Uplifted, Just in Time

I have been asked to give the benediction at Dear Friend Tammy's funeral service today. I am a little stressed about that. I know, it is just a prayer, and I pray every day, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But it feels like it is.

That said, I received the most lovely email this weekend from a dear friend, who also happens to be a former teacher, a mentor, and a kind, wise friend. For my post today, I'd like to share our email exchange. Her words made me feel better and gave me a chance to share my own feelings in a different way:


S--I didn't want to post this on facebook, but I am in the same place you are - sad and dismayed over Jenn's passing, only you have had a double loss. Though I question why someone so young was taken, I have to lean on my faith and trust that all is as it should be. With love, T

T--
Thanks for the kind words. It has been a difficult week. Like you, I feel the need to rely on my faith. But even that is not always easy.

Intellectually, I know that years of suffering are over for each friend that has passed from us. And I feel strongly that both families will continue to feel the love of their wife and mother. But there is always that nagging hole in a heart when one we have loved is gone. I certainly don't understand either case--what was to be learned by each situation, each disease? Why did two such good women have to be strickened with such debilitation and pain? Why must they be taken so young form their families who need them yet?

For my case with Tammy, I have felt an increased capacity to offer care and compassion to another. That is a lesson I was too immature to recognize when my own grandmother was suffering through the last 18 years of her life dealing with MS. There was much more I should have felt to do for her, and for my mom who cared for her. I did not, and I have felt some guilt about that ever since. My determination to serve my friend Tammy and her family was, early on, motivated by that guilt, but eventually I came to feel that my Gram had forgiven my stupidity and I felt that she knew I loved her in my own immature and selfish way, regardless of my lack of action toward caring directly for her.

In Jenn's case, I know how much her family loves and cares for her. She lived too far away to be of direct service to her this time, but I feel for her husband and children after seeing what Tammy endured here. Jenn's little brother Stephen, and his family, live in our same small town and occasionally I run into them. I know Jenn has suffered a long time, doing the best she could with this awful disease. Knowing Jenn, too, I am sure she was putting on a brave face until the end. I am sure she passed away with few regrets about her life or her family. I guess some peace can come from having the time to say everything you want to say and to correct any past offenses.

Still, my heart has been heavy with these two friends dying this past week. I have had so many kind words offered to comfort me, and in my heart I feel some level of peace about both friends. The reality of mortality is one we probably would prefer not to deal with--to be reminded that we are only here for a short while, and not really in charge of how long that is. I don't like to force my religious views on others, as my beliefs are pretty personal to me, but I believe that I will see my friends again. A loving God is in charge and knows far better than I do what this is all for and I believe that He is only going to give us what we can withstand. I know He loves us as His children. I look forward to a time when my hope for understanding will be realized, and I see as He does.

In both Jenn's and Tammy's cases, I know they both knew and loved Jesus Christ as their Savior, and that offers me some comfort as well. They were each trying to live lives patterned after Jesus and to do good wherever they went. Their examples strengthened me and encouraged me to be a little better too.

T, I hope you won't see this as preachy or overly zealous, as my faith has been my primary source of comfort and peace during what is otherwise a rotten situation. I appreciate that you are feeling the loss of Jennifer too. I am glad to know she affected you for the better too. She was a lovely woman and great friend. And I don't think that will change--she spirit, her personality, her essence isn't changed by her mortal location. We will recognize her when we meet her again someday.

I hope you will continue to feel some of the peace our united faith can bring, whatever the faith and however we exercise it. It is all the same, and comes from the same source. I didn't mean this to be so long winded, but thanks again for your kindness and compassion to me at this difficult time.

Much love--
S


S, thank you for your sweet and comforting words; your response means a great deal to me. Our churches may be different, but we believe in the same Christ.

To me, our life here is a time of learning and growing as you have done in caring for your friend Tammy. I believe you were deliberately provided with this opportunity. Certainly you have grown in compassion and understanding, and you will never be the same because of this experience.

There is a lot of comfort in First Corinthians, Chapter 13, especially verse 12. I believe it addresses our imperfect knowledge of what is yet to come.

My great grandfather died some years after my great grandmother. As was the way in those days, the family was gathered near his bedside in his last hours. Just as he passed away, he said for all to hear, "I see Ma coming for me." I hope for you and for me, that there is someone to welcome us home when our time comes as well.

Love, T

T--
Thank you. You said it beautifully. And you are right: the Corinthians verse is quite telling. Now to press forward with faith, and trust His love in the meantime.
With much love--
S


My hope today is that we each find the peace that comes from knowing our Savior. There is no other way to find it. Pleasant Monday, my friends.