What is it with women? Why do we feel it necessary to worry over things so frequently out of our control? Do we find entertainment value in this worry? Do we think in some subliminal way, it helps the situation? I know it isn't making me thinner or smarter or more attractive. So what is the point?
This week and a half or so I feel like I have had recreational worry again. I worried about my dad's surgery 900 miles away. (Report from home last night that all was well now shifts the worry to his recovery and long term health adjustments.)
I worried about The Boy's audition for his sixth grade play. (It is only 6th grade, for Pete's sake!)
I worried about Genius Golfer's job situation. (Nothing has changed there, but he is still submitting resumes and has interviewed a few times, but no offers yet.)
I worried about Dear Friend Tammy and her health issues and her family dealing with her health. (I have missed the last two midweek visits as GG's interview/my visit with the principal for The Boy/Mr. Rick's dental appointment all took over two weeks ago and this week GG was in bed sick so couldn't go either--and I worry they needed more help than Mr. Rick told me.)
I consistently worry for friends, near and dear, who all have issues at home with children, health, spouses, jobs, callings--you know the stuff life throws at your when you might not be looking for it. (My worrying doesn't ever change these things, but I feel like I can lend compassion and some bit of understanding for nothing more than moral support sometimes.)
I worry about The Girl and the issues she is dealing with in Junior High and teenage years and the friends and her complexion and the questions of popularity and acceptance that every girl goes through at this point in her life. (At least the complexion part of that I can finally help her with and we are seeing some improvement.)
If I was more faithful, I would just pray and leave all my worries at the Lord's feet. I'd put my trust in Him to take care of the things that I can't. I would leave it for Him and move onto more productive actions.
I do pray about all these things, and more, frankly. But it doesn't remove them from my mind or my heart or my worry. Maybe that is a sign that I am not faithful enough to trust Him and believe He can make the differences up in each of my points of worry. But really, I know He is capable of all that, but other people's agency comes into play here and that is a wild card like no other. I guess THAT is where my worry really lays.
The worrying doesn't really help anyone, least of all me. I wake up with headaches. I sleep uneasily (even with a reduced quantity of caffeinated beverages). I hold on to tension in my shoulders and get kinks in my neck. I should just do something that will wipe the slate of my mind before I go to bed, but so far I don't know how to do that effectively. Instead I seem to keep eating Lindt Lindor Truffles. THAT is definitely not working to better any situation.
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2 comments:
Oh Shauna. Shauna, Shauna, Shauna. Have you ever thought that maybe you worry because you are an action person and a solver. When you can't just fix situations or feelings, you worry over them. Yes, handing it over to the Lord gives some relief - but it won't change the fact that you worry because you care. I would much rather have that in a friend than someone who could care less what happens to others.
Oh, and I totally support the truffles. Now there is some good therapy.
As a fellow cynic, I have faith in the Lord-just not people. Agency, messin' with stuff again. I'm so sorry you're absorbing all the negativity and worry and any part my drama plays in it. I pray for you and your family too and I know things seem like they're at a fever pitch right now but things WILL settle down. Balance my young padowan-tried yoga?
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