better to learn it here as a high school student, than as a young adult who leaves her keys in her car and finds it stolen from the parking lot at college, or something.

If the war entails raising good kids, with common sense and full of responsibility for their actions--I believe these battles which I need not have fought--are helping me win that war.  Thanks goodness for natural consequences.  I need all the help I can get.